Months of doing odd jobs in town. Months of not being able to see her.
All of those months, for a single, candlelit dinner. All he can do now is wait for her response.
[A free verse poem]
Chapters (1)
Typewrittensoul
Joined 29th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Sequels1
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Typewrittensoul · 1.1k words · 57 3 · 2.2k views
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Description implied this would be funny. I only saw a poem, can't say if bad or good, as I don't like poetry.
Bravo sir!!
A lovely poem.
The feels are strong in this one.
good poem and I loved the ending
Wow. The length and quality of this poem as well as the feelings it conveys are simply superb. Excellent work.
(begins to clap like crazy) that. was. beutiful
its tears of amzement. just wow. wow. does nybody know a poem bublisher? if so we have a new one to put in your next book!
Wonderful quality and at a length that a novice could never manage. Very impressive!
2198781
I don’t really think the description implied that. If it was meant to be funny, TWP would probably put a “Comedy” tag up...
Brain goes
Insta-fav/like.
2199328
That lil part right there implied comedy. I was disappointed when I found none, I admit, but I did not touch the Like/Dislike bar. Not gonna dislike something just because it wasn't what I expected.
2198781>>2199387
Changed it...though I'm sorry that you don't like poems in the first place.
Definitely not what I expected, but I still enjoyed it.
2199387
Oh, fair enough. I think I only say the description after it was changed to what it is now. I guess the previous description does imply comedy a bit more...
Very nicely written, capturing Spike's feeling very well. I just wish I knew how it resolved.
2230518
I wish I did too
2230738
... Well, that story is now in the Sparity group.
awesome
media2.giphy.com/media/b9aScKLxdv0Y0/giphy.gif
Lovely
What can I say about this?
Well, first of all, that was great. Best poetry I've seen on this site. It came off as sincere, not pretentious, so I think you nailed that. But...
It felt too long. The rambly nature of it was endearing, and yeah, these are Spike's thoughts, they don't necessarily have to be coherent, but that's not all it is: it's also a poem that you wrote. I think it's a valid interpretation that Spike is so broadly and completely consumed by his love for Rarity that any attempt to put into words his feelings for her are futile and will end in at least slight confusion (see quote below).
But the text as a whole does not quite convince me. It seems too verbose, not focused enough, with the final three paragraphs standing out as quite concise, as the reigning in of Spike's thoughts. My two cents, I suppose. Overall it's still great.
6849856
I really appreciate the critique. While there's a sort of charm in how amateurish and thus "sincere" it is, I do agree that the beauty of poetry is their concise yet evocative nature.
This was a very nice poem, for Rarity and Spike no less. I wish that there were more, but alas. This had emotion all of the way through it, and actually had me feeling like I was reading it as Rarity. It does tend to ramble a tad, but the nature of it being written by Spike, not being a professional writer, makes it sincere and also heartfelt. Well done.