When Pinkie gets upset for not having a sister to hang out with like rest of them do, Twilight decides to try and find her real family and her real siblings. Will Pinkie be happy with what Twilight finds?
Chapters (2)
applejack2357
Joined 28th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- applejack2357 · 1.1k words · 13 2 · 589 views
- applejack2357 · 4.5k words · 24 2 · 902 views
- applejack2357 · 13k words · 23 42 · 1.2k views
- applejack2357 · 4.2k words · 27 0 · 1.6k views
- applejack2357 · 4.3k words · 26 5 · 703 views
- applejack2357 · 1.1k words · 27 1 · 814 views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.093 seconds
Total duration
1,072 users online
1,950,163 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What do her friends and her real sisters and family?
2262003 Huh?
In want of some clean up, other than that: good promise! And this was surprising
By the way, have you a playful pony or fashion style AJ toy? I can't find 'em anywhere
2262933 lol you know what they are!
And no, I don't have it. Sorry.
2262977I was just wondering
2262984 Hey don't worry about it. I've only got the little figurines.
BTW, You are the first one to notice that about those characters (or at least the first to say something about it).
2262995I got some playful ponies. Eh, you'll see 'em when we skype. Which, btw, my bro got installed and all I need to do is sign up.
(me: another profile pic change?
)
you:
2263013 hahahaha
2262003
What do they do?
2262804 Whoops, quoted the wrong comment
2263712 Okay, fixed it.
Bullshit, Pinkie sister are Inkie and Blinkie we seen Pinkie getting angry at Trixie for dissing her family rock farm
2269994 But have you ever noticed that Pinkie is such a more abstract color, compared to the rest of her family? Which leads me to wonder: Is that her real family? And of course Pinkie would stick up for them, considering she lived with them for most of her life.
Dude you have to write.
Cuz I need........ MOAR!!!
2275875 I'm guessing that means you liked it.
2276100 Eeyup
Pinkie's sisters are Inkie & Blinkie Pie,WHY THEY NO IN PONY VILLE?!?
Please,
MOAR.
2888259 Hehe...
I don't think i did very well on this chapter...
2888654 I will find you and I will hug you if you do not write..... MOAR!!!
2888955 Well... okay...
But I can still have a hug right...?
2888959 *Gives painful bearhug*
Hugs, hugs everywhere.
2888976
I likes you...
2888977 Me hugs you.
2888987 me hugs you back.
2889006 *Starts reading an extreamly bloody story*
2889015 Hehe...
2889023 *giggles evily*
2889026
2889028
2889038 You posted a nothing? I like it...
2889042 Shits and Giggles my friend, Shits and Giggles.
2889047 Yesh!
2889049 Start writing.
I want to read MOAR of dis shit.
2889053 You really like this story, huh...?
2889083 Eeyup.
2890438 Hehe...
I'm glad you like it...
2890536 And the Rainbow Factory where all your dreams and horrors come true, and the Rainbow Factory where not a single soul gets through.
2890576
2890639
Lots of pink....... and why did pinkie never find out about peachy? Sorry but this has a lot of holes in it and the oc's don't sound to well made. That and they don't fit there sisters family thing.
Apple family should be apples unless they are cousins then they can be a different kind of fruit. (so coconut doesn't work very well) Try googling types of apples or just things like Apple Cider (if they are twins that would work well) Bushel Apple.
Clickity
Rarity's should be white or purple fur (and a hair color that doesn't clash). Also the name doesn't sound very ponish, try something like Garden Glow (if you don't want to change it) Clarity(if they are twins or somthing) Garden rose, (idk use a name generator.)
Clickity
Twilight's should have a more dignified name, (examples of family names: Twilight sparkle, Shining Armour, Night light, Twilight Velvet.) Something that sounds like a noble (cuz they are) Velvet Beach(... idk) Guiding Lantern, Dawn shore.
Clickity
Rainbow dash, Sweetsong sounds too G1, something more like Melody skies or Harmonic would work better (if you want to stick to music theme).
Clickity
Fluttershy, same problem as sweetsong, it Skywishes sounds to much like a G1 pony name, try something like Skyfall or Starry wish
Clickity
Pinkie pie... well actually that is fine.
Basically while I like the idea I personally think you added too many OC's and didn't think any of them through clearly. Also are they all twins or are some of the sisters older/younger? You didn't take enough time to introduce the characters(with some exception), something like a few more lines of banter that would tell us things like age, personality, job(you did do this one for some of them). You may also want to try to fix the point when you describe their appearances, it is to much like you telling then the story describing (if that makes any sense.) but that would just take a few word changes.
The OC's need reworking the pacing needs improvement and you need more back story on everything to give us some idea of what is going on. You kind of just go: Okay here are 5 new ponies(slightly rediculus looking ponies) who are apparently the mane 6's sisters who visit constantly. Oh now they are going to a picnic, oh pinkie dosnt have one and the ones we did see are step sisters, oh now all of a sudden twilight found pinkies long lost sister who lived right next door for all these years and who pinkie looks like and who she were never told about. Oh now she doesn't feel comfortable around pinkie.
Sorry to point out things so harshly
, I just don't know how to put it any other way. I hope you see this as pointers rather than a "Here is everything that you did wrong you idiot". It is a good idea and could be a great story if worked on.
P.S. they Clickity links go to my side DA account where i posted quick pics of your oc's. I couldn't put the pics in the comment for some stupid reason but i wanted you to get the idea, I will take them down whenever you want.
4563761 Thanks for the review.
Well, I would like to say that I based these OC's off of the little toys that Hasbro has put out, so I really just based them off what was said about them that came along with the cards.
While it probably wasn't the best idea, it was there, so I just went along with it, using the ones that looked alike to be sisters (except for the Pegasi. They were all shaped the same, so I just went "meh" and paired them how I saw fit.).
Here is a pic of the alternates.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcST8h_yaceeXfPHwHX2Gfo_f5HdLkHd3M6p1fVz3BNbCfaTZya1
From left to right, they are as follows: Sweetsong, Coconut, Peachy Pie, Beachberry, Skywishes, and Gardenia Glow.
So yeah, it's just somewhat of a failed story...
Other than that, I do appreciate the review, and if I do pick it back up, I will be sure to keep what you said in mind.
Also, you can go ahead and keep the pics up if you wish. It don't bother me none.