A new arrival
“My… sister…?” Pinkie said.
“Hello…” Peachy Pie said.
“You two have fun…” Twilight says as she walks back to her own sister and things resume as normal.
The two remained silent. They sat there staring at each other, unsure of what to say, or even do.
“So…” Peachy started, “We’re sisters, apparently…”
Pinkie remains silent.
“Well, I guess I can tell a little bit about myself…” Peachy smiles. She speaks with a nice soft tone. “As you already know, my name is Peachy Pie. I own the peach orchard here in Ponyville. It happens to be on the opposite side of the town from Sweet Apple Acres. It’s funny, too, because I have known Applejack for a while, and considering you too are friends, you think she would have seen a connection. Well, unless our personalities are different…”
Pinkie continued to sit there silently.
“So, uh, why don’t you tell a little bit about yourself?” Peachy said, smiling awkwardly.
The longer Pinkie sat there quietly, the more awkward things got between them. Well, at least for Peachy. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do.
“Um… Hello?” Peachy says quietly.
And then it started.
“Omigoshomigoshomigosh! I have a sister that I can hang out with! That’s so amazing! I always wondered if I had a sister besides Inkie and Blinkie, because we are just step sisters, and they moved away, so I was so lonely, and now that you’re here, we can have so much fun together! I can’t believe we haven’t met before, because if we would have met, then I would have been able to tell you were my sister, because we look so alike, that it’s crazy! I have never looked so alike with anypony before! Oh, I gotta plan your party!”
“My… party…?” Peachy said. She wasn’t going to enjoy this…
“Of course, your party! Duh! I throw parties for everypony in Ponyville when I meet them! But I’ll do that later. I have SOO much to tell you!”
“Oy…” Peachy says with a groan.
***
“”
Peachy stands there, eye twitching slightly. Pinkie had just talked for three hours straight, and she didn’t want to hear anymore. Considering she is not the type of pony to yell at others, she needed to leave before she did…
“You okay, Peachy…?” Pinkie said.
“Huh? Oh… yeah… I’m fine…” Peachy says softly, “But I have to get back to my orchard. I just remembered some stuff I had to do…”
Peachy looks to Twilight.
“Twilight?”
Twilight was playing a game of chess with Beachberry. She looks up at Peachy.
“Yeah?”
“I have to get back to my orchard. It was nice to meet you all…”
“Aww, so soon?” Rarity said.
“Yeah, sorry…” she turns to the door and begins to open it.
“Well, hey!’ Pinkie starts, “I can go with you and help you with-“
“NO!” Peachy shouts. After noticing that everypony was staring at her, she clears her throat. “I mean, I couldn’t ask you to do that…”
“Don’t worry, you silly goose!” Pinkie said, “I help Applejack on the farm all the time!”
“No, really… it’s fine…” Peachy said, slowly backing out the door.
“I insist, Peachy. Let me come help you! It’ll be so much fun! Two sisters working on a farm! It’ll be like the rock farm again, but with biological sisters! Come on! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepl-“
“Fine!” Peachy said, “But I don’t want to hear a word from you the whole time, okay?”
Pinkie makes a zipper motion across her face.
Peachy sighs. “Okay… Come on…”
Pinkie smiles with a squee.
As Peachy walks, Pinkie does her usual bounce movement next to her.
Peachy’s eyes couldn’t help but watch Pinkie. Who would be able to ignore a pink blob bouncing next to you?
“Could you not do that…?” Peachy said, stopping in her tracks.
Pinkie stops in the air. “Okie dokie lokie!” She then continues walking in the air.
After Peachy got past the fact that Pinkie was literally walking on air, which took about twenty minutes, she realized they were at her orchard.
“Well… here we are…” Peachy said.
Pinkie nods.
“I’m gonna be honest, Pinkie… I really don’t have any work to do…”
“You lied…?”
“Yes…”
“Why…?”
Peachy chose her wording very carefully. “I have claustrophobia…”
“I see…” Pinkie said.
“Well, thanks for walking me home…” Peachy says, putting on a smile.
“Oh… yeah, no problem…” Pinkie said, clearly disappointed.
“We’ll hang out more tomorrow…” Peachy said. Why did I just say that?!
Pinkie smiles. “Okay…”
Pinkie gives Peachy a hug, to which she slowly hugs back. She hasn’t had a good hug in a long time…
“See you…” Pinkie says as she begins to walk away.
Peachy watched her until she disappeared over the hill.
Hmm… Maybe I should give her more of a chance… She thought with a smile. She turned and went to the barn. She was going to have some fun tomorrow…
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Please,
MOAR.
2888259 Hehe...
I don't think i did very well on this chapter...
2888654 I will find you and I will hug you if you do not write..... MOAR!!!
2888955 Well... okay...
But I can still have a hug right...?
2888959 *Gives painful bearhug*
Hugs, hugs everywhere.
2888976
I likes you...
2888977 Me hugs you.
2888987 me hugs you back.
2889006 *Starts reading an extreamly bloody story*
2889015 Hehe...
2889023 *giggles evily*
2889026
2889028
2889038 You posted a nothing? I like it...
2889042 Shits and Giggles my friend, Shits and Giggles.
2889047 Yesh!
2889049 Start writing.
I want to read MOAR of dis shit.
2889053 You really like this story, huh...?
2889083 Eeyup.
2890438 Hehe...
I'm glad you like it...
2890536 And the Rainbow Factory where all your dreams and horrors come true, and the Rainbow Factory where not a single soul gets through.
2890576
2890639
Lots of pink....... and why did pinkie never find out about peachy? Sorry but this has a lot of holes in it and the oc's don't sound to well made. That and they don't fit there sisters family thing.
Apple family should be apples unless they are cousins then they can be a different kind of fruit. (so coconut doesn't work very well) Try googling types of apples or just things like Apple Cider (if they are twins that would work well) Bushel Apple.
Clickity
Rarity's should be white or purple fur (and a hair color that doesn't clash). Also the name doesn't sound very ponish, try something like Garden Glow (if you don't want to change it) Clarity(if they are twins or somthing) Garden rose, (idk use a name generator.)
Clickity
Twilight's should have a more dignified name, (examples of family names: Twilight sparkle, Shining Armour, Night light, Twilight Velvet.) Something that sounds like a noble (cuz they are) Velvet Beach(... idk) Guiding Lantern, Dawn shore.
Clickity
Rainbow dash, Sweetsong sounds too G1, something more like Melody skies or Harmonic would work better (if you want to stick to music theme).
Clickity
Fluttershy, same problem as sweetsong, it Skywishes sounds to much like a G1 pony name, try something like Skyfall or Starry wish
Clickity
Pinkie pie... well actually that is fine.
Basically while I like the idea I personally think you added too many OC's and didn't think any of them through clearly. Also are they all twins or are some of the sisters older/younger? You didn't take enough time to introduce the characters(with some exception), something like a few more lines of banter that would tell us things like age, personality, job(you did do this one for some of them). You may also want to try to fix the point when you describe their appearances, it is to much like you telling then the story describing (if that makes any sense.) but that would just take a few word changes.
The OC's need reworking the pacing needs improvement and you need more back story on everything to give us some idea of what is going on. You kind of just go: Okay here are 5 new ponies(slightly rediculus looking ponies) who are apparently the mane 6's sisters who visit constantly. Oh now they are going to a picnic, oh pinkie dosnt have one and the ones we did see are step sisters, oh now all of a sudden twilight found pinkies long lost sister who lived right next door for all these years and who pinkie looks like and who she were never told about. Oh now she doesn't feel comfortable around pinkie.
Sorry to point out things so harshly
, I just don't know how to put it any other way. I hope you see this as pointers rather than a "Here is everything that you did wrong you idiot". It is a good idea and could be a great story if worked on.
P.S. they Clickity links go to my side DA account where i posted quick pics of your oc's. I couldn't put the pics in the comment for some stupid reason but i wanted you to get the idea, I will take them down whenever you want.
4563761 Thanks for the review.
Well, I would like to say that I based these OC's off of the little toys that Hasbro has put out, so I really just based them off what was said about them that came along with the cards.
While it probably wasn't the best idea, it was there, so I just went along with it, using the ones that looked alike to be sisters (except for the Pegasi. They were all shaped the same, so I just went "meh" and paired them how I saw fit.).
Here is a pic of the alternates.
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcST8h_yaceeXfPHwHX2Gfo_f5HdLkHd3M6p1fVz3BNbCfaTZya1
From left to right, they are as follows: Sweetsong, Coconut, Peachy Pie, Beachberry, Skywishes, and Gardenia Glow.
So yeah, it's just somewhat of a failed story...
Other than that, I do appreciate the review, and if I do pick it back up, I will be sure to keep what you said in mind.
Also, you can go ahead and keep the pics up if you wish. It don't bother me none.