It's been a year since Nightmare Moon was vanquished, but Luna is still bent on overthrowing her beloved sister for her tyrannic ways, The time has come for war, and neither side is going down without a fight. Luna and her new followers will not rest until the Equestrian Empire becomes The Republic of Equestria. Cover by Beserkeroo on deviantART. Used with permission
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First, and you have peaked my interest even though this story feels like it has been done many a times.
202039
I know it's a little overdone, but when I had my characters and plot set, I HAD to write it. I don't really like any of the current NLR fics, and I wanted to make an enjoyable one. x3
Ok, i'm stopping reading, don't like it sorry. It's a unoriginal story without any real original material. It also needs more details. Sorry.
202079
Can I ask what exactly was wrong? Just so I know what I could do better
A fair word a warning: I’m a Celestia fanboy and no big fan of all this New Lunar Republic stuff that pops out everywhere.
Everybody tries to turn Luna into the poor underdog who suffered all this time under her brutal sister who enslaved all of Equestria. Well I don’t work for me. Actually, I think, Celestia is the underdog because author’s always give her the “Dumbledore treatment” in this war stories.
Basically every chapter of this story tells us how evil Celestia is: she’s a murderer, tyrant, straw feminist, self-loving narcissistic and a liar with no redeeming qualities. Luna (or Woona) on the other hand is a force of absolute pure uncorrupt able goodness who still loves her sister. Even the whole Nightmare Moon incident was just Celestia’s propaganda and everything she did in the first two episodes was a result of poor communication.
In my eyes, you’re trying too hard to make Celestia evil and Luna good. It’s almost like a propaganda movie. You never give us any reason why Celestia is evil. You never bothered giving the characters more depth. They remain one-dimensional. That’s never a good thing. Especially if one character is totally OC - yes tyrant Celestia is OC no matter what some people believe).
So here’s my advice to you. Add more grey to the black and with. Give Celestia a background that is more than just “begin evil” and make Luna less perfect and give her some flaws. I think that the story would benefit from that.
But like said, I don’t like the New Lunar Republic stuff. So I’m probably not in the target audience.
FOR THE SOLAR EMPIRE! DON’T BELIEVE THE LIES ABOUT OUR PRINCESS! FOR ANOTHER 1.000 YEARS OF PEACE AND HARMONY!
good story.
New Lunar Republic will show us the light in the dark throne room.
I get the feeling that this coup d'état will fail. Like, lunar orbit fail.
So... stars are Alicorns?!
So...Celestia was like Hitler?