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Saddle Arabian Tales27 stories ·68 members
Big Macintosh...a simple pony managing a fairly simple family business. But when this order of business brought him to the dunes of Saddle Arabia, where the laws of the land are utterly foreign to him, he is tossed into something bigger than himself. As things gets from bad to worse, who could he turn to in this most chaotic of times to both save his hide and also Saddle Arabia?
What if I say it would be a certain DJ and a certain Nurse?
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yea not too bad, i'm going to guess Vinyl runs the clubs or DJ's there. Could've mentioned her in a way like 'his gaze roaming around the room he saw a white pony with a hoof in the air, mixing the entertainment' or something. Not wanting to be annoying or sound stuck-up here to I apologise for any insult.
Nope. That would have been too obvious and it will be laziness on my part. She will be in the story later but it will not be in the clubs.
I have my fair of problems with the tenses as well, but that's the first time I see someone jumping between two tenses in the same sentence. :P
I like the story so far, the mix of modern and old elements fits pretty well with how the rest of Equestria has been described so far.
Pretty good start. A few minor errors here and there, but I like the idea so far.
Great story. Can't wait to read the rest. :
Great potential I see in this fic..
Watch it with interest I shall!
Im enjoying this story so far. I think It has potential and I look forward to seeing what you do with it.
I wouldn't use the exact and normal wordings from actual Arabic origins in the story, if only because of how the show handles English names for objects, people and definitions/titles. Similarly, the mannerisms (while informative to a person who isn't familiar with how that can work in various countries or communities) should also be slightly altered to make your own personal twist on how that might look in this fictitious nation (since we only ever got to see a very small amount of screens of Saddle Arabians appearing in the show).
The grammar is great though, and the writing for Mac isn't obnoxious what with the accent/dialect and all.
Again, I would not use religious measures from the real world in this, but for a rather different reason as well. Mostly because issues like faith or belief/disbelief tend to become a bit too complex for these kinds of stories, and trying to tackle them directly or even just give offhand comments about them tends to not make the story palatable. There are examples of stories that handled it somewhat well that I can remember, showing a diversity of beliefs and conflicting arguments somewhat fairly (even if it was a personal story with a personal belief ending up as the final argument) but that was in a story developed over several years from a variety of viewpoints. Besides possibly poking a bit of fun at or offhandedly referencing what's already been seen in the show, I just don't see it as a good way of endearing people to the story.
Your comments are appreciated, Terego but there are reasons why I make the story the way it is.
There are a lot of reasons but let's address the two main ones from your comments;
For the titles and mannerism, remember that the show is set in an Equestrian setting, hence the bias towards English. Also the dignitaries are not named at all in the show. The language barrier will slowly be broken down as the story progresses, but for the time being Big Macintosh (and the audience) will have to feel the oddities of being in a foreign land. .
But rest assured that faith is not vital to the storyline at all, nor do I want to make it a real issue in the story, it is more akin to a window to their everyday life. Besides a prayer can be done in a simple manner even with those of a Celestial being in play.
This is awesome and all, but I can't wait until they start blowing up trains and such.
Yes, I saw Lawrence of Arabia. What of it?
2196788
I disagree, exploration on a religion in a story's universe, even if lacking in detail, gives a story character and depth, and is above all, realistic, especially seeing that the culture being explored here is based upon a real culture that is immensely religious. But to each their own.
That said, I did have to note that Abu Hamza refers to himself as a "man of his word," which, given the species of given character, is uh, admittedly a little asinine.
But other than that, I've been enjoying the story thus far.
Keep it coming, man! I wanna see how this pans out.
Very nice on the rest of these chapters, finally liked and favourited them as you did a good job, hope to see you finish this with a buck
Sand Jackels eh?
Still better then the Sand SHARKS I'll tell ya.
2216022
Not sure if I am getting your reference, but...
New Hyrule was a goddamn death.
Tank pirates, steamboat pirates, goddamn sharks in the desert.
How the hell is Zelda still in power?
Thought the sand jackals were a bit cheesy at first, then I realized that this is happening in the same universe in which Timberwolfs are a thing.
"the group as a while did"
As a whole?
Only thing I caught. Great chapter! =D
I see what you did there my friend
well played.
@Radbuny: Bollocks! Reedited.
@Bronyman1995: Indeed, indeed. Could not help myself.
Al-Mah'dib = The Rhino-bucker?
Be afraid of the nurse Big Mac. Be very afraid.
@Mc Bron3 and Dark Cookie: Eeyup
And so the dirt-raking and power play begins.
Why do politics make things so complicated?
Is this story influenced by "Lawerence of Arabia" (never watched it so I can't tell)? Cause I'm pretty impressed with the story so far. It's one of very few stories that leave me clueless as to where it's going. ^^
@drunkfilisoph: I was inspired to an extent, but the plot is not based on the movie.
You can always trust an Apple to stand by you.
Hmm, this didn't take the direction I expected it to. Welp, let's prepare for some polit-drama. ^^
@Drunkfilisoph
It will all make sense later on, but right now enjoy the ride that is the drama coaster.
Interesting choice for a villain. I thought for sure it would have been some sheik with a powerful Djinn.
May I ask what made you choose an Egyptian God?
@ MC Bron3
A sheikh with a djinn sounds fun actually...... would need to see if I can put that kind of character into the plot. Thanks for that input.
As for the main question as to why I chose a villain with an Egyptian name and theme, it just felt more menacing and darker. Of course as with all big bads, the ponies will not know of its machinations for now. I have more in stall for this villain, as I always believed that a good villain drives a story with the protagonists.
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!!!!! nice... but where's Vinyl?
@Zetafighter99
Funny you said that, as she will be in the next chapter onwards.
Oh god. xD All that's left is for him to kill a puppy. xD
I'm intrigued to see where you'll be taking this story.
Don't worry Vinyl. Since that was the final line of the chapter, Mac and Redheart should bump into you sometime later.
What's this song I see! That's from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.
Nice
Kudos to you Wildstallion. Have one of these.
Finally, Vinyl has appeared... must admit, wasn't expecting her to be caught and taken as a slave.
@ Zetafighter99
Indeed. Fun times indeed, and hilarity ensues.
Nice cliffhanger.. what does that word actually mean?
Are you making up words? First the rhinobucker and now this zensuu thing
I'm an arab and i can't seem to comprehend this word ...
If you want translations don't be shy to ask my friend
@qos41
Eeyup I am making up words as I go. Not really thinking about whether it will mean anything in real arabic as this a fictional world like Frank Herbert's Dune. Some words of course are true Arabic, but others are mashed-up ones.
Nonetheless it is much appreciated that you offered our help.
P.S: Did I even say anything that is truly Arabic in nature other than the names?
2271006 other than names and places names?
i don't think so
any way don't be shy to ask!
Well, that answers my question... i thought Big Mac would've done it though.
Love how they loot the place afterwards, nice touch.
There's something on your face!
*BUCK!*
IT WAS PAIN!
Awesome way to go Big Mac
@ Zetafighter99
If Big Mac went through it, then we would not get the scene in the end of that chapter.
Besides, Nurse Redheart needs her scenes as well.
One piece trick, eh?
The Amir name is kinda wierd "haddam" means destroyer and saddam is the iraqi tyrant...
On a another note ( i don't know why i haven't said this before) it's pronounced Amir not Emir
Continue milord you're doing great.
@Qos41
Think Xanatos, and the idea will not be that far off. Unless you have no idea what that is.
The name that I chose for the Emir is a shoutout to one of my most favourite books ever, so if it appears odd that is because it is.
I'm getting a strong "One Piece" vibe from this chapter…With this cult representing Baroque works.