Trying to return home after The Event, the journey back to Ponyville will be a test in more ways than one for Twilight Sparkle as she meets an interesting pegasus named Avery in a land distant from Equestria. And from there, our epic story begins...
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A sequel to my first story. While it isn't completely necessary to read the first one, I would! (Though I am biased :D )
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/57579/what-lies-dormant
Be sure to leave feedback! Thanks!
Cover done once again by the lovely Katie. http://demdoodles.tumblr.com/
Chapters (6)
When is the next chapter coming out
2339209 I have chapter 3 ready to publish right now! It should be released in about 5-6 hours. Chapter 4 is written on paper and I'll be typing it up most likely Monday thanks to work. But we'll see if I can pump it out sooner.
2338856 Also, thanks a ton for the feedback! It gets even better, I promise
That last line gets used far too much in media
2371638
It's actually a reference to a line in one of my favorite movies, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. The title of the chapter is a reference to that as well.
The scene in question is found here at the :50 mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-nn5nrymlE
2372105
Ah yes, what a damn good movie that was
2372114
I concur!
Is he a Wu? I'm having '3x3 Eyes' flashbacks.
2449401
Nope! But good guess! :D
Wow this story is interesting. I'd like to see more. If that's okay with you
3157676
Oh yeah! This story!
I have Chapter 6 and 7 all written up, I guess I'm just lazy.
Your comment may have been the kick in the ass I need, I'll work on typing it up for the next few days. Expect a new chapter by Tuesday, thanks mate! :D
It's alive! Huzzah! It's nice to see this back, and with a great chapter as well.
3196527
You're going to make me blush! Thanks mate <3
...Unless that kiss thing comes back to haunt the story in the future, it was entirely redundant. I'd suggest making use of the newly established... relationship between Lux and Twilight in the future. I don't think she kissed her and we were told about the superstition about her for no reason.
I'm getting confused... Just what is "The Mist" ? The only thing I can think of is this:
ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTU2NjQyNDY1Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTk1MDU1MQ@@._V1._SX490_SY720_.jpg
I don't think that really is what you're thinking about... Better elaborate it a little soon.
Aaand... stuff just got weird.
I kinda knew they weren't normal ponies the second you wrote that Ira's cutie mark seemed to move on its own. It was the same with Lux's.
So... The shade was divided into several fragments as it landed in the place that is now "Circle." We know that three of those pieces are Ira, Avery and Lux, I suspect Trist is also one of those fragments. (That's my theory, at least)
The skull... I have no fucking idea but I like the idea of it still having some sort of conscience and mind of its own.
All in all: Quite good with a few errors (primarily wrong tenses) throughout the current six chapters. There is some repetition in your writing but it isn't much, though you need to be a bit more descriptive sometimes. For example; How did Twilight react to a fucking skull screaming her in the face out of freaking nowhere?
3327639
Hooray! I've been waiting for your valued feedback on this story. The kiss is relevant. Not in the way you'd think though (absolutely no romance connection what-so-ever).
3327980
The Mist will be explained soon, that I can promise.
3328126
The plot thickens.
3328179
You're piecing it together better than anyone who's talked to me about it. The skull also has it's reason for being there. I think most things will become veryyyy clear around Chapter 8.
I do, however, admit there are plenty of mistakes in my writing. I don't really have any pre-readers or editors and I'd prefer them to be someone I know/trust rather than the vast amount of random people on here. I usually just re-read the chapter twice before I post it and hope I didn't miss much, but I do. The repetitive nature of my writing is also an effect of this.
Thanks so much for the feedback though! Glad you could get around to it :D
3328179
Also, I didn't mess up the spelling on the town name. It's Cirle. ;D
3329863
ah, I misread it then.
Hmm this story is definitely interesting and I really want to see where this goes which is surprising seeing as I don't usually like stories that feature OCs to heavily but I have to say that this is very well done and I eagerly await the next chapter.