• Member Since 12th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 17th, 2013

Hailey-chan


Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 7 )

shes in love with Twilight!!

*she's

Before anything, your description gives away the entire plot. Why am I as a reader interested in opening your story when you told me exactly what is going to happen already?

For example:

Rainbow Dash has always assumed she loved Fluttershy, but a proposal of a date from Twilight makes her wonder.

Unaware of the brooding feelings for Fluttershy building up in her friend, Twilight asks Rainbow Dash on a date.

These are both terrible because I know nothing about your story but they're still better than what you have there.

Also when you don't spell-check your description it bodes very poorly for the quality of the story contained within. As a viewer if I see a short description riddled with errors such as yours, I have even less reason to click the link to read your story.

Protip: Never release *just* a prologue when you post a story. Have at least a 1st chapter to back it up:facehoof:

Why are you in hiatus! I can think of several directions to take this in. Just write a chapter!

Lots of grammar errors might want to get an editor.

...is this readable? I can't tell.

I'll edit this for you if you'd like.

Interesting story, granted there are a few grammatical errors, nothing to really thumbs down about it I think.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!