Two souls seeking company for the night. One no longer wanting to be alone after seeing a few of her friends so happy with a significant other, the other being forced to seek a place to wait out the first train after being kicked out her hostelroom by most of her friends.
Both ending up at a specific bar, was it luck? Perhaps, only time can tell.
A Roselight shipping, why you ask? Because the world could use some more Roseluck (And you know damn well how cute she looks on the banner), and we all know Twilight is best pony =]
The story is tagged alt. uni. due some events not happening and some happening differently. Takes place aprox. 3 months after Nightmare Moon
Rated teen due off-screen clop, suggestive remarks and blantant bigottery by OC's
A ROSELUCK STORY?! WHERE SHE'S SHIPPED WITH BEST PONY?!
OH. MY. GOD. I fucking love you. I've written fics for both, but never did I think to ship them. You, sir, have earned a like and a favorite.
Ahhh, using S1 canon eh? I encourage this by far!
We hope that you will be using ah, Season 1 Fanon Luna eh?
... Too much to hope for, is it? Oh well... That Luna has long since gone the way of the dodo.
Pity. Hopefully this ship shall be most glorious.
Made a blog post promoting this story to all of my followers. I really hope this story becomes as successful as it deserves to be!
Blog Post.
A well written story with an uncommon pairing? Loving it!
In all fair seriousness, I like the way the story's going. Keep up the good work
Oh dear, ponies being angry at Twilight for breaking Moondancer's heart eh? Poor Twilight, lucky Roseluck was there. Great story so far.
I might just have to make a cover pic.
Excellent so far... up-voted and adding to my fav list.
Great setup. I'm anxious to see how this works out.
Damn, this is rather impressive, I agree with this, I like it, you done a great job. Though you have a few errors that need to be changed, I would suggest you get an editor for new chapters or future stories. This is a ship I have never seen before but really much enjoy, I shall await more
2185220
wow tnx
and all tnx for the replies. And yes, i will be trying to find a editor to fix the grammar for the future chapters
2186681
the key word is 'almost' =D
This is so AWESOME want MORE
Are we going to get the full conversation between Twilight and those two whorses?
2215466
In time you might
I had intended on mentioning that you should really look for a proofreader, but it seems you're already looking.
2384010
Don't worry, i am looking cause i know how horrid my spelling is. Got a hint about where i can find good ones.
I could proofread for you. Just send me the draft and I will do what I can
2384209 The Proofreader Group, Author Support, either one will probably have available help.
hmmm, who is watching them? Also Twilight should have words with the Princess about that exhibit.
Not bad, not bad at all. Though it was a bit hard to read and you do need an editor, I'll forgive the mistakes. Honestly I felt that a second chapter was not needed, you did well enough with the first, nonetheless, I'll keep track of more to come, but please do get an editor for more that you write.
2385717
I know i was referring to your pm =]
Its just that life has been hectic latelty (double job =S)
I would be willing to proofread for you. I really think this is an interesting ship, and I want to see it continue. If having an editor can speed up the process and get more attention to the story, then I am more than willing to accept. I should be able to find a way to fit editing in my day. Might even get me back into my own writing groove. PM me if you would like my help. Mind you, I don't know how having an editor works on this site. I don't have one either. I should be able to get into the groove of it fairly quickly.
Do you have an editor or something of the sorts? Or do you just proof-read?
You need editors and some more explicit wording than a few words that everyone knows, like 'strawberry'. (I'm also worried on capitalizing the 'i's when it's proper)
And one word.
.Squid
This story makes me want more of the Roselight ship. :D
I'll track this, as it is interesting, but I hope it can be improved a bit on the writing.
An interesting premise and execution. I can't wait for the update and what your proofreaders can do for you.
So, I'm now an editor for this fic!
If anyone sees anything I missed (starting chapter 3), please tell me!
Wait, one paragraph? The whole dinner was one paragraph... Aww. I wouldn't have minded if you had taken some time and actually written down the scene.
2807278
It might come up later, i have a few things in mind about it. I just could not get anything rational on paper.
That and i dont want to make any spoilers this early on.
"Roseluck had to admit if she wassnt freaking out over the fact that she was going to be dining with not only her new marefriend's fostermother"
Wassnt should be wasn't is the only one I noticed here. Other than that, the dialogue and text seem a little stilted but enjoyable.
Yay, an update! And a great chapter it is, too. This chapter was brilliant fun to read.
That should be "past".
No twilicorn?
Thank goodness...
2807502
Nope. It's correct.
2809766
"Passed" refers to movement and is always a verb, "past" refers to time or location and can be used as an adjective, noun, preposition, or adverb. To "look past" something is to disregard or not be distracted by something. Also, being that the verb in this sentence is "looked", "past" is being used as an adverb. Therefore, "past" is the correct word and usage.
http://www.wordreference.com/es/translation.asp?tranword=look%20past
http://www.dailywritingtips.com/passed-vs-past/
Well goodness me, I am just somewhat disappointed about the short dinner scene, is all. I was hoping for some dialogue from Her Majesty, the Princess Celestia of Equestria.
It felt like it was going to be an important scene coming right along and, dadgummit, you blasted right through it. Such a terrible shame, I dare say.
2809817
Drat, and I was so sure of myself, too.
*relentlessly smashes face in keyboard*
2809818
Like i said before, that scene will come later.
It contains aspects of the plotline i am not willing to state right now.
The Princess were furious
should be was :P
2807502 2813058
Noooooooo
I must work harder!
2813058>>2832545
And you have, it is waaaaay better then what it was before in terms of grammar and wording
Much improved over the last chapter, but still a plethora of errors persists. Sadly, it would take me more time than I have at the moment to go through them all. Oh, what the heck.
Should be one sentence. "Walking in Celestia's private garden with Twilight." is a sentence fragment.
This could do well, merged with the paragraph above it. Not really enough here to stand on its own, and there's no dialogue necessitating its separation.
Needs a comma after setting, change "to" to with, and needs a comma after her.
Need a space after the comma.
Needs a comma after breath.
I know it seems counter-intuitive to what you've been taught about run-on sentences, but this should all be one sentence, as it conveys a single idea. Change the period to a semicolon, and you've got the right sentence to put across what you're trying to say here.
Needs a comma after "now" and "fun".
Needs a comma after tense and further. Also, as this paragraph mentions one character by name, you could probably merge it with the paragraph below it. Not entirely necessary, but it would help tidy things up a bit.
Needs a comma after "so". Also, that "euhm". Were you trying to write "ahem"? Finally, those last two sentences need to be joined. Preferably with a comma, and put another comma after internally.
These two sentences just scream to be joined. I would recommend changing that period to a semicolon, and putting a space in the bolded area.
This sentence is just awkward in a way that I find hard to explain. You could probably fix it by adding a "by" at the beginning, though. Also, you might want to consider combining this paragraph with the one below it, as it stay on the same subject.
You could break this up into two sentences, actually, at the bolded area. Just get rid of the and, though.
You have one too many "and"s here. When listing things, you only need one and just before the last item. Also, this is a sentence fragment. No predicate.
And another sentence fragment here. We have a subject, but no verb or object.
Needs a comma after experiment, and capitalize that 'I'm"
That first sentence needs punctuation. Capitalize that "I'd" Get rid of the bolded "but", and put a comma after "first". Also, it's kind of out of character for Twilight to resort to the word "kinda". Being super-literate, she would tend to keep away from that and use "kind of". That's just my take on her, however.
Needs a comma after "again", "face", "flustered", "smiling", and "sigh". Also, that last sentence is another fragment. Either put an "It was" at the beginning, or join it to the previous sentence with a semicolon. Also, also, you need to merge the paragraph below this paragraph with this one.
Needs a comma after "brief". Also, Twilight's second sentence could work fine without that "but", or would work even better by changing it to a "However". Also, also, change relation to relationship, and add a comma after it.
Raspberry maned needs to be hyphenated.
Needs a comma after "filly", School and Gifted Unicorns needs to be capitalized as they are part of the name of the school. The wording of this sentence is awkward as well. "brought me to the entrance exam" makes it sound like they're offering her up as a sacrifice. Try making it something like "allowed me to take the entrance exam". Also, you need a comma after "Unicorns", "time", and "standards". While grammatically correct, that bolded "but" is one too many in so short a time. Try changing it to "however".
As there are only two items in the list, you don't need the comma after "room", nor do you need the hyphen between growth and spurt (keep the second one, though). You also need to add a space after the period in this sentence.
Change the comma after "short" to a period, as that works fine as a sentence on its own. You also need a comma after "Celestia".
Change "were" to "was", and remove the comma after furious. You need a comma after the bolded "way", and after "Celestia" and "family" in that same sentence.
Need to change that first comma to a period. Add a comma after mare, add a space after the bolded comma, and "daughter".
Change the bolded "the" to "to", and add a comma after "times". Add a comma after "However" and "thought". No hyphen is needed between media and silence (though blackout would work better than silence), and a comma is needed after it, and "stories'".
Need a comma after marefriend and was. Also, the bolded sentence needs rewording as it's difficult to tell what you're trying to say. You need a comma after "honest", "Parents", "that", and you should consider dropping the last "and" in the last sentence.
The bolded portion has a redundancy. Drop the first "face" and add a comma after the second "face". Also, I don't think you meant "elected" here. Try "elicited". Also, the sentence that follows it is a fragment and needs to be joined with the sentence before it.
Bolded sentence is awkward. Try adding "in which" between "manner" and "Roseluck". You also need to change the period after "split up" and join that sentence to the one that follows it. Change the comma after "hope" to a period as that works fine as its own sentence.
Needs a comma after "enough".
Need to capitalize Prince here, as it is appended to a proper name.
Him or her? I though this was about Rose's two "friends"?
These two need to be joined. Also, that comma in the second paragraph needs to become a period, and remove the extra s in "wassnt" and add an apostrophe. Foster mother are two words, not one, and needs a comma following it. Change the comma after nation to a period, and join it with the sentence that follows it. Oh, and add a comma after patented.
Join these two paragraphs. Put an apostrophe in "Alicorns" to show possession, and remove the capitalization.
Remove the comma after "revealing" and place it after "ordeal". Also change tha "a" to "an" as the following word starts with a vowel. Add a comma after "left".
These two sentences need to be joined.
"passed" needs to be "past". A comma is needed after "Sure".
Oof. A lot more than even I had anticipated when I started this comment. Ah well. I'm off to bed now, and hope that this will help some.
Wow.
An interesting premise for sure, but it's also really well done.
I've never seen this ship before, and I was skeptical about how well it could work, but with the way you wrote it, it just feels natural. I love it, every part of it. (except the spelling and grammar errors). Please, please continue this.
3537610
I`ve got the next chapter with the editor
3800892
When i get it back from my editor......
Huh, interesting premise with a good start. I do think Twilight wouldn't "sleep" with someone that fast, but I suppose it was an emotional night for her. I suppose we'll find out more in the coming chapters, including about how long she's been "out"
I am confused about something, though.
What does Brazen Force have to do with this, and why would she be stuck with a mare? If she’s part of the Royal Guard, you didn’t mention it before (Although I suppose the name is a hint), and you refer to the guard as a male.
Unless I just misread the whole thing?
4000958
Nope it is a mare, and it will be revealed in time (i just hope my editor is done with the chapter one of these days)
4000963 Huh
Okay than, I'll just have to restrain my curiosity until the next chapter comes out
4000975
It doesnt anwser it in that one. But its planned.
4000992 All the reassurance I need