New writer, will add more here later.
A short story about the beginnings of Rainbow Dash´s and Gilda´s relationship. Rainbow and Gilda both attend Flight School together, naturally becoming enemies due do their competetive nature. But one day they are both plunged down into a spiral of new emotions they have never experienced before.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Excellent writing. Very well paced. Vulgarity is not overdone but adds to the characterization of Gilda. Shipping is never really my thing, not sure why i clicked on your story, but i am not sorry i did. Try to be a little more lucid in the feelings in the characters other than "weird" and "awkward" (the black tar covering Gilda was an excellent metaphor), but otherwise it is rockin' and rollin'. Keep it up!
I would say this is certainly one of the better Gilda x Rainbow Dash or even shipping one-shots that are rather common on Fimfiction and other fanfiction sites. The story does in the first few sentences tell rather than show that there's tension but the rest from the flashback to the description of the uneasy air between them and Gilda's own thoughts explains this adequately. Gilda particularly is very much in character especially with her dialogue in the series consisting of 'dweeb, loser,' etc. and thinking lowly of any pony. I imagine that Gilda just plain doesn't like ponies judging from her appearance in the cartoon and it makes sense that one would have to struggle to earn her friendship or at least get her grudging respect for her to think of them as anything other than a nuisance. The race was described reasonably well, but you did use a few repeated words, fortunately that's easily fixed. The inner thoughts of Gilda when she is struggling to catch up with Dash and her inner dialogue are again very in character and quite humorous. When they finally crash, it is good that while the situation they land in is awkward but not downright vulgar, especially since most fics that would have such a situation would immediately go into clopfiction territory. It is also good to see that the awkwardness of that situation isn't lost on the characters either, particularly when Gilda can't stop thinking about it and how being near Rainbow Dash feels even more uncomfortable than before, continuing until Gilda finally tries to get her out of her head and the story ends. It is a bit of a shame that there is no real conclusion explaining how Gilda and Dash become friends rather than enemies but considering a one shot for practice that is forgivable and I think the reader can assume what goes on from here.
Overall I would say this was a solid effort with decent sentence structure and writing, and certainly one of the better shipping one-shots :3
You sure that English is not your first language? You write better than some first-language English writers I've seen.
I feel bad that I cannot write as well of a review as the first two comments, but I love that this is coming from Gilda's point of view. Most GildaDash fics just have her portrayed as a bitch, but with this I can understand her personality. Kudos on that. I would love to read more on this and/or other works from you.
AUGH Peter Griffin, really? You jerk.
I loved it, trackin.
Great work. I hope your planning on continuing this story, it seemed like it ended too soon.
awesome story, but I need MOAR! Gilda is best pony.
>>Ventaus75 Gilda isn't the best pony. She's not even a pony. She's a griffin. She can't be best pony because she's not a pony.
Gilda is best griffin.