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Chapter 4

The gibbering mass of something didn’t let go of me as I frantically rolled around in the grass.
“Celestia! Help! HEEEELP!” When I heard nothing from her, I got pissed. “I swear to God, I am going to start shooting everything!”
“Alyona, there is nothing to be afraid of. Pinkie Pie is simply very excited to meet new ponies. She likes to make friends.”
“I’m not a pony, damnit! Get off me!” I cursed, trying once more to get the damn blob of pink off my person. “Seriously! Get it off me before I start throwing grenades everywhere!”
“Pinkie Pie, that’s enough. Let her stand up.”
“Okie dokie lokie, princess!” The weight on my back vanished and I was finally able to get back on my feet. I snatched up my revolver and stuffed it in the holster on my hip, glaring at the bright pink pony bouncing around in front of me.
“Now, what the hell do you think you’re doing, jumping at other people?” Her answer was to jam something in my mouth.
“Here! Have a cupcake!” What the fuck is a cupcake-OH GOD, IT’S LIKE SWALLOWING A KILOGRAM OF SUGAR.
I retched emptily, trying to clear my windpipe of said ‘cupcake’.
“Gaah! What the fuck is in that th-“ Another one was stuffed in my mouth and cold, feverish ants crawled all over my skin as I shuddered. This time, I threw up for real. My breakfast splattered across the ground.
“N-no more! Please! Have mercy!” I groaned, trying once more to stand up.
“B-but everypony likes my cupcakes…!”
“Well, I’m not a pony. And it’s generally considered nice manners asking beforehand if they want to have a cupcake. Just stuffing them in other’s face would earn you a beating back in the Metro.”
“O-oh, I’m sorry I’m such a bother…” Holy crap, how’d she do that thing with her, uh… mane? It’s all flat now. She’s totally playing the guilty conscience card.
“Look, kid. No offence to you. But I’ve kind of never eaten anything sweet. Too busy for that. I’m sure I’d enjoy something of the sort, but not today.”
“Oh. Okay.” She seemed to brighten up a bit and I knelt down to ruffle her mane.
“I’m Alyona. I guess your name is Pinkie Pie. Fits you just right.” She smiled, getting less moody with every passing moment. I stood up, shaking some loose dirt from my hair and we resumed our trek. As Pinkie Pie trotted along happily, Celestia leaned closer to me.
“I don’t mean to pry, but why are you so against eating what others offer?”
“Some mudaks might try to poison you so they can take all of your stuff. That’s why I always keep my guns handy and my eyes and ears open.” She blanches visibly at that.
“Don’t blame me. You asked.”
“I just don’t understand why somepony would do such a thing.”
“Greed. Envy. That’s humanity for you. In the Metro, you need all your wits and luck to survive. If it’s not a bandit wanting to slit your throat, it’s a swarm of nosalises chasing after you, intent on gnawing your bones. The weak will perish quickly. But enough about that. Where are we going to?”
“To the Golden Oaks Library.”
“Library?”
“Why, yes. What, is something wrong?”
“Well, yes, if the library in question is teeming with flesh-eating monsters. Is that the case?”
“I wouldn’t say so.” After a couple of moments, she spoke again. “One day, you and I will sit down and talk for a long time. I know I’m not doing any favours to myself here, but I’m curious about your world, dark and violent as it is.”
“I guess that can be arranged, princess.” I responded, tugging at one of my backpack’s straps idly as we kept going down the path. A couple of silent moments later, something soft and fluffy enveloped me. As it turned out, it was Celestia’s mane that had taken upon itself to mummify me.
“Fuck!” I cursed, trying to find a way out. How big was her mane, anyways? I heard Celestia giggle as I unsuccessfully tried to untangle myself. “I’m sorry about that, Alyona. My mane never seems to cooperate with me.” I stumbled, but didn’t fall. Rolling around in the voluminous mass of hair, I stuck my head out. Somehow, Celestia’s mane was taking my entire weight. I literally was sitting inside her hair.
“What the hell?”
“Well, that’s definitely a new addition to my hairstyle. Are you alright, Alyona?”
“I don’t know! Is it going to come alive and crush me into a bloody pulp?”
“That’s unlikely to happen.”
“Unlikely, but still possible?”
“Enough of that, Alyona. There is nothing to be afraid of. If you want to, you can sit there for the remainder of the trip.”
“I’m not five years old, princess. I want out.” I muttered.
“As you wish.” She lowered her head, allowing me to tumble out of her mane. Pinkie Pie had no such reservations and she leapt inside, letting out a happy squeal. Celestia chuckled good-naturedly as we resumed walking, once more heading into Ponyville.

In hindsight, maybe I should’ve stayed inside her mane.

When I showed up, the place turned into a ghost town. Everyone ran away, hiding inside their houses. Doors slammed shut and windows were barred as we walked through the main street.
“You know what? Make some room, Pinkie Pie.” I dove head-first inside Celestia’s mane and waited. Maybe everyone will think there’s a portal to different worlds in here?

Shut up.

Celestia knocked politely on the door in front of her and waited. Moments later, it was opened by a small purple pony.
*gasp*”Princess Celestia? What’re you doing here?”
“Hello, Twilight. I have a friend I’d like you to meet.”
“Oh? Who is it?” I stuck my head out of Celestia’s hair.
“Privyet. I’m Alyona. Nice to meet you.” Twilight stared at me like I was a tumour on Celestia’s head.
“Uh. Princess. Th-th-there’s s-s-something in your m-mane!”
“I know, Twilight. She’s a friend and I’d like to introduce her to you and your friends. And there’s no reason to worry.”
“W-well, where’s the other one, then?”
“His name is Bourbon and he’s still recovering from his injuries. That stupid drunk bastard…” I muttered, clumsily leaving Celestia’s mane.
“So, uh… privyet. Nice to meet you, I guess.” I knelt down and stretched out my hand in greeting. The comparatively-smaller unicorn shrunk back a bit, but grasped my palm nonetheless.
“W-well, I guess… welcome to Ponyville.” She grins weakly as we shake hand-to-hoof. I stand up, slightly unbalanced by my overstuffed backpack. Pinkie Pie leaps out of Celestia’s mane, enthusiastically greeting Twilight. Celestia smiles at the two mares before speaking.
“I must go now, but be sure that I can be reached easily if need be. Others may think otherwise, but I have time for everypony in Equestria, as does my sister.” She nods once to me before flying away. There was a word for it… graceful.

Yeah, that’ll work.

I turned to Twilight as the silence got more and more awkward.
“So…” She muttered.
“So…” I chuckled at her flat, expression.
“I have no idea what to say. Well, uh… come in, I guess. Would you like some coffee?”
“That sounds nice.” I nodded. She smiled and led me inside.
“So, uh… Where’re you from?”
“Moscow. The Metro.”
“Metro?”
“Well, as soon as the coffee’s ready, I’ll tell you about the place in question. Deal?”
“Sure! Just sit down and make yourself comfortable.” I nodded; setting my backpack and weapons near a chair I chose and sat down, waiting. As I waited, however, I saw something strange come down the stairs – some sort of green and purple lizard thing. It froze once it saw me.
“Whoa… what are you?”
“I’m me. What are you?”
“I… I’m Spike. I’m a dragon.”
“A dragon? Are you serious?”
“I’m not adult, but I can breathe fire!”
“That is so cool! Can you show it to me?” Something clicked in my mind and I grinned sheepishly “By the way, I’m Alyona.” I stretched out my hand to shake his claw. He obliged, rather enthusiastic about showing his trick to me.
“Okay, stand back…” He inhaled, and let out a three feet plume of green flame – nothing overly spectacular, but freaking awesome nonetheless.
“That is so cool, man. Seriously.” Twilight chose to show up then, carrying a tray with coffee and… something else. I guessed it was some sort of food.
“Oh! I see you’ve already met Spike!”
“Twilight? Can you explain this whole business to me?” The baby dragon in question spoke up.
“Well, sit down, Spike. We’ll let Alyona talk.”
So that’s what I did. I told them what I knew of the pre-war world, Moscow, the Metro… told them everything I’d told to Celestia. Twilight was taking notes the whole time. Spike was staring in awe or shock at me. I couldn’t tell, really.

“So… I guess that’s enough for the day.” I yawned, looking out the window. It was getting late. Oh, god, Twilight seemed so annoyed by that. It was as if she wanted to stay up the entire night and disseminate the entire human history.
“Don’t worry, we can continue tomorrow. I *yawn* should get some sleep…”
“I have a spare bed in here somewhere… Just hang on ‘til I get it.”
“No problem.” Minutes later, I was presented with a godsend from the heavens. The neatest-looking bed ever.
“Spasibo, Twilight! I owe you one!” I stretched as she smiled.
“Oh, it’s nothing. I’m glad I could help. Well, good night, then. See ya tomorrow.”
“Ladno. Good night.” She nodded, leaving the basement I’d been shown to. Well, it was anything but a basement – warm and dry to boot. But I’m rambling.

Uh.

Chto za huy?

I stirred sleepily. It must’ve been past midnight! What was Twilight waking me up for?

“Huuuuumaaaaannnnn…”
What?
Once my eyes became accustomed to the low lighting, I was presented with a sight worthy of a nightmare fuel award. A minty green unicorn was staring at me with pinprick amber eyes. She looked like a complete and utter maniac.

Wait, what was she-WHY IS SHE HOLDING A KNIFE

“YOU ARE REAL!!!” She howled in triumph.
Needless to say, I screamed.

Shut up, you would scream too if a demented pony was staring into your soul so deeply it burned.
And then… I sort of tried to shoot her.

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