Postgraduate Work

by FanOfMostEverything

Friendship is Eldritch

Twilight took a deep breath. Of what, she wasn't sure. The Ethereal Plane didn't seem to have much in the way of air, but her body didn't seem to need it, either.

Not the matter at hoof, she chided herself. Focus.

The newest princess closed her eyes and extended more arcane senses. Nearby, she could feel countless points of light, like she was standing in the middle of a tiny galaxy. Most prominent were two complementary presences, light and dark. Twilight noted that the gathered assembly seemed much more tightly concentrated than she'd expected. She'd expected some spacial distortion, but going by this, the walk to Ponyville would be even more convenient than she'd hypothesized.

Twilight extended her awareness. The points of light soon faded from her notice like background noise. Soon, she sensed the biggest directional cue she could think of, an indescribable feeling of difference from the norm that stretched out on the fabric of space, time, and magic like a lazy cat on a throw rug. There was no true malevolence there, more a mild displeasure with everything that wasn't it. It could only be the Everfree Forest. The alicorn felt along the edges of the aberration until she found a point with a soft, welcoming aura. She moved towards it.

As Twilight approached the warm fuzzies, other nearby auras made themselves known to her. Crystalline refinement, sprawling vitality, splendorous confidence, ebullient nonsense, ever-burning diligence... Her soul practically sang a symphony in sympathy. Points of light returned to the princess's awareness, these somehow brighter, more vibrant in their familiarity.

Soon enough, the alicorn was almost on top of the kind presence on the Everfree's border. With an exertion of will and magic, she brought herself back to the material world.

---

Tortoise Formation looked at the piles of paperwork besieging his desk and sighed. He'd thought himself lucky when he was made Captain of the Guard, Shining Armor having to leave the post to act as Prince-Consort of the Crystal Empire. Unfortunately, it was becoming increasingly clear that Prince Armor had something Captain Formation didn't. It wasn't dedication, talent, or patience. No, it was something much more fundamental.

A horn.

A position this choked in red tape simply wasn't meant for an earth pony. Formation's jaw was already sore after only a few hours, and he was sure his slate-grey muzzle was spattered with ink. The nervous knock at his door was a mixed omen. It would give him a break, but it was in all likelihood somepony delivering even more forms. Damn logistics... "Enter."

A pegasus stallion did so, saluting. His coat was a deep indigo, like the sky moments after the sun sank beneath the horizon, his mane a few shades bluer. The colors, along with the amethyst-chased armor, marked him as a member of the newly formed Perigee Guard, the main source of Formation's headaches. The pegasus's salute, like the regiment itself, was a work in progress. "Second Lieutenant Wind Shear reporting, sir."

Tortoise quirked an eyebrow. "At ease. Where's everypony else?"

Wind Shear's eyes darted about for a moment. Typical pegasus stress response, Formation observed, looking for avenues of escape. "That's, well, that's what I needed to tell you, sir. Princess Twilight has, well..." He trailed off, apparently fascinated by his greaves.

The captain rolled his eyes. "You're not in boot camp anymore, Lieutenant. You're not going to have to do one hundred laps around Canterlot if I don't like the news."

"Yes, sir." Wind Shear still didn't look up. "The princess has, well, gone AWOL, sir."

"I was unaware she'd enlisted."

Shear's head whipped up. Whatever he'd been expecting, a joke wasn't it. "Sir?"

Tortoise Formation pulled another form from the nearest pile and began looking it over. "Last I checked, a civilian, even a royal one, can't be absent without leave."

"Sir, we have a rogue princess."

"I am aware of that, Lieutenant. I am also aware that the princess in question was instrumental in defeating a living shadow, a shapeshifting parasite, an insane alicorn, and a god of chaos. I think she'll be fine." Formation looked up, and a hint of sympathy twinkled in his eyes. "If, however, you wish to know for certain, I recommend you focus your search on Ponyville and the vicinity thereof. Anything else?"

"N-no, sir."

"Then you're dismissed."

Wind Shear saluted and left.

Formation cracked his neck, ran his hoof through his sandstone crew cut, bit down on a fresh quill, and dipped it in the inkwell. If only all problems could be dealt with so easily...

---

Twilight smiled, quite pleased with herself. "Right on target." Sure enough, she emerged from the Ethereal only a few steps from Fluttershy's front door. She trotted up to it and knocked.

The door opened, and an arm swept her inside. "Twilight Sparkle!" gushed Discord. "Truly, it is an honor. Should I bow? Kneel? Genuflect?"

"What are you doing here?" Twilight cried.

Discord gave a hint of a grin. "Oh, Fluttershy had to attend to a minor emergency. Seems a megaplatypus was waddling out of the Everfree, and she went to make sure it wouldn't accidentally crush Ponyville. I'm housesitting in the interim."

"Megaplatypus?"

"Oh yes, fascinating creatures. Beaver tail, webbed feet, a duckbill with the sense of a shark, the males have venomous spurs, the females lay eggs and give milk. And the best part? They already existed! All I had to do was make them big!" Discord sighed happily. "Nature is so fascinating."

He shook his head. "Oh, but I ramble. Tea?" A snap of his eagle talons, and a pot and cup appeared, hot tea pouring from the former into the latter. It did so upside down, but Discord made sure to reassert the gravitational norm before serving.

Twilight looked askance at the cup. It seemed to be rather nice porcelain, and the liquid within smelled heavenly. Finally, she muttered "Thank you," and took a sip. It was perfect, leaving her rather conflicted.

"So," Discord said amiably, sitting on nothing, "what brings you to Ponyville?"

"A new assignment from Celestia." Twilight sipped more tea, finding it easier to accept Discord's hospitality each time.

"Seriously? Tsk tsk tsk." Discord shook his head. "You're Celestia's equal now, Twilight. In some ways, you are, in fact, her superior. You don't have to settle for the role of faithful student anymore."

She glared at him. "And what if I want to?"

"Hmm. Well, I can't really gainsay that. The motivation of chaos can be best summarized as 'because I wanted to.' Take your tea, for example–"

Twilight immediately spat out the mouthful she was drinking. Coughing and gagging, she glared at Discord. "What about my tea?"

Discord wiped off his face with surprising calm. After he applied a new face and tossed the calm in a wastebasket, he asked, "Really? I hint that I did something to the tea, and your first thought is to assume... what? I used the contents of my bladder?" He grinned. "Believe me, if I'd done that, you'd know."

"So what did you do?"

"All I did was tell the water to taste however you wanted it to. No brewing necessary." Melancholy began to seep into Discord's expression. "Really, Twilight, don't you trust me?"

"No." The answer came with no hesitation whatsoever.

He nodded. "Good. You shouldn't trust me any farther than you can throw me. Less, actually. Now that you're fully fledged, you could probably get quite of bit of distance if you put your mind to it. Especially if I were to shapeshift into a javelin. Say, Twilight—"

"No, Discord, I'm not going to seeing how far I can throw you."

"Spoilsport." Discord grabbed hold of the teapot, topped Twilight off, and began munching on the porcelain. "Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm untrustworthy. At least, not anymore. I'm simply acknowledging that I've built up a rather horrendous reputation for myself. If I want to change it – and I do, I'm all about change – I'm going to have to accept the awkward transition process.

"As for you, you need to grow beyond your role as Celestia's pupil. You've taken a quantum leap in ability, Twilight! Are you really going to keep limiting yourself to conjuring mustaches? I can appreciate the odd use of nigh-omnipotence for frivolous means, but you've got to mix it up with the occasional spell that actually matters!"

Twilight merely drank her tea for a rather awkward length of time. Finally, her gaze on her empty cup, she said, "Do you know how I got my cutie mark?"

Discord nodded. "Fluttershy told me the story of how Rainbow Dash went so fast she gave all of you puberty, yes. I have to say, I like your story the best. Entrance exam, stage fright, and then sudden rainboom!" He began punctuating sentences with dramatic gestures. "The test proctors are floating in unbreakable telekinesis! Your parents are potted plants! You not only hatch the egg, you grow the hatchling to fifty feet tall!"

"But you don't know what happened then." She spoke the sentence barely above a whisper.

The draconequus frowned a bit in confusion. "Well, from what I heard, Celestia came to the rescue, getting your surge under control and pointing out the starburst on your rump. Except that one alternate timeline where you briefly wrested control of the sun from her, but that's neither here nor there."

"Before that. My magic..." Twilight looked into Discord's unevenly dilated eyes. "My magic went from an external surge to an internal one."

Discord had no quip, no cryptic aside, no chaotic sight gag. He simply said, "Oh."

"Raw power started firing through my brain. Every synapse was flooded with arcane energy. Anypony else would've probably gone into a seizure, suffered permanent brain damage. But not me. Not Miss Future Element of Magic." Twilight shuddered. "It was worse.

"Every brain cell was firing, yes, but coherently. It's not true that ponies only use so-and-so percent of their brain. We use it all, just not all at the same time. But then, then my whole brain was working as a single, horribly efficient machine. And I could see everything." Twilight had grown quiet, speaking mostly to herself. "I saw how there are beings who are to me, me as I am now, as I am to a single ant. I saw who they were, and what, and why. Compared to them, you are a child, fascinated by your pittance of power, living only for your own amusement. Unlike them.

"If Celestia hadn't come when she did, if she had hesitated for only a few seconds, I wouldn't be sitting here now. I'd be in an asylum somewhere, babbling and soiling myself." Eyes full of terror, Twilight confessed, "I know what true power is, Discord. And it scares me."

What Discord did next made no sense, which is exactly why he did anything. Still, Twilight felt the need to ask, "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a hug."

"Why are you giving me a hug?"

"Because I know better than any other being in this plane of existence how much you need one. Because you deserve much, much more, but a hug is all I have to offer you." Discord smiled down on Twilight and kissed her just below her horn. It wasn't a romantic kiss by any stretch of the imagination, more like a parent's reassurance. "You are right to fear my elders, Twilight, but you should never fear becoming one. You are much less than they are, this is true, but you are also inexpressibly more."

The alicorn smiled. It was a small, weak thing, but it was genuine. "I never thought I'd say this, but thank you, Discord."

"Any time, my dear." He disentangled himself from the sinuous embrace and returned to his side of the coffee table. "You know," he mused, "you never did tell me what Sunbutt's latest assignment was."

"I wish you wouldn't call her that."

"And I wish every pony had a pancreas like Pinkie Pie's, but that's not going to happen either."

Twilight sighed. "Well, I have to discover my domain."

Discord beamed, smacked himself on the forehead, and cried, "Oh! Well! How foolish of me! Here I am thinking Tia's keeping you on a leash when she's pushing you to explore just what you've become!"

"Except I don't even know where to start! I know it isn't magic or friendship, and if it's nothing to do with how I became an alicorn, what could it possibly be?"

Discord's smile grew rather more sly. "It will make sense once you realize it."

"You know?"

"Of course I know. We see the world in very different ways, Twilight, and I mean that literally. When I look at you, I see everything you could ever be. The entire spectrum of that which could ever call itself Twilight Sparkle presents itself to me. I see the instances of you who failed to thwart Sombra, or Chrysalis, or..." Discord trailed off, looking away from the mare. "Well, or me."

After a few silent seconds, he brightened back up. "In any case, presented as I am with that much information, your domain is as obvious to me as the Crusaders' cutie marks are to you. And for largely the same reasons, I can't tell you. This is something you must discover for yourself, Twilight."

Twilight attempted smile. It came out as a rather desperate rictus. "I don't suppose you could give me a hint?"

Discord shook his head with unusual solemnity. "There are some lines even I dare not cross, Twilight. I don't have to like them, but I do have to respect them. Rather like Celestia." He stroked his beard with his lion paw. "Or was it the other way around with her?"

"In any case, again, thank you, Discord." Twilight left the table, making for the door. "You've given me a lot to think about. Please tell Fluttershy I stopped by when she gets back. I plan on staying the night."

"Certainly." Discord grinned. "Oh, and if you ever decide to delve into the fine art of chaos magic, do give me a call. I'm sure we can arrange a lesson plan."

"When pigs fly. Without your help."

Discord replied in a suitably mature and well-thought out manner. It was easily the most eloquently stuck out tongue in Equestria.

"Oh, and Discord?"

"Yes?"

"Why do I get the distinct feeling that there wasn't a megaplatypus waddling towards Ponyville a few minutes ago?"

"Because there wasn't," Discord said shamelessly.

Twilight scowled. "That seems awfully like malicious chaos."

This got a grin. "Does it? Let's review: You've learned more about domains, shared a terrible secret you've been keeping to yourself since you got your cutie mark, and are better for it. Fluttershy gets a new friend. I got to make a megaplatypus. I'd say that's a win for everyone involved!"

Author's Note:

This chapter owes its existence to Estee's Five Hundred Little Murders. Flitter's comments got me thinking about the kind of power Twilight has at her disposal, both before and after the wings. My mind then turned to the most dramatic display of that power we've seen, her childhood surge. And then, as they occasionally do, my thoughts took a turn for the Lovecraftian.

Also, writing Discord is fun. It's like writing Pinkie Pie with less wackiness obfuscating the cosmic horror. Reformed Discord is doubly fun, since he's basically Q.

Comments

[SciGuy]

...Huh. I'm pretty sure I've never seen interpretation of Twilight's entry exam... event (for lack of a better word) before. It raises a lot of very interesting possibilities as to her domain. I'd put my money on Knowledge given what we've seen, but something more along the lines of Probability is also possible. It's certainly going to be interesting going forward, that's certain.

I'd also like to add that yours is, I think, the best reformed Discord I've ever read. Like you wrote in your Author's Note, he's very reminiscent of Q in a number of ways. A lot of reformed Discords end up being little more than "Pinkie, but with super powers and even more random"

[G S tol Kriaal]

Is that all?"
"N-no, sir."
"Then you're dismissed."

But he said that's not all!

[Zocarik]

I love the last paragraph. So silly!
What strange spirit created the platypus? I fear looking into that eldritch mind.

[Starscape]

I love your writing style. It's funny, witty, eloquent and insightful all rolled into one.

[Q Illespont]

I'd forgotten this was even around. Hopefully the wait won't be as long until the next one.

And very interesting spin on what happened during Twilight's exam. (Only other story I've seen that looked at it had her take Celestia's power but not quite as temporarily and could do with some more chapters too.)

[Mooncalf]

Reformed Discord is a lot of fun. Of course, even before his reformation a lot of writers liked to cast him as a crazy prankster rather than a full villain, but now he's canon. Hope he puts on more appearances in the next season.

And nice to see someone getting the "90% of your brain" concept straight.

Also, Celestia created the platypus. As a prank on Twilight. The fact that she did it several centuries before Twilight was born only goes to show how far she takes her pranks.

[book_burner]

I really, really like your Reformed!Discord. Still just enough Eldritch in him to make it clear that "reformed" or not, he will never cease to be the God of Chaos.

[Whiteeyes]

3096828 Well it's not like he wrote non-Alicorn Cadance as a unicorn like a ton of people tend to do despite the fact that she used to be a pegasus.

Also, if Discord ever shows up to make the world "more fun and chaotic", I'd tell him the offer is appreciated but not needed. A evidence I would cite the following:
1) The platypus, and note that this is 100% natural.
2) British Palament, which actually has fans that come and watch them govern as entertainment. And it actually somewhat is due to their having only a passing familiarity with the concept of "organized debate".
3) The USA Electoral College. If you don't know how that works, ignorance is bliss.
4) As in 4chan. I'm saving this one as a final fallback due to potential backlash from being TOO chaotic.

[Rakaziel]

Very interesting ideas, I especially like Twilight's eldritch revelations. Very well written as well, all in all a gem of a story. Muchas gracias, da capo, da capo!
And I agree, chaotic good eldritch abominations are the best eldritch abominations.

[Puzzle Reader]

Discord + platypi = EPIC WIN.
I really need to find more stories with benign eldritch abominations; I really like that stuff. Frick, I think I'll make a group!

[Georg]

Hm, that fic where Twilight managed to temporarally take over the sun from Celestia during her entrance exam sounds familiar.

Thanks for the plug. I'll have to name one of the residents after you. Perhaps Mr. Breezy's son, Fan.

[FanOfMostEverything]

4267795
I tend to put a little of myself in my characters, so Discord's taste in fanfiction matching mine should come as little surprise.

Also, any kind of in-story acknowledgment from you would be more flattering than a cartoon steamroller.
Wait, sorry, that's flattening.
Eh, the point stands.

[Vivian]

Well, that was delightful. Discord giving Twilight a hug because of her existential dread... Good show.