Intro: "Will you quit with the puns, it's making me see colours!"
The year is 50 B.C. and we find ourselves in a forest on the outside of a familiar village, just off the cost of Armorica, Gaul. The sun is shining off the ocean and not a cloud in the sky, a perfect day by any description; the birds chirp and the wild boars skip happily through the dense bush.
“You know,” said one boar, “Those barbaric Gaul’s have been keeping it quiet lately.”
“True,” said the other, “It’s times like this when it’s best to find a mate and repopulate!”
“Yes, but sometimes I just stop and think, ‘Is it all worth it?’. I mean, the hassle of females is hard enough with all their oinking and squawking. But then you think about the piglets, all they have to grow up to is Gaul’s and the same forest every morning.”
The other boar stopped in his tracks and put a hoof to his chin in thought.
“You know, I think you might be right. Why do we bother at all when all we… Brian? Where did you go?”
True to his eyes, the boar hence named Brian was nowhere to be seen. Jeff, as the boar still there is called, began to panic, his hairs on the back of his neck rose. He turned slowly; dreading to meet the eyes of whatever Gaulish monster awaited him, but found nothing.
“Huh, I wonder what drove Brian off.”
An explosion to his left answered him, and out of the treeline came many men in hardened armor with spears and swords strapped to their sides. They pushed large wooden machines we would identify as catapults through the trees, knocking over all that stood before them.
“The Romans are coming! The Romans are coming!”
The Gaulish village population were running circles, all the women gathering the children and hiding in their homes while every able bodied man rushing to gather weapons and armor before gathering around their brave and hot-tempered chief, Vitalstatistix, who was in a spot of panic himself while talking to his greatest warriors.
“Boys, I can’t stress enough how dangerous this is. You know I can’t lose you, the rest of us just aren’t skilled enough to defeat such a large force; even with the magic potion.”
He sat on a stool, unable to stand on his shaking legs while his wife brought him another mug of wine. In front of him were the two said warriors. One was a short man, a yellow mustache and winged helmet were the main features on his head; he wore basic red pants, a simple black top, pair of shoes made from solely leather, and a belt that held his trusty sword, which he hardly ever used. Next to the short man was a giant in comparison. Tall, and very fat, with white and blue striped pants and his own leather shoes, smaller red mustache with ponytails out the back, and small horned helmet. He held a massive stone menhir in on hand and a small dog in another.
“I must ask one more time, are you sure you want to go through with this?”
The short man took a long breath in before releasing and answering with a stern nod. “We’re sure; we will happily do what we can to ensure our villages safety!”
“Very well then,” came a voice behind them. They turned and greeted the old and wise yet still strong village druid and his long grey beard, Getafix. “The proto-type potion is ready. All that is needed is someone to test it, and you have volunteered your self’s. Come.”
Getafix led the two warriors through the village towards his own home, Vitalstatistix and several Gaul’s stopping what they were doing to follow as well. They came to and surrounded a bubbling cauldron filled with a mixture, Getafix standing on one side and the two on the other.
“This is it my boys. I’m not sure whether this will work, but that is what you are here for. Before we begin, I prepared a gourd of magic potion to use to revitalize your self’s should it fail and leave you weakened.” He handed the gourd to the short man, who placed it on his belt. “We will need you at your top strength for the coming battle.”
And what a battle it would be, for outside of the Gaulish walls, the thousands of Caesar’s army approached. Because with all of his current battles over and Cleopatra having another one of her ‘moods’, Julius took the opportunity to finally deal with the last defense in Gaul.
“Well let’s get this over with, Dogmatix is getting edgy,” said the fat one.
“Very well, I will-“
“WAIT!”
A voice called out from the crowd and Cacofonix, the village bard, came running.
“Before you take a sip from the potion, I would like to give you a song of good will and luck-“
He was cut short as an anvil dropped on his head, sinking him into the ground up to his knees. “Oops,” said the blacksmith.
Getafix could only bring his palm to his face before returning to the two.
“Right, now if there isn’t something else someone would like to say,” He cast his gaze across the Gaul’s gathered, all of whom looked after and started whistling. “We can finally get under way.”
He picked up two mugs from beside his cauldron and filled them with the liquid, before passing one to each warrior. The short one took the mug in both hands and the fat one put his dog, Dogmatix, on his shoulder and taking his own cup.
All those standing by watched with baited breath. The two warriors razed their mugs high.
“Here’s to us and our village, Obelix,” said Asterix.
“Oh, and bashing Romans,” added Obelix.
They both smiled and drank. Their cups empty, they stood and waited. Many of the Gaul’s nearby ducked under cover for fear of explosions, a fear gained from a mis-shot menhir a while ago. For a while, nothing happened. No big flashes or body parts being inflated like the normal potion, and no exploding Gaul’s either.
Eventually, Getafix approached.
“Well, I think it might have-“
BOOM!
All the trees, buildings, and men were thrown about as a flash of rainbow coloured lightning flashed and hit the spot where the two warriors stood. The Gaul’s soon recovered and raced back.
“Oh my, that was shocking!”
“It was absolutely electrifying!”
“I think my eyes just went over the rainbow.”
“Oh quit your puns, they are making me see colours!”
In place of two of this time ad world’s greatest hero’s, were now patches of burnt marks, and nothing else. Vitalstatistix and Getafix gazed down at what were once their friends.
“Well bother. There goes our tank.”
“Yes, this might prove a real problem.”
A massive boulder soared through the sky and crashed into Cacofonix’s tree house, causing it to fall and demolish several other buildings at the same time.
Vitalstatistix drew his sword and marched to the front gate. Other Gaul’s followed in his wake, including his shield barriers that dropped to their knees so he could climb atop. Getafix was already waiting for them, another cauldron at his side and a spoon at the ready.
Each Gaul passed him, and took a gulp of the magic potion that had sparked so many adventures. They soon joined Vitalstatistix by the gate, each full of power and ready to go.
“Friends, Gaul’s, countrymen, idiots, today we are to face an enemy we have faced several times and won. But today, they come in greater numbers, numbers we thought that would only come if the sky fell on our heads, but they have come neither the less. But we shall still fight, and we shall still-“
“Err, Vitalstatistix?” Getafix coughed politely.
Vitalstatistix looked down at the old druid. “Hmm, what do you want? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a very important speech to increase our warrior’s bravery?”
“Well maybe that would go better if they could hear you,” replied Getafix calmly while pointing a thumb towards the small army of Gaul’s, who were already half-way down the distance of the battlefield between the Romans and them.
“Well oh buggery; quick, onwards boys!” He shouted to his shield barriers that sped off running.
Getafix could only chuckle before giving chase.
^\/^\/^\/^
Several hours later, Julius
^\/^\/^\/^
“Well, that could have gone better,” said Vitalstatistix, holding his painful black-eye.
“Yesh, fhat fould have,” agreed Getafix who sat in the cage next to him, without any teeth.
Around them sat many other cages, each with an occupant that had injuries of varying degrees. All of the Gaul’s looked beaten and tired, mentally and physically, from the past battle. They watched as their village that had been their home for so long slowly got smaller in the distance, the fires destroying everything they had.
Julius Caesar laughed triumphantly as he rode alongside the prison carriage, the only injury he had was a small bump on the head he had gained when he fell off his horse before the battle had begun.
“I told you Gaul’s to give in before-hand, I gave you plenty of warnings, but you never listened. Now look where you lay, forces depleted and friend-less in cages like you belong.”
He only laughed more as he caught up with the head of the war party. The Gaul’s could not have fallen any lower.
As they traveled, Julius talked with his trusted ally and friend, Brutus.
“Well Brutus, it seems we have finally conquered the whole of Earth. When we return to Rome, I want these Gaul’s thrown into the coliseum imminently. We shall give Rome the show it deserves for this victory!”
“Of course Julius, but first why not have a private party, one where we can fully enjoy this momentous time without the worry of pleasing an empire.”
Caesar thought about this for a short time, than smiled.
“A brilliant idea Brutus and I will leave you to plan this ‘party’. I know you will not leave me down.”
Unknown to Caesar, Brutus gave an all-knowing smirk behind his back.
“Oh course, and what a party to remember it will be.”
^\/^\/^\/^
Meanwhile, Asterix
^\/^\/^\/^
The winds of the storm blew hard, shaking all the trees and whipped the grass. The noise of thunder and the light of lightning easily covered the sound of screams as a small man with a yellow mustache fell from the clouds.
He spun and twisted in the air, the storm giving him no mercy for trespassing and was going to give him the works for doing so. Rain and hail pelted his clothes, causing the wind to get colder, further increasing the miserable experience already being taken.
Asterix felt lost, confused, and disappointed in himself. He had failed his town and friends, where he should be fighting alongside them he was falling to his death. There were no friends to comfort him or join in his final moments like he had wished he would die. No wife to cry over him, to children to pass on his legacy, no friends to say how proud of him they were, just him with the cold air and stinging hail.
His voice got caught in his throat; he could give no more sound for the world for what little it could do him. Without anything more he could do or could of done, he gave in to untimely fate and a-waited to meet the ground.
”Asterix!”
Asterix opened his again, and only saw the ground beneath him. It didn’t grow closer like he had expected, but sat there below him. Slowly, he was lowered to the ground and set upright by a big hand. He turned towards his fat friend; it seemed he was not alone just yet.
“Obelix, you’re alive!” Asterix threw himself into his best friend’s arms and all but cried into his shoulder.
“It’s a bit windy to be learning how to fly, isn’t it Dogmatix?” Obelix asked, his trusty dog giving a bark from the ground.
They both laughed, slightly warmed with the knowledge they were both alive. However, the storm still raged and reminded them of this with a howl.
“Come on Obelix, we need to get out of his storm!”
“Right, I saw what looked like an inn in that direction, but I don’t think they have boars so we should find someplace else!”
Asterix looked at his friend in confusion. “What makes you think they don’t have boars? Besides, we shouldn’t be too picky with what we currently have!”
“Well, for one they seem to be obsessed with apples!” Obelix gestured around them; they were surrounded by apple trees. “And for another, they have ponies running around everywhere! I don’t think the smell of boar would do them any good!”
Asterix only chuckled at his friend’s obsession, but decided to take his word and find someplace else. If they were confused and lost, then they should at least be confused and lost in comfort.
“Fine, let’s go and get out of this storm before we get colds!”
Obelix bent and picked up Dogmatix, who took shelter in his flabby arms, then picked up his menhir in the other hand.
“Obelix, do you really need to keep carrying around that thing?”
Obelix only snorted, “This is one of my finest works, top dollar! I’m not just going to leave it lying around. And don’t say to leave it here and pick it up later, I’ve already lost five from kids with sticky fingers!”
Asterix only shrugged and led them through the trees, towards what looked like lights in a nearby town.
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Wait. Astérix? The French children's cartoon character?
2171100
French? Oh, so it is. Yea, pretty much.
2171106 So, he's gonna be all like, "Bonjour! Je m'appelle Astérix!" and the ponies'll be all like, "lolwut"?
2171134
Translated to English version
That would be pretty damn funny though.
Just going to mention something. I like the story, but there's an annoying thing.
You put Gauls as Gaul's. That's improper punctuation. Sorry, just thought I'd mention it. Still a well-written story, anyways.
2171187 Except, like I just said, Astérix is French.
2171207
Yea, I had a small debate with myself over that. I guess I started doing it like that because at first word said it was wrong, so I put the ' there to correct it but it still said it was wrong so I added it to dictionary like that, and I guess it stuck. I'll be sure to not do it next chapter... if I remember.
Should be: Asterix and the Equestrian Legions
Omg! Asterix crossover!
I am French and, before reading, I approve of this.
This is the best crossover ever.
Now waiting to see how long before Obélix tries to eat somepony. xD
Read it. There's a few typos (life instead of fly, for example) but it's still extremely interesting to read - especially if that means we will have a Ponies VS Romans brawl at some point xD
(I NEED to see Fluttershy under the potion's effect. That can be nothing short of glorious.)
2171509
Oh so you're a Spy? its nice to meet you
I'm a Sniper if you must know...
I didn't expect to see this crossover... I am curious to see how it will go from there.
Hmm... interesting crossover.
Btw, have you ever thought about the druid's name? It drives me nuts how he's been called Getafix, Panoramix and Vitamix. Those stupid cartoons, always messing up the name.
You have gotten my interest, so much of it. I really look forward to more of this!
2171522
Sentry, goin' up!
2171968
Well let me just grab my Eternal Reward and Cloak'n Dagger and Ill watch ur back.
2171207
Shouldn't it be Gaulois instead of Gauls? My french is rusty, but even in english the proper referent for a resident of Quebec is Quebecois. I'm not sure if there's a separate plural, or if its singular and plural.
Of course, being an Asterix story, its just not the same if its not in french...
I'm gonna read this. Even though I know absolutely nothing about Asterix.
2176812
I knew not many people would know what it is, so I tried making it as descriptive as possible.
2171509 You have some pretty awesome ideas! Wonder if the author would take them into notice lol!
Let's see how long it takes for Obelix to say: These ponies are crazy!
2188255 Thank you kindly
Imagine for a second what would happen if they went to Appleloosa..."Buffaloes are the same as boars, right?"
(And actually I think it would be funnier if he did each Pony Tribe separately - "These Pegasuses/Unicorns/Earth Ponies/Alicorns are crazy!")
(Although, I wonder how they'll react to Celestia and Luna...After all, they can almost literally bring the sky down on their heads!)
2188616
Bloody psychic people, always reading my mind...
2188636 Well, there's a reason I'm called RaptorJesus^^
And as they say, strange minds think alike ;)
2188616 Hahahahahahaahahah! BOO YAAAAH!
I don't get it. Where's the magic potion that gives them super strength?
i'm a huge fan of the adventures of asterxix and obelix. saying thi i will not tolerate to change the so beloved names of the character the name of the dog is ideafix, and abraracurcix is the chief of the village and by last the druid is called panoramix. but regadls of this i like it
I remember growing up with these comics and it's quite a culture shock to read the english names (I speak Spanish, born in Venezuela) with Getafix called here "Panoramix", among many more examples, surprised Asterix and Obelix kept their names though.
Regardless, it looks like you are capturing the essence of the comics so I'll give this a read.