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(First chapter has been re-written)One day Rainbow Dash wakes up to find that she has been turned into an Alicorn. She then finds out that she is the last descendant of Alicorns that rule over the Pegasus. Can she accept her role, or will she abandon it?
(Please read the complete rewrite here.
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awesome
Better but still needs work
It is better and you have hinted a little explenation as to why she turns, but I still find it kind of unbelievable. The explanation that she grows a horn because Celestia is her mother and she have just come of age, or that she has always been an alicorn but have just hidden it is more likely.
I also think that Scootaloo is an ancient abomination more powerful then Discord, is more likely then this story.
The coolest and most awsome thing she could do is faint like a badflank
Yeah this is much better. even got a few reactions better than I would have thought. its much better.
2187152 hey that's my idea
This chapter is better but still needs a little work, the dialogue doesn't flow well in places
"Hiya Dahie!
"That's what I'm wandering! can you send a letter to Celestia?" Rainbow Dash asked.
And
I can tell you why this is, but I prefer to talk to you both in person. I will be there tomorrow. I will also be bringing the mayors of Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus with me, all shall be explained soon.
There are some examples that you should fix, are you new to English?
2188125
I'm not sure what you are referring to, but if you got any idea's please write them down. And by the way, if you have some free time, would you like to be one of my proofreaders? I am working on a story where RD and Twi meets RD's father on a train to Canterlot and well there are a lot of secrets being revealed there.
2188172 you already told me you where working on that
and sure if I have the time
The idea was the whole 'RD living a normal life (but is still an alicorn, although its hidden by an allusion spell ) until she matures and is ready for the responsibility of being a princess'
2187152 Wait? I wasn't hinting that Rainbow Dash is Celestia's daughter
, how did you come to that conclusion?
2188125 English is my first language.
2188309
that's what his story is about and it makes the most sense about RD becoming an Alicorn. He didn't say it hinted it
Oh and what grade are you In English?
2188309
I didn't I just said that it would have been more logical.
2188221
There is a few stories about that. Mommy Nearest is one of my favorites. Generally there are two directions we can take: 1) Rainbow knows, 2) Rainbow doesn't know.
Both can have potential, but the result are different. If Rainbow knows then the illusion is by her own consent if not design, and the story will be about the reactions in the main six and the general society when the secret gets out. If she doesn't know then the story is more focused on her, her shock of finding out what she is, and her anger of these (usually Celestia) that have kept it hidden from her.
2188328 Grade 12 English, but everybody makes mistakes.
2188351 hmmm I'll have to think about that, oh and Mommy nearest is my favourate too, too bad the guy writing the sequel is so damn lazy
I mean he's on nearly once a week, says he's gonna get wronfpg to writing the new chapter... Been waiting four (8?)months 
2188398
It is never going to happen, I have tried to contact him every way I could think of and he has never once responded, however if I ever manage to write "Cute Little Filly" it is going to be just as epic. But before you ask, no I am trying to finish the smaller stories first, and I still have my bead mosaic project check it out.
2188428 I already have and I have to say, they are really good. How do you do that?
2188475
I think that is something that should be discussed on my deviantart page, but basically I just put one bead on the plate at a time (with a tweezer)
2188596. Yeah I don't have a Devian art, can't get my email to work
A tweezer? That must requir a really steady hand
2188604
To your problem with the email, just make a hotmail, it is free and easy
Second, I think tweezer is the correct translation of pincet, it is just two pieces of connected metal that you bend toward each other to pick up small objects, objects that are smaller then you can pick up by hand. And this is 2,5 mm, so my arts 2,8m length must be multiplied by two in order to get the same detail that you would get if you used the regular 5mm beads, that can be handled with your bare hands.
Oh and before you ask, no other person on earth have ever before done anything of this size
2188623 congratulations
oh and tweezers is the right translation
Please dude... Make more... Please
2205426 Chill dude, I will.
hm
bit of a boring chapter but definitely needed
well bit early on to say where this story is in the scale
keep writing and we shall see if it improves or declines
This chapter was needed. Explained everything. Now wat is this 4th magic? Will u reveal the mystery good sir/madam or will that secret be kept until a later chapter? Keep up the good work. RD is best pony.
2nd. Hey at least its better than 3rd and I'm last too. :D. Last the best of all the game. At least for now. :O
4th magic sonic rainboom answers that lol next thing you know shell be spiting lighting bolts and casing storms when mad lol
I'm not quite sure I follow you here. Is king Wind Chaser an alicorn or a unicorn? and the mortality rate should be addressed more explicitly. The Powers of Harmony have a good explenation.Alicorns are the perfect balance of all three races and has a longer lifespan but is not in themselves immortal. Only Celestia and Luna are immortal because they are bound to the sun and the moon, which is also what gives them the ethereal mane.
You could use the same explanation but you have to be consistent. Wind Chaser is obviously died of old age, and so did their great n grandfather.
The fourth magic was the element of Loyalty wasn't it?
The redundant department of redundancy, Redundasylopolis
Looking good so far.I have to say this chapter was a big improvement over the last one, far less rushed and with a greater attention to detail.
)
"~20 years ago~
(I know that ponies don't age like humans do, but it's a fanfic which came from a cartoon, screw the rules)
~Cloudsdale Hospital, Cloudsdale~" you need to avoid little bits like this they absolutely destroy immersion and do more to inspire discontent with the author than they do to assuage it (plus you should never feel the need to justify your creative vision to someone else
Other than that little but a nice stride forward in the narrative and I hope to see it continue.
So I am assuming that you prescribe to the gradually popular theory that alicorns are not immortal, but age and die like normal ponies (or perhaps just live a little longer) with Celestia and Luna being the sole expetion due to their connection to the celestial objects
2276249That is correct.
well critisizem time
the general story line is kinda short and if i may all the problems are resolved a bit to quickly to be entertaining
just slow down a bit there speedy
Trixie just cause shes my fave unicorn
Basic magic!
Twilight should teach first. After all, they're best friends.
(And personally, I think Trixie's an absolute ass.)
Also, I spot a few grammatical errors.
Twilight she knows more about magic she's the element of magic for pony's sake
Twilight
trixi please.
Got to be our girl Rarity, I say.
Twilight!
Rarity because she's going to cloudsdale in a few days and needs to act all Queen like
rarity
it would be funny
twilight!
My vote is for Rarity.
Also on a sidenote, this story is enjoyable but far too dialogue heavy. You should work more on some details and scenery.
YES! I am victorious.
Was there ever any doubt?
I'm voting for Rarity next chapter coz she needs to learn how to be a proper princess before that meeting and illusion magic isn't that important!
Also
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