The Only Human

by BigD

Chapter 6

Most shy folks always have the one thing that allows them to open up to others, even if only a little. For some, it might be a book or TV genre they enjoy with others, or a hobby they share, or sports or music or just about anything. And of course, for some people, it was getting drunk.

Dancing wasn’t exactly it for Mark, but he’d found that when he was dancing to a good song, his shyness eased up quite a bit and he found himself less concerned with what other folks thought of him. It had taken a bit for him to work up the nerve to go out and dance and he wasn’t going to win any hardcore contests, but he was to the point that he could cut some good moves.

Twilight and her friends had let him get out of his fancy suit and put on some normal clothes, then taken him out once the moon was high in the sky. As he’d expected, Canterlot was lit up like a Christmas tree at night, and the six ponies had taken him to a night club in what they’d called the “easy part of town”…with a promise to visit the other parts before the night was over.

Mark, being no stranger to loud sounds, wasn’t too bothered by the loud music and constant pounding of hooves on wood, but he still had to shout to be heard almost. He’d started out at the bar, wanting to fill up on water and coffee a bit since he could see it would be a long, physically-demanding evening.

He should’ve known the girls would eventually try to get him drinking

They’d all started proposing drinks, none of which sounded familiar to him, and he’d finally gotten them all quiet by suggesting something mild; it was still too early in the evening to get seriously hammered. Applejack had, of course, insisted on Apple Cider, which was apparently made differently here than it was in Mark’s world. Applejack swore up and down it wouldn’t get him rip-roaring drunk, and Mark was soon convinced enough to start sampling it.

Technically, AJ had told the truth…but she’d forgotten to take into account who she was talking to. The drink probably didn’t work too hard on ponies…but it only took one drink for Mark to feel a good buzz, and he was soon making his way onto the dance floor just as a very rousing beat picked up.

The beat didn’t sound like anything he’d heard on Earth, but it was enough for him to dance to, and with the drink in him, he was soon throwing out some rather crazy moves. He’d always been rather limber and agile, but with his new level of physical fitness, plus the drink in him suppressing his inhibitions, he was soon pulling off things he wouldn’t have tried even with his new strength.

“Whooie! Look at ‘im go!” cheered Applejack, watching Mark tear up the dance floor, clearly having a great time from the look on his face. She’d hosted probably hundreds of barn dances (yes, with a friend like Pinkie Pie, you could hit the high numbers), and she’d yet to see anyone pulling off the moves he was. The closest she’d seen was from Pinkie Pie, and she wasn’t sure the laws of physics applied to that pony.

“Oh yes, he does certainly work it…though I’m not sure some of those moves are…appropriate,” said Rarity with her eyes a bit wide, watching Mark slowly gyrate backwards until he was on all fours, his legs splayed apart, arching his back and kicking off, doing a wild handstand for a moment before coming back down to his feet. True, Pinkie Pie was known for making wild moves on the fly, but even she didn’t seem quite so provocative.

“Aww, come on, Rarity, nothing could ever be wrong with dancing!” squealed Pinkie Pie, watching the human with delight, clopping her hooves against the dance floor. Unable to stop herself, she soon began chanting “Markie! Markie! Markie!”, encouraging more from him. The other ponies on the dance floor had already given Mark some room, his strange appearance and even stranger dance moves soon having a lot of ponies’ attention, and it wasn’t long before the chant was taken up, including by the Mane Six.

Mark heard the chants even above the beat of the music and his own pulse in his ears, his heart racing to keep up with his wild moves. He wasn’t really used to being the center of attention of so many people, but he had to admit that hearing his name chanted was pretty cool. He threw out wilder and wilder moves, determined to give them a show, his breath starting to come in and out in rapid gasps; in the back of his mind, he knew he would’ve never been able to keep this up before he came to Equestria.

Finally, the song ended and Mark came to his feet, wiping his brow and turning to his pony friends…only to hear a chorus of cheers and the stomping of hooves, his face flushing as he turned to see his friends and many of the other ponies in the bar showing their appreciation of the show. He gave a sheepish smile and bowed slightly, feeling a bit dizzy as his chest swelled with pride. He offered another bow as the cheers continued for a bit, then moved over to join his friends, Applejack the first one to come up and thump him on the back.

“Yer welcome at one o’ mah barn dances any time, pardner!” she cheered, the other five ponies coming up to share their appreciation.

“That was AWESOME!” cheered Rainbow Dash, having been doing her own aerial moves the whole time. True, she had some slick moves of her own, but she had wings, which helped a lot; Mark had relied on nothing but his own agility. The cyan Pegasus raised a hoof and Mark met it with a high five, then suddenly found himself wrapped up by a barrel, a hoof giving him a noogie as Rainbow said “You and me need to get together sometime and work on some stunts! Anyone who can do moves like that without wings has to know some good ones!”

“Take it easy with him, Rainbow! Poor darling looks like he’s burning up; let’s get him over to the booth and get him some water,” chided Rarity, giving Mark a warm smile and lighting her horn, her magic helping to stabilize him as he half-walked, half-staggered along. “It’s really a treat to see you so happy, Mark. Perhaps this can become a regular thing?” she asked, the ponies helping him over to a booth, a pitcher of water soon in front of him, the human eagerly gulping down cupful after cupful. Once he’d slaked his thirst, he leaned back with a sigh, wiping his forehead again.

“Heh, do bear in mind I’m a bit drunk, Rarity, so don’t expect this at every dance unless you set something up with AJ,” he said, unable to stop a snicker from getting out, laughing at absolutely nothing; in the few times he’d gotten drunk, he had always been a goofball.

“Well, we need to work on yah being relaxed without getting drunk, but Ah reckon Ah can work something out,” she said with a smirk, giving him a thump on the arm. The human stretched his arms over his head and yawned, saying “Might want to fetch me some coffee too. I just know you gals ain’t gonna let me go to bed right now.”

They all suddenly hugged him, giggling and awing as if he’d just declared an end to a party. “The night’s still young, Markie-poo! You said you wanted to enjoy the night-life and that’s what we’re absolutely positively going to do!” declared Pinkie Pie, all of the other ponies, Fluttershy included, giving an emphatic nod.

Once they pulled away, Mark noted that a rather slow song was now playing, ponies joining up in pairs on the floor to dance together. To his mild surprise, he saw more than a few standing on their hind legs, front legs wrapped around each other, much like they would be back in his world. He glanced at his friends, wondering…

“Er, Rarity…not sure how this would work out, all things considered…but would you like to dance?” he asked, straightening up and offering her a smile and his hand..

Rarity turned to him, her eyes a bit wide and a faint blush on her cheeks. The last time she’d done a dance with a male had been at the Grand Galloping Gala…and it hadn’t gone so well. Still, though he wasn’t a pony, Mark was certainly no Prince Blueblood, so it surely couldn’t hurt.

“Why, I’d be delighted, darling,” she said with a smile, though cocking her head at his hand. Mark noticed her confusion and chuckled nervously, withdrawing his hand and instead giving her a bow. Really, he expected her to walk on three legs?

“Sorry, something from back home; forgot where I was for a moment,” he said as he led the way out to the dance floor, the other ponies giving a few whistles and shouts of encouragement. Turning back to her, he said, “Begging your pardon, but perhaps you could lead? I think this’ll work better if I watch you before we…you know,” he said shyly, nodding to the dancing couples around them.

“Not a problem, dear Mark. Just follow my lead,” she cooed, slowly moving her hoofs to the flow of the song, Mark doing his best to follow her on his two legs, the seamstress’s smile growing when he was matching her somewhat smoothly. “Very good, darling. Now, are you ready for the next part?” she asked, moving a bit closer to him…and blushing as his masculine scent filled her nose. He was still rather hot and sweaty from his wild dancing, and while she dreaded sweating herself, it seemed rather appealing for him to be doing it.

“I…I think so. You’ll have to forgive me, Rarity; even back home, dancing with a girl didn’t come easy for me,” he said, trying to keep the tremble from his voice as he moved closer as well, gently holding her sides as she raised her fore hooves, resting them on his shoulders to help steady herself. Mark’s face was now right in front of her’s, her muzzle rubbing against his nose, and both were blushing somewhat heavily, though Mark seemed to be the more nervous of the two.

“Just relax, darling. Just relax. Pretend there’s nopony here but you and I and just go with the flow. You couldn’t possibly do anything to upset me right now,” she said softly, following her own advice as she swayed with the music, his hands moving down a bit to her barrel. She had seen him work on AJ’s farm, so she had a good idea of how strong he was, yet his touch was gentle now, the human treating her as if she were a fine piece of jewelry. However…he was also rather rigid, his fingers digging into her flesh a bit, as if to anchor them where they were. His movements were stiff as well, as if he were one of her dressmaker dummies.

“Markie, I know you’re nervous, but please, you cannot be a statue with this. Move naturally,” she said, her voice firming up a bit but remaining pleasant, Mark nodded and loosening up a bit, the two of them swaying and dancing about the floor. Rarity spun away at one point, anchored by his grip on her hoof, then came back to him, playfully bumping her barrel against him with a giggle. He did the same a moment later and came back to her, though his bump made her grunt a bit, his added muscle making him a bit hard.

“Heh, I think this is the closest I’ve come to being intimate with a pony since I came here,” he said with a chuckle, Rarity’s eyes widening a bit, the seamstress covering her nervousness with a giggle. “It’s…strange, considering what mares were back home…but I like it,” he said shyly, the seamstress feeling her heart pounding in her chest.

‘You‘re not the only one, Markie,’ she thought, pulling him tighter against her as the song began to pick up, her blush deepening.

“Awww, they look so cuuuute,” said Fluttershy in the closest thing she had to a schoolgirl squeal, Pinkie Pie nodding with an actual schoolgirl squeal. “Who knew such a strange…strange…stranger could dance so well, and with Rarity at that,” she said, the other five ponies watching with varied expressions. Fluttershy looked smitten, Pinkie Pie ready to burst out into another cheering session, Rainbow Dash looking bored (slow dancing had never done it for her, considering she was all about speed)…and both Twilight and Applejack looking jealous.

“Yeah, real cute,” muttered Applejack under her breath, watching with a bit of a scowl as Mark and Rarity picked up the pace, the human stumbling a bit before catching up with the new speed. It wasn’t that she had anything against Rarity enjoying a good dance…but their body language said there was more going on out there than just a dance lesson for Mark. They were holding each other too close, their faces too scarlet, Mark’s smile too big.

‘Ah’ve been the one takin care o’ him fer almost a year. It should be me out there he’s dancin and flirtin’ with,’ she thought, the farmer pony having long realized she felt more for the human than just friendship. She wasn’t ready to go and say it was romantic love, but he was special to her, almost a member of the family, and they’d already done so much together that a dance seemed only the next natural step. Turning to Twilight, she noticed that, while she looked jealous, she wasn’t watching the two so much as watching Mark’s legs.

“Er…what’r you lookin at, Twi?” she asked, certain that the bookworm couldn’t be doing what she thought she was doing.

Twilight startled with a squeak, blinking and looking at Applejack. “Huh…oh, sorry AJ…I was just wishing I could dance like that. I still haven’t learned since the Grand Galloping Gala,” she said with a frown, turning back to watch Mark and Rarity. “I’ve read all sorts of books on it, been to a dance class, everything…and I still can’t do it. Meanwhile, Mark gets a standing ovation on his first go!” she squawked, throwing her forelegs out into the air.

“Er, well, ya know, sugarcube, Mark don’t seem to be using any specific moves. Ah think he’s jest making stuff up as he goes along…so mebbe ya’ll can ask him for some pointers?” said the farm pony, gazing back out Mark and Rarity. “Though Ah should mention Ah can’t really see any of us doing some of those moves,” she said with a chuckle, trying to remember the last time she’d seen anypony aside from Pinkie Pie move their body with such agility.

Back out on the dance floor, Mark and Rarity were getting a bit faster in their movements, the song having picked up. Rarity was enjoying it so much that she actually didn’t mind that a bit of sweat was starting to bead on her forehead, feeling as if she were floating on air, any concerns she had tossed to a faraway land. Mark let her twirl away again, then come back to bump against him again, he doing the same thing…and losing his grip.

With a loud yell of surprise, he stumbled back, arms flailing as he tried to regain his footing. For whatever reason, the agility he’d had earlier left him and he couldn’t get his feet to stop backpedaling…until he slammed into someone sitting at the bar and both went to the floor. As if that wasn’t enough, the drink that had been being enjoyed ended up in the air, the contents splashing over both of them.

Mark was quickly on his feet, turning and automatically extending a hand to help up whomever he’d run into, seeing it was now a light gray stallion with amber hair and blue eyes. Said blue eyes were currently glaring at him, the pony’s mouth set in a very bad scowl.

“My apologies, sir. Completely my fault,” he said as politely as he could, the look he was getting telling him he was about to get chewed out. It wouldn’t be the first time, so he didn’t give it much mind…until the stallion suddenly jumped to his feet and shoved his face right into Mark’s, huffing.

“’Sir’? Do you have any idea who I am, bug!” he snapped, Mark quickly stepping back to avoid his horn. The stallion just moved forward, almost head butting the human as he growled, “And do you have any idea how much it costs to get this coat primed!”

Mark was shaking his head and holding his hands up in front of him, saying “I am truly sorry…er, sir. I can pay for any damages,” he said, only for the stallion to give him an almost-head butt again, scoffing at his words.

“You assault me and you think you can just buy me off…like…like some cheap peon?!” he snarled, Mark shaking his head quickly and replying “It wasn’t assault, sir, I just slipped”…and getting yet another semi-head butt.

“Now see here, Blueblood! This is completely uncalled for!” cried Rarity, recognizing the stallion and making her way over as she Mark do his best to explain what happened, Blueblood’s continued verbal assault making it hard. To his credit, Mark didn’t look like he was trying to rein in his temper as Rarity would’ve been had he been doing that to her. In fact, he seemed downright determined to apologize no matter what Blueblood said

And she most certainly wasn’t going to let such an effort be demeaned!

“Would you kindly button your lip and let him finish!” she snapped, getting right up in front of Blueblood’s face…and feeling her mouth drop open in shock as he actually raised a hoof, pulling it back to strike her. It was such an unexpected gesture, even from a snob like him, that she found herself unable to react as his hoof came at her face…only to feel her body being pushed aside, Mark’s arm coming out to block the blow. However, rather than push it away, he’d tried to use his elbow to push it upwards. Being a bit taller than Rarity, it didn’t work out quite as he was probably expecting.

Mark knew he’d made a mistake the minute he’d made the move, forgetting he was dealing with a pony and not another human being. His royal life aside, Blueblood had very strong cannons, and while Mark succeeded in preventing Rarity from being back hoofed, he got it right in the face, sparing himself a fractured jaw only by starting to pull away when he saw what was about to happen.

Glancing or not, the blow was enough to snap his head to the side, splitting his lip and spinning him away to fall on his butt. As if on command, Twilight and the rest of his friends were suddenly crowded around Blueblood, alternating between threats of retaliation and cries of indignation. Even Fluttershy seemed infuriated, Rarity stepping in front of her to stop her from using The Stare on him.

To his credit, Blueblood didn’t back down, clearly a bit inebriated and gaining some uncharacteristic bravery from it, returning their threats with his own and saying something about his being a prince giving him the right to do as he wished to a freak. Mark couldn’t really discern specifics, his head ringing from the blow, the taste of blood in his mouth. However, he still stumbled to his feet and made his way to the prince, seeing in his hazy vision that he had his hoof raised again, ready to strike somepony else.

Two cupped hands walloping his ears put a stop to any such plan, the stallion howling in pain as his brain was literally hammered with twin rushes of air. No follow up blow was needed, as he instinctively brought up both hooves to his ears, his body falling forward and his face slamming into the ground. The damage wouldn’t be that bad, mostly a good headache and some delirium for a bit, but it certainly got the point across.

“If you’ve got a beef with me, you can damn well take it out on me. You leave my friends out of it,” said Mark rather calmly, voice belying the cold look on his face. Looking at the ponies who had ha, he gave a sad smile and turned on his heel, wiping at his lip a bit as he made his way out the front door.

“Yeah, you’d better leave, you…you bug! Just wait until the Royal Guard hears about this. Just wait until the Princesses hear about this!” came from behind him, Blueblood struggling to his feet, blood running from his own jaw, though contrary to the usual outcome, he wasn’t missing any teeth. Still, his head was ringing like a bell and it felt like a hammer had pounded his brain a few times. Mark didn’t even slow his pace as he left the club.

Blueblood managed one shaky step after him before he suddenly found Rarity blocking his way, a look of murder on her face. Applejack came up beside her, a hard look in her eyes and her teeth grinding, back legs cocked as if she were about to charge.

“That. Is. ENOUGH!” growled Rarity, her horn starting to glow, the threat of what would happen if he took one more step very clear. Blueblood was about to order her out of his way…only to see the other four mares surrounding him as well, all of them, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie included, looking ready to brawl. With a huff, he turned and waved a dismissive hoof.

“Fine, go be with your freak. It won’t matter anyway, after I report this outrage,” he said, wiping blood from his mouth and spitting some onto the floor, making his way back to the stool he’d been on before being so rudely interrupted from his drink. Behind him, the little freak’s entrouge followed him, leaving Blueblood in peace once more…though he was distantly aware some eyes on him for a bit before everypony went back to what they were doing.

“Oh yes, just you wait, freak. No one messes up a hair on my coat and gets away with it,” he muttered to himself, a new drink soon in front of him. Before he could enjoy it, he felt a tap on his back, letting out a growl as he turned to face whomever it was…and feeling his mouth drop open when he saw the pony.

“Hello, dear nephew,” said Princess Luna rather pleasantly, a rather predatory smile on her face and her eyes boring into his. “Might we go someplace private for a… discussion?” she asked, horn starting to glow and a magical field surrounding both of them.

Blueblood felt a tremor run down his spine, sweat beading on his forehead; he knew that look very well. He managed to squeak out “Mommy,” just before the two of them vanished.

Mark sighed as he found the nearest bench out on the street and sat down, wiping at the blood oozing from his lip. Fortunately, the stallion prince hadn’t struck him full on with his hoof, so aside from the split lip and a bit of a ringing headache, he was okay…at least physically.

“Goddamnit!” he growled at himself, not much caring if any of the few ponies walking by heard him. His heart was pounding in his chest and a pit was forming in his stomach, the human certain he’d just ruined his new citizenship in Equestria before it was a day old. “Way to go, Mark. You just had to be Sir fucking Galahad with a prince of all people,” he muttered, looking back at the entrance to the bar, none of his friends following him.

Granted, the stallion had been rude as hell and tried to strike Rarity simply for defending him…not to mention flat-out struck him for nothing, but still, being a prince surely meant he was a privileged one, and he had heard his promise to make Mark suffer as he left. Mark had a feeling that wouldn’t be difficult.

“Well…maybe Applejack’ll let me stay with her even if I’m no longer a citizen here; she did it for six months, and I can more than earn my stay,” he said, leaning back on the bench. “Oh well, nothing to do about it now. At least I can say it was in defense of a friend.”

“You certainly can, Sir Mark.”

He almost choked at the sound of that voice, whirling so fast he nearly threw himself off the bench, finding Princess Luna standing right behind him, gazing at him without expression. As if a soldier, he jumped to his feet and stiffened to attention, then remembered the proper response and bowed low.

“I-I-I’m sorry, Princess. You surprised me,” he said, gazing at the ground as before, certain she was here to see to his punishment for what he did. “I doubt it makes any difference, but I’m sorry for violating the-mph…” His eyes widened as he suddenly found a hoof on his lips, said hoof gently moving to his chin and making him look up to see Luna smiling warmly down at him.

“Please, rise, Sir Mark. You are not in trouble,” she said with a light giggle, Mark slowly getting to his feet and looking at her in confusion.

“But…but I just…struck a Prince, and not even a day has gone by since my…citizenship was granted,” he said, Princess Luna frowning and narrowing her eyes, turning to glance back at the bar entrance.

She turned back to him and smiled again, saying “Yes, Mark, you did; a very rude and arrogant Prince named Blueblood, who happens to be my nephew.” Seeing his eyes widen and his mouth drop open, she giggled and said “No no, do not fret. I mean to say that I’m aware of his uncouth personality and am really not surprised that his attitude has gotten him into trouble yet again.”

Mark relaxed a bit, raising an eyebrow and cocking his head a bit. “O-kay…soooo, I’m not about to be banished for striking royalty?” he said, feeling his heart rate return to normal…slightly.

Luna shook her head, her eyes twinkling and her mane shimmering behind her head. “Nay, you will not. I saw what happened and have already dealt with him. What you did was most admirable, though I must say that the…motions you made were strange. What were they?” she asked, motioning for him to take a seat again and settling down on her haunches.

Mark chuckled, rubbing the back of his head for a minute. “Uhh, well, they were just some basic self-defense moves I learned back on my world. I’m sorry to say that things aren’t as peaceful there as they are here.”

“Oh? Were you a soldier back on your world?” said Luna, her eyes roaming his body as he sat, his plainer clothing allowing her a better look at his form. It was…interesting, so say the least, the way he moved so smoothly on two legs, how upright his body was. True, Diamond Dogs and dragons like Spike did the same, but it was done more for practicality’s sake; they could easily move about on all fours as well, and Mark was clearly meant to function on two legs and two legs only.

Mark frowned and shook his head, saying “No…and I’d prefer not to talk about what I was back home. I understand you’re curious, but…it’s not something I’m comfortable with right now.” He shook his head and wiped at his lip again, the cut still bleeding and his head hurting a bit.

“Are you well, Mark?” asked Luna, moving closer to take a look. The human nodded and politely waved away her concern, saying “Been hit worse by better, so don’t worry. Tell you the truth, I think my headache is more from the music than the hit.” That got a giggle out of Luna, the loud, ear-hurting music that today’s ponies seemed to enjoy still strange to her, who was used to the classical music of her time.

“Mark! Mark! Mark, where are you!?” came several loud cries, Mark turning to see Twilight and the other ponies coming out of the dance club. He stood up and waved to them, all six galloping over and stopping short of tackling him, Applejack the first to get in his face, looking him over more closely than an apple meant for Zap Apple cider.

“Are yah hurt, Mark? So help me, if’n that good fer nothing Blueblood put so much as a scratch on yah, I’ll applebuck him into next year!” Before he could reply, Applejack was quickly but gently pushed aside by Rarity, the white unicorn getting in his face as well, biting her lower lip.

“Now now, Applejack, there’s no need for such talk. You aren’t hurt, are you, Mark? You have my sincerest thanks for what you did, but it’s a travesty that you had to be hit doing it,” she said, noting his cut lip, but dismissing it as it was no longer bleeding.

“Geez girls, take it easy. It was just a damn tap to the face,” he said, quickly stepping away and holding up his hands, waving for the girls to stay back. He heard snickering behind him and turned to see Princess Luna chortling behind her hoof. The other girls suddenly noticed the princess and, after a few squeaks and meeps, bowed their heads.

“Hmm, seems you have quite a following, Sir Mark. Perhaps my sister’s trust in you is warranted after all,” she said, politely stepping in front of him and facing the six mares. “Lady Twilight and friends, your concern for Sir Mark is well noted and appreciated, but I wish to speak with him in private for some time. Please, return to your drinks and dancing and I shall return him in due time,” she said, Mark raising an eyebrow at that, wondering what the lunar mare had in mind.

The girls, particularly Rarity and Appljack, cast nervous looks at each other and concerned looks to Mark, but Twilight seemed to be speaking for all of them when she said “As you wish, Princess Luna. Though…don’t do anything extreme.” A blush came to her cheeks and a sheepish smile spread on her muzzle, Mark smirking and giving a wry chuckle. Seemed she still remembered their little…adventure.

Luna giggled again, a rather strange sound considering her stern behavior earlier…though Mark had to admit the musical sound was nice. “Duly noted, young Twilight, but you need not worry. I simply have some things I wish to discuss with our otherworldly guest, and I feel they would be best done in private,” she said, returning their bow and turning to Mark. “Shall we, Sir Mark?” she asked, the human blushing a bit as her warm smile returned.

“Uh…well…who am I to turn down a princess?” he asked, shrugging at Twilight and his friends. None of them were giving him the “Danger! Watch out,” look…though Pinkie Pie had a very large grin on her face. “Sorry to leave you just when things are getting fun, girls. I promise I’ll make it up to you later.”

“It’s okay, sugarcube. Ah’m sure y’all need a rest anyway,” said Applejack, her face belying her voice a bit, her lips in a thin line and her eyes seeming to be drilling into Luna.

“Yes, darling, you go and have your…special chat with Princess Luna. We can party without you for a bit,” added Rarity politely, also giving Luna a rather pointed look. The lunar princess either ignored or was unaware of both, turning and using a wing to gently push Mark along as she began to walk down the street, heading to what the girls knew was a calmer part of Canterlot. The girls watched them until they were out of sight.

“Well girls…our entertainment for the evening has been taken. What now?” said Twilight, turning back to her friends with a bit of a pout. They all looked at each other, then at the club.

“Anyone up for Pin the Tail on the Pony?” chirped Pinkie Pie.

Author's Note:

Finally, new chapter is out. Sorry for the wait, but real life was killing my inspiration for a bit.

Again, the usual requests for reading and reviewing and constructive criticism.

Comments

[BigD]

Saw that this story got a thumbs down today. Just want to say that this story is a continuing work in progress, so while I'm not afraid of criticism, don't hold the flaws in this story against me too much; I'm learning as I go, and this story will be improved as I learn.

[PickleSurprise]

It's been so long since I last saw this fic that I had to go back and re-read a couple chapters just to remember what the heck is going on. I now remember why I liked this fic though my views on what makes a good fic now has changed drastically, hurray for becoming jaded. I do feel that there are a couple eh.... cliches as it were, BUT and this is a big but, they're presented in a better way than alot of other fics seem to manage though still just a touch too cliched for my tastes. Not enough to have me flaming over it, just watch your step.

Aside from that my main concern is this sentence,

I'm sorry to say that things aren't as peaceful there as they are here.”

Please for the love for all that is holy please don't tell me this is going to fall into a misanthropic black hole of death and destruction. Back when I first started reading on this site I would let such things pass cause I didn't care enough and just read past such parts but now... now I jump at them like Roxo the Clown to a pile of cocaine.

I'm am happy to see this is back and do look forward to what is to come.

[BigD]

4366842 Honestly, he's just telling the truth. I mean, compared to Equestria, Earth is pretty lousy, though not unbearable. And no, there's not going to be a whole lot of drama in this story. Yeah, my character will have a dark spot in his past, but I'm not planning on it being some "childhood rape" type deal.

And in the interest of improving this story in the future, what clichés are there?

[PickleSurprise]

4367078 Well first one I can remember is that he's working for Aj on the farm. Now I really feel this just makes sense as one of the jobs we would gravitate towards. Though I've seen many others berate authors for this.

Second would be his ability to attract the Elements to him. I get hes been there for abit over six months so but any sort of development with the others besides AJ seems.... quick(?) or at least it feels that way, since we haven't seen any of it. Also his sudden thing with Twilight, I get you haven't explained what happened there in greater detail but I still feel he shoulda been at least abit pissed off. Being strapped to a table against your will, naked and having some weird crap attached to your junk.

Third would be his remorse for fighting with Blueblood. Many other HiE's that are seemingly riddled with cliches always have the protagonist as remorseful for any sort of harmful action even in the defence of a friend. I get Bluebloods a prince but if the Princesses punished him for defending Rarity then their shit people and deserve to get smacked around.

Fourth and final is that Luna is so quickly interested in him. Which does fall into the cliche category but I can understand it this time around because of what Celestia said, "He's a clean slate". So it makes sense that she would jump at the chance for love even so soon after meeting him. Cause lets face it, how often do you meet someone not from your planet who has no idea of your past?

The only other one I could count as a cliche is the potential heard he has going for him. Elements plus Royalty. I can just hear the haters flaming right now. I don't mind it so long as its done properly which is why its not in my cliche list, A) I don't really know if theres going to be herding and B)I don't know how this will all be handled.

Now I hope I listed actual cliches and not personal opinion which for some reason I find hard to separate.

[BigD]

4368125 Him working AJ's farm is because his house landed on their property. I'm also a fan of hard, sweaty work, so if I was in Equestria, AJ's farm would be where I would prefer to work.

With the elements, I'm just of the opinion that they would be the ones most interested in a new being landing in Equestria. And forgive me if I've given that impression, but all of the Elements will not be falling for him. In fact, in either the next chapter or a side one, I will be laying out couplings for RD and Fluttershy, and while they both like Mark as a friend, he's not their significant other. I'm still debating on Twilight, but I'm honestly starting to think of changing things around and hooking her up with somepony else.

With Blueblood, he's not so much torn up for fighting the guy; he's worried about what striking a prince will mean for his place in Equestria. Bear in mind that IRL, someone with the right connections (politician, police officer, etc) can be a complete dick, get what he deserves, yet get the person who delivered his just desserts in trouble because he has the right connections. That's what was making Mark worried.

Luna, well, technically she hasn't declared a desire to be his marefriend; I'm trying to play it off as her being curious about him. And do bear in mind that, as was said in the last chapter, she and Mark share some similarities, so I felt that would lead to her empathizing with him some.

This is why I'm calling this a WIP. As you can see, I'm not the best author on the block, hence there are inevitably going to be some clichés in this. It's not because I want them, it's just because I'm a rookie. Give me some time, and hopefully the clichés will go away and things'll make sense.

[Anyne]

If Rarity says darling one more time, I'm gonna hit her in the head with a frying pan