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This takes place after the War of the best at Marine H.Q. after Ace dies at the hands of Admiral Akainu. Rather than being sent to the afterlife he is sent to equestria.
Takes place during the crystal empire, and instead of the crystal heart killing Sombra ace is going to fight him, contains one piece elements and humor.
first fic so constructive criticism is welcome
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First off, watch your capitalization. Capitals should be used when starting sentences, using titles, and the word I.
Second, always start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking.
Last, if a person has already started speaking, then there is no need to create a new paragraph. That is, unless you make someone else speak between quotes.
Also, a punctuation error.
Here the period doesn't need to be used.
Other than those things, this is a very good start for a new writer. The more you write, the better you'll get.
What's the purpose of describing the scene of Ace's death? One Piece fans will know it quite well already, and everyone else will be pretty lost either way. (Here is scene being described - to anyone who hasn't read OP, I would recommend a full read from chapter 1, it is excellent.)
Also, unrelated to the story: notes disclaiming ownership are entirely pointless. But yours is a little worse than that.
What you are doing here is essentially claiming that MLP is in the public domain ("no one does.") This is far worse than if you had said nothing at all. But it doesn't matter either way, because disclaimers like this have absolutely no effect no matter what they say.
I agree with the multiverse watcher
Mostly, the problems were with punctuation, capitalization, indenting dialogue (new paragraph when someone else is speaking) as well as I think I saw one or two spelling mistakes in there
But, like themultiversewatcher said, these things should disappear as you write. And this is a pretty good idea, too, so I'm liking and favoriting the story. Just be sure to work on these, and to update.
2171875 eh i just suck at grammar
2171887 Some people do. Don't worry, assuming you take a project seriously, and try, you will begin to notice your own mistakes. It'll fix itself on its own as long as you keep writing
2171890 you have a point, but i could use a proof reader
2171460 and the reason i described the whole scene is for those who don't watch one piece
i really want to see this story go on and they both have a great storyline
2172043 thanks
Ive been waiting so long for this ever since I had my own ace in equestria idea but I suck at writing so I waited for one to be made so for making this I thank you
The grammar mistakes are a little off putting, but you kept them to a controllable minimum. Themultiversewatcher already pointed out most of the problems, so I don't really need to point them out myself. Other than that, this was pretty good for a first try fanfic. I like the concept (also helps that I've been watching OP anime for a while now) and I'm interested to see how you go about this.
2172498 no problem
Please let sombra decapitate ace so he thinks he wins until Ace gets up with a new head to kick ass
2183496 don't worry it'll be either that or he will shoot huge crystals at Ace
NICE, CAN'T WAIT
2184660 i'm sure it won't take long
This was AWESOME!!!!
sorry if any of you don't like ace as a pony
2187018 thanks
so far, so awesome! keep it up man!
And then White-beard beats the crap out of Akainu.
Very promising, waiting for more ;)
Still the same Ace we all know and love.
I enjoyed the characterization of Ace being unfazed by anything; makes sense, and that's how he usually is. Additionally, I kinda get why he told Shining Armor off about that. I don't think Ace like princes much anyway, they probably remind him too much of Celestial Dragons
NEED MOAR
Very nice, veeeeery niiiiiice!
However there are some issues with this story so far: There is not enough description - of the city, landscape, atmosphere;
Example:
How does he make it over the wall?
The whole writing is kinda clunky and definitely needs some improvement. You just need a proofreader to improve all of the things I've pointed out.
On the other hand the plotline is developing nicely.
This is great.
2187343Celestial Dragons? You mean those dragons that live for centuries that the Straw Hats saved from the guy with Sickle Sickle fruit powers? Or am I not far enough into the anime to know? (Btw, I'm still watching the Skypeia Saga)
2188024 Oh, no. Celestial Dragons are the sons and daughters of the twenty kings that founded the World Government. They're basically stuck-up brats who won't even breathe the same air as "commoners" (literally, they wear like almost space suit things). I was just saying how I could easily see how Ace wouldn't respect royalty trying to be a Captain at the same time, something he probably considers as a hardworking job. That's just what I was thinking. just google Celestial Dragons one piece if you want to know more.
2188024 Here, if you want to see, look.
http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/World_Noble
Nice. I don't think Ace has, or knows how to use haki though.
I'd also like to know if I could use this idea.
2189906 if you see episode 501 he uses it.
2190300 That wasn't Ace, that was Dragon.
2192073 no i don't think so, that was ace who used haki when they kids and were held hostage by Bluejam
not sure how I feel about him turning into a pony but I'll roll with it. Also I can't help but think that Ace accepted the change a bit too quickly.
2192367 Trust me that wasn't ace. Ace doesn't even have haoshoku haki.
2193566 eh who cares he uses it here
2194534 People who know Ace doesn't have haki.
2194539 so what, this is the only time he's gonna use it any way
2194591 he actually does have it. It show's a flashback of when he was a kid and he used it unconsciously
2212408 you saw it to
2214070 I pay attention to all one piece episode's and i can vouch he has used it
2214080 thank you good sir
2214740 you are most welcome
That is perfect for Ace [Falling Asleep in his food]
awesome!
Short update, and yeah, this has grammar/spelling issues, try to work on it. Still, it was okay. The biggest problem for me was the length, though. I'm clamoring for more :P
2226149 sorry for the short chapter being somewhat sick affected the writing
2226107You really need to ask when this is? Twilight freaking out over a test is exactly what happened at the beginning of Season 3.