Chapter 1 - First Steps
Fallout Equestria: Pure Hearts
Chapter 1
First Steps
“My dearest teacher. My continuing studies of pony magic have led me to
discover that we are on the precipice of disaster...”
Another boring day at work. Life as a stable security officer tends to be uneventful, especially in a stable as small as the one I call home. While I didn’t dislike my job, I sometimes longed for something... more. I often dreamt of having big adventures in places I had heard of and learned about in school. I was only ever able to imagine these places as they had been in the past though, seeing as I had spent my years growing up in the stable, and never knew what had actually become of the outside world.
Stable 61, the smallest of all the Stable-Tec stables, only held 210 ponies at its maximum. Now there were only 152 of us left after a large amount of the older population had succumbed to disease. An unknown plague had run rampant amongst the residents in the last few years, before it simply disappeared. Living in such a small community caused us to grow very close to each other; everypony knew everypony else, though it also meant that there were very few ponies to fill all the positions required to keep the stable in working order. Everypony had their roles, and every roll had its pony. We managed to keep everything running smoothly for generations, despite a few hiccups along the way, but this small work force meant that I was actually the only security officer in the stable. It was probably a good thing that work was so uneventful; there would be no way one pony could keep up with things if they got too hectic.
I stepped into my quarters and lay my security pistol and other tools on my desk. The vents started blowing hot air, warming the room to a comfortable temperature. I felt the breeze against my light gray coat, and it wafted gently through my golden mane and lightly armoured security barding. I closed my eyes and imagined a white dove, carrying a red heart in its grip as it flew aloft in that breeze – the very same image that was my cutie mark. The story behind the mark – well, I try not to think about it. As peaceful as the image itself seems, its history isn’t quite as nice.
“Dovetail!”
I was snapped back to reality to see a mint green unicorn mare with a long, flowing white mane standing in the doorway of my room. She pushed the pair of reading glasses that sat in front of her bright blue eyes back into place. They always had a tendency to slip down her muzzle.
“Oh, hey there, Lilybloom.”
“Don’t ‘hey, Lilybloom’ me like nothing’s wrong! Don’t tell me, you forgot.”
I was a little confused at this. I didn’t think I had missed anything, but I had the feeling that Lily was going to fill me in on what it was regardless.
“Today is the day the Overmare selects two ponies for a scouting mission out of the stable!”
I brought my pipbuck up, checked the date, and slapped my forehead with my hoof. “Of course! How could I forget?”
“You can be quite forgetful sometimes, Dove,” Lily said, teasingly. I shot her a cross look, but lightened up as we both started giggling a little. It was true that I was a little bit forgetful.
“Well, I guess we better hurry along, then,” I suggested.
With a nod, Lily turned back out of my door, and I caught a glimpse of her cutie mark – a Stable-Tec terminal with a holotape next to it. I always envied her for her skills with Stable-Tec equipment of all sorts. She once hacked into my pipbuck from a remote terminal just to display a big old ‘Hi!’ on the screen for the fun of it. As smart as she was though, she was also a little mischievous. Sometimes too much for her own good.
The walk through the stable wasn’t a long one, given the shelter’s size, though it felt long. The dull, gray, metal walls all blended together into a labyrinth of turns and straights, halls and stairs. The dim lights that illuminated them seemed to be ever-burning and gave the whole place a very somber, boring mood. Every once in awhile one of them would flicker for a few seconds, and I would take notice of it, but would pass it by without a second thought. The entire stable, while it was my home, just felt confining. Anything more than the daily routine was rare, and even then it was short lived. The most exciting thing that I could remember was the one I didn’t want to remember. As we walked, I began to imagine the walls of the stable fading away, replaced by a daydreamer’s fantasy world.
Bang!
The next thing I knew, I had a throbbing ache in my head as my vision swam violently. Lily, who now put her hoof on my shoulder to steady me, struggled to ask if I was okay through the fit of laughter that had befallen her.
Coming to my senses, I realized now that I had walked head-first into one of the stable’s many locker doors that lined the atrium. Somepony had left one open, and, being lost in my own little world again as I followed Lily into the atrium, I had neglected to see it. I also took notice that it was wasn’t just Lilybloom who was laughing at me. The entire stable population was there, laughing their flanks off at my embarrassment.
“Ehem.” The booming voice of an older mare filled the open room, and the stable fell silent.
The Overmare had stepped out of her office, horn glowing with a voice amplifying spell, ready to address her subjects. The platform on which she now stood overhung the atrium. From there everypony could see her clearly. I blushed a little, rubbing my aching head, and turned my attention to the same point that everypony else was now focused on.
“My fellow stable-dwellers, I trust you all know why you’ve been gathered here, but in case you’ve forgotten let me remind you. Stable 61 has been in operation for 200 years now, and while we reached the predetermined point at which Stable-Tec required us to open the stable doors years ago, the previous Overmares found it best to keep them shut. I, however, feel that with our bicentennial anniversary of the stable’s closing, it is time for us to step out into the world above. Our first order of business is to send out a scouting party to make contact with whoever, or whatever, is out there and to analyse any immediate threats.”
An applause of celebration broke out and the Overmare called once again for calm.
“Now, Stable-Tec calls for scouting parties to consist of three or more ponies, but there are so few of us that I would feel better only sending parties of two. So, any volunteers?”
Despite the earlier enthusiasm at the mention of getting out of this happy imprisonment and into the outside world, not a soul stirred at this prompt. Not even Lily. I knew she dreamed of getting out of this place as much as I did. I guess she was just stifled by the crowd’s overall initiative – or lack thereof. As for why I didn’t volunteer myself? I guess I was just a dreamer instead of an adventurer. I wanted to leave the stable, but couldn’t work up the courage to do so of my own accord.
“I thought as much,” the Overmare continued. She sounded a little dismayed as she surveyed the crowd for any change. “I took the initiative and fed the names of everypony in the stable through our mainframe to determine those best suited for the job. The first choice should have been obvious. Given the unknown nature of the outside world, we need somepony with some sort of safety and firearms proficiency.”
As much as I didn’t want to hear the name she was about to call, I knew exactly who she was talking about. After all, I was the only security officer, and the only one with firearms training. I felt my stomach lurch, not sure if it was out of excitement or fear.
“Dovetail. As our security officer, you should be well qualified for this role.”
I knew now it was fear. I wanted nothing more to disappear as the crowd directed its attention toward me once more. My heart told me this was my chance to leave these walls, but my mind kept telling me to say no. There was no denying the Overmare, though. “Y-Yes ma’am. I will do my best,” I managed to mutter out sheepishly.
I looked at Lily nervously. Her face had grown a little solemn. I imagined she was afraid that I would be leaving her behind. I opened my mouth to tell her it would be okay, but I was cut off as the Overmare called out the next name.
“Lilybloom. You will accompany Dovetail as her partner. Your technical skills should come in handy for any technology you come across that’s still working out there.”
My friend’s expression turned from one of near-depression to shear excitement. Her eyes lit up brighter than the brightest light in the stable at this – though that wasn’t saying much – and she promptly informed me why.
“Well, I wasn’t really wanting to go myself, which is why I didn’t volunteer. But now, we’ll be braving a new world together. Isn’t that exciting, Dove?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I replied, still not really sure if – or more likely, when – I was going to vomit from the nerves that had gripped my stomach and turned it into some form of the pre-war pretzels I had read about somewhere. I wish I had the same fortitude as my friend.
“That settles it then,” the Overmare proceeded. “You’ll leave first thing tomorrow morning.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
“So what do you think we’ll find out there?”
Lily raised a good question as she slipped her equipment into her saddle bags. I shrugged. Even with all the reading I had done about the old world above, there really wasn’t any telling what lay beyond the stable door. For all we knew, it could’ve still been a fertile green world or it could have been a hellish empty waste. My bets were on the latter, but then again, there may not even actually have been an outside world anymore!
“Well, whatever we encounter out there, I’m glad we’re going together,” Lily said, breaking me from my thoughts on what we’d discover and shifting them elsewhere. She had, for the longest time, liked me as more than a friend – and she wasn’t shy about it. She had tried a few relationships with the fine colts our age, but nothing ever stuck. She always told me it was that she couldn’t keep her mind on them and that it kept drifting back to me. I just never could bring myself to accept the idea. I simply couldn’t see her as more than my best friend, even when I tried. I had my mind set on colts, but my luck with them had always kept me single.
And then I jumped. The door to the room we were preparing in had opened abruptly, scaring me back into the familiar dull gray of the stable. The Overmare stepped in and looked us over with scrutinizing eyes, as she was humming little affirmations to herself.
“Well,” she began, “it seems you both are fairly ready.” I looked down. I didn’t even realize that I had mindlessly completed packing my saddle bags, filled my water canteen, slung my holstered 10mm security pistol and my other bags over my back, and was all ready to go – equipment wise at least. I turned to see that Lily had done the same.
“Wait, what do you mean ‘fairly’ ready?” I inquired.
“I only say ‘fairly’ since there is no telling what’s out there.” My mind flashed back to my earlier thoughts. “There is no preparing you completely for the unknown. The most I can offer you is some advice: Expect the unexpected, and whatever happens, trust in each other; you are each other’s greatest strengths.”
We both nodded to the Overmare and then to each other; I couldn’t see how we could ever be torn apart.
“Alright then. If you two are ready, let’s proceed.”
Following the Overmare out of the room and into the much bigger chamber behind it, I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. This was going to be my first time – or rather the first time for any of Stable 61’s residents – outside our dreary, but strangely homey, walls, and I was more nervous than I could ever remember being before. Then my heart just about stopped as the rush of fear, adrenaline, or whatever it was, flooded over me.
The Overmare pulled the lever on the nearby control console, and the whole place shook as mechanisms hidden somewhere began to work. The room was filled with control panels and on the side opposite the door we entered through was a huge gear-shaped hunk of metal wedged solidly into its purpose-built slot in the wall. Above hung a giant control arm that now swung down to make contact with the steel gear. My imagination began to picture a big, black, empty void on the other side of that door; that it would open and there would be nothing there and that we would all be sucked into its endless space.
An ear-shattering screech resounded through the room, amplified by the metal walls, and the door to Stable 61 was pried out from its centuries old resting place and rolled to the side. Revealed on the other side was not the desolate nothingness I had picture, but instead there was a long, dark tunnel of natural rock. Far up the tunnel, I could barely make out traces of light that seeped in through the cracks of what looked to be an old door.
When the sound of grinding metal finally ceased, and the entrance to the stable finally stood agape before us, the Overmare addressed us once again.
“It’s time for us to part ways now. Report back to us after one week’s time with your findings. Also, here’s a little gift from me to help with your mission.” She then pulled two shiny new pipbucks from her saddle bag; they were obviously a much nicer version than our old 2000-model.
“These are the latest Pipbuck model, the 4000-series. The logs say we were only issued two for experimental purposes by Stable-Tec, but we never actually needed them,” she elaborated as we swapped out our old ones for the new ones, powered them on, and gave her a quick thanks. “Now, go on you two, and good luck.”
Nodding to each other, Lily and I took our first steps outside our metal home. The dirt under our hooves was softer and more pliable than what we had in our synthetic underground farms, and it seemed so much more, well, natural. And then we turned with a jerk as the mechanisms behind us sprung into life once more, sealing the stable off from us. My heart wrenched; I was leaving my home.
It took everything I had to avert my gaze from that gateway back to safety, but eventually I was able to turn my attention back to the tunnel – and the door – ahead of us. I was finally going to get that big adventure I had dreamed of, even if it did feel a little bit forced upon me now. I remembered an old saying I had read in one of my favourite books: Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it.
“Come on, Lily, let’s do this... while I still have the will to not turn back again.”
She pulled her own eyes away from our past and back toward the future that laid just beyond that tattered, wooden door. Our own adventure awaited on the other side.
As we approached, it was evident that the door hadn’t been disturbed since the stable closed. The hinges were rusted through, and looked like they could have given way with the slightest amount of force. The wood was terribly rotten and warped. Despite its visual condition, it still moved smoothly as I turned the lock and cracked it open. A blinding light began to overthrow the darkness the more I pulled, and eventually, it overtook my vision.
We were free.
Footnote: Level up!
New Perk: Security Training - +5 to Small Guns. You are 20% more accurate with small guns, but fire 10% slower.
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Guess what time it is? It is Doomande is sick so he can read some of the stories on his list, or REVIEW TIME!
So first of all, I saw that you had a google doc version of the story, so are asking bigger overlaying questions and overall impression here, and small comments there, the best of two worlds
The first thing that springs into my mind is that it is not just a small stable, it is a really really small stable. A normal stable was built to hold around 300 ponies, (or 1000 humans in Fallout) so filling it only two-thirds sounds a little bit odd to me, especially because it don´t sound to be much smaller in size the way you say that they do all have to do so much work, because it would be logical with the smaller population that the stables size also would be smaller.
One thing I must mention now is that you are trying to push the pace in your story way way to much. We do not know a thing about the stable that Dovetail comes from beside that the elderly are dead and that it is small. We have no real feeling of her character, of her home, or of anything else in your story. Sure you let Dovetail talk about Lilybloom, but that is that, we do only know that Lilybloom is the way that she is because we are told that, not because we have seen it with our own eyes, and right now does your story fall rather flat to the ground because of that. We do not know what the motivations of our protagonist is, sure they have to look around in the wasteland... and then what?
Are she doing it to make her mother and father proud? Because there is a stallion that she fancy, but he is looking at another mare. Was she going so freely because she was maybe a little bit afraid of the love that Lilybloom showed her, hating how her friend was talked badly about because she was into mares in a stable where all was needed to keep the population?
Right now are she doing it "just because," I could even make it to a "just because the plot need it," but I do not know what the plot is yet, so I can´t really say that.
Something that you have to learn, that many Fo:E writers have to learn with their first chapters, are to slow things down. We are in no hurry to reach the plot, just hint it here and there while we learn about the characters and setting, let us see how Dovetail is different than the other stable ponies, and why we should follow her instead of the 500 or so other Fo:E protagonists.
I can see with how goodly worded the story is that you can write, so that is not the problem, and don´t hear me say that you are bad at writing in any way or form, but you need to grab the reader. The first 500 words or so are the most important one for a fanfic, the breaking point where the readers where they mentally chose if they want to go on or find something better, and even now here at the ending of your first real chapter is it only your cover and profile pic that holds the flame under my drive to read on. Because I know that you must have something special in your head since you have used so many money, people do not do that just because. So you must have an amazing story in your head, fascinating characters and breathtaking settings, you do first of all just need to slow down in your story telling and give your tale time to tell itself.
With what this chapter is about, and how short your prologue was, could I easily see this chapter be double this length to catch the atmosphere of leaving home, what there is known and safe, and go out in the scary world. Going in one way from a foal to being a grown up in the real world.
And a little last note, it would really look great if you took all your long links and shorted them down with a shortcut, like how you have the link to the original story
Time to jump into another fic, and since this one is just starting out I'll climb aboard early.
So far, I'm liking it (yes, it's only the first chapter but I still like it as of now). Can't really say a lot yet, but I am excited about the frozen north setting that has been introduced to us, so I eagerly await seeing a story that isn't set in the usual desertish wasteland.
ONWARD TO ADVENTURE!
FFFRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay CamoBadger is here ^_^