Fallout Equestria: Pure Hearts

by DeerTrax

Introduction

Fallout Equestria: Pure Hearts

Introduction

“I never knew what mutually assured destruction could be,

until you all shared its balefire with me.”

There are lessons that ponykind should learn, but can’t. Lessons that will never be learned, even after pony civilization tore itself apart.

During the Last Day of the Great War, megaspells from both sides covered much of the world in fiery and horrific destruction. The once magical land of Equestria became silent and dark in a matter of hours.

The story didn’t end there, though. A great number of ponies were able to seek refuge in the Stable-Tec stables. When they opened, the ponies inside spread out across the ruins of the old world to rebuild and start a new life. But something else had survived the cleansing balefire.

While ponies were susceptible to the taint spread by the magic super weapons, guns and ammunition – as well as the undying sins of ponykind – weren’t. It didn’t take long for those who had cheated death to bring those weapons to bear on each other once more. The Equestrian Wasteland became an even deadlier and more brutal place. Only the strongest and bravest were able to survive in this post-apocalyptic hell.

In spite of the destruction, isolated pockets of land were spared from the flames. Most of these places were no paradise though. They were unpopulated areas so harsh on their own that no pony was stupid or audacious enough to seek a life there. After the holocaust, these locations only got worse.

The frozen north is the largest of these spots. And also the harshest. North of the old city of Vanhoover, and spanning the entire northern border of the wasteland, it was a land of ice and snow-covered mountains. It was also a land of mystery. Rumours spread, and those rumours became legends. One of those legends told of a great power that was lost before that fateful day during the war, hidden in the veil of white. Nopony who went in search of those legends ever returned. Those that managed to survive the torrent of snow and freezing winds ended up hopelessly lost in the white-out.

A new legend has begun though. A legend that will follow a young mare and her best friend on their journey through this frozen waste as they seek out that power. But all legends have a beginning, some greater than others. This one, however, starts among the dull, gray metal walls in the depths of Stable 61...

Fallout Equestria
Pure Hearts

Author's Note:

**While I’ve done my best to make this piece new-reader friendly, a familiarity with the amazing original work, Fallout: Equestria, by Kkat may help your understanding of this story and the fantastic universe it is set in. Please check that out here if you so choose: |Link|**

Comments

[Dick McKickEm]

A picture in EQD's Drawfriend bought me here...and I am not dissapointed.

[Doomande]

So time to dust this off my read later list and give a little review of this...

*5 seconds later after having read the first line* GGARGH!

To get my point of view about that sentence in the Fo:E world could I recommend reading my prologue, a tad longer than yours, but then only focus about the part where my main character talks about war. But with few words do you mention it yourself "In the end of the war did they use megaspells" Already there do you show how much the war had changed, how weapons of mass destruction was used for the first time at that point. Beside that is it one of the worst clinches that there is out there, beside the broken water talisman.

Beside that would I say that your prologue are missing a hook. Sure we are in the cold north... but? It is done before, even done by one of the rather large side stories on this site, and is an setting that is often used to go out of the box, so often by now that it is beginning to be a part of the box. Beside that have we not seen your characters, some of the most important about a story, just seeing a glimpse of a pony would have made a hook so we want to know more about him/her.

Beside that is this so short, ever so shortly. Why not glue it together with the next chapter? Because this does mostly fell like the intro to an intro, something that is bad with your first chapter. Your first chapter, no matter what you call it, is the most important one, it is your face to the outside world, already now the breaking point for many readers, so it need to be your best and then some more.

If it wasn´t because of the glorious artwork, something that I know have costed you a pip-buck and a half, would I leave this story here. But I know that you burn for this, or else would you not pay so much for your characters. So expect me back on a later point with more feedback. Hopefully more positive than this, because I do not like seeing a story with so big ambitions and a foundation that looks so solid to crumble because the readers are rather silent.

So all this shortened down. Is not bad, is not brilliant either

Nitpick, ponies does not have hand, and you use it in this sentence "A handful of ponies did attempt to brave its everlasting winter since the apocalypse"

[Doomande]

So a read trough later, and again happening with the first line of the text.

Oh my freaking goddess... He changed it! He saw the light and deleted it

Sorry that I am overdoing and stating this, but I hate that sentence with a grudge. In my head is that sentence a try to be grimdark like the stories, saying that nothing will change at all, that there always have and always will be war, that no matter what you do in the wasteland does it not matter, because war will erase it at some point, that war never changes. And that is not true for Fo:E, the world was different once, and ponies and zebras alike tried to work against the war, a feeble attempt but still one at least.

And that song in the actual first line... You have a sick sick sense of black humour... And I love it! It would just be something like that we would be able to find from the games. Actually the only aspect of the games that I love mostly seeing in my Fo:E stories, so good job there.

The only thing I can put my finger on is how you use the word taint in the text, while I know what you mean does there still come wrong pictures in my head when I read it, only because I see the rainbowy sludge that we all know and love, but that is a damage from reading to many fics, so don´t mind that

[Subatomic Seal]

Alright, first chapter done. Let's delve into the rest of the story.

LLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[Rainbow87dash]

4441952 Damn it! You beat me here!