Libraries are Supposed to be Quiet
Damien was in a good mood, he would even go so far as to say he was in an exceptionally good mood. Despite being only two hours into the day he was having a blast. Being woken by that thrice damned sun princess’s magic was annoying but still far better than being woken by someone trying to break into your house. He now had money to spend and if the treats he had gotten at Sugarcube Corner were any indication he had plenty of things he would be happy to spend it on. The only damper to his mood was the fact that he was now behind schedule. He had originally planned to stop by the library over an hour ago and was just now heading there. Hopefully Sparkle wouldn’t be too disappointed. It was just an informal schedule after all.
He landed in front of the library and stopped to admire it for a few moments. The ponies here might be showy and, in his mind, crude when it came to using their prodigious magical strength but sometimes they managed some truly amazing things. With a hopeful smile on his face at the thought of all the potentially useful and exploitable knowledge he was sure to uncover he opened the front door.
His smile quickly turned to a look of bemusement, then shifted slowly to glee as he surveyed the scene before him. Before any of the unfortunate individuals in front of him could say anything his talons whipped up in front of his face, forming a square that focused on them. He quickly barked several harsh syllables that a normal griffon throat would be hard pressed to emulate. As soon as the words faded there was bright glow from the square his talons made followed by a blinding flash. When it dimmed a small piece of paper phased into existence between his talons and started to fall to the ground. He quickly snatched it out of the air and turned it towards his audience. “Best day ever,” he declared as they stared in horror at the picture he now held out for their perusal.
The screams of rage and embarrassment could be heard all the way in Canterlot.
<-[XXXXX]->
“So why did you decide to come to Ponyville with Damien?” Twilight asked Gilda as they made their way to the library. Unfortunately her question was met with the same stubborn silence as every other question she had tried to pose to her stoic griffon companion. Twilight sighed into the silence and rolled her eyes. It shouldn’t be this hard to get someone to talk! She’d tried everything she could think of during their short trip and nothing had worked at all! She had even been tempted to bring up the subject of Rainbow Dash but even she could see that nothing good lay down that conversation path. Thankfully the awkward silence was soon broken as they reached their destination. “Come on in,” she said as she opened the library door.
“Hey Twilight, did you find Damien?” Spike asked as he saw her walk through the door. “Cause I wanna know if I’m gonna use this batter or not.”
“I didn’t find Damien but I found Gilda. Apparently they don’t have any food so I invited her over for breakfast.”
“Gilda?” Spike asked as he looked over Twilight’s shoulder to see that griffon entering the library. “Are you sure about this?” he whispered.
“It’ll be fine Spike, I’m sure Dash was just exaggerating things,” she reassured her assistant.
“Alright… but I’m keeping my eye on her.”
Gilda contemplated telling them that she could hear the entire exchange, but kept her tongue when her stomach reminded her about the free breakfast.
Twilight returned from her conversation with Spike and sat down on one of the chairs that decorated the library. “Spike’s going to get started on the waffles right now. Would you like to sit down?” she asked as she gestured towards one of the chairs.
Gilda was quiet for a moment before taking a seat with a mumbled “thanks.”
Twilight smiled uncertainly into the uncomfortable silence that permeated the room. She had exhausted every conversation topic that she had felt safe broaching to the stoic griffon. Her mind raced as it went through every possibility and tried to calculate every variable. In the back of her mind a voice whispered to her, you can’t even get a conversation started with her. You must not have been taking your studies in friendship very seriously. Princess Celestia would be so disappointed if she could see you right now. Failing. No! There had to be some way to get her to open up! There had to be! Twilight’s eyes gleamed as she made her choice. It was all or nothing.
“Have you made up with Rainbow Dash yet?” she asked innocently.
Gilda stiffened up immediately at Dash’s name. After several moments she finally managed to respond. “No. Dash hasn’t made up with me yet.”
Twilight forced down a smile at the fact that Gilda had finally spoken. Unfortunately she missed just how Gilda had worded her response. “Really? That’s too bad. She was talking about you a lot last night. I thought you two would have tried to meet up as soon as you could.”
“Last night!?” Gilda screeched.
“Yeah, she said she saw you at the party and-”
“She saw me at the party?!” Gilda was in shock. Everything was falling apart right in front of her eyes! Running into Pinkie Pie had been bad enough, at least that pink moron would probably forgot all about seeing anyone if you waved something shiny in her face but Dash! Dash wouldn’t forget seeing her! She’d have to go back to the forest. Hide again. Wait for things to calm back down. Her eyes narrowed. This was all Damien’s fault. If he had never shown up she would have been able to go at her own pace. He was making things just keep going and going until they were out of control.
“Gilda? Are you alright?” Twilight asked tentatively.
“No! Dash wasn’t supposed to know I was in town yet!” she raged. “I was supposed to… to…” Gilda seemed to deflate. “I don’t know.”
“Gilda?”
“I don’t know alright!? I’ve been planning and planning and planning! But NOTHING WORKS!” she screamed. “Why can’t anything go my way!?” she raged at Twilight, the edges of her eyes misting slightly.
Twilight leaned back in shocked silence. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting from Gilda but an emotional breakdown was not what she had in mind. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what to do with an emotionally distraught griffon. She mentally went through every book on psychology she had read. Her face sank as she realized that she was going over every book on pony psychology she had read. She had never read anything on griffon psychology! Would that make a difference? She awkwardly raised a hoof and placed it on Gilda’s back in what she hopped was a reassuring manner.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Gilda screamed as she threw the hoof off her shoulder. “I DON’T NEED YOU! I DON’T…. I don’t need anyone…”
<-[XXXXX]->
Pinkie was running her weekly new pony rounds when she heard the shouting. At first she thought the Crusaders were up to their usual antics when she recognized the voice. Gilda. Her eyes narrowed. She had never gotten that promise from her about apologizing. Her ears swiveled back and forth as she tried to pinpoint where the voice was coming from. There wouldn’t be any parties to distract her today. Her ears snapped into the direction of the library as another shout. Found her. With a determined grimace Pinkie charged towards the library.
<-[XXXXX]->
“Gilda if you could just-”
“NO! None of you ponies can understand! You’re all the same! You hate us all!”
“We don’t hate you Gilda it’s just-”
“Just what?! Pinkie throws a ‘Let’s Make Fun of Gilda’ party! Then Dash abandons me! I have NO ONE because of you ponies!”
“Please just calm down and-”
“I am calm you dweeb! I am the calmest griffon in this entire bucking town!”
It was at this point that things started to go downhill.
“Why are you yelling at Twilight Gilda McMeaniepants!?” Pinkie demanded as she burst through the library door.
“YOU!” Gilda raged as she turned to the pink pony. “This is all YOUR fault! Dash! Damien! EVERYTHING!”
“Nuh-uh! It’s your fault for being a Meanie McAngrygriffon!” Pinkie retorted.
Gilda’s eyes seemed awash with fury as she reared up to charge Pinkie.
Thinking fast Twilight summoned her magic and grabbed hold of the irate griffon. “Spike! We need your help out here!”
Gilda strained against Twilight’s magic as she tried to make her way towards Pinkie. “All. Your. Fault,” she growled as she started gaining inches on Pinkie.
“No it isn’t! You just need to apologize to everypony and everything will work out!” Pinkie declared adamantly.
“Not my fault. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong,” Gilda began to almost chant under her breath as Twilight’s magic strengthened its grip.
“What’s going on out Here?” Spike cried as he rushed into the room still carrying the bowl of waffle batter.
“Spike! Get Pinkie out of here!” Twilight shouted to her assistant.
“R-Right!” he responded as he dropped the batter bowl to the ground, thankfully without spilling it, and rushed towards Pinkie. “Pinkie, you really really.” He glanced over his should at Gilda who seemed to be steaming. “really need to leave right now.”
“Not until she promises that she’ll apologize to everypony,” Pinkie declared adamantly. Having said her piece she leapt towards the enraged griffon.
Unfortunately even though Pinkie oftentimes manages to ignore the basic laws of physics other beings aren’t quite so lucky. Gilda was currently trying to move forward as fast as she could. Twilight was exerting an equal force in the opposite direction to keep her from moving. Pinkie was moving as fast as she could towards Gilda. At the moment of collision Gilda lost her footing, reducing one of these three forces to nothing.
Twilight barely had time to recognize what was going on before the combined griffon pony ball smashed into her, sending all three rolling along the floor, the floor that had a large bowl of batter sitting on it. The end result was a semi-conscious pile of quadrupeds covered in batter. The image would not be complete, however, without mentioning the relative positioning of each individual in the pile. Suffice to say that, in accordance to Finagle’s Law, each individual found themselves waking up to the opportunity to examine another’s nether regions in extreme detail.
Of course in the universe’s continuing adherence to Finagle’s Law it was just then that Damien decided to enter the library.
<-[XXXXX]->
“And you’re sure you weren’t doing anything?” Damien asked the room at large for the thirteenth time in twice as many minutes.
“YES!” came the resounding reply from around the room. The offending picture had been shredded, incinerated, and the ashes spread to the winds. Pinkie had been sequestered to one wall of the library while Gilda had been likewise banished to the other. Any attempt at movement towards the other was met with swift and brutal justice at Damien’s balled talons or Twilight’s magic. Twilight and Damien worked on cleaning up the mess that had been made of the library. Damien working on cleaning the books with a spell Twilight had never seen before, Twilight cleaning up the floors and walls, and Spike in his usual position as master reshelver.
“I’m just sayin’ that I wouldn’t blame any of ya for doing something like that. Wouldn’t be the first time I’d seen anger give way to lust.” He smiled to himself as he drifted into the one of his more pleasant memories.
“I don’t even want to know how you know that,” Gilda said with a shudder.
“Well since no one wants to hear stories about me.” The entire library nodded in agreement. “Why don’t we go with what happened here. How exactly did you three end up like that if not by being driven mad by uncontrollable lust?”
Twilight, despite her luminescent blush, was the first to speak up. “I was holding Gilda back from Pinkie. Pinkie tackled Gilda. We all went flying into the wall and into the waffle batter. End of story.”
Damien looked disappointed at her retelling of the events. “Ten out of ten for informativeness but a flat zero for style.” His head snapped over to where Pinkie was standing. “No moving from your wall!” he barked.
Pinkie jumped and returned to standing at attention in front of her wall.
Twilight sighed as she glanced over at Gilda who wasn’t even bothering to hide her chuckle at Pinkie’s misfortune. “We need to stop this from happening again. I don’t want to have to worry about finding out that Pinkie and Gilda are mauling each other in the marketplace every day.”
“Do we have to?” Damien asked unashamedly. “I’ve been wanting to see them go at it since the first time I saw how they reacted to each other.” He chuckled at Twilight’s glare. “I would’ve healed them afterwards. Don’t want it to be a one time entertainment after all.”
“You are incorrigible,” Twilight said exhaustedly as she finished mopping up the last of the batter.
“And that’s one of my good qualities,” Damien smirked as he finished up with the books. “Mind if I start my studying binge? I need a good detailed history book.”
“How detailed?” Twilight asked as her eyes lit up with glee.
“As detailed as it gets?” Damien ventured hesitantly.
With a squeal of glee Twilight rushed upstairs and soon returned with a book as thick as her neck and twice the size of her head. “This is ‘Colton’s History of the World’. Unabridged of course,” she said with a smile as she thunked the massive book onto the ground in front of Damien.
Damien’s eyes widened in shock as he stared at the book before him. “This… This… This is beautiful!” he whispered as he ran a claw reverently down the cover.
“I know! I got it as a birthday gift from Princess Celestia! I don’t know how anypony manages to study history without it!”
Damien carefully opened the book and began reading, his eyes flicking back and forth over the pages. “This is perfect!” he crowed as he turned the page.
Satisfied that she had found the perfect book for her customer Twilight turned her attention to her captives. “Now we’re going to work out whatever problems you have. You can leave your walls but if you try anything I’ll sic him on you.” She pointed at Damien in the same manner one would a particularly dangerous guard animal.
He smiled and waved at them.
They nodded hesitantly, not sure what exactly Damien would do to stop them but relatively certain they didn’t want to be part of it. The tension in the air was palpable as they drew closer to each other and met in the middle of the room.
Seeing their acquiescence Twilight happily clapped her hooves together. “Excellent! Now we can get started!” As she said this she levitated several large books from a nearby shelf. She smiled as the first of these, ‘A Simple Guide to Working Through Problems’, floated in front of her and the pages began to turn rapidly.
Gilda looked on in confusion at first and then exasperation as she realized what was going on. “You’re not really going to try and fix us with a book right?”
Twilight didn’t even bother to look up from the book. “Of course I am! There is a book for everything after all.”
“Nerd,” muttered Gilda to herself.
“Hey! Don’t call Twilight a nerd! She’s…” Pinkie stopped momentarily as she pondered her response. “Oh, right. She is a nerd. Never mind. I just thought you were being mean again.”
“Okay!” Twilight said as the book snapped shut. “The first step to working out problems is to figure out why everyone is mad at each other.” She looked over to Gilda. “You first.”
“No.”
“Come on, please?”
“No.”
“Just tell her,” came Damien’s voice. “The fighting was amusing but this back and forth thing is going to get old fast.”
“I thought you were reading your book freak,” Gilda growled.
“I can do more than one thing at a time girl,” he said as he turned the page. “But that’s beside the point. I doubt our gracious host will let you leave until she’s made some level of progress with you and that sounds entertaining enough for me to help her with it.”
For some reason his words seemed to have an air of finality to them as he turned another page.
“Thank you Damien but I think I can handle Gilda and Pinkie,” Twilight said with a roll of her eyes.
“Of course Miss Sparkle. Just trying to help.” He gave a polite nod in her direction and turned another page.
Twilight nodded curtly in response before turning back to Pinkie and Gilda. “Now Gilda, can you tell Pinkie why she makes you so mad?”
Gilda was silent for several moments. Why did Pinkie make her so mad? Did that dweeb really have to ask? She had already completely lost it here once and was she supposed to do that again? Was this just a stupid game to that loser unicorn?
“Gilda? Please, just say something,” Twilight asked softly.
Gilda glared at her. But the glare faltered as her eyes connected with Twilight’s. Despite everything that had happened Gilda just couldn’t bring herself to hate the unicorn. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and turned to Pinkie Pie. “You took Dash away from me. You took my oldest, best friend from me.” My only friend. “You ruined everything,” she hissed.
Pinkie was silent as she worked through what Gilda had said. Her mind went back to the last time Gilda had come to Ponyville. Gilda and Dash had been having fun with each other. But Gilda was a jerk! She stole the apple and scared Granny Smith and Fluttershy. Fluttershy! Nopony should scare Fluttershy! She’s way way waaaaaay too fragile. Pinkie had just been making sure that Dash knew what kind of a griffon Gilda was wasn’t she? It wasn’t her fault that they had stopped being friends. That Gilda hadn’t changed. Right?
Pinkie’s expression fell as she came to a realization. Even if Gilda was still a meanie. Even if she hadn’t changed. Even if Pinkie had been right and that Gilda wasn’t a good friend. Pinkie had done everything she could to try and make Dash see Gilda’s bad side. See that she shouldn’t be her friend anymore. Pinkie had done her best to destroy their friendship.
Meanwhile Gilda had stopped glaring at Pinkie and was looking towards Twilight. “This is pointless. I’m outta here.”
“But-”
“No! I don’t need you stupid ponies and I don’t need anything from her.” Gilda turned and started towards the door.
Twilight felt helpless. She could use her magic to stop Gilda but what would that prove? That she wouldn’t let Gilda leave until she agreed with her? She turned a pleading look to Damien who simply waved three claws in the air. Two claws. Twilight’s eyes widened when she realized what he was doing and turned back to Gilda, expecting to see some flashy spell stop her from leaving. She was totally unprepared for the soft voice that came from behind her.
“I’m sorry.”
Gilda froze, one talon resting on the doorknob. “What?”
“I’m sorry for ruining your friendship with Dash,” Pinkie said, louder this time.
“You think that’ll just make it better?” Gilda hissed.
“No. But I know that if you keep being such a meanie then Dashie won’t be your friend again,” Pinkie declared firmly. “I did what I could to show Dashie what you were really like and she didn’t like what she saw. It’s both our faults.”
“It’s not my fault! It’s all your fault! You made Dash hate me!”
Pinkie’s eyes hardened. “It’s both our faults,” she asserted. “You were a meanie to everypony and I was a meanie to you. I’m sorry for that but you still need to apologize to everypony and be a better griffon.”
Gilda’s wings started to twitch and her talons were tensing as she glared at Pinkie.
Pinkie didn’t rise to the challenge and remained stony eyed but off guard.
Twilight stood off to the side, her magic at the ready in case Gilda tried anything.
“You think you can tell me what to do dweeb?” Gilda growled.
“I think she can,” Damien called out from the sidelines.
Gilda’s glare snapped to him. “What do you know freak!? You don’t know anything!”
Damien turned to face her, that insufferable smile on his face. “I know that she’s still friends with Dash while you aren’t. I know that she just apologized for her transgressions and wants to make things right. I know that you want to be with your friend again. I know that if you play your cards right these two will help you.” He cocked his head to the side and his smile grew. “Isn’t that what you want? You don’t even have to really care about them; just use them long enough to get what you want. Dash’s friendship. Or does her friendship mean so little to you that you can’t even work with a couple of ponies in order to get it back? Are you that weak and lacking in dedication?”
“I’ll show you weak!” she roared as she leapt through the air towards him.
He didn’t even blink as he spun up off the ground and slammed the back of his clenched talon into Gilda’s face. Before she knew it she was sprawled on the floor and her ears were ringing. “Thank you for the demonstration of weakness girl. Now if you truly wish to prove me wrong then win back your friend and keep her. Or will you fail like you did against me?”
Gilda slowly proper herself up, her ears still ringing and her vision blurry. “I’m not weak. I’m not.”
“Damien! What did you do that for?!” Twilight shouted as she ran to Gilda’s side to help her up. Gilda was so out of it that she didn’t protest at all.
“Old technique for training animals. You’re the carrot. I’m the stick.” He cracked his knuckles ominously. “I think she might be a little more willing to hear you out now.”
Twilight merely glared at Damien. “Come on Gilda. Let’s get you into the kitchen, I have some medical supplies in there.” She turned to Pinkie. “Help me get her there okay?”
“Right!”
With Pinkie’s help the two mares managed to get Gilda into the kitchen whereupon Twilight immediately got to work on casting a spell to see what damage Damien had done to Gilda.
Silence reigned in the kitchen for several terse moments until Gilda finally spoke up. “Was he right?”
With Twilight concentrating on the spell it fell to Pinkie to answer. “Of course not! You may be a meanie but you’re still really strong!”
“No… not that.” I am weak. “Was he right that… that you’d help me be friends with Dash again?” She couldn’t believe she was asking this. She was better than this! Better than them!
“Hold this there,” Twilight said as she levitated an ice pack to the side of Gilda’s face. “This should help prevent swelling and your concussion should go away shortly.”
Gilda grudgingly reached up to secure the ice pack. It must just be the concussion that was making her act like this. That must be it.
“You wanna be Dash’s friend again?” Pinkie asked.
“Yeah.”
“Really?
“Yes.”
“Really really really?”
Gilda gave Pinkie the best glare she could under the circumstances.
“Okie dokie then! Twilight and me’ll help you be friends with Dashie again! She was soooo sad the day after you left and I bet this’ll make her super-duper happy!”
Gilda raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
“Weeeeelllllll if you’re going to become Dashie’s friend again you’ll need to be a nicer griffon! And if you become a nicer griffon you’ll get more friends! Then everypony will be even happier because they have another friend!”
“I don’t need to be nicer. I just need Dash to like me again.”
“And you’ll do that by proving that you can be nice!”
“No I won’t."
“Yes you will.”
Twilight sighed as she saw the back and forth exchange that was building before her eyes. With a roll of her eyes she trotted back into the library’s main room. “Did you know that would happen?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about my dear,” Damien replied with his best innocent face.
“You completely crushed and humiliated her. She probably thinks that she can’t go any lower than she is right now.”
“And thusly has no problem acknowledging that she might actually need help,” Damien finished with a smile.
“So you did all that on purpose?”
“I do everything on purpose. Of course I’ll only admit to it when it actually works.” He smiled. “That girl is going to be a real handful you know.”
“You’re the one that’s living with her.”
“But I get to leave and do other things. It’s pretty much fallen to you two to actually deal with her.” His face gained a slight shade of concern. “As long as she recognizes that you two will be useful to her in her attempts to get Dash back she shouldn’t cause any real trouble but if anything does happen let me know.”
“So you can punch her again?”
“Now you’re getting it.”
The pair looked back to the kitchen where they could hear Gilda chasing Pinkie around yelling about how she wasn’t going to be nice and Pinkie was declaring the opposite.
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This was an awesome chapter! Lets break it down.
1. first time Damian does magic as a griffon
2. He does the magic to take a picture of 2 ponies and a griffon in a precarious position
3. Later, He punches Gilda Right in the face!
I'm rather curious about how Twilight will react when she realizes Damien used magic.
Damien is a total badass
I know he was a dark overlord, but dauwmn!
-Glassed
I really like the concept, but I worry that he won't really try to stay in retirement. I mean yes he can do all these things but those are indicative of evil overlord/extraplanar traveler that will draw attention to him self. His use of magic and other non-traditional actions can be contributed to the lack of scryable griffins in the area but he still either a) avoid drawing attention to him self or b) have a confrontation with lunas task force. It would be a real shame if this turned from evil overlord wanting a relaxing retirement and shenanigans occuring to him trying to take over the world or what ever his goals were where he came from. But hey that's just me and you are the one actually writing the story while I sit back in a armchair and pontificate from it.
193255
Don't worry, Damien is staying retired this time. Luna and Celestia would end up curbstomping him if he tried anything anyway.
Wow this story is awesome :D I really how you use gilda as a plot device so that damien can be awesome :D
Awesome as always, but...
"unto your house" - Did you mean into?
"Gilda strained against Twilight’s magic as she tried t make her way towards Pinkie" - to
"your concussion should go way shortly" - away
194657
Aaaaannnnnnnnd fixed! Thank you for yet again finding all the spots where I messed up
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
The new dark overlord demands to see more of what happened to the old dark overlord
(PS: great story)
192886 same here ^^
Error before the first <XXXXX> cut-off thing.
"She awkwardly raised a hoof and placed it on Gilda’s back in what she hopped was a reassuring manner."
Twilight sighed as she glanced over at Gilda who wasn’t even bother to hide her chuckle at Pinkie’s misfortune.
193339
Mostly retired, anyway. No large-scale villainy, at least.
Proper should be propellled
193339 You said "Luna and Celestia would end up curbstomping him...". Did you mistakenly put "end up" instead of "try to", or are you implying, that they are more powerful than Damien? If they are, is it like this only now, in his weakened form, or would they'll be more powerful even against his full overlord incarnation?
i am now in love with this story
Uhh... unless Equestria is very different than Earth, concussions aren't something you discuss that casually and an ice pack won't cause them to just "go away" that quickly. In vernacular terms, they're literally a case of "bruised brain".
I'd suggest either removing the mention of a concussion or adding some detail to explain where the magic is coming from to accelerate the recovery.
3222272 I've had two concussions in my life, and all I've had to do both times was ice it and stay awake long enough for orientation to reassert itself.
Heck, I split my hand and head open (head on a glass cabinet door, hand on a drill saw made to drill holes for speakers) and for my head I took a bath and iced it until it stopped bleeding while making sure it didn't just scab over, while my hand was jury-rigged with a butterfly bandage and only has a small, rounded scar.