• Published 29th Jan 2012
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Retired to Equestria - Yet Another Mask



Retirement has never been this much fun

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Deception

Silence reigned for several minutes as Tyra’s words hung in the air. It was finally broken when Gilda finally managed to croak out a response. “The… the wedding?”

Tyra looked at her daughter as though she were feeble-minded. “The wedding. Where you two get married. When is it?”

“We… we haven’t really set a date yet… We’re still just… dating,” Gilda slowly managed to explain, her eyes twitching slightly.

Tyra’s eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re already living together aren’t you? You’re dating, living together, and now you have my approval. What are you waiting for? The approval of Damien’s parents?”

“Both long dead,” Damien supplied. When Tyra turned towards him Gilda shot him a dirty look over her mother’s shoulder. “What? Just letting you know you don’t need their approval. Can’t I be helpful?” he said with an innocent smile. The smile quickly vanished as a sudden thought crossed his mind. “This isn’t going to involve a lot of paperwork is it?”

Tyra shook her head. “Almost no paperwork at all, just a couple of forms, some signatures and it’s all official.”

“That’s what the mayor said when I bought my house,” Damien muttered darkly. “Spent hours on those pit damned things.” He pointed a talon towards Tyra threateningly. “If this takes too much paperwork I’m taking it out on you.”

“Well then, as long as we can get your pansy boyfriend to overcome his fear of paperwork we’re all set,” Tyra remarked as she turned back to her daughter. “We have everything we need don’t we? You never were big on girly things and fancy weddings are the pinnacle of girly so we could just head down to the town hall and get you married today!” She gave her daughter a big hug. “And here I thought you’d never get over your crush on that pegasus mare from flight school. What was her name again? Rainbow… something wasn’t it?”

Once again Tyra’s words brought on another silence. “Excuse me?” Applejack finally asked. “Ya don’t mean Rainbow Dash do ya?”

Tyra turned to Applejack with a smile. “That’s the one! Cyan coat, rainbow hair, almost as brash as Gilda, and full of enough hot air to lift an entire war blimp?”

“Yep, that’s Dash alright,” Damien assented with a massive grin as he shot Gilda a sly look. “I was wondering why you were so intent on heading in to Ponyville when we met! It figures you'd want to stay close to the one that stole your heart!”

Gilda’s face looked as though it could have glowed in the dark with how bright her blush was. “MOM!” she screamed as she looked back and forth between Applejack and Damien.

Tyra looked down at her daughter with a smile. “So that’s why you were so eager to leave home! Since you ended up with this fine warrior I suppose she rejected you?”

If possible it seemed that Gilda’s blush had gotten even brighter. “Yes, she did,” Gilda managed to mumble.

Applejack looked slightly surprised. When called out on this she sheepishly responded, “well, ya know… ya hear… things round town. That and Ah’ve never seen her accept an invite from any stallions an’ all. Most of us kinda figgered that… well… her barn door swung that way.”

Gilda’s blush slowly receded as the topic of conversation moved away from her own problems. “It was the same in flight school, that’s why I thought I had a chance. Turns out her ‘barn door’ doesn’t swing at all,” she said sourly. “She was very clear on that.”

“Wait, not at all?” Applejack asked slightly incredulously. “As in none? No… interests whatsoever?”

“That’s what she told me. You’ll have to ask her yourself if you want more.”

The four of them stood in silence for a moment until Tyra’s eyes widened in slight surprise. “The wedding!” She turned an accusatory glare at Gilda. “You almost made me forget all about it! Now let’s just head over to the town hall and we can get a marriage contract, get everything signed and you two can get started on getting me grandchildren!”

“G-grandchildren!?” Gilda squawked in horror.

“Of course! It's up to you to keep our noble family line alive after all! I don’t expect you to actually have kids right away but better to get started sooner rather than later. And I doubt you two are ignoring the necessary steps for getting children if you’re already living together,” she chuckled knowingly.

Gilda’s blush returned in full force and brought in reinforcements at her mother’s words. “N-no! We can’t get married!” her strangled voice cried out.

“And why not?” her mom asked. “He’s obviously well off and he is an excellent fighter.” She raised an eyebrow. “Sure he isn’t the most handsome griffon out there but if he’s half as good in bed as he is on the battlefield-”

MOM!” Gilda screeched. “I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED!

Tyra’s face suddenly grew cold and devoid of the mirth she had been displaying up till this point. “And why not?” she asked coldly.

Gilda squirmed and fidgeted under her mother’s gaze. “B-because I want a real wedding?” she said hesitantly.

Tyra’s face twisted into a disbelieving scowl. “I don’t believe that for a moment Gilda. You’ve never liked all that pomp and circumstance, certainly not enough to make you want to openly contradict me. Now I raised you from a cub and you can’t lie to me that easily. Why don’t you want to get married?”

Gilda’s eyes darted back and forth feverishly as she tried to find some method of escape from her current situation. “Because we aren’t dating!” she screamed suddenly.

Damien blinked in surprise and cursed softly, passing a couple coins to a grinning Applejack. For her part she was a graceful winner and tucked away her winnings with only a modicum of gloating apparent in her features.

Gilda’s eyes shot wide open as she realized what she had said. Her entire body began to tremble as ideas of what her mother would do to her for initiating this farce flooded her mind. Her trembling increased immensely as Tyra took several long slow steps towards her.

“Took you long enough,” Tyra said with a smirk. Behind her Applejack cursed and handed the coins she had just won back to Damien. He turned out to be a far less graceful winner.

“What?” Gilda finally managed to say, her eyes twitching dangerously. “You knew?” She turned her twitching glare towards Damien who quickly shook his head.

“Oh don’t blame him, I knew from the start.” Tyra gave her daughter a flat look. “I raised you to stand firm in your beliefs and I still remember your arguments with your father about how your crushes were not ‘just a phase’ you would get over when you found a good male,” she chided. “And you didn’t really think you could fool me any better than you could when you still lived under my wing could you?”

“But- You- I-” she continued to sputter and choke on her words for several more seconds. Deciding speaking was impossible she took a deep breath and did her best to compose herself before continuing. “You aren’t mad?” she finally asked.

“Mad? Of course I’m mad! You hid all this from me and thought you could actually trick me!” Tyra shouted as she smacked her daughter on the back of her head with enough force to send her sprawling to the ground. “But at least you’ve got friends that’ll stand behind you even when you do something stupid. That’s much more important than whether or not you’ve finally managed to land yourself a mate.” She shrugged non-committedly. “I honestly never expected you to get any sort of friends, let alone a mate so any step in the right direction is a blessing from the hunters.”

“Nice to know my own mother thinks I’m a failure,” Gilda grumbled.

Her disgruntled murmurings only served to earn her yet another smack to the back of the head. “Wake up Gilda, everyone fails! You just have to get back up and keep going. If you’d just given up you wouldn’t even be here right now complaining about me so get up off your ass and introduce me to your friends properly.” She threw a grin over her shoulder at Damien and Applejack as she hefted Gilda to her feet.

Gilda glared at Damien for several seconds before skipping over him and turning to Applejack. “This is Applejack. Applejack, my mother Tyra. Her family runs the apple orchard.”

Tyra extended a Talon and shook Applejack’s hoof warmly. “So was that your brother I saw on my way into town? Big red guy?”

“Yep, that sounds like Big Mac. The two of us run and tend all a Sweet Apple Acres,” she responded with a grandiose wave towards the fields of trees behind her.

Tyra blinked in surprise. “Two of you? Working all that?” she asked appraisingly.

“Yep. Though I did have to get some help from my friends one year when Big Mac busted his ribs right before applebuckin’ season,” Applejack admitted.

“Ha, and you’re honest too,” Tyra barked before looking her over carefully. “How’d you like to date my daughter? She could use someone responsible to keep her under control. And I’m no expert but you do seem pretty good looking.” She turned to Damien questioningly.

Damien took a moment to respond, somewhat incapacitated by his raucous laughter brought on by Tyra’s straightforward approach. “Not my type but she does have a rugged charm to her,” Damien managed to choke out between gales of laughter.

“So how about it?” Tyra asked with a grin as she turned back to Applejack while Gilda sputtered wordlessly in the background.

Applejack shook her head with a chuckle. “Sorry ma’am, my barn door doesn’t swing that way, thanks for the offer though. Besides, I’m sure Gilda’ll do just fine findin’ someone of her own soon enough.”

Off to the side Gilda was fuming in an embarrassed silence with a blush so bright it could be used in place of a lighthouse. With an angry glare she turned towards Damien, who by now was clutching his sides in laughter. “And you’ve already met the freak,” she growled, glad to be able to turn the rage at her embarrassment towards something that deserved it.

Damien rose to his feet with a flourish and a few small chuckles. “Oh come now my dear, that is no way to introduce me!” He flared his wings and rose on his hind legs as a cloud of smoke rose up around him. The smoke quickly resolved itself into a much larger version of himself and his voice boomed from the apparition’s beak. “I am Damien! Greatest of Fate’s foes and undefeated Lord of Darkness! Vanquisher of man and god alike!”

Tyra looked up at the apparition with an unimpressed air for a few seconds before padding over and looking at its ankles. Without warning she lashed out with a balled up talon and a dull thud, quickly followed by a pained yelp, was heard. The illusion dissolved to reveal Damien curled up on the ground groaning and shooting Tyra an impressed, but still angry, look. “I work for one of the most grandiose Manes the hunters have ever seen, a little illusion won’t fool me,” she commented airily. “The magic was surprising though, never seen any griffon but a Mane use it before.” She shrugged. “World’s a strange place.” Without any further comment she turned back to Applejack and Gilda, who were staring in stunned silence at Damien. “There any good restaurants around here? I’m starving!” she asked them with a grin.

<=[XXXXX]=>

They’d had to carry Damien most of the way back to town, only dropping him when they deemed him recovered enough to be using them only as a free ride. The fact that he still seemed to be wincing slightly as he walked did nothing to change their minds about carrying him further.

“Something occurs to me,” he said between winces as they reached the town’s outskirts. “You aren’t going to like any of these restaurants are you?” he asked Tyra with a sly grin.

Tyra blinked and pondered his question for a moment before her eyes widened in comprehension. “Damn, you’re right,” she muttered.

Off to the side Applejack turned to a now nervous Gilda and asked, “what the hay are they talkin’ about?”

Gilda sighed and faced Applejack. “Griffins are omnivores but most of us are almost strictly carnivorous, especially where my mom lives.”

Applejack looked taken aback by this. “Then you’ve…”

Gilda rolled her eyes in exasperation. “Yes, I’ve killed and eaten other animals before.” She gave Applejack a flat look. “Come on, there’s no way you thought I’d never eaten meat before, I’m a griffin!”

Applejack grimaced. “There’s a big difference between thinkin’ you might’ve and hearin’ that you actually have,” she grumbled. “An’ I take it yer mom don’t think too highly of non-meat meals right?”

Gilda nodded with a pained look in her eyes, “and meat isn’t the easiest thing to get around here. The only place with non-sentient animals is the Everfree. Even when I was living in there I mostly ate fish and whatever I could forage. Hunting usually meant fighting off timber wolves and other predators, possible but painful and not very smart. We mostly left each other alone because it wasn’t worth the effort otherwise,” she explained.

“Sounds like somethin’ you should’ve thought of before she got here,” Applejack commented.

“I was a little more worried about how she would handle Damien.”

“You girls gonna keep talking amongst yourselves or are we gonna get something to eat?” Damien interjected as he broke away from Tyra.

Gilda shot him a confused look. “You got her to accept a meal without meat?”

“Gates no! We’re just gonna head back to the house and I’ll make something.”

Gilda was even more confused now. “But you said…” Her eyes widened in comprehension. “We have meat? And you never told me!?”

“Of course! It’s in the basement under the house,” he laughed as he padded off to catch up with Tyra. “You can come too Applejack, won’t be too much trouble to make something extra for you,” he shouted over his shoulder.

Gilda was silent as Applejack trotted past her with a chuckle. “We have a basement?” she finally asked as she ran forward to try and catch up with the rest of the group.

<=[XXXXX]=>

Gilda wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be surprised, confused, or maybe even scared of what Damien so nonchalantly had referred to as the basement. Even with her lack of any sense for magic even she could feel the raw power in the floor hatch Damien pulled open in back of the pantry. The fact that there were four handles and no hinges on the door only made the thing seem more intimidating.

“If you ever want to get in there make sure you pull the silver handle. Leave the other ones alone,” he cautioned them as he jumped down into the black hole in the floor in front of them.

Tyra followed without hesitation, leaping into the hole with a grin on her face. Applejack declined immediately. Magic was fine and dandy so long as she could see exactly what it was doing and Damien seemed to enjoy hiding his methods. That and the place was supposed to be where he stored meat and the sight of a butchered corpse was anathema to most anypony. Gilda groaned and debated for several seconds before dropping in herself, couldn’t look weak in front of her mother after all.

She was almost disappointed when the hole led into what looked like nothing more than a normal underground hallway. Several wooden doors adorned the side walls, one of which was open and had voices echoing from it. Sure the hole she had jumped down into had somehow managed to send her forward out of a similar hole in the basement’s wall but compared to what she had been expecting? Shaking her head at her suspicions she padded over to the open door and stepped into the side room.

The first thing she noticed was the corpses suspended from the ceiling. A quick glance showed a number of deer hanging from the ceiling, as well as several braces of fish. What truly caught her eye was the number of other creatures on display. There was a trio of manticores near the forefront, slightly obscuring six hydra heads. Beyond those was a pack of timber wolves and beyond them were even more creatures from far deeper in the forest. An ahool was stretched with its wings wide on one wall with a salamander, still smoldering, right next to it. A massive amarok had several hooks in each limb keeping it suspended from the ceiling and a large feathery wyvern hung from the ceiling just above its massive chest. Beyond these were even more ferocious creatures from deep within the darkest reaches of the forest.

“You… killed all of these?” Gilda asked slowly.

“Yeah, I try to just catch some deer, maybe a couple game birds too but these bastards usually end up finding me and trying to ruin my hunt.” He grinned at the hydra heads. “It took this idiot nearly a dozen heads to realize that trying to kill me was a bad idea.” His smile turned into a grimace. “Unfortunately most of these things taste terrible. Their bodies’re still gonna be useful for spell reagents though. That and undead guards reanimated with the blackest of foul magics to guard my home and fend off intruders.”

Gilda looked at him critically, trying her best to discern whether or not he was lying to her or not. She gave a tired sigh as, once again, she found she had no idea whether he was telling the truth. “Whatever, let’s just grab some deer or something and get started.”

Damien was silent for a moment. “Aren’t you going to ask why I never told you that I actually had meat down here?”

“It’s because I never asked,” Gilda shouted back as she stepped through the doorway.

Damien tapped his beak and slowly smiled. “Maybe there’s hope for her yet.” He turned towards Tyra. “You okay with the deer or you want to try something more exotic? I think I have some basilisk in the back if you’re feeling really adventurous.”