Chapter 1
The sun began to set as a blonde-maned, grey Pegasus walked into the room of her daughter, another blonde-maned pony, this time sprouting pale-purple hair and a stout horn atop her head. The filly hopped up and down, trying to reach the side of her obviously too-large bed. She always needed help getting in; she was just too short and too young to use magic yet. Her mother picked her up and set her on top of of the bed, near her also oversized pillow.
The Pegasus lit a nearby scented jar candle, the one that always sat on the filly’s nightstand, for a source of light before the sun lowered too far into the horizon. She sat next to her daughter’s bed, a warm smile on her face as she watched her little angel try to settle down.
The little filly struggled against the comforter with all her might, a look of frustration on her face as she began to lose the barbaric blanket battle for comfort. The Unicorn eventually gave up and lay still on her back, obviously still uncomfortable.
“Are you finally done?” Derpy Hooves asked with a slight chuckle.
“Yeah,” Dinky Hooves said, “but I really don’t like these blankets. They’re too heavy and I can barely move them on my own.” She tried bench pressing the comforter straight up to further illustrate her point, managing to get it up only a couple of inches off of her. Her front legs shook as the full weight of the blanket bore straight down on her. “See?”
The wall-eyed pony chuckled again. “You’ll grow into them one day. Also, you’ll be able to climb into your own bed without my help, too.” The two of them sat there, smiling quietly at each other while Celestia’s greatest creation finally fully set behind the horizon. Not a single object in the room stirred, save for the tiny flame that spawned from the candle wick.
It seemed like an eternity was spent between the two ponies, just idly sitting in and next to the bed. The pegasus loved her little filly dearly, as most mothers do. Nothing in the world could make her give up her daughter, not even the chance for her to live a more wealthy lifestyle. Her love for her daughter was just too great for that. She knew her daughter loved her back, the bond between them could almost be tasted in the air. After the second eternity of absolutely nothing passed, one of them decided to break the silence.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Can you sing me a song?”
Derpy stared into her eager daughter’s eyes. She always sang to her at bedtime. It had grown to be a custom since even before Dinky could speak, although the filly still asked in case her mother forgot, which she never truly did.
“What song do you want to hear?” she always asked, knowing exactly what her daughter’s ears craved and needed to fall asleep.
Dinky looked back at her mother and smiled. This was another custom; her mother always asked what she wanted to hear, but she never answered. She knew that her mother would sing the same song she always did with no direct request.
The Pegasus cleared her throat while Dinky anxiously looked up at her from the comfort of the bed. Derpy closed her eyes and began to sing, softly at first but slowly gaining intensity as her singing voice came back to her.
“You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You’ll never know dear,
How much I love you.
Please don’t take
My sunshine away.”
The grey pony opened her eyes, and everything was still in the room for a couple of moments. Suddenly, a gentle snoring sound arose from the little filly. A smile once again formed on the lips of her mother as she wondered what her daughter would dream of tonight. “Goodnight my little pony,” said the mother before kissing her softly on the forehead, right below the horn.
The Pegasus walked over to the lit candle on the nightstand and covered it with the lid, effectively cutting off the airflow and snuffing it out. She savored the scent in the air as it lingered for a couple of seconds, the smell of fresh blueberry muffins making her mouth water. ‘Muffins...’ she thought as the sweet, sweet taste of fresh-baked blueberry confections returned to her mind. She loved muffins. There wasn’t anything in the world that she cared for more than the tasty confection, except for her daughter. Snapping out of the daze, the pegasus got up and walked to her own room to get some sleep of her own.
Derpy dragged herself up at her normal time, carefully setting her hooves on the ground and dragging them out of her bedroom, passing the sleeping filly’s room on the way. She always woke up this early in order to get ready and reach the post office before the sunrise. The Pegasus sluggishly walked into the kitchen and towards the fridge. She groggily opened up the icebox and took out her breakfast of choice: a single chocolate chip muffin. Slowly, the Pegasus sat herself down at the table and began eating. She cringed at how dry her mouth had become during the night, almost choking on the scrumptious baked good.
The pony set herself on her hooves and started the mile-long trek over to the cupboard. She barely managed to get it open, almost ripping it off its hinges due to the fact that she leaned so heavily on it. The Pegasus dragged out a glass, nearly dropping it in the process. She shuffled along to the table and deposited the newly fetched glass onto it. Once again Derpy walked over to the fridge, this time pulling out a jug of milk out with her mouth, not noticing how unusually light it was. She shambled on over to the eating surface where she proceeded to fill her glass.
...With air. ‘Really?’ she thought. ‘Why today?’
“Out of milk, already?” came a voice from behind. Derpy drowsily glanced over her shoulder to find an orange-maned, yellow Earth Pony standing in the doorway.
“Good morning, Carrot Top,” said the Pegasus, almost dropping the empty cup due to her loss of complete concentration.
“You need to stop eating so many muffins! Do you know how much milk you drink every day?” Carrot Top walked into the room, leaving her former post at the door frame. She sat herself down next to Derpy to enjoy the company of her room mate.
The Pegasus tried to gasp playfully at the request, wanting to appear offended by the demands of the other pony in the room. The only thing she managed to do was inhale a dust bunny recently freed from the clutches of gravity, resulting in a coughing fit and a one-way trip straight to the floor.
She continued to cough as Carrot Top got up and fetched a glass of water at lightning speed compared to how slow the Pegasus was this particular morning. She handed it to the grounded pony, rolling her eyes as Derpy drank it as fast as possible.
“Stop eating muffins?! Never!” the grey mare said, still on the ground from her previous fit. She set her hooves on the ground for the third time this morning, pushing up to reach a standing position. She took back her seat next to her companion, blushing slightly from the embarrassment of her previous accident.
The Earth pony sighed. “Fine then, just stop drinking three glasses of milk every time you eat breakfast. Some of us actually DRINK the milk instead of just using it to soften up stale muffins.”
At this comment the recently roused pony was actually offended. She glared at her roommate, who wore a sly smile on her face.“Whose muffins are you calling stale?” ‘Are MINE stale?’ she thought, giving the muffin in front of her a quick squeeze to judge its crustiness.
“Mine, obviously,” Carrot Top sarcastically replied. She mysteriously procured a comb to run through her famous curly mane, which she had been named after.
“Good, I thought you were talking about mine,” the relieved Pegasus said, genuinely convinced that the Earth Pony had been sincere in her explanation.
“Well, if you actually had a sense of sarcasm you would know that I was talking about yours,” said the flightless pony. “I don’t even have any muffins to talk about; all the muffins in this house belong to you!”
“If you really wanted to have some muffins, you could just go over to Sugarcube Corner and buy some.”
“You could just go over to Sugarcube Corner and buy some!” Carrot Top mockingly repeated, the tone in her voice implying that Derpy was not the brightest pony around.
“Why are you repeating what I say that way? I sound nothing like that!” ‘Or do I?’
“I think you know what I mean,” said the Orange-maned pony. “Or maybe you don’t, since you have the intellect of a little filly.”
“Are you calling me stupid?” the grey mare shot back. ‘IS she calling me stupid?’
“The answer to that question is the same as this one,” Carrot Top calmly replied. “Is that one rainbow-maned Pegasus from Cloudsdale I keep seeing around here a fillyfooler?”
Derpy instantly dived on her, the first step for this verbal fight to become physical. “You take that back!”
“Take what back? The implication that Rainbow Dash is a fillyfooler or the one about your below-average IQ?” she questioned with an almost-evil looking grin on her face. “Let’s face it, you haven’t ever opened your mouth without subtracting from the sum of Pony knowledge.”
Derpy blinked at her friend. ‘Wait, what?’ she thought, trying to decode the subtle insult. ‘Think of something. Think of something fast.’
“Mommy! Carrot Top! Please stop fighting!” cried a small voice from the doorway. ‘Good,’ thought the previously dueling pegasus. ‘No more thinking for me.’
Both of the ponies sighed, one of them from relief, the other from frustration. Neither of them wanted to continue the argument in the presence of the little filly, especially Derpy in front of her daughter. They both looked at each other much more calmly now that their new mediator was in the room.
“Sorry for jumping on top of you,” said Derpy, getting off of her roommate.
“Sorry about that ‘less than intelligent’ insult I made.” The Earth Pony glanced at the clock on the wall. “Hey, shouldn’t you be leaving?”
The grey mare also looked at the timepiece. It really was late, almost dawn. Even if she flew as fast as she could, she would not be able to get to the post office before the sun rose.
“I’M LATE!” the mare yelled as she quickly grabbed her muffins. She rushed over to the corner of the room and grabbed her mail bag, slinging it over her shoulder as she shoved the rest of the chocolate chip confection into her mouth. “Carrot, I need you to buy some milk while I’m gone. Here’s a couple of bits!” She threw a hooffull of change at the now-ducking Earth Pony. “I love you Dinky! Stay in the house and don’t go anywhere!” she called while dashing through the front door.
“I love you too mommy!” the little filly yelled back.
“Could’ve been a little more gentle with that,” said the Earth Pony, peeling a chocolate covered coin from her cheek.
Derpy struggled to read the tiny, almost illegible handwriting on a long, thin box as she flew over Ponyville. The fact that she could only scan the label with one eye didn’t help as her other eye kept wandering off. She was about to head back to the post office for help when her wandering eye spotted a familiar looking filly on the ground. She looked away from the box with her dominant eye as she scanned the ground, trying to find the filly her lazy eye just saw earlier. She finally caught sight of her, a light-purple, blonde-maned unicorn. It was Dinky! ‘What’s she doing out of the house?’ she thought.
“Hey! Dinky!” she called from the sky, waving her front legs to get her attention and almost dropping the package that had her full attention only moments ago.
The little filly heard her name called, and looked around to find the source. She could’ve sworn she heard her name, and in a familiar voice, too. Suddenly, she heard it again, pinpointing its exact location in the sky. She struggled to look up at the source of the noise, but the weight of three whole jugs of milk was just too much for her. “Why didn’t Carrot Top just do this herself?” she mumbled through the handles of several plastic bags. “She should know that I’m just too weak to do this on my own.”
Derpy just stared at her from above, the look of grim disappointment on her face. ‘Why isn’t she responding?’ she thought. ‘I’m pretty sure she can hear me.’
The unicorn finally decided decided that the best course of action would be to put the milk down on the ground for now, even though she would have to wrangle the erratically scattered handles back up again when she was done. She did just that, and as expected the six neatly lined up handles dispersed into a forest of thin white plastic loops.
Time seemed to slow down for Derpy as she watched an out-of-control carriage skid towards her daughter, who was just sitting in the middle of the road. The stallions pulling the cart tried to stop, surprised by the fact that a pony would even be brave enough to stop on a busy street. They dug their hooves into the ground, but the momentum of the carriage continued to push them straight forward, much to the dismay of the filly.
Dinky was first bowled over by the fact that pair of stallions would not lift their hooves up, tumbling forward and continuing to roll. The constant pushing of the filly against their hooves caused one of them to accidentally unlock their front knees, allowing her a passage to skid under. She tumbled under him, repeatedly getting crushed by the powerful stallion’s hooves while he attempted to keep himself upright.
The already injured filly continued to roll until she went under the front left wheels, a loud crack erupting from the filly as a leg or two cracked under the intense pressure. The tiny filly was too tiny to even budge the carriage, and as a result of the moving speed bump, it rolled on its side, finally skidding to a halt with the filly trapped underneath.
“Dinky!” Derpy called out as she swooped down to the aid of her daughter. A crowed had already formed by the time she reached the ground as the sudden commotion in the middle of the busy street had caused everypony to immediately stop what they were doing. They all stood around in a ring, the carriage and pair of yet-to-be-detached stallions in the center, struggling to stand upright in the tangle of their reins.
The grey pegasus tried pushing through the dense crowd, overhearing some snippets of conversation.
“What happened?”
“I dunno,”
“I heard that a snake wandered across the street,”
“A snake? There wouldn’t be any snakes in the center of Ponyville, would there?”
“I dunno, it’s just what I heard,”
“Well it’s a good thing nopony was hurt,”
‘It’s a good thing nopony was hurt. Nopony was hurt. Nopony hurt.’ the sentence echoed in Derpy’s mind. ‘Nopony hurt? Didn’t they just see that my daughter got hit by a carriage?!’ Her eyes quickly darted around the group, looking into the eyes of the relieved ponies. Not a single pair of them belong to her daughter. ‘Where’s Dinky!?’
“My daughter! My daughter’s still under there! Help, please!” the distraught Pegasus cried out in horror. Several heads turned towards her, mostly the ponies near her, but more and more ponies looked at her as a new rumor spread around.
“Oh dear Celestia, there’s a little filly under there!”
“Somepony do something!”
“What are you ponies doing just standing there? Push!”
Within seconds, the calm band of ponies started pushing the carriage onto its roof. The Earth Ponies pushed from the side, digging their hooves into the ground for grip. The Pegasi all tried ramming to the side, helping the Earth Ponies budge the heavy car. Finally, the Unicorns all reached out with their magic, trying to lift it up with levitation spells, the only type of magic the inexperienced ponies were capable of. Finally, the might of the previous crowd and a few new onlookers managed to shunt the carriage over onto its roof.
The previously trapped filly lay on the ground as the carriage was lifted off of her, passing through the window she was shoved into when the carriage fell over. She lay in a pool of milk and blood, the former mixing with the dirt in the ground to form a beige mud as the latter dripped into it. The little filly’s horn had snapped completely off, leaving only a jagged stub sticking out from her blood-soaked mane. She was covered in cuts, scrapes, and bruises. Her front right leg was bent at an unnatural angle, either dislocated or broken. Blood poured out from a gash where a rock had dug into her side. Almost half of the hair on her coat was already stained red, or about to be.
Derpy acted quickly, swooping down and briskly ripping the mailbag off herself as she dumped the contents on the ground. ‘I’ll take care of the mail later,’ she thought, ‘I have to save Dinky!’ The mare pressed the empty bag hard against the filly’s side, trying to stop the bleeding. ‘Stop the bleeding. Stop the bleeding, it’s all that matters. Stop it. Stop it NOW. Don’t die on me. Please don’t die on me now. I’m trying my best. Please. Please don’t die. Please don’t die.’
And as Derpy lay over her dying daughter, pressing a scrap of her torn-up bag against her side, a single tear welled up in her eye and fell into the pool of blood belonging to her only sunshine, a filly known as Dinky Hooves.
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WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dinkkkyyyy nooooooo! *Cries!*
Oh, no. Please. Please. Please do not die. Please.
Powerful, tracking this!
Why'd you go make me shed manly tears? I'm allergic to manly tears.
Now THIS is an intense story! I like it!
Well, I don't like Dinky being hit badly.
I'm not happy about it. I'm just saying the writing is very gripping.
The writer is very talented, Apple Bloom. The story should continue.
Fine, I really, really hope Dinky Hooves gets better. Happy now?
Oh, now what's wrong with you, Rarity?
omg that is so touching you brilliant writer
Definitely tracking this! Dinky~ T-T
Loving it so far, even though I usually hate this stuff.
order of emotions as i read:
MOAR!!!!!!
i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/482/template.jpg
166480>>166528>>166536>>166608>>166703>>166733>>166860>>166864
lol this wasn't even meant to be the sad part yet.
166891
Not sure if "oh god it's so horrible just stop writing now" or "oh god it's so sad"
Also, I submitted this to EqD 2 days ago and it got rejected because the pre-readers pretty much can't handle any gore at all. The omnibus says that Grimdark is written way too much, but I can never find any gore-ridden stories anywhere on their site.
Also, if you liked the story check out the deviation that inspired me!
im sorry. i like the story, but i do have a few things to add.
i couldn't feel the impact of this, sad as it may be, it seemed too rushed, there was no suspense, it just happened.
though this is a nice story, ill keep an eye on it
Manly tears have been shed for Dinky
167024 Same here, same here.
166904
It's Oh God it's so sad
166926
Yeah, I know. When I was writing this I was like "this is the best fic ever written!" but after I reread it, I started having doubts about how good it was. It wasn't until it was rejected from EqD that I realized that there were many flaws in it, but I decided to post it here anyways. I can see what you're saying, but this is my first fic and I never thought about how hard it actually is to write. I was going to rewrite it, adding suspense before the accident and completely cutting out the gore aspect, but that wasn't how I liked it and gave up on an EqD post.
Also, like I said in a previous comment, this isn't even supposed to be the sad part.
I must save dinky healing cannon (look you can hate me for this comment but I don't care I've been posting way to many cannon comments to care so) HEALING CANNON
Arming the Orbital Healing Cannon...
Target Acquired: Dinky Doo, Unicorn pony
Coordinates locked; 088-5283-22/3
Main battery at full capacity...
Firing sequence initiated.
"May the Sisters have save her soul."
FIRE!
I'm not sad... I'm FURIOUS!!! GODDAMNED CARROT TOP!
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQxoXFce4rJxZaJWzeMlB1T82SsF2Uh2iHjbyEYDXzrGU_mvxIZ
167094
Lol i'm not the only one to realize that this is Carrot Top's fault. While deciding whether or not to add a grimdark tag to this, I thought that in an alternate ending Derpy could go on a killing spree, first killing Carrot Top and not stopping afterwards. I quickly scrapped the idea.
Oh god... I don't know if there are any parents here ( I kinda doubt it), but holy shit...
That has to be the absolute worst fear of any parent. I mean, the one thing in your life that gives it any meaning, the one thing you would sacrifice your own life to protect... And it could be taken away from you forever...
...
I don't think I want to be a parent when I'm older...
And Erccre, if you let Dinky die, I will hunt you. I will come for you, and I will... Ask you for a box of tissues.
And they call Derpy slow-witted with an idiot like Carrot Top around? Jiminy Crewcuts, what's wrong with them??
has anypony ever told you her real name is Ditzy Doo and not Derpy Hooves
167162
167238
Wait, what?
167257
When I originally wrote this, the characters' names wear Ditzy and Dinky Doo, but then this happened.
167264
Most of what's wrong here is that Carrot Top suffered severe brain failure directly after kidding Derpy about being slow. It's sort of hard to see that as being anything other than her being the real moron here.
with a *rat* and *tat* a *ratta tat tat* the towns rough music is comin of that Carrot Topped brat.
Oh god.. that last sentence actually hurt.
P.S. Screw you Carrot Top... SCREW YOU
Wow.
First, The Ballad of Derpy Hooves and now this?
Why do we hate on Derpy so?
manly tears were shed.
Hardly enough buildup and really just aims to tug at the heartstrings. Going into that much detail about what happened to Dinky may have had no effect on me, but I can see how it might make some queazy. Also, I don't like how Carrot Top goes from teasing to just straight-out agressively insulting.
167487 Manly tears were shed for both Derpy and Dinky....But only hate has been spread to Carrot Top, who mysteriously disappeared last night
167582
There wasn't supposed to be much of a buildup: it was supposed to be a shock, but the description gives it away, and there's no way to otherwise word the description without it being too vague. If I did rewrite it, I would have added more suspense because the reader already knows what's going to happen. On the topic of Carrot Top, I was trying to make Carrot Top an unlikable character because she's the reason why Dinky goes out and buys milk, and I realize that it went a little too far. The first draft actually had Derpy being the one going directly to insults, but that was counter-productive.
Also, sadfics don't have that much effect on me, either.
Awesome story! :) Tracking
EDIT : Just so you dont misunderstand me, it is sad, it is tragic. But that is one of the reasons I like it. I like to read intense story, which I can then mark as an awesome story :) . I just hope that Dinky will be okay
NOOOO poor Dinky!
166904
YET?!
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrqgXauDsFUY9uPyAHi1Cx7S-TGssmyJ--4cQETao6uxX77xgmbg remember the good time to pull through the bad derpy
A wild "dark" tag appeared! *queue pokemon battle music*
Seriously, I dunno whether a mod added it or I accidentally checked it while changing the description, but it's staying since I was debating whether or not to put it on anyways.
167865
I don't think that Carrot Top was trying to make Dinky suffer, even though she was a bit mean. It could just be that Dinky disobeyed the orders of her mother and decided to ask Carrot Top to buy the milk. Nopony probably anticipated a filly getting run over.
I'll track this.
167264... Must everyone comfrom to canon!? GEEZ!
This pretty much sums up my reaction.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBCURs6zQDI
168193
Meh, I thought that "Dinky Doo" sounded better than "Dinky Hooves", but EqD requires the use of canon in naming, so I had to change it to submit.
I must say, It's not bad. Not real great, but still pretty good.
I'll be keeping my eye on this one. Don't worry about the writing to much either. You've already grown after mentioning that you've proofread this after you posted and learned some more. Just pace yourself, proofread, and I really think this will become a very good read. I'm going to be watching this.
168499
Yeah, the problem lies within the proofreading. I really don't like reading my own work because i think it's absolutely terrible, so I tend to look at it sentence by sentence and not read it as a whole. My two pre-readers thought it was good, but they're not looking at it through the eyes of the author (me), so they don't think about every single flaw as critically as the author (I) does. I'm still wondering how it got so many views as it did even though (through my eyes now) it came out pretty bad. Some people like my style, though. Meh.
166904 THIS ISN'T THE SAD PART?! How is a poor little filly getting run over NOT the sad part?!
Great story by the way.
Breaking a unicorn's horn... you do know that is nearly fatal, right? Not as immediately fatal as removing it, but pretty darn close.
So...i'll assume no, but is this the only chapter?
Really though, good job. I thought as if the details were pitch-perfect, and that you made Derpy seem some-what intellectual, and very caring. You also gave a reason why her eyes were always crossed. good job
168905
(I bucking love using this emoticon)
168960
Nope. It says "incomplete" at the bottom (which I never knew existed before I made this account). I tried making Derpy seem somewhat intellectual like you said, but still slow-minded through the argument. My EqD pre-reader thought the argument was pointless, and I did not have enough justification for almost everything in the story. The masses believe otherwise.
The single tear cliche killed it for me
The rest, though, was well-written. You did a good job of showing and not telling. Well done.