I Can Fix That
“Are you sure you want to do this?” asked Legally Binding, lawyer to Princess Cadence. “It’s not too late to change your mind!”
“I am sure,” said Cadence as she signed the last document. There were both in her room as she finished filling out the adoption paperwork. Also in the room was Celestia and Shining Armor who were watching over the sleeping filly as they waited for Princess Luna to arrive with a doctor from the moon. There was also Dr. Blue Cross who was also checking on his patient.
Legally let out a sigh. “Very well then,” he said as he began to look over the paperwork. “Everything seems to be in order. All I need now is a name for the…filly, and she’s all yours.”
“I think I will name her Midnight Blossom,” said Cadence. Legally shrugged and he took note of the name. He then gathered up the papers that were his, put them in his saddle bag, bowed to the princess, and then left the room.
A few moments later the door opened again to reveal Princess Luna with another walking behind her. She was a grey earth pony with a dark red mane. Her cutie mark was covered due to the white lab coat that she wore. Also, there was what looked like a four foot egg floating behind her.
“Allow me to introduce Dr. Healing Touch, one of the finest doctors of the Republic,” announced Luna. Rather than bow to the royalty in the room, Healing Touch simply nodded before walking over to the patient. Frowning, she reached into her coat pocket and pulled out what looked like a metal popsicle stick. She then placed it above Midnight’s head and a light blue light began to appear from the bottom of the device. Slowly she began to move it down her body.
“Princess, this is a waste of time,” said Blue Cross. “She’s not even a unicorn. How can she treat wounds or search for wounds without magic! I have already looked at the…filly and given her the best treatment there is.”
“Then I take it you have already treated her for parasites?” asked Healing. The heads of all three princesses looked up and stared at the Republic’s doctor for a moment with wide eyes.
“W-What was that?” asked Blue Cross. “S-She doesn’t have any parasites! I would have known!”
“According to this,” said Healing as she showed them her metal device, “this little filly’s small intestine is full of them. Poor dear must be in a lot of pain right now. I assumed that’s why you place a sleeping spell on her.” She then put the scanning tool away before checking her coat pockets for something else. She pulled out what looked like several pens until she found the one she was looking for. She placed this pen at the neck of the filly and when it did everypony heard a slight hissing noise. “There we go. The nanomachines will take care of the pests.”
“What are nanomachines?” asked Cadence as she looked at Midnight. “Will they hurt her?”
“Oh no,” said Healing as she shook her head. “Nanomachines are these tiny little machines that are no bigger than the tip of a pencil. The ones I injected into her will seek out and destroy the parasites as well as any eggs that they placed in her body. Once they had done that they will make sure that they are removed from the body.”
“Impressive,” said Celestia with a nod. “But why not leave them inside her body to help heal all of her wounds? Is that not possible?”
“Oh it is possible,” said Healing with a slight laugh. “In fact we have nanomachines that heal all sorts of wounds. But there is a slight problem with just leaving them inside a pony’s body. See, when we were first starting out we just injected a patient with nanomachines that were programmed to heal all wounds. At first there were no problems until one pony’s heart stopped. Turned out the nanomachines did that in order to enact repairs. Once they were done they started up the heart again, but by that time it was too late. The brain had gone too long without oxygen causing damage. The patient lost all of her memories, making her a blank slate.”
“And you put those things inside her?!” demanded Cadence.
“You misunderstand,” said Healing quickly. “After we discovered this, we tried to fix the problem. But it was hard to teach a machine to protect a sense of self when they didn’t know what that meant. It’s very complicated. In the end we gave up and just made them to take care of specific problems like those parasites. They are also programmed to stay away from places like the heart and brain. Finally, to make sure there are no other problems, after they are done they are to exit the body.”
“I see,” said Cadence with a relieved sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry,” said Healing as she reached into her coat and pulled out a thin black box. “It just goes to show how much you care.” The doctor then pressed a button on the black box and the egg began to move. A line appeared down its middle and began to move downwards until it was at the halfway point. Then the upper half of the egg split open. Healing picking up Midnight and placed her into the open device where she simply floated in midair. Once she was set, the device closed.
“What the buck is that?!” demanded Blue Cross.
“It’s a revitalization chamber,” said Healing Touch. “I would go over how it works but that would be too complicated. Lets just say it will have her up and walking around in an hour or so.” Healing then looked at Cadence. “But I must warn you that it is not a permanent solution. She will need to start eating more or else she will quickly return back to her original state.”
Cadence nodded as she walked over to the strange floating egg, fully intending to wait for her new daughter. She heard Luna say something about informing both parties as to what was going on. Celestia agreed and soon all of them left. She turned, however, when she heard somepony cough. Shining Armor had stayed behind.
“Don’t you have to guard Princess Luna?” asked Cadence with a raised eyebrow.
“You shouldn’t worry about it,” he said with a slight grin. “Besides, I think I’m more needed here. Plus I can keep you company.” Cadence allowed herself a small smile. To be honest, she felt safe around him. It felt…right. She then looked at the device and frowned as a thought appeared in her head.
“You have such great technology,” she said. “But you still have a need for a machine like this.”
“Actually no,” said Shining as he walked next to her. “Machines like this one are rarely used. In fact, now that I think about it, the last time this particular machine was used was six years ago to treat some fashion model who was starving herself. Made the holo-papers and everything.”
“If it’s such a rare occurrence then why was this machine even made?” asked Cadence. Shining rubbed his mane while looking a bit embarrassed.
“I once asked Princess Luna a similar question back when I started my military training,” he said. “I wanted to know why we needed weapons and stuff like that when there weren’t any enemies around. She said it was like having condoms. She would rather have one and never need it than to need it but not have one.”
-x-
Shadow walked through town with a slightly heavy load. On his back was Scootaloo along with the remains of her scooter. There was also a bag of seeds that he had been very fortunate to find.
“Wow mister, you must really like kiwi,” said Scootaloo as she eyed the bag for a moment.
“Best fruit I’ve ever had in my life,” he replied as he licked his lips. “And none of that ‘mister’ stuff. Makes me feel older than I am. Just call me Shadow.” He then paused and began to look around. “Now where is she?”
“Your marefriend?” asked Scootaloo. She had been wondering what his marefriend was like. Whoever it was, she had to be as awesome as Shadow. In her mind she pictured a mare like Rainbow Dash. But ten percent less cool because no pony was as cool as Rainbow.
“Yeah,” said Shadow. “We split up, which in hindsight might not have been the best idea.” He tilted his head to the side to think for a moment before he spread his wings. All the ponies in the area left out a gasp as they saw them. “Hang on; we’re going to find her the easy way.” With that the two flew into the air.
For Scootaloo this was an amazing experience. She had always wanted to fly on her own, but for some reason she seemed unable to. The best she could get on her own was to use her scooter on a ramp. It really annoyed her that there were younger pegasi that could fly through the air much better than she could. But right now none of that seemed to matter. She was up in the air where she knew she belonged and so dearly wished to stay.
The two flew around the market place for awhile, not once spotting their target. So Shadow decided to extend the area of their search. A few minutes after that Shadow swooped down towards two mares: a yellow Pegasus Scootaloo knew to be Fluttershy and a purple unicorn whom she didn’t know but looked a little nerdy. Silently Shadow glided downwards and landed near the two. As he did Fluttershy mad a mad dash for the nearest bush.
“Oh come on,” groaned Shadow as he face hoofed. “Am I really that scary?”
“I’m sorry,” said a tiny voice from the bush.
“Don’t worry,” said Twilight. “She did the same thing when I saw her.” Shadow raised an eyebrow. “Well, I sort of charged towards her at full speed.”
“Why did you do that?” asked Shadow.
Twilight pointed a hoof at a tree branch. “That’s why,” she said. Shadow looked up and his jaw dropped. On the branch were several creatures that he had only seen in old books: birds. “I saw her working with them and I guess I lost control of myself for a moment. No pony back home has seen a real bird in a thousand years.”
“What?!” cried out Fluttershy as she jumped out of the bush. “Neither of you have ever seen a cute little birdy before?” Both Shadow and Twilight shook their heads no.
“Sadly, our homeland has no animal besides us,” said Shadow sadly.
“T-That’s just awful,” said Fluttershy who looked like she was about to cry. “Y-You’ve never had a doggie or a k-kitty to play w-with. I-It’s just so sad.” She then wiped away her tears and gave them both a serious look. “Well I’m not going to let you two leave without getting the experience.” She then made a mad dash down the road.
“She…seems passionate about animals,” said Shadow after a while.
“You have no idea,” said Scootaloo. “She once did a presentation in front of my class, showing us all sorts of animals that she takes care of. She was really shy and nervous at first. But when she saw Diamond Tiara dumping glue on some of them she gave her this stare that actually caused her to apologize without Ms. Cherilee telling her to.”
“Who’s your friend?” asked Twilight as she just noticed Scootaloo.
“I’m Scootaloo,” said the orange filly as she jumped off Shadow’s back. “Shadow told me that his marefriend could fix my scooter.”
“Well I’ll see what I can do,” said Twilight as she went to pat Scootaloo on the head. Yet when she did she felt something on the filly’s forehead. She gave a quick glance at Shadow how nodded his head. ‘So he noticed as well,’ thought Twilight as she checked Scootaloo’s wings. “So, can I ask you why you need a scooter?”
“Well I need to get around, duh,” said Scootaloo as she rolled her eyes.
“Well I guess I walked into that one,” said Twilight. “Let me rephrase, do you prefer the scooter over flying?”
“I…I can’t fly,” said Scootaloo. “I’m the only Pegasus in my class that can’t. Everytime I try it feels like I’m too heavy or something.” Scootaloo fought back the tears that were beginning to build up behind her eyes. “So I thought that if I exercised more and built up my wing strength I could eventually get off the ground. But so far…” At that her voice trailed off. It was just too painful to say anymore.
Shadow sighed. “I guess it’s like I thought,” he said. “You’ve got mixed blood.” Scootaloo snapped her head to look at Shadow.
“W-What does that mean?” she asked.
“When I felt your head there was a tiny bump,” he said. “A bump shaped like a unicorn’s horn in the exact same place. Meaning that one of your parents was a unicorn and the other was a Pegasus.”
“It’s very rare when something like this happens,” said Twilight as she stepped between the two. “Usually a foal will be born one or the other. But there is a one in a fifteen million chance that the two side will fight for dominance causing the foal to be born with weakened traits of both parents. In your situation, your horn didn’t grow out all the way and your wings are a bit too small for your age. Also, your bones might weigh you down a bit due to the unicorn blood inside of you.”
What Twilight didn’t tell her was that something like this could also be caused by a spell. There is a spell that a unicorn can use to change the child inside of her into another pony type. However, in order for this spell to work the foal must have the blood of the pony type that she wants running through its veins. Also, it must be done early in the pregnancy, otherwise things wouldn’t form the way they should. Like, for example, in the case of Scootaloo.
“I-Is that why m-my parents sent me to the orphanage?” asked Scootaloo. Tears were now beginning g to flow down her face. “Because I’m some kind of freak?”
“You’re not a freak,” said Shadow sternly. “Never think that way about yourself again. And any real parent would never do something like that!”
“Besides,” said Twilight gently as she walked over to Scootaloo and held her close. “Back home we have a procedure for events like this one. Our doctors will be able to make you a full unicorn or Pegasus.”
“You mean I’ll be able to fly on my own?” asked Scootaloo as she looked up at Twilight. As the purple mare nodded, Scootaloo began to cry again.
But this time they were tears of joy
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Chalk it up to one thousand years of boredom. But, yeah, you make some good points about her.
Lovin' this version of the NLR, by the way. Glad I tracked.
~Skeeter The Lurker
You know, this is the only version of Lunar Republic that I've enjoyed so far. Others were Always way too biased and pretty much blamed Celestia for everything. 'YAWN' I think she's just too good of a scapegoat because she's too passive
At least in this one, there's some mixed blame even if Celestia still bears most of it.
Also, poor Scootaloo. How big are the chances that she'll come out a Unicorn? That would be kinda awesome.
EDIT: how the hay isn't this in my favorites yet? I swear, I pushed that button before! 'pushes it again'
FINALYY SOMEPONY ELSE SAW ALL THE SIGNS while admit I didn't watch the parasprite episode,
I do agree that celestia is at the point of letting the mane 6 solve every problem. so LUNA IS BEST PRINCESS
I can see a Stargate Atlantis ref in this chapter
so when are the other mane 6 going to pop up that would be so bizarre for every pony
2279558
It's a good episode. Celestia only comes in at the end and doesn't know what a parasprite is. However I let that one sort of pass because only Pinkie Pie and Zecora seemed to know what it was.
dah that was cute
. so Scootaloo is not a alicorn thats good
. and THAT RANT WAS AWESOME 
and i also agree with it
here have scootaloo jumping up and down
24.media.tumblr.com/17bcd6cabdbdc5d5e8440b00a104cdad/tumblr_miuq2aWVc11rqn07go8_500.gif
2279589 hhmmm ill have to watch it thanks
Mane 6 dimensional break-in. Oh the mayhem they can do in a "No longer a What If look" to another dimension.
Partly criticism, partly suggestions. So far the Lunar Ponies seem to be coming off as morally and technologically superior to the Equestrians, I think you need to balance things out a little more. I can't imagine Celestia being a bad ruler and ponies not developing much more in some ways as opposed to ponies under Luna. Of course you're already well on the way to highlighting the differences between Luna's and Celestia's ruling styles. Luna chooses to act quickly even when she should take time to think, such as running away to the moon rather rather then work with Celestria to fix social problems. At the same time Celestia is overtly cautious, choosing to wait when immediate action is needed. The sisters in this universe still need the elements to reunite them, even if it doesn't involve one getting blasted by a rainbow, plenty of conflict to explore with out a "bad guy" getting involved.
And you get a downvote and a de-fav for outright admitting this is a fic devoted to bashing Celestia.
Your note about Celestia is spot on.
) everything in advance in order to cause everything to turn out in her favor.
That's what irk me about her too.
Unless she is some kind of future predicting mastermind able to scheme everything , in that case , she is pretty clever.
...When I think about it , the "Youtube" thing she used to show Twillight life in the season final could hint toward that. If she is an all knowing mastermind , it's easy for her to plot (no , not this kind of plot
Actually , I would love some kind of "reveal" episode showing all the hidden manipulation and safeguard she used in order to make everything work.
Or that's just me playing to much Higurashi.
2279642
I never said that this fic is devoted to bashing her. All I said in my AN box was why i don't like her and that's all. I did that because some people were wondering why i was portraying her this way. why she doesn't lift a hoof to help the bat ponies and such. believe me, if i was bashing her i would make it far more obvious. and doing it in a way that causes her alot of pain. with a mallet. and a black hole.
2279658
So, in a long twisty lawyer-speak paragraph, you try and deny you're bashing her, only to admit that yes, you're bashing her.
Luna is best alicorn!!!
Season 1: Who's to say Princess Luna was too busy trying to catch up on the last 1000 years of Equestrian history to attend a party. As for the Gala, Celestia herself said that it was always so boring, who's to say Luna wouldn't rather stay up in her room than attend the Gala and attempt to find out if it's possible for a veritable goddess to die of boredom. Also, just because she didn't act like she realize what a parasprite is that doesn't mean she doesn't know; perhaps she did know and didn't want to cause a panic, or it was so long since she last saw one that she didn't immediately recognize it.
Season 2: Princess Celestia wouldn't dare teach her subjects to fear her own sister, not intentionally at least. The ponies feared Night Mare Moon, not Princess Luna, they just didn't seem to realize that, despite sharing the same body for a time, Luna and Night Mare are two different beings. As for the royal wedding, even the sweetest mares can become complete monsters when it comes to their own wedding and, seeing as she performed the ceremony herself, surely Celestia would be familiar with the concept of bridezillas. It also wouldn't be the first time her student jumped to conclusions and acted without thinking; remember Lesson Zero?
Season 3: I kinda agree with you on the first part, but who's to say this isn't like when she sent Twilight to Ponyville? She didn't tell Twilight to do anything other than make friends because if she told her everything then Twilight would just make friends in order to control the elements, instead of making real friends. Also, as old as Celestia is, she of all ponies would know just how powerful friendship is, and how the fire of friendship can thaw even the coldest hearts and brighten the blackest.
I'm not saying you're wrong, and you do make some good points, I'm just providing counter-points here.
2279669 I'm gonna have to disagree with you there Richie m'boy. It's not bashing, he's raising valid points against her. Bashing is this: Celestia suxx! She's an evil queen and smells like poop and is worse than Pedophile Hitler!!1 Just look at what she did to her evil demonic world-destroying sister!!!
2279702
I get what your saying. But that also brings up another interesting point. Celestia knew that friendship is the key to making the elements work. Then why didn't she try to get Twilight to make friends earlier on?
2279669
If you want to see how I bash, check out my stuff on fanfiction.net.
2279724
Thank you
2279724
No, that's being trollishly stupid.
2279748 I'd reply, but I can't...
Cause I'm frreeeeeeeee, freeeee faaaaallin'!
2279748
Ok then, for the future, bashing refers to pointing out a characters flaws in an AN box. Also note that I have not made her completely useless as a ruler. I am just doing what the show would most likely have done.
It's almost like she's trying to prepare everyone for something, like something happening to her.
Anyways, I think Luna would've been feared regardless of the holiday. In fact, probably would've been worse without it. The holiday took some of the bite out of the fearful legend that was Nightmare Moon. After all, what better way to learn not to fear something than think it was nothing more than a holiday idol? But yes, she should've worked harder at it. Maybe lied and said something possessed Luna and forced her to become Nightmare Moon, get the ponies to pity her rather than fear her.
2279734 That would imply that she hasn't tried before, and surely she has tried, I doubt she ever just up and told her to make friends. Besides, if Celestia made Twilight go out and make some friends then Twilight would only make friends to avoid disappointing her teacher, and, seeing how most ponies in Canterlot act, they would only be her friend because she's Celestia's beloved student, and practically her surrogate daughter, which brings the kind of influence and power that money and titles could never buy; Celestia would rather Twilight have no friends than be around ponies who befriend her for selfish reasons.
I'm just going to come out and say it. You've set up the Lunar Republic as a 'Mary Sue' nation. Super advanced technology, a well run republic form of government, equality for all, etc etc. What passes for serious diseases in Equestria can be healed with the wave of a hand.
That's why some people are questioning you over your Celestia bashing comments. Luna's nation is a glorious utopia, only held back by chance (where they live) and Celestia's manipulations (holding out much needed resources to force a deal). On the other hand, Celestia's domain is extremely racist, technologically stagnant, and has a selfish feudalist government that was simply lucky to occupy such a pristine territory.
You've really lost the chance to explore the differences between the two sisters and their circumstances. The direction of this story is making it a bashfic, whether that was your intention or not.
I really want to see the Main Mane 6 comment on some of this soon just because. Plus just imagine the hilarity of Twilight attempting not to be seen by, well Twilight. The mass confusion would be hilarious. Plus then we can see the Main Mane 6 help behind the scenes.
Also this Celestia is different then normal Celestia. This Celestia never had to banish her sister to the moon, never had to actually stand up to something after Discord, and just shrank behind her nobles who "helped" her after Luna left. Therefore never becoming the prankster and good mentor Celestia was supposed to become.
Story time
Shadow seperates from Twilight to help fix a few last minute problems; really all Shadow wants is more kiwis.
Shadow: Mam, could I have another bushel of kiwis?
: gets in line at the vendor next to the kiwi stand.
: Huh?
: I uh, got hungry...?
: Uh, bye?
Kiwi vendor: I have to say young stallion, you are an interesting character.
Shadow: Hmm?
Kiwi vendor: Well, not only are you paying me for my goods instead of stealing them....
Shadow: ugh
Main
Kiwi vendor: Enjoy the kiwis, I guess not all bat ponies are robbers.
Shadow: *fake grin* Twiley, what are you doing here?
Main
Shadow: Shouldn't you be helping that apple farmer or something?
M
Shadow: Oh, alright then *nuzzles her before walking away grinning with his kiwis*
M
After getting enough food for six Twilight sneaks into an empty house and heads into the basement to find her five friends.
: Did you get the food, I'm starving! 
: Yes Dash, I got some food for all of us.
: Did you see me, well other me! Is she like me!?! Huh huh huh?
: No Pinkie, I did not bump into this universe's Pinkie Pie.
: Awe....
: But some stallion did randomly nuzzle me and call me Twiley.... 
: Was he handsome? 
: I guess, but that's beside the point; maybe in this universe its a normal greeting. We need to blend in though if we are to figure out how to get back home. So we'll need to collect more information on if we already exist in this world.
: How we gunna do that there, sugercube?
:By sending one of us in a disguise to the market to ask around about us.
: Pick me! Pick me!
: No Pinkie, you're to hard to disguise; Fluttershy on the other hand....
: Eep.
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I don't see this as a bashfic, Celestia made serious mistakes in both the show and in this series. She's always been a little too hands off in my opinion, and this fic does raise questions. Why didn't Celestia let Luna have more responsibilities in the past so her people would love Luna like her? Where are the bat-ponies in canon? The only ones you see in the show are Luna's guard. Personally, I enjoy seeing Celestia get called on some of her mistakes for once.
I'm personally enjoying this story greatly and hope you don't stop writing it. Also, any fic that helps Scootaloo fly gets is even better in my book. Shadow is an interesting OC, too. Keep up the good writing and can't wait for the next chapter.
2280131
Yeah, I can kind of see where you are coming from. But please remember that the story hasn't stayed in the Republic long. However, that will soon change.
I hope you will keep reading as well as keep an open mind.
Your rant pointed out things I always passed. But you pointed out reasons that make Princess Celestia the worst princess EVER
2280194HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
2280570
Stargate Atlantis FTW
Another great chapter. Really loving the reactions of the Equestrian ponies once they find out how more advanced the Republic is.
Once more, my inability to add more up-votes saddens me.
That said, wonderful chapter!! Luna's policy on medical progress and such is just what I've come to expect from her in this universe.
Also, the idea of the hybrid theory and Scoots actually having certain features that made their proper function hard to impossible without help? Inspired, my good pony, inspired and it made sense to boot!
But what got me was your reasoning about Celestia. Now, I'm all for giving her a shot, or fics that write her well and in a more understandable, and even sympathetic light.
What you've done, however, seems the most realistic. Equestria was made to work off of fairy-tale logic in cannon, which makes sense because that's essentially what the show is. However, you've taken that concept and shown what it would mean in a more realistic world setting. The consequences and hidden side to everything, not to mention what happens to forward thinkers in a world slow to change what they see to be right and harmonious. In short, you've made a believable Equestria, and about the closest thing to what I'd expect a HiE fic should have at it's base. Mind you, in cannon Luna DID become Nightmare Moon, but aside from a mention of envy in a foal's tail, and a reiteration Luna was in no state to elaborate upon in episode two...no further details were given.
What I'd wonder, is in your world's logic, what WOULD have sent Luna off the deep end, and HOW would Nightmare Moon form? Top that question off with the doozy. If she did, and recovered from the transformation, how would Luna handle Equestria, with the knowledge and guilt from that power? Would she still help bring about change like with the Lunar Empire? Or would she hang back, unsure and allow things to continue at status quo, even when she KNOWS more can and SHOULD be done! Her loss of confidence, which she still has in this story, moral high-ground even, was part of what made the Empire's jump possible I think. What she'd likely have left after even the Princess Twilight event would likely be very little, and even more mixed feelings about what to make of having another princess join the ranks...one that logically had equal, if different, favor from Celestia. I'd say things would get a massive shake-up, and that Equestria would be in for an event to TOP the original war with Discord those centuries ago.
Sorry, rant over. Anyway, great job, and let me know if any of this rant interests you.
2281731
I always enjoy hearing a good rant. I hope that in future chapters you will continue to have such comments. Pretty soon we will be going to see How the Republic works. Sadly, there are flaws, but when isn't there.
To answer your question, in this world Luna cares deeply for her subjects. She has ponies who love and respect her with a passion. But lets say one of their experiments goes wrong and ends up killing a lot of them. Or even wipes out all life on the moon expect for her. I can not imagine the pain she would go through since she brought them to the moon so that they could be safe. It might be enough to drive her crazy. Maybe even more than before because she had what she always wanted and saw it destroyed. As for what would happen next, I can't tell you. Even I'm unsure as to what she would do.
2281795
...sweet Celestia...as I read that blurb ya just sent...I saw it...and I think I do.
First thing, would be shock, pure and complete. Disbelief in addition to all that. Likely there would have been survivors, at least in your story given the link Planet-side is somewhat open again.
In the context of before your story though, before Twilight was born? ...likely, she'd loose it majorly, except instead of sorcery, she'd go with technology. Imagine a Borg-like pony, Luna enhancing her own self and abilities, and reviving the dead, or what remains of them, with the very nano-probes you just talked about, but made to animate, and even partially take over the functions of living tissue. But, likely given her own limitations in ingenuity and it not being her talent, the best she'd get would be drones, blank slates without true animation.
This would drive her even further down the path, seeking out in magic what technology could not fix. She'd still resent Celestia, by this point for not helping her even though Celestia would have had no knowledge of the Empire's fate. That, would be when Equestria would face a menace well beyond the pale, one that would start in the outlaying territories. Likely in Griffon territory, where Celestia would have less influence, and then Dragons, for lesser known arts and hoarded artifacts and spells. Searching for magic to conquer true death...to revive the fallen who walk with technology from a barren satellite. And leading this new plague, a grief-stricken mare, fused with the very technology that gave a semblance of life to her lost subjects. In her pain, she would raise the base world that rejected their ancestors to the ground, and would see all opposition as dishonoring her beloved fallen.
The Magic of Friendship, would have to contend with...
The Sorrow of the Fallen.
Man, that hit my like a truck!!
Say what you will, this idea may be another of my attempts to write a fic for FiM fiction. Sadly, I know I'll likely never get passed two chapters without help. Know any good betas who might want a shot at this? It'd be an AU of your world, so I'd love your input. Moreover, your blessing should I pursue this.
I really like this story, but you have a few problems.
1. Shadow Blade. His name makes me cringe horribly, but there's not much to be done about that this far in. Anyway, you've made him far too much the center of attention here, and while I kind of like him, he's too generic an OC to really catch on. Most of your scenes containing him use him as the center point for just about everything that happens, which is annoying as well. I would suggest either making him more realistic or making him less of an attention black hole, or both. On the other hand, I like your subplot about the batwinged ponies, and I think you've done a passable job of using a normally useless OC species to inherently further the story.
2. Your dialogue is kind of shitty and poorly written at times. Not a big deal, but it can be kind of annoying at times.
I would suggest getting a really good editor. I hate it when stories like this end up falling short of how awesome they could be because nobody bothered to prune the crap out of them.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter, regardless.
2279589 Several thousand year old regent and she has never heard of them? Either she spent too much time on her gilded throne, or is being purposefully ignorant. I mean parasprites are worse then locusts, they would have to have been noticed before...
Only exception would be if Discord had made them during his brief escape at the start of Season 2, and even then didn't everything revert to normal?
Yay Scoots can fly!
2282673
To be honest, I didn't like the name much either but it has grown on me. I also get what your saying about him being like a black hole. But also try to remember that right now most ponies will react towards Shadow seeing that he is a bat pony. I will try to tone that down a bit but he will have a couple more big scenes in upcoming chapters. That's all I can really promise. That and I'll work on the dialog.
2281868
I have always felt it is a writers job to inspire. If I have inspired you to create your own story, then go on. But maybe instead of borg you could go more cyber man and take a page out of Doctor Who. Luna could be so emotionally in pain that she tries to remove it and create a race that would never die on her. Anyways, I'll be here if you ever want to bounce ideas off of me.
2283193
Get an editor to help you. I've had seven or eight of them over the course of a four chapter story, and none of my otherwise crappy stories would have been featured if it weren't for them. My writing would be shit without them telling me what to cut. Most people don't realize how useful having a proofreader can be. I would advise you not to be one of them
This was another cool chapter.
I know that you you have some mistakes with your writing and trust me I do too I've been looking for help form a proofreader myself. But I hope you don't Take offense to what I said.
I liked the way your are starting to weave the characters together, Twilight & Shadow Blade with Scootaloo
Then Cadence & Shinning armor with Midnight Blossom
I know a lot of people are saying that Shadow Blade is a grey sue character but I am giving him the benefit of the doubt because, well I like him and I see that he could become something more and second a grey sue can also be confused for some one that is trying to portray a social disorder. This pare is more for the people that are complaining about him.
Next I do not as of yet see this as a bash flick because of where Luna's and Celestia's nations are respectively. Celestia's nation has an abundance of resources and magic, not to mention ponies in power had magic too, so they leaned more heavenly no magic. Since they had magic and the ponies in power benefited form it they had now reason to cultivate any science, but since the magic users had no compaction they never bothered to improve or work on any thing new for their society. Add to the powerful nobles, Celestia's in action, I'm I right or wrong about that?, and ponies to loose too much to change, hence the stagnation.
Luna's on the other hand had the need for survivability and lived in an area with few resources the needed for progression was more impotent to solve the complex problems they faced. Luna saw the value and the need to refine such technologies and encouraged it. Hence the rapped advancement.
Now I see fawns in both and the advantages . They are too numerous to write down. But I am not on any one's side and I like the two contrast will make for some interesting conflict in future chapters but also opportunities.
But I can see that while many will be opposed to it for all we now there will be those ceases that there live will be improved too.
I wish to ad a joke here but I don't think I should but let just say, I wonder if Luna Lowjack her people?
Good luck in the future and I hope everything will work out
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I told you i wouldn't make her an alicorn.
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I don't think so. Weren't the parasprites first shown in season 1. Also, if Discord was the one who created them originally, then how could Zecora know about them and how could Pinkie Pie know how to get rid of them. Personally, I like my idea of how they came to be. Started off as a harmless little joke and then grew out of control. HEHE.
2288832 do you know what im meaning
2289296
yeah, i was just joking around.
sorry
2290813its ok no need to CRY
Good points for Celestia and I agree on all of them.
I'll agree with most of your points. Except false Cadence, who other than not remembering Twilight didn't do anything bad in public ("Oh no, she was demanding about the state of her dress, it's not like the entire Elements of Harmony treated Rarity even worse when she was making them their gala dresses or anything" "Oh no, she thanked someone for food and then threw it away, it's not like that's the way you'd act if you weren't hungry but wanted to spare their feelings") and Twilight actually has a history of overreacting to things. That scene where Twilight presented her arguments and the others provided rational counter arguments was actually going the way a friendly dispute should have been settled, until Chrysalis turned on the emotional blackmail-- although, I suppose if there was any moment Celestia should have been suspicious it was her crocodile tears.
That said: Racism in Equestria has canon roots so you're not completely unjustified in citing it as a problem.
However, I do feel like this thing with Scootaloo is pushing disbelief, where they can fix her never diagnosed problems.