Solstice in an Eclipse

by -Brutus

Revolution

Blinking once then twice before realization hit him that there was a fireball coming straight for him, he flapped his wings furiously, managing to dodge it entirely. Quickly it passed by him, and a moment after, a loud explosion; screams of earth ponies that were unfortunately caught in the blast drowsed in the air. Yet another fireball arced toward him once again; were they targeting him?!

“BUCK THIS!” The white pegasi was surrounded by a purple aura, the magic being stronger encompassing his obsidian sword.

“Hold on Risk, building the magic up!” The dark lavender unicorn came into view as her horn hummed with power.

“Well hurry the buck up, Twilight! It's coming. Oh buck, oh buck!” Risk dropped the scabbard; it would only get in his way. Tightening his arm muscles, he took a swing with the sword at the fireball, stopping it at the nick of time. The force of the fireball was slowly pushing him back as Twilight worked to build more and more of her magic.

From the corner of his eye, a bright light grew brighter. “Horseapples!” He shouted as another fireball in another color came up, arcing toward his lavender unicorn companion. “Oh no, no! No you don't!” His fighting spirit renewing, he flared up as he finally acknowledged that the link-up from Twilight was in effect. With a strong arm, he pushed the fireball that he was holding back with a powerful swing. “Hyeh!”

He had redirected the fireball toward the other fireball, holding his sword with a strong arm. Beating his wings out of sheer adrenaline, he flew toward the floating unicorn with all of his might; grabbing her tightly as he flew down toward the earth, the fireballs slowly came into contact with each other. Various agonizing yells radiated out of the battlefield as the two fireballs crashed into each other, producing a loud and bright explosion hundreds of feet in the air. After it dwindled, a strong shockwave crashed into the ground, spreading outwards and knocking out the soldiers who were the closest to the blast.

Groaning, the pegasus got back up on his hooves, holding in his scream as he felt one of his hind-legs was broken, but he felt compelled to stay strong for her. Frantically, he checked the unicorn; a sigh of relief that she was unscratched. Twilight began to giggle at his concern. “Don't worry; it would take more than that to kill me.” She looked him in the eyes, “Risk... It's time.” her horn began to glow in a darker purple.

Quickly jumping to his hooves, he flapped his wings to check if they were still functional. Pegasus battalion began to surround him, awaiting his orders. Taking in a large breath, he still had to play the part. “We are a clenched hoof, ready to strike down all who oppose us with our might.” Risk declared with a strong voice, “Today, we bring to end of this damned war and await our true decisive victory! Fly, and charge in with all your might!!! Slash, swing, stab, bash, punch or even bite, I don't care! Fight for your Queen and the homeland of Equestria! Struggle, struggle with all of your power to bring our home and her pride. CHARGE IN! CHARGE IN. I COMMAND YOU TO CHARGE IN! AND END IT!” With a thunderous sound of hundreds of wings taking off, the earth rumbled as the earth ponies in heavy black armor rushed passed them. Unicorns bowing their head, they started their battle spells of black fireballs, thundershowers, fire, anything they could conjure, firing it upon the rebellions which were gathered at other side.

The rebellions, known as the Dawn Militia, launched their second assault. Killing or capturing Nightmare Moon took the first priority. Their secondary goal, killing or capturing the dreaded commanders of dark battalions, Twilight Sparkle “former” Element of Magic, and Risk, also known as “White Lighting of Death”, which spoke of his speed and the inevitability which came with it.

Princess Celestia, the regal sun goddess is the ultimate goal; break her banishment and bring peace back to Equestria.

“How long do you need, Twilight?” Risk asked, dusting himself off in the air. Watching his battalion charging in the fight was bringing itself to a close as each side fell one by one; the air whistling with arrows flying. One particular pegasus was unlucky as he got stuck by seven arrows, one through his eye, killing him instantly, he dropped down to Equestria. A loud, horrified scream resounded behind Risk; he turned his head grimacing as a stallion unicorn started to cry at the blackened, charred body of his lover. Nodding his head gently at the stallion acknowledging his loss, a voice finally rang out.

“Twenty minutes is all I need, I've already put enough of that into you. Don't die!” the dark lavender horn began to glow darker with each passing moment, staring intently at the hovering white pegasi.

Risk grimaced, “I cannot guarantee that promise this time. I'll try to not get killed, without saying that is...” Closing his eyes, he leaned over and gave Twilight a long and passionate kiss as she returns one of her own, smiling weakly when they broke it off—probably for last time. Her purple mane rippled in the wind as Risk gave his wings a strong flap, taking off. One rebel pegasi managed to get passed the defense they had set up, but was only to be stopped by Risk’s black sword slicing through the flesh of his right wing; suddenly losing the ability of flight, the attacker dropped like rock.

With a quick wing manipulation, he pulled off a ninety degree climb toward the black blob in the sky. Slowly and surely, the blob formed into a familiar shape. As he climbed toward it, a black fireball began to form next to it, and it was launched down toward him. He smiled slightly—even though he hated her with all of his passion—because the fireball wasn’t meant to target him as it flew straight and true. It made its target straight into a rebel pegasi that was chasing Risk; the fireball exploded with black flaming magic, and the pegasus plunged the earth with loud crack, killing her instantly. The outline from the blob in the sky became a figure as Risk finally arrived; slowly the teal eyes of hers glanced over at him and boomed.

“Ah, my commander, how art thou faring in this battle?” An evil smirk slowly formed on her face.

Flapping his wings while turning around—his back now to Nightmare Moon—yet another fireball arced through the air toward both of them. “It's faring pretty well; half of their force is retreating as we're pushing forward with the earth ponies’ diversion.” He grunted, and waiting for the proper moment, he stabbed the incoming fireball, and magic activated upon his strike, and the fireball absorbed into his sword. “Victory is only... two steps from now, my Majesty.” He gave a second glance at Twilight on the ground who was secretly charging up her spell.

Nightmare Moon cackled, “Very good. Verrry good.” As she flapped in the air with her majestic black wings, her horn glowing a deadly but beautiful blue aura that was splashed with mini stars within it. “Today is the day when I recognize my dream of making eternal night true!” Her horn glowed menacingly; the magic aura of her mane spread wildly across the sky in a spiraling fassion, filling the atmosphere with her desired night, laughing from the pit of her black heart.

“So far, so good…” Risk thought, taking a deep breath as he shot off toward the battle. The magic that was stored within his sword caressed his body, slowly forming a purple aura that surrounded him entirely. As he arrived, aligning his wings, he circled around his prey. From the battlefield below, a couple pegasi shot up toward him in a trail of dust. The first pegasus came at him with his sword, and sliced his weapon through the air toward him. Before it could make contact with Risk, he blocked it with their swords clashing together; he used the magic in his sword that repelled the pegasus’ attack back, and Risk returned his own assault and with a powerful swing, he cut the pegasi in half, painting his white coat in red.

Risk quickly shot a look at the second pegasi, smirking as the enemy began to sweat and shake in the air as he watched his friend fall toward Equestria in two pieces, holding his tears back and shouted in anger, “YOU..YOU MONSTER!”

For once, Risk felt bit terrible, remorse at it's lowest; he deciding to spare him of his fate. Taking off with a powerful thrust with his wings, the enemy flinched at Risk’s assault. Instead of slicing through, he missed and attacked the air next to the enemy, then heaved a powerful punch to his face, knocking him out. The unconscious pegasi then fell from the air, and collapsed into the ground with a thud.

The chaotic battle that has been taking place began to reach it's finale as the sounds of thousands of weapons clashed loudly, with screams of freshly wounded ponies on both sides, crying, and mixed shouts of orders integrated in the air. Everything was loud; it never seemed to silence even for second. Eventually, Risk glanced at Twilight in the distance; her horn giving off a familiar colored glow. He let out a painful groan as he felt something piercing through his right hoofleg; blood began to slowly seep out. Growling in anger, he turned his head quickly and noticed an earth pony on the ground holding a bow, fumbling to reload his weapon.

“Nope, you don't!” Risk rushed toward the earth pony, and the bowpony held up his bow with the pathetic attempt to use it as a shield, and the pegasi sliced right through the bow and flesh; the bowpony dropped, and began crawling on the ground like a vermin.

Refocusing his eyes, Risk’s sword began to drain of its power that Twilight had transferred into it earlier. It was the signal; it was time. A strange sound rumbled out of the sword, and a loud bang as a purple aura finally dissipated. Laughing his heart out, it was the moment of do or die; his comrades were confused at the strange turn of behavior of their commander.

“Sir? Sir!” few ponies inquired of him.

“I'm fine.” Risk slowly casted his eyes at the sky above; it seemed so peaceful—stars were twinkling with the single moon casting light upon the land. It was ironic that such a beautiful thing had become so hated by many. “Twilight, thank you...” he thought. Building his courage as he gave his wings a flap, he shouted his final order to his captain, “Push them back, as long you can!”

Saluting, the blue earth pony went off shouting the order.

Risk shifted his focus on the black blob in the sky, surrounded by a blue astral magic. Gripping his dark sword, memories of Twilight began to dance through his head as courage of his exploded like an erupting volcano. Quickly with a thrust of his wings, he took off the ground. Twilight’s face was scowling, and her eyebrows furrowed; it was the tense moment that they have waited two years for.

The body of his started to scream in fear, as it knew exactly where this was going to go. Regardless, Risk ignored it with his mind, courage and promise that he made a long time ago with Twilight. The black blob very quickly multiplied in size as he flew closer and closer, and tensing his muscles up, he guided his sword straight for that damned black alicorn's heart...

and only few hooves from the target.

Then darkness came.

“RISK!!!” a strong, feminine voice shrieked.

* * * * *

Two years earlier...

Comments

[CheeseDeluxe]

You seem to be dropping prepositions, such as 'to'. Also, the author's note at the end needs to be separated from the chapter. Use a horizontal rule.

For a deaf person, you write well. As for your editor, however...s/he needs to be replaced.

[Dane]

The basic idea of this seems interesting but the writing currently suffers from being to clumpy and the entire chapter sped along way too fast with the fight with Nightmare Moon, Risk getting hurt, Celestia, and Twilight's changes. A bit more detail or at least hints of what's happened in the last two years also might help some.

[-Brutus]

That was to showcase what happened in "middle" of this story, then going back two years back then stringing it long and good as I can. Of how Risk came across Twilight, I might should also write out the story from her point of view of how she lived through the beating and psychological assault that Nightmare Moon made on her, then of how she met Risk. Then as we reach the part of battle. Which the changes, the transformation, mortal injury that Risk received in the battle will be completely explained/laid-out.

Then the chapters after that "middle" of story would be something of them living on their own, trying to atone their sins or something of those lines. With Princess Celestia, Princess Luna and rest of Mane 6 searching for Twilight Sparkle and Risk. I'm still figuring out the outline of how should they be found, what is the conclusion of them meeting each other again. Thanks for your feedback, Ill take it in with serious consideration.

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[Dane]

The problem is that it all comes rushing forward in the first chapter without any real buildup and to many things are happening to quickly with one thing right after another. The fact that the story is going to largely be a flashback in itself isn't a problem but that the prologue is coming off as being rushed.

Somewhat Ironically you currently have either too much of what's happened or not enough with the way the prologue is set up. A bit focusing on Twilight and Risk before the battle with Nightmare Moon, possibly the view point of some of the rebels, and scene breaks would all help on the first bit or you could just use what's happening near the end of the prologue, along with hints of what has happened earlier in it and going straight to to flashback.

But you're welcome and sorry if I'm coming off as nagging.

[TwilightSparkleLover05]

Pls write another chapter for this it’s one of the best fanfics I’ve read