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As Twilight Sparkle wakes one day, she discovers something very strange. Her friends have all gone missing. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity have all gone missing, and nopony has seen any of them since the day before. But that is not all that disturbs her. Not only are her friends gone, but five mares have shown up; all claiming to be Twilight Sparkle herself.
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Wow... First comment? This is looking good, please keep it up!
This seems like an interesting story so far, slightly original (there is this one story that come close to this one, but only in Unicorn Twilight's appearance, nothing further). I'll be tracking this...
C&Cs:
...I can she you need your rest.
> Replace 'she' with 'see'
I can whip up yer apples an' apple accessories is ten seconds flat
> Replace 'is' with 'in'.
Or should I say, Pribcess Twilight.
> Correction: 'Princess'.
I'll go with Pinkie Pie for $400, Alex.
ib4 it's all a big prank.
Now this is just a personal opinion, but you know what would be hilarious?
One of the Twilight Sparkles is a stallion, kinda like Dusk Shine, but not the same.
Just a thought.
NI:
2941541
I was thinking more of alternate universes rather than parallel universes, ya know what I'm sayin'?
Interesting, though you should definitely look into getting some people to look over you writing.
Keep it up please.
2941706Oooooohhh. Sir, you have set yourself up very interestingly. Not bad. Not bad at all.
NI: Oh, this is going to be hilarious. Show us what you got.
Hm... not bad... I'll have to see where yo go with this before I can properly judge it though. I'll be keeping an eye on this.
What is this? I'm not sure I even.
Curious, very curious, I'll be keeping my eye on this one
Two things:
1. Learn to type.
2. Proofread your work.
There are far too many errors in this to make it enjoyable to read, and the majority of them are typos that you'd have caught if you bothered reading back over your work before posting.
You have my attention...but please look into getting an editor.
Hm.
I have to say, I don't really... like this that much.
Don't get me wrong though; it isn't bad. But, aside from a multitude of errors that have probably already been mentioned in the comments, I think you have a bit of a purple prose problem. You use unnecessary vocabulary that just detracts from the piece.
Personally, I would recommend simplifying the language, and getting rid of all this information you're forcing into my head. Be direct, simple, and to the point, especially with a comedic piece.
That's just my opinion, anyway. May want to get a competent editor, they'll help.
Gonna go out on a limb here (Is that the proper expression.)
The other Twilights are an different element of harmony in the universe they came from.
I'm enjoying this story immensely by the way.
But what would armor twi be?
why was the letter put into the author's notes?
Things are getting interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter (but I will anyways).
3385981
You'd better. I wouldn't want you reading it before I write it.
May the real Twilight Sparkle please stand up?
Lame puns aside this story looks interesting. The first chapter was a bit rough with errors while the second one was better to read. If I may give an advice: You may need something to avoid confusing the reader which Twilight is wich otherwise the confusion might end up annoying and would disrupt the reading. But for now I'm looking forward for more.
On hiatus since 2013? Damn
So where did those other twilight's come from and what happened to mane five?
3386038
Awww, so no time travel?
as soon as i saw this
i wanted to read it
and as soon as i saw the word Cancelled
i knew that i would be sad
Y U CANCEL?
Yes. The grand plan. MUAHAHAHAHHAA!
Also, it’s alicorn, I believe? Not unicorn.
But Equestria doesn’t own any Apache attack helicopters...
...right?
*cue Apache crewed by Applejack and Rainbow Dash*
“TAKE HIM DOWN!”
No! Wait! Please don’t hurt me! I’m innocent!
Ah! You’ve done your research!
...or it was a really lucky guess.