Deadpool Vs. Bronies

by Live Light

Issue #4: Returned to Sender

Deadpool vs. Bronies

Issue #4

Previously on Deadpool vs. Equestria...

_________________________________________________________________________

Although Deadpool had his own to-do-list, which he tailored to his preference, Weasel had his own, which he didn't edit. This one wasn't for finding Lyra clothes (Because that was Deadpool's job) but his one was to help Lyra get home by finding different places. Except, he didn't actually know where the nearest portal was, seeing how his one was gone.

{Why?}

[S.H.I.E.L.D confiscated it didn't they?]

{Oh, right.}

Incidentally, a cat. ...Wait.

Incidentally, Weasel was in the middle of writing that very to-do-list. To help him think, he listened to one of his favourite song in this continuity. It's probably not his actual favourite songs, so it's just one of them. Yes.

After a while, Weasel had come up with 3 points for his to-do-list.

1. Get Lyra used to Earth so she has a fair amount of experience.

2. Identify a portal to Equestria (Hopefully besides the bronies at that warehouse)

3. Find the safest way to get Lyra there undetected, and trouble is gone.

Weasel, feeling proud of himself, nodded, and looked at the door of the room he was sitting in. This wasn't really his room seeing how this belonged to Deadpool's apartment, so he was inside the guest room. Deadpool had nearly no use for this guest room. And by Nearly, I mean, Absolutely, and by Absolutely, I mean, my novel.

Looking at the aforementioned door, he found that, at that moment, an envelope was pushed through. It was a red envelope with Deadpool's symbols on. At least he knew who it belonged to. He went over to the envelope, opened it, and looked at the letter inside.

Dear Weasel,

Here is MY to-do-list, which will be a much better decision than yours, because this had a really cool envelope.

1. Get Lyra used to Earth so she has a fair amount of experience.

2. Teach Lyra how to use a gun.

3. ?????

4. PROFIT!

Yours truly,

Deadpool

P.S: We're going with this one, because if we don't, I'm going to punch you in the neck with a knuckleduster on my knuckles. And I might place some spikes on it. You like pointy things don't you? No? Well, let's go with my one.

Deadpool

P.S.S: By the way, stop that Elvis racket. You ain't returning this letter to sender.

Deadpool

P.S.S.S: Am I supposed to write my name every time I place a P.S?

Deadpool

P.S.S.S.S: I'm gonna assume I am.

Deadpool

P.S.S.S.S.S: Wait, wait, wait, Lemme try something...

Deathstroke

P.S.S.S.S.S.S: That was so weird... I like it.

Deadpool

Weasel sighed, looked at the to-do-list he wrote, then at Deadpool's, then went over to his to-do-list and tore it up, sighing again, with more sorrow into it. He then sat on his chair wondering what to do now.
___________________________________________________________________________

Deadpool sat in his room playing a 7th generation video game console. He always didn't pay much attention to its appearance, and just decorated it to look like Deadpool property like he did with his envelope recently. His logic to this was that if he played a video game console other than the other console, then the fans of the other console will get mad.

{It's a [REDACTED] by the way. Just so you know.}

{Wait. What? Why can't I say [REDACTED]?}

[You just did.]

{No, I mean the thing this redaction is redacting! Why not!?}

Because I can't choose! DOES HE PLAY THE GREEN THING THAT PEOPLE PLAY, OR DOES HE PLAY THE THING THAT HAS HAD THREE VERSIONS OF ITSELF AND IS GETTING A FOURTH ONE LATER THIS YEAR!? THAT PEOPLE PLAY!?

[He doesn't have to choose. We chose for him.]

{You... you cruel... geniuses... I'll never forgive you!}*

[You're leaving?]

{...Why would I leave?}

[Damn it.]

Deadpool got bored because he could, and stopped playing. He looked around the room, and happened to look behind him, at the door to the room he was sitting in. The... living room. Behind him was the guest room. And at just that moment, his envelope fell out of the guest room's door. Because... for some reason, he had there be that space where people insert mail. But anyway, he wondered why his envelope returned.

So he got up, and went to it, picking it up, and opening it.

Dear Deadpool,

Fine. Want to do this your way? We'll do it your way, but when this place, or THAT place gets blown up because your teachings of gunplay to an innocent... I don't know her age, then don't come crying to me.

What's the point of leaving an entry in a to-do-list blank? What does ????? mean? What are we supposed to do when that happens?

I was hoping that, for once, you'd be a little more generous, helpful, maybe a bit less criminal, more innocent, just for once! But wouldn't that be asking for too much?

Just... we'll do it your way, but make sure nothing bad happens to Lyra. We don't want an entire dimension getting mad at us because someone put one of their inhabitants in danger.

Yours sincerely,

Jack "Weasel" Hammer

Deadpool thought carefully about his response.
___________________________________________________________________

Weasel waited, and eventually, the red envelope fell through the guest door. He opened the envelope a second time, and looked at the letter.

Dear Weasel,

RETURN TO SENDER

ADDRESS UNKNOWN

ALL THAT STUFF.

RETURNED TO SENDER, YO.

Yours sincerely,

Deadpool
____________________________________________________________________

Deadpool received a response back.

Dear Deadpool,

No, come on. Give me an actual answer. Now it just seems like you're not sure about this idea either and you're avoiding me to avoid being ridiculed. Just give me an answer that tells me you want to go through with this.

Your rather agitated friend,

Weasel
_____________________________________________________________________

The response was as follows...

Weasel...

What is this 'innocent' you speak of?

Yours sincerely,

Deadpool
_____________________________________________________________________

It was at this moment that Weasel had one of those moments, where people have moments, like other people have these moments I'm talking about, where they have moments where they have sudden surges of confidence... for a moment. Momentarily, after taking a moment to read Deadpool's response, he took a moment to stand up, and walked out of the guest room in a rather quick moment, thus ending this paragraph filled with moments, great moments that we will momentarily treasure... for a moment.

Weasel's confidence brought him to walk over to Deadpool (Well, yelling at the back of his head, he was still sitting on his couch), and say rather loudly,

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!? IF WE'RE GOING TO DO THESE THINGS, WE SHOULD DO THIS RESPONSIBLY! THIS IS NOT THE SORT OF THING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY! WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SHE WAS A LOT YOUNGER!?"

After finishing that statement/range of questions/lecture/moment, Weasel realized two errors in his judgement.

1. That he had yelled at Deadpool, who, like him, was a criminal, but was definitely deadlier, seeing how Weasel never does work in the field, and is more of an advisor.

2. That he had brought up the subject of children. Babies have a tendency to creep Deadpool out, but children are among the many things he doesn't shoot. And... actually, that 'many' isn't really that many. In fact, it's quite a few.

Bringing children into this was a big mistake. Sure, it could have made him think, but Lyra was, in fact, not a child, but a young adult, and hypothetical thinking made Deadpool angry. I think.

Deadpool sat up from his couch, and turned to face him. Deadpool cracked his neck, then his knuckles, then his toes for good measure, and said to Weasel,

"What was have here... is a failure to communicate..."

Weasel stared at him, not frightfully, in fact, it was frightfully momentarily, then it became confused, then slightly annoyed, slightly frightful, for a moment.

"That's not right! It's 'What we've got here is failure to communicate!'" He corrected, "Not 'Have', there's no 'a,' it's We've Got' without an 'a'!"

"Guys..." A voice called from another room. This room was Deadpool's room. Deadpool's room, before S.H.I.E.L.D confiscated the weapons, was only really used to utilize the weapons inside it. There was no furniture besides tables and chairs in it, I'm hoping, and Deadpool pretty much lived, ate, and slept in the living room of his apartment area. So because it was empty, it was where Lyra was staying for the duration of her stay in this place. So naturally, the voice from that room was Lyra.

Footsteps were heard after her voice was heard, and out walked a rather angry looking Lyra.

Weasel had the feeling Lyra was angry because they were arguing for her sake. Deadpool thought something that Weasel and Lyra didn't think. It wouldn't be that interesting if he could read their minds and figure out what they were thinking. And so they found out what she was so angrily curious about.

"Have you ever thought about what I might need to like it here?" She asked.

"...Getting home?" Weasel asked.

"Living here?" Deadpool asked.

Lyra's expression deadpanned. "You know how I like playing the lyre?" She asked.

"Yes?" Weasel acknowledged.

"Nope," Deadpool admitted.

"Is there a chance..." Lyra began, "That one of you... could get a lyre?"

"A truly tremendous lyre?" Deadpool asked for confirmation.

"No, just a lyre will do," Lyra answered.

"Is this all this is going to be about?" Deadpool asked, "I mean, it's not like this is called Deadpool vs. Bronies because I'm doing things for a lodger who's paying nothing..."

"I don't have any of your currency, remember?" Lyra replied, "And... huh?"

{No, don't worry, there's going to be things in the next chapter that has nothing to do with us momentarily.}

"But I want things to do with me..." Deadpool whined.

"And I'm not whining, I'm complaining!"

[You are whining.]

"Well, if you have the time to start talking to yourself in self-pity, you have the time to go out and get me a lyre," Lyra said with a satisfied smile, "Only until I have the chance to buy things for my own, if I'm here long enough. What do you say?"

"No."

"Well, too bad," Lyra said, before using her magic to levitate Deadpool, with him surrounded in a light-green aura as he was carried in mid-air to the door. Weasel walked over to the door, and opened it before Deadpool could collide with it, and, as soon as he was outside the apartment area, Weasel closed the door, and Lyra dropped him.

Deadpool sat outside his apartment door, looking at the door, then the hallway.

"This is one of those times in which I wish I was one of those silent characters in those cartoons, so that the animator, or Author, in this case, is good at having me do things without a voice actor," He said to himself.

This isn't Bad Days.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Deadpool said, before getting up. "I wonder if I'll see any interesting weirdoes in the next issue..." he wondered.

I don't think so.

{Why not?}

I still don't have that chunk of my brain which allows me to be motivated...

{Well, keep looking.}

Ugh... fine.
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To be continued in the next issue!

Comments

[Awesomedude17]

[GetJinxed]

the confusion grows. Confusion level: derpy

[Spirit Shift]

Bad Deadpool dont you know that passing notes is bad
ehh what do i care its still better then two people txting each other from different seats on the couch