• Member Since 20th Aug, 2012
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rarityxspike


I'm no one interesting. Just someone who loves writing, but has never been good at it

T
Source

TW: Eating Disorders and mentions of death

Spike's feelings for Rarity have grown stronger over the years. He feels like Rarity is just ignoring his feelings, for Spike, this feeling like rejection. This causes minor depression in the little dragon, but as the 'rejection' continues, it could lead to 'life-threatening depression.

Fluttershy makes a few appearances.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 169 )

This looks good. But a bad sign is when I have an error report, and I havn't even read it yet.

Spike's depression has lead him to do something that puts he life on the line

It's in the short description. "His," not "he." Probably just a typo. Will read.

So far, pretty good. I'll certainly be watching this story. Now, let's get down to business. *Cracks proverbial knuckles*
Writing: 84/100 Definitely could be a little better. Could be a LOT worse. Looks about average to me. I'd keep going with this.
Grammar, etc.: 94/100 Saw a pretty big error, but I already gave you that one. (2167908) Nothing else, as far as I can see.
Plot: 82/100 Overused theme, but you play a nice take on it. I like that.
Overall: 260/300 Not a bad score. Keep going, I'll be tracking.

Not much happens but I guess your just setting things up.
I am interested though.

thids caught my attention, cant wait to see it play out

Pretty good so far, I'll be happy to see where this goes.:twilightsmile:

2167908 Yes it was a typo in the small description :twilightsheepish:

Max

I'm not sure why but i hate when some people overuse the "OK" and use it in almost every single reply from the characters, besides that, i'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Nice chapter, i hope to see the next chapter soon :twilightsmile:

2168353 It's a pet peeve of mine too, I think the short version just looks really awkward. The full word 'okay' works much better in my opinion.

im interested please make another chapter please and guy's cheack out my fan fic to here is the link http://www.fimfiction.net/story/86018/a-colts-journey-to-success

Too many OK's other then that it is ok. :pinkiehappy:

Good start, looking forward to future chapters. :moustache:
Just one itty bitty little thing.
That's a Lot of "OK" 's, 9 of 'em to be exact, seems to be kinda reused, especially when in Caps form where they just stand out.
Not to utterly annoy your bum off, but can you try to make the OK's look less Caps lock-like in the future? or just use the normal form of the word?:pinkiesad2:
It seemed to me they shouted "OKAY" every time the word was used.

This felt kinda like a chapter 2 or an "En Medias Res" start.
Especially the first paragraph.
Tracking to see how this goes

I see less spelling mistakes. Still a great story! Looking forward to chapter 2! :twilightsmile:

This hurts my eyes. Either add a extra space between paragraphs or hit the button at the top of the editing page to indent. Your paragraphs need more length, mostly because you have what should be one split into 2 or 3. Repetition issues throughout, prime example

Twilight looked at Spike with a concerned look in her eye and asked,

Change it up to something like, "Twilight looked at Spike, clearly concerned about her number one assistant." You really need to use more pronouns. Example,

Spike hesitated for a moment, but eventually started eating his hay fries, very slowly. Twilight looked at Spike and was very happy he started to eat something. Twilight had just finished her salad when there was a knock on the door.

This sounds better, "Spike hesitated for a moment, but eventually started eating his hay fries, very slowly. Twilight looked at him and was at least happy that he had stopped ignoring his food. She had just finished her meal when there was a knock on the door." There's a possibility this could be as great as people are claiming, but, at the moment, it just hurts to look at. Also, you used the word salad seven times in about two-hundred words :ajbemused:

My only wish is his for this o became a SpiLight:derpyderp1:

HEY? HEY, YOU? YOU, LITTLE PONY! I SAY: HURRY, ANOTHER CHAPTER!:flutterrage:

Comment posted by rarityxspike deleted Feb 25th, 2013
Comment posted by rarityxspike deleted Feb 25th, 2013

2179383 You want second chapter that bad? LOL :pinkiehappy:

AL

waaa D: i want read more !! plx keep it up this fic !! :DD

Somebody call the freaking 911!!!!!

Mmmm....
Interesting.
I want to see what's going to happen next.

Rarity don't just stand there, do something.

2300650
Insert Skrillix here:

The chapter title should be "Working too hard"
"Too" is used for when there is an excess. ex: "Too Many Pinkie Pies"

I cried during this. Mostly because I got some hot sauce in my eye.

2303003 The chicken sandwich was tasty, though.

When will the next chapter be ready?

2303405 Well put it this way. I haven't started it yet :twilightblush:

2303460 Are you going to start it soon?

2319616 Hopefully, I just find it hard to get started :fluttershysad:

2319752 I understand. Just don't worry about what other people think of your writing.

Great chapter, I'm proud of you, you're doing great! I know how Spike feels in a sense, I had a crush in High School but she was dating someone. I got over it after a few months. But looking forward to the next chapter! :twilightsmile:
So far this story is a 9/10! :pinkiehappy:

2361389 Thank you very much. Means a lot

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