12. Homeward Bound
12. Homeward Bound
The sun was bright and shining as the train rumbled slowly through the countryside. It was a day chillier than most spring days, but not to the point to render it unpleasant. Indeed, ponies of every age could be seen enjoying the outside world with a few ponies having picnics, running through the woods, or flying kites. Rose watched them with mild interest as the ponies and locations passed through her line of sight.
Rose was feeling pensive today, barely registering the sights she was observing before they were gone and fading into the distance. A cool breeze coursed through her mane as the chilled wind entered through the window. She looked around, ensuring that her open window was not disturbing anypony, before remembering that she was in the cart alone. Rose allowed herself a sigh of relief, as she would have been hesitant to forgo the spring breeze even if had been at the expense of somepony else. It was something familiar, as very few things seemed to be nowadays.
She stared at the passing countryside again, trying to clear her thoughts, but they proved unrelenting.
“Who am I?” Rose asked herself.
Rose waited a minute in silence, as if expecting somepony else to answer. The silence remained.
“Who am I?” That had been the question that had plagued Rose’s mind as of late, tainting the otherwise joyful resolution to the most wearing and precarious month of her life.
Not to say that the end of the changeling invasion had not been a joyful event altogether.
After leaving her family’s home, Rose found the tattered city of Canterlot as it attempted to shake off the effects of the attack. The city had been decimated, but as ponies started taking to the streets, it was no longer despair that gripped them, but joy.
Rose had watched as many a pony rejoiced and cheered in spite of the state of things. They may have lost their home, or their business, or their things, but the changeling attack had resulted with no fatalities, and as ponies reunited with their loved ones, that proved to be enough. Rose walked through the festivities as the laughter and cheers increased to a volume and intensity that could be heard for miles, fading into the horizon.
Eventually she had reached the castle and was granted an audience with Shining Armor.
The captain was tired, but smiling, and seemed surprised to see Rose.
“Well what brings you back here, Miss Rose?” he gently asked. “Are you searching for a thank you? Because if so, you’re in luck. I have a spare few that I’d be glad to give you.”
Rose solemnly shook her head.
“No, I’m here to await any judgment you may have on me,” she said.
Shining looked confused.
“Um, I don’t think you understand how this works,” he said. “You helped us prepare for an invasion. Yes, we miscalculated and the queen got in anyway, but without you we would have been even more outmatched than we found ourselves today. You did your part in that, and you’ve been pardoned. You’re cleared of all charges.”
Once again Rose shook her head.
“I know I had a part in fighting it,” she responded. “But only after I gave them the information they needed to attack in the first place. I know that the deal you put forth when you booked me meant that I was to be released should my warnings prove correct, but I feel like that was done as a courtesy extended with the coming threat. Now that the threat is over, I’m here if you want to re-evaluate.”
Shining Armor gave her a smile.
“You were never actually charged,” he said.
Rose looked at him in confusion.
“What?” she asked.
Shining gave a soft sigh.
“Well, you technically were but the paperwork ‘got lost’, as it were,” he explained. “And I may have had a hoof in losing it. Look, if the threat had not been real, then we would’ve charged you with misinformation and spreading panic. We wouldn’t have done that, though, until after a long period of time without an invasion. However, without an invasion, we couldn’t really ascertain that you, in fact, cooperated with an enemy. All we had was your word.”
He checked to make sure she understood before continuing.
“However, we were willing to pardon you if the invasion was real, for coming to us. So really, the only way you would’ve been charged was if you had been lying. We kept you in the cell for your protection.”
Understanding flowed through Rose’s features as Shining Armor spoke.
“Besides, booking you now would take a lot of paperwork, meetings, and work on my part. I have a wedding to get ready for soon, so it wouldn’t be at all impossible for a certain conspirator to slip my mind for a while. Yeah, I might remember at some point that by accidentally putting your paperwork in the trash I allowed a pony to go free, but we all need to have ‘the one that got away’, right?”
He winked at her as he finished his sentence.
“Thank you, Captain,” Rose replied.
“No problem.”
“So what happens now?” she asked.
Shining Armor gave his answer some thought before responding.
“Well, we have had no word on where the changelings ended up or anything of the sort, but we no longer believe them to be a threat. Each town and city of Equestria is going to be implementing policies and programs in order to identify changeling threats, so an attack like this one will not happen again. As far as you’re concerned, your involvement has been completely omitted from every record, meaning that as long as you don’t tell anypony what transpired, no pony will know. That means you’re free to go. As for me, I’m getting married soon and since I used my vows on a changeling queen, I need to come up with better ones.”
Rose gave a small giggle.
“Fair enough. It’s been a pleasure to meet you, Captain.”
“The pleasure was mine, Miss Rose.”
A particularly strong wind shook Rose from her thoughts, startling her.
“All things considered,” she thought to herself after a second. “Returning to Canterlot was not all that bad.”
Rose’s thoughts turned to her family, as they often did when she thought of Canterlot, but for the first time she felt no pain.
It was true that she had not managed to make any progress with her parents, but she had never expected to. However, they no longer haunted her in her thoughts. Having seen them as Rose, having had interacted with them as the mare she was, took away the supernatural fear she had held of them ever since the incident. Now she saw them as nothing more than disapproving parents, with no more power over her than any other mortal being. They would not hunt her in Ponyville, and she did not need to fear them.
Her thoughts then turned to her brother.
To be honest she had not really considered her brother in the equation of how her identity would be received. Perfect and his acceptance, or lack thereof, were always thoughts that Rose did not bother indulging, as they would be dealt with later. However, she had not had to explain things to him. He had looked upon Rose and seen the sister he had and not the brother he lost. She would always be thankful for that.
Then there was the concept of Perfect re-entering Rose’s life through letters and occasional visits, for which Rose could not help but feel excited.
These had been major gains that could not and would not be trivialized.
And yet…
Rose took out Octavia’s blade from her bag. She had tried to return it once she went to visit Octavia before leaving Canterlot, but Octavia had insisted on having Rose keep it.
“It will keep you safe,” she had said.
She could not have known the reason Rose wanted to return it so badly, and she did not notice as Rose hesitantly put it back in her bag.
Rose held the blade and watched it shake. Rose put it down.
“Who am I?” she asked again.
This question was not regarding her identity as a mare or transpony as it usually was. Indeed, those thoughts that were usually at the forefront of her mind found themselves oddly subdued. No, the question addressed something else.
This trip to Canterlot had changed her.
She had done and contemplated things she never thought herself capable of, and it scared her.
Rose took a deep breath before delving into this particular avenue of thought.
“I almost took a life,” she thought to herself.
Her mind flashed back to the end of the struggle with Slant Rhyme, before the spell took place. She had held the blade to his throat, fueled by rage and anger, and for a moment was prepared to end his life. In fact, had the spell not been cast, Rose was not sure that she would not have followed through. It is entirely possible that Shining Armor’s spell saved the changeling’s life, ensuring that the invasion was one without a fatality.
This scared her immensely.
Rose wanted to believe she would have killed in order to protect her brother or that it was a reaction to the situation and the only possible choice she saw to end the conflict, but she was tired of lying to herself.
Rose had had enough experience killing the body of Slant Rhyme in her mind to know that what fueled her had not been some rightful last resort. It had been anger and pain, plain and simple, as it always was.
And it had almost cost a life.
She looked at her hooves, free from blood by luck only and shivered. It would have been bad enough of a shock to her system to think that she was capable of murder, but worse still was the fact that something else weighed heavier in Rose’s mind.
Rose thought back to the moment in the hive in which she chose to help Queen Chrysalis in her plans.
She could picture the scene quite vividly, seeing the dim glow of the green substance, hearing the low rumble of the changeling wings as their echoes vibrated the tunnel walls. She could see the queen before her, smiling and awaiting her response. She could feel her own hesitation and doubt, and then see her selfish desire for the queen’s magical promise.
She could hear herself accept. She felt disgusted.
Rose frowned as the memory repeated in a constant loop for her to examine.
Yes, it was true that Rose was unhappy with her body. It was true that the mistake nature had made had caused her nothing but agony and strife. However, that did not excuse her actions.
She had chosen selfishly to put her friends in danger for the glimmer of hope that she could be changed. She had endangered friends who had accepted her, supported her, cared for her, and loved her without a second thought because she wanted to be able to look herself in the mirror.
She was conscious that nopony would ever know of what happened, but she would know, and that was enough.
She found herself feeling ashamed, and not just because of this particular event. Now that she thought about it, Rose realized that a lot of her actions recently had been shameful and reprehensible.
She thought back to Ponyville and how she had avoided everypony as much as possible after her release from the hospital. The entire town had made it a point to send her letters, to say they supported her and to show their acceptance, but all Rose had cared about was that they knew she was a transgender pony.
She then thought to the night that Airheart stopped by. This mare had come to apologize for being disrespectful and had openly acknowledged her own ignorance. She had come to make amends and to become Rose’s friend, but Rose had disregarded it all as soon as Airheart talked about the intervention meeting at work. Rose remembered feeling angry that somepony had told the whole weather team about her, even if it had been for her protection. She had been angry despite that talk being the reason Airheart had given Rose a chance.
“This can’t go on,” Rose thought to herself. “Not anymore.”
Rose had some legitimate problems. Her body image issues, her self-hatred, and her insecurities were not the trivial issues of a vain pony. These problems along with the problems of her identity were real tribulations that needed thought and understandably weighed on her.
To some extent, her being seen as a mare was also a legitimate issue. She of course wanted to live as a mare and would continue to do so, not bringing up the trans thing unless it was absolutely necessary.
“But you can’t break down every time somepony finds out,” she thought to herself. “You’re better than that.”
Rose took a deep breath.
“What do you know?” she asked herself. “My name is Evening Rose, a mare living in Ponyville who happens to be a transpony. I have a lot of issues with my body and my identity, but I am strong enough to deal with them. I am strong enough to not let those issues skew my priorities ever again. I live as a mare because I am a mare, and I want to be seen as that. However, if am outed it should not bother me. I will continue to be a mare, whether others see me as a transpony or not. I will stand against ignorance and hate, but not against supportive friends who happen to know about me. I will not let the perception others have of me dictate my life.”
Rose looked out the window seeing the town of Ponyville approaching. She began to prepare for her arrival, looking forward to seeing her friends and returning to the life she would now be able to appreciate.
“It seems I have been changing all the time,” Rose thought to herself. “Time to make some new changes.”
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Evening Rose, it's time now... To fulfill your destiny!
UGH hurry up with Arc 4. I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR LIKE 30 SECONDS ALREADY SINCE I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER. GEEZE.
It's super duper good. I'm excited to read the rest of the story.
Kind of a pity that she'll never get the body she wants.
Hopefully you do something about that.
Finally read it. Really enjoyed it. These three stories have been rather different types in so many ways. Been a while since I have read an adventure one (I think the last one was Mendacity, which was really good by the way).
So much of Rose's feelings are things I can relate to, sadly. The whole everyone knowing her as the "other", the "transpony", etc. is something I can connect to, as I mentioned in the comments of the previous arc. As for Rose's deal with Chrysalis, I am not sure I would be strong enough to not take it if it were given to me, and I have less body dyshporia than Rose I think. Though, a third option of given less than accurate information would undoubtedly occur in my head. Would be kind of hard with changelings being able to read emotions, but that is what mixing in some truth is for. As was said in Eternal, the best lie is the truth plus or minus a fact or two, to which i add the additional piece that the plus or minus a fact or two is particularly powerful if they are very carefully chosen.
2428207
I would do it in a heartbeat, and it wouldn't occur to me to lie. I'd feel awful about it afterwards, but in the moment I don't think I'd be able to see past what was being offered.
I'm really glad you've enjoyed my work thus far. Hopefully I can continue without disappointing
2428369
Lying is always something that comes to my mind when dealing with any possible danger to others. Might have something to do with figuring out a very effective way to lie. I only have to lie to one person, myself. I just have to make myself believe it for long enough to say it to the other party (kind of helps I have the ability to temporarily forget things and can make convincing enough temporary synthetic memories to hold to my scrutiny for several moments). I, however, use such abilities sparingly. The truth is usually better, though sometimes not quite the whole truth.
There is nothing I can say about this Arc that I haven't said about the others. It was extremely well written and amazing in every possible way. I give this story another 5 out of 5.
A great arc and the most action oriented by far. It's really good to see Rose take more active choices instead of just letting things happen to her, personal growth.
Looking forward to the next arc, it's my favorite.