BOOM!
Once the light of friendship faded, nothing remained of Twilight Sparkle but a smoking black scorch mark…
And five VERY scared little ponies.
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… Did… did we just kill Twilight?”
With the nodding of four heads, Rainbow Dash confirmed that yes, they had indeed killed Twilight.
Their friend had been nuked dead through the power of friendship.
Clankclankclankclank!!
The sound of each and every necklace of harmony being thrown off in disgust.
“W-what have we done?!” wailed the now emotionally scarred Fluttershy as her tears began to flow.
“What should we do?!” hurriedly asked Applejack as she rushed towards a bookcase in the hopes finding something, anything that could be of use.
“Um… s-sing?” suggested the once again straight mane Pinkie Pie. “Its worked out well for us so far today! W-we killed out true true frien-”
Slap!
The sound of Applejack’s hoof smacking the pink mare across the face.
“None of that now, ya hear! No more songs! No more dancin’! We got to figure out what we’re goin’ do bout this!”
“I agree,” chimed Rarity. “We can’t let anypony know what has transpired here today! Not Celestia, not Luna, especially not Cadence or Shining Armor. And heaven forbid Spik- gasp! Where’s Spikey Wikey?!”
“U-um,” squeaked Fluttershy. “I-I think he said something about taking a bath.”
“On it” Rainbow Dash saluted right before zooming up the stairs. After a few seconds, the sound of Spike shouting “Hey! What are yo-” followed by a rather loud snap, filled the air.
All eyes fell on the cyan colored mare as she descended the staircase.
“Target neutralized,” she again reported with a salute.
Rarity stepped forward. “… Rainbow… d-did you just kill Spike?”
The mare blinked twice before looking down at her now blood drenched hooves.
“Um… I guess I did… huh… Must have been all the subliminal training I received at Wonderbolts camp…”
“They do that?” Rarity asked.
“Yup.”
With a facehoof, Applejack groaned. “Oh for the love of, don’t tell me that mah tax payer bits are going towards some kinda secret sleeper agent program.”
“No,” Rainbow Dash answered passingly. “They’re pretty up front about it. It was even in their brochure”
“Ah see… well horseapples! Now we’ve got two crimes to cover up!”
A small whimper suddenly left Fluttershy’s lips, causing all eyes to fall on her.
“U-um, actually, three… i-if that’s okay with you.”
“… What the hay are you talking about, sugarcube?”
“O-oh, well, you see back when I thought I was supposed to do Pinkie Pie’s job, I noticed right away that no matter what I did I wasn’t making anypony happy… so I started dabbling in drugs.”
Rarity blinked. “…Drugs?”
“Y-yes… and gambling so that I could afford said drugs.”
“Wha-”
“And the mob, so I could afford to feed my gambling habit which in turn fed my need to sell drugs… i-it seemed okay at the time…”
All four ponies gave each other a quick nervous glance.
Pinkie Pie, still trying desperately to remain perky, chuckled weakly as she said “W-well at least nopony got hur-”
“You may have noticed the Cake Family wasn’t in Sugarcube Corner today” Fluttershy interrupted meekly. “T-that was my fault… sorry… t-the twins are fine though!
“… I think…
“… I-I was going to ask for help on that after our song but then this happened a-a-and… sorry.”
Pinkie Pie remained quiet.
Applejack rubbed a hoof behind her head. “So, wait; ah heard drug possession, gambling debts, and mob debts… what’s the crime here? Did somepony find your stash or…?”
Fluttershy lifted her head up. “Oh… third degree pony slaughter,” she admitted quite casually.
“Shy, we all just committed that. That’s not a third thing,” reported Applejack.
“Oh, I’m talking about earlier,” Fluttershy elaborated. “Ms. Vinyl Scratch and I kinda sorta maybe got into a tiny bit of an argument over balloon animals and she may have gotten a tiny bit of a full on party cannon blast to the stomach, ripping her off her hooves and leaving a nasty white smear on the Cake’s kitchen walls.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… I’m sorry…”
“… Damn it all, Shy. Okay, so we’ve all got three crimes to cover up here,” Applejack reported grimly. “First thing’s first lets clean up this here mes-”
BOOM!
At the sound, the five frantic ponies jumped.
“W-what’s going on now?!” Rainbow Dash asked loudly.
Rarity rushed to the door in a ladylike fashion. “I think that came from outside!”
Opening the door, the ponies looked up at the sky and were greeted by what they considered to be the most horrific thing they had ever seen in their lives.
“Is… is that Twilight’s cutiemark?!” Fluttershy asked worriedly.
“Ah… ah think it is!”
“Whatever could it mean?”
“D-did Twilight have a Twilight signal installed recently or something?” Pinkie tried to joke weakly. “H-heh…”
“Wait…” Rainbow Dash suddenly commented. “Is it just me… or is that thing getting closer?!”
Indeed, the mark in the sky was getting closer to our worried ponies. After a few fearful seconds, the giant emblem landed on Equestrian terra firma and exploded outwards in a glorious display of light. Shielding their eyes, the five were taken aback as the force of the explosion threatened to take them off their hooves. Finally, once the light had faded, a pony stood stock still in the center of where the blast had taken place. Slowly but surely; Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy were surprisingly reunited with their faithful friend, Twilight Sparkle…
Pomf!
… But she was not how they remembered her. Magenta colored wings now adorned her sides. Twilight was no longer a unicorn; she was instead a majestic alicorn…
SNAP!
And then she was dead… again.
“Rainbow Dash!!” The four remaining ponies yelled angrily.
The cyan Pegasus blushed. “Oops, my bad.”
“…”
“… S-she startled me, alright?! I thought her ghost came back to haunt us or something!”
“So your first thought was to snap her neck,” Applejack deadpanned.
“No, it was to buck her in the head! Stupid Wonderbolts camp conditioning…”
“Well I’m not angry at ya, sugarcube,” the farm pony explained. “No telling what was about to happen to us. Can’t trust alicorns, after all. Let’s get her body inside before somepony notic-”
“That’s because she is a princess~”
All eyes went skywards towards the descending princess of the sun. Her eyes were closed and her smile serene as she went through her mental list of things to say. All the wondrous things her student was about to experience, and how she would take her friends along for the ride… Celestia had everything planned out.
Then she opened her eyes.
“…”
“…”
“…”
“… Cinnamon Bun?” Pinkie Pie offered meekly.
Celestia groaned.
“Buck me sideways,” she cursed. “Well I hope you’re happy, my little dip@#$%s! I just wasted half of your tax money on a princess coronation celebration and on a new pretty pink princess chariot… but now I’ve got no princess! Somepony is getting princess-ified today whether they like it or not, so whose it going to be!?”
The five ponies glanced nervously at each other.
***^***
Stepping forward, Celestia flared her wings out and spoke loudly to the packed church before her. “Ponies of Equestria,” she began. “It is with great pleasure that I present to you your newest highly marketable princess!
“I give you… Princess Big Mac!”
The red, dress wearing stallion couldn’t be any happier if he tried. A single tear fell across his chiseled muzzle, ruining his mascara.
“E-eeyup! -Sniff-”
Taking a step back, allowing the wing and horned stallion to come forward, Celestia pulled out and took a swig from her hidden hip flask. She savored the smooth yet harsh taste.
“Eeyup indeed, my friend. -Gulp- Ahhh… Eeyup indeed.”
This made me laugh! AHAHAHAHAAH
2131268
*Bows* Mah pleasure
Would LOL again! Genius!
Get back to me when she explodes again. Exploding once is cliché.
2131283
Truth be told I thought the first fic that would use this whole "OMG Twilight Died" thing would be a sad and depressing one. Glad it was humor that came first! Personally though, I don't think she went to the "Afterlife" and was reborn or something. I think it was just another plane of existance that only Alicorns can reach, kind of like the alternate planes in D&D.
never have I read such a magnificent piece of prose. this will go down in history as one of the single greatest works of art that the MLP community has ever produced.
Wat.
Thank you for this.
Just...thank you!
Wtf I cant stop the lols!!!!
Well... then that happened, huh? Take an ü.
*gives Ü*
I'm dying right now!
You are a horrible, horrible person for making me laugh at this!
2131405
You're welcome
i1355.photobucket.com/albums/q714/mufffinpatrol/4fb6791747a3c_zps2c271a4f.png
Best shit ever
ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4532067581692291&pid=1.7&w=209&h=152&c=7&rs=1
Well, I had just read a pretty sad story, so I have to thank you for this little laugh.
That sound you just heard was my sides exploding with the force of a nuke.
OMG Best story ever
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdC7Ty-KVu6EwgkmGIctU7GIrfRMJ1NTfTvbfhBF_GgXDw_6R2
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Garrus+Vakarian+So+much+win.+I+bring+him+on+_33fae280526a63213714d2a6f9f92f77.jpg
this was just great! enough said!
this is beautiful and so are you
subliminal training from the wonderbolts and its in the brochure....sign me up
2131497
Jeez... I think this is a bit of an underrated story. I've got seven reasons.
1: Title (Damn you harmony lasers)
2: Rainbow Dash snapping Spike's neck. Quite loudly.
3: Fluttershy in possession of drugs, gambling, and murdering three ponies.
4: Applejack swearing at Fluttershy.
5: Rainbow Dash snapping Twilight's neck.
6: Celestia's 'my little dipshits', although it is censored, it can be easily picked out.
7: Celestia drinking alcoholic beverage from a hidden flask.
You may want to rate it up to teen.
In other words... You killed my heart. My heart exploded due to the intense laughter. I demand you get me a new heart before I- *Thud*
Why isn't this featured yet?
Well technically, Applejack HAS been getting turned into an alicorn a LOT recently.
2131522
Oh! Good call! *Changes to teen* Ty!
...
...
... Oh, and *pushes against your still and cold chest* LIVE! LIVE DAMN YOU! LIVE!
I laffed.
imageshack.us/a/img202/756/princessbigmac.jpg
imageshack.us/a/img15/6666/alicornbigmac.jpg
(Is it just me or is RD a little too excited about the angle she's got on Mac's butt in this picture?)
forums.allkpop.com/attachments/me-gusta-creepy-me-gusta-l-png.50465/
2131595
I'd probably have the same look on as well if I got an angle like that
2131290
I don't think she died either... even though the implication WOULD be kind of interesting for story telling...
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This... was amazing. No words: only pics.
iambrony.jsmart.web.id/mlp/gif/h88314__safe_twilight-sparkle_animated_eyes.gif
No, but seriously, this made me cracked up. Made me wish My Little Pony wasn't for children so this could somehow happen. Thumbs up from me, good sir
And so went Princess Mac's coronation...
In other news the death sentence on Lighting Dust by the Griffin Empire was carried out today. Found guilty of murdering the emperor's niece Gilda, in her trial Lighting Dust's sole defense was that during her failed attempt to enter the Wonderbolts she was given subliminal assassination training. The prosecution called her story "complete bunk" and her defense attorney tried to use it as proof she was insane. Wonderbolt captain Spitfire could not be reached for comment.
Well, I should've seen this coming after I saw the chat freaking out after Twilight-splosion.
That was beautiful.
There are stories that people write out of spite and anger at the actual show, intended to make the readers feel stupid for liking MLP. Then there are stories people write out of an appreciation for dark humor, but with no intention to make the readers angry. I'm going to say this is one of those that grabs your hand and says "have fun with me", instead of one that pushes you down into the mud and laughs at your coat that just got ruined. Good stuff.
I didn't have very high hopes for this, but I had to read anyway... and damn, I broke down when Dash killed her again. The rest was, for the most part, rather funny; but that one got me.
Good show. Faved, which is rather uncommon for me.
*snerk* Nicely done...
2131564 Thanks for understanding! I'm slowly finding authors with brains!
*Suddenly explodes.*
You just nuked me with friendship. I hope you're happy.
2132323
Actually... yeah, I am
Take a pair of wings.....
And get zapped by the elements of harmony.
2132347 Very well then! I shall now let you in on a secret! My Little Internet: Private Messaging is Magic.
Can I be an Alicorn now? I've been nuked!
Yay! Princess Big Mac!
I was trying to hold it all in, but once I saw that Mac was the new princess, I let it go. Way too awesome.
I also love how happy he is about it. eeyup!
haha, excellent.
And that's how Molestia came to be.
Dafuq did i just read?
Carry on.
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/499/271/581.jpg
2132787>>2132781
And you get an internet, and YOU get an internet! EVERPONY GETS AN INTERNET!!!
Cinnamon Buns fix everything.
2132560>>2132903
Indeed