Well here we go. I finally decided to launch my next (and final for me) installment of my fanfic series. My OC Maverick returns to lead his Crystal Empire Air Force squadron against the forces of Queen Chrysalis.
This one will pretty much be a ponified version of Ace Combat 6, with a bit of other stuff thrown in (so if you've played AC 6, you already know most of what will happen). I don't know how long it will take to finish it. I'm having some medical problems that are keeping me from running at a hundred percent, so it may take quite some time.
The map I used for my last fanfic goes for this one also:
http://lonewolf3878.deviantart.com/art/Ace-Combat-The-Changeling-War-Map-402501233
http://lonewolf3878.deviantart.com/art/Nightshade-s-Former-Changeling-Kingdom-SU-27-403560713
http://lonewolf3878.deviantart.com/art/Crystal-Empire-Air-Force-F-4J-302871438 (includes squadron list)
http://nlr-air-force.deviantart.com/journal/NLRAF-squadron-list-290694601
http://nlr-air-force.deviantart.com/art/Solar-Empire-EF2000-Typhoon-UPDATED-275642290 (incl. squadron list)
Changeling SU-27: http://lonewolf3878.deviantart.com/art/Changeling-Kingdom-SU-27-297730303
Changeling Kingdom flag: http://lonewolf3878.deviantart.com/art/Changeling-Kingdom-flag-297643604
go dance with the angels!
AWACS call sign sky eye do you read your call sign is mobius 1 mobius 1 clear to engage
>OC
>Crystal Empire Air Force
I fucking lolled. I don't wanna read this. It sounds just silly. But an A for effort. Any story that isn't a troll-fic gets an A for effort. So good job.
Ace Combat 6? Not bad. You've grabbed my attention.
First thing I noticed was the grammar. Switching out "their" for "there", repeated words, etc. Just go over your story with a fine comb and you'll take out those.
Probably the most important aspect that you fell short on was the action. Both the settings and the fighting themeslves weren't done well. Not the worst I've seen, but certainly not the best. You're lacking out on so much detail! To pull off a good action scene, it's essential to go in-depth on this! I'll give you one example of a poorly described action setting.
Is that really the best you can come up with? Add more detail in this! How were they flying? Were they in formation? Where they weaving back and forth around the city like an angry swarm of bees? Detail, detail, detail. How about the fighting?
Don't just tell us they shot down some fighters. SHOW US! There's no drama, no suspense if you blatantly say "Oh, this guy got a kill. That guy also got a kill. But this one didn't." How do you write good scenes? Detail of course! Also, this little thing called Motivation-Reaction Units, from a lecture from Randy Ingermason. In short, there's a formula for writing every action. It begins with a motivation. It could be a plane shooting at the character, the raising of a gun, the explosion of a tank, but something to get the character to do something. This is external, and there's no emotion. For example...
What follows is the reaction, which is internal and subjective to the character. This basically shows how your character would react to the situation. Show his fear, his emotion, his reflexes and training, etc. This aspect is split up into three parts.
1. Feeling
Fear, confusion, adrenaline, etc.
2. Reflex
Raising up a gun to shoot back, banking hard, etc.
3. Rational thought and speech
"Take that!", "Die bastard!", etc.
When you do this, it allows for your reader to feel like your characters, to be in their shoes. Then, it would be more dramatic and suspenseful with the additional detail.
Overall, not a bad story. I enjoyed reading it, and you've earned a like from me. But it can certainly be much, much better.
If you want more information or explanation on ANY of this, or you would like me to further edit and review your story, just send a PM to me, and I'll be happy to help.
Happy writings!
MOAR!
Love ac6.
I only own ac7 sadly
Moar
I finally got off ky lazy flank and started playing Ace Combat... Seriously why was I not earlier? That game rocks! Just beat four and working on five. Looking forward to reading this one
That poor mare lost her family...
2130138
Do you say for that for EVERY Ace Combat Story here?
MOAR!
Also, Why the F-15s? Why not the F-15e?
I await whatever you have planned for Bartolomeo Fortress
Good to see an update. Curious to see how she and Tiger will get along, if you slip Tiger Angel in here that is.
MOAR!
What about his auntie?
Can't Breathe, Laughing too hard!
Not ace combat, but still good. (being vague is annoying as that other thing).
The maverick missile bit, OH MY GOD I CAN'T BREATHE!
Cool, wonder what the new plane's gonna be. [[I know it's not gonna be a cfa-44, you already pulled that one out]]
I thought of galaxy quest during the fight with Sombra.
I thought of Second had lions when the bad guy got filthy stinkin' rich.
You need an editor.
Best. FanFic. EVER.
You mean Su-35
10496753
Nope MiG-35
10627052
Oh, cool. Looks like Mig-29
Gracemeria patrol