Martian
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
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Sad, quick little piece.
I liked the peppermint, it felt like a very horse like thing to be interested in (I have no idea if real horses do that sort of thing), and also lended to the medieval aspect.
The bedroom (normally private) completely lost to the public was a good symbol.
It would be more helpful if you posted songs in the description or at the opening, so I'd know there was an intended soundtrack.
Also, blood dries to a dull color very quickly as the cells die. That distracted me for a moment.
Memoria.
No, I don't have a gun.
It would appear that two senses -- taste and smell -- are interconnected in ponies, as they are in humans, which makes the peppermint reference that much more poignant.
2130170
It's not so much a soundtrack, really. The tone of the song is actually not what I want the feel of the story to be, but it somehow resonated inside my head and produced this anyway. Diagonal inspiration. A closer 'soundtrack' would be Gregorian chant like Dies Irae.
As to the blood: This fic starts quite literally moments after Celestia banished Nightmare Moon. That blood is fresh. Certainly, it would still be fairly dark after those few short moments, but I'm playing the artistic license card for that. The imagery was more important than physical accuracy... not my fault you are too clever by half.
2130183
Do you want one?
2130584
Here I am pouring out my heart, and you are commenting on the nature of olfactory senses.
2131118
It's a self-defense mechanism: I just went through a veritable ocean of feels a couple of hours ago, and I'm trying to reorient myself. Mundane stuff is good for that.
2131148
Well wrought emotionally heavy writing. Your descriptions gave the piece a wonderful atmosphere.
That was fairly beautiful. (I wrote this comment under the influence of the song) Very emotional, I liked it.
2131118 It was a Nirvana reference.
nice, as usual Martian,
you impress me once more
Here's artwork that fits this fic very well.
http://marbleyarns.deviantart.com/art/999th-299491652
fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/316/7/d/999th_by_marbleyarns-d4yb58k.png
2405416
Oh my, yes it is...
And it only took me seven weeks to notice your kind post.
I just read that first Scootaloo story, the first chapter of Stone, and this story.
A nitpick about this story:
It sounds like Celestia is spattered with blood and gore from battle, yet the battle happened a long time ago.
More generally, though, I have two observations, which you should take with a grain of salt:
- You have a great talent for vivid descriptions, but I think if you count the sensory words that you use, you'll find they're increasing over time. Beware of writing more of what people compliment you most for.
- Looking over your stories, it seems you excel at writing short evocative scenes, but haven't sat down and done any serious plotting or planning.
3238997
She -is- spattered with gore; the fight with NMM just ended moments before. It's not entirely clear, because it isn't important to what is being viewed, in a way... Honestly, it was just another experimental piece.
Also, I readily agree with your first point, and I have noticed that I had been creeping in that direction, but I think I had it settled down again as I went further on with The Stone. Mayhaps give that one some continued focus, or maybe not; I dunno when it shall be continued, as I really am busy.
As to the latter: I don't do any planning. Everything I have published was done more-or-less on a sudden flash of whimsy. It isn't a good way to write long stuff by any means, but when I do actually carefully plan out something, I find that I simply cannot write it at all. I have three rather good plans in the background and have had them sitting there, complete, for months, and they haven't gotten a single word put into them. No idea why, I just can't seem to do it.
Hence the tiny SoL fics.
Iyam what Iyam.
Once again, I feel I have little choice but to share your work with others.
tinyurl.com/mbho6go
How far have we fallen That Brother fights brother and Sister Must shed the blood of sister?
All of these shorts so far have been more bright and cheery in nature. This one is so much darker and sad by contrast but easily Just as well written. Though I know(From specific wording and reading the comments) it was meant to be read in the mindset of Celestia having just banished her sister moments ago It struck me more as her returning to her old home after Months or years. Having been forced to wage another battle to protect her ponies elsewhere, Celestia is drawn back to reminisce on what she feels is her greatest failure. If she had been able to see it coming, Saved her sister instead of banishing her, Maybe none of this would be happening. together they were unstoppable, Whether it was protecting their nation, Stealing pastries, Or playing games with father...how is she meant to continue to face this all alone?
That was beautiful, thank you
Are you trying to kill us? D: Marvelous work.
Such lovely, lovely imagery.