• Published 16th Feb 2013
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Looking Through the Pokeball - Magical Trevor



Pokemon start to appear in Equestria, but they don't seem to be the same as the stories in the myths once claimed...

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Beatings Are Magic

Several hours later, and I was really starting to feel the dull ache from my muscles. Still, it would be worth it in the end, I kept telling myself. Either that, or I’ll die. You know, whatever comes first.

“Well, that meeting was certainly,” Jess said slowly, waving a paw around as she searched for the right word.

“Interesting?”

“Yes, that,” she agreed, shaking her head. “What did you think of her story? Didn’t it sound-”

“Incredibly, horribly unlawful and or lacking in substance with details?” I guessed, doing my best to keep my voice down, as Kaye was taking a nap on what seemed to be her favourite bed: me.

Ugh, great. My legs are starting to shake a little now. This right here, is part of why I hate exercising. This and sweat. I mean, muscles burning I can handle. That doesn’t bug me. Heck, I almost like it. But I hate sweat, and I hate feeling weak, or something simple like bending over hurting like a-

Brah, come on, we got a kid on board! Watch the mouth!

Yeah, as soon as she can hear me, I’ll get right on that shit. Until then, bugger off! Friggin prick.

“Yeah, that,” Jess repeated, frowning. “There’s no way what she said was the whole story. You don’t just go from owning an entire vineyard to being forced to choose between it and your daughter. If that’s all there is to it, then how is that not a court case? How has she never tried to take legal action? Why didn’t she just make him take a long walk off a short pier?”

“There’s always blackmail,” I said after a moment, thinking. “Even though she seemed a little tipsy, there were a few places I heard her stumble with word choice, or her words didn’t match her posture. There’s more to this, and she either doesn’t trust us, or she can’t talk about it.”

“So what do we do?”

I opened the door to Carousel Boutique, noting the lack of crusaders. “We research. Learning how to read has to be a must if we’re going to look into law. Aside from that, just try to help her and uh… Rupee, as much as we can without being obvious.”

“Yeah, so how are-” Jess stopped talking as I started to take out ingredients from the pantry and put them on the kitchen table. I grabbed one of the table chairs so I could see what Rarity had in the cabinets above the stove. “Um… What are you doing?”

“Seeing what I have to work with, duh,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “Come on, cabinets, daddy needs some spices and garnishes…”

“... You can seriously cook?”

*Gasp!* “A chest!”

“Huh?”

I opened the chest slowly, making sure to give it the proper reverence as I sang the song of its people. “I found the thing!” I sang, holding up bottles of spices above my head. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were stars in my eyes, honestly. “Just smell how fresh these are! I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just picked a few days ago!”

Jess wasn’t impressed. “Dork. They probably were picked just a few days ago. This is a farming community, remember?”

“Meh, semantics,” I wave a paw at her, setting everything down on the table. Ignoring her scowling, I started sorting out my spoils. “Now, lesse… Umm… Well fudge.”

“There’s fudge?! Where? Give it to me!

I blinked as there was now a female in my face, whose eyes were on fire, locked with my own. “Um, whut?”

She took a long breath through her nose, before growling, “Give me the damn fudge, or I’ll rip your eyes out. That simple enough for you?”

I blink, before going to Brian for help, as I clearly overlooked something.

Er, Brian? I could use some help here, brah. What’s up?

If I had to guess, it would be when you said ‘fudge’. That couldn’t possibly be it, though. That’s too obvious. Women are more crafty than that.

Hmm… Whelp, I guess that answers that. “I uh, Jess? Could you maybe back up a little? I was just cursing. I don’t have any fudge yet, and I’m not s-”

You promised me fudge, and by God, I am going to get me fudge even if I have to-

“I can’t read!” I interrupted, waving my forepaws back and forth. “I can’t make any because I can’t read the damn bags! I could try to guess what’s what by tasting everything, but I don’t know what they might have that could be poisonous to us! Just because a lot of what we’ve seen is the same doesn’t mean that everything is! It only takes one mistake to kill you with cooking.”

“How could-”

“Farscape, season one, episode two. ‘I, E.T.’ Crichton-”

“Was looking for a numbing agent for Moya, and then found out the planet they landed on used it as a seasoning for food,” Jess said slowly, blinking. “Oh. Well, uh… fair enough… But then how are you going to cook dinn-”

Wee! Cooking party!

The room exploded in confetti and streamers, obscuring my vision. I panicked a little, releasing a mild Flamethrower at the paper blocking my eyes, and to my great relief, it turned to ash instantly, though then I had to worry about making sure it didn’t get into the food. Dammit physics...

“I can’t believe you managed to make healthy pancakes taste good,” Jess mumbled, stuffing another flapjack into her mouth roll-up style.

“Eh, I do what I can. Helps that I learned a few recipes watching Master Chef,” I replied. “Seriously, I’m nothing compared to those people. I’m not very imaginative when it comes to food,” I said, frowning as I scooped a few berries onto a pancake of my own. “I can imitate something easily enough, but creating new recipes from scratch? I kind of suck at that…”

“Whatever. Where did you learn how to cook?” she asked, before taking a drink of orange juice.

“My dad,” I admitted, shrugging. “He was… I shouldn’t say sick from birth, but he had a valve in his heart or whatever that didn’t quite function fully or something, so he wasn’t as strong as everybody else was. He got cancer when I was one or two, so the radiation treatments made him even weaker after that. Which is really a shame, because he loved kids. I definitely wouldn’t have gotten fat if he had been able to play outside with us and stuff, but whatever. All I ever really knew of him was that he loved to read, loved to cook, and loved video games like Baldur’s Gate and Civilization III.”

“Wait, your dad played those?” Jess interrupted, her eyes growing wide. “Wow. My dad refused to even look at video games unless I asked for them for Christmas or something.”

“Oh yeah,” I answered, grinning widely. “Grew up watching my parents play the classics, so I-”

“Your mom played video games?!” Jess exclaimed, jaw dropping.

“You bet! Nintendo came out around the time they were finishing college, so it was perfect timing.” I swear, it never gets old, watching people’s faces when I tell them I got into video games because my parents played them first. Simply priceless, I tell ya! “I grew up watching them play Final Fantasy, Dragon Warrior, Lufia, Earthbound, Chrono Trigger… Heck, once, my mom rented Super Mario R.P.G. from a Family Video rental store, and played it straight for three days. I don’t even think she noticed when I stayed up all night to watch her play, but she beat it just in time for us to leave for church without being late.”

“You’re pulling my leg,” Jess accused, narrowing her eyes. “There’s no way your mom is that awesome.”

“Eh, she tries,” I reply with a grin, before taking another large bite of food. “She couldn’t keep up, though. Anything remotely close to real time is too fast for her.”

“That’s a shame,” Jess sighed, shaking her head. “Still, on a positive note: dessert!”

Fan-freaking-finally! Dessert! The best meal of the day! The most sweet, savory, delicious-

My left eye twitched as Jess took the last two bowls of ice-cream, swallowing one bowl whole, practically. How… how can she just inhale the ice cream?! There’s no way she even tasted that! That is such a waste! “You uh, going to give me my bowl anytime soon, or are you going to keep staring at it?”

She held the second one a moment longer, tilting her head before grinning. “Nah. This isn’t for you, moron!”

“W-what?!” My mouth gaped as I tried to figure out how or why it wasn’t for me.

She held it in front of me, just out of reach. “You’re on a diet, remember? You want it? Well you’ll have to catch me first! Who was it that said you wanted lose weight? Oh, that’s right, you! I’m just trying to be a contributing member to society by helping you help yourself, that’s all.”

“Objection! You just want more ice-cream for yourself!” I slammed my forepaws on the table, pointing at her in accusation.

“Overruled!” Jess taunted, sticking her tongue out. “This is going to be shared with Kaye, which nullifies any potential selfishness of my actions! Now come and get me, fire-butt!”

“Wow,” Jess said from somewhere behind me.

Ow... B-Brian, if we don't make it...

Such a drama king, he sighed.

T-tell Jess that I l-

You wot?!

Tell her... that I loathe her entirely!

… Yeah, sure. Will do.

Oh, oh man, that... that just made my night. Do you know how hard it is to make your own brain do a spit-take?

“That was kind of pathetic,” Jess said, her voice low.

I moaned as I started to roll over, before finding out, yet again that day, that I'm a moron. Apparently, it hurts like * if you try to roll over when you're covered in bruises, and your muscles are all exhausted. Who knew?

I forced my eyes open to find Jess pouting, her forelegs crossed. “Jess, what did you expect?” I whimpered, shutting my eyes again in vain hope that the throbbing throughout my body would disappear magically. What? You never know! This world is already freaky enough, so who knows what might happen?

“Not that,” she answered, grumbling. “You attacked, like... twice.”

Well gee, I wonder why!” I snarked, rolling my eyes.

You would think that my eyes would be the only part of me that wasn't tired, but strangely, you'd be wrong! I guess while my eyes are mostly fixed due to... Hell if I know what, they're not used to the strain of not wearing glasses, or... I don't know. Damn, I am getting sick and tired of saying that all the time. Tomorrow, I am re-learning how to read, so I can start learning shit about magic. Maybe there's something I can do with Pokemon magic and mix it with uh... unicorn magic, I guess, and do stuff.

“It's not like I did anything strenuous this morning, like try to pull a plow for two or three hours. It's not like I got my ass kicked for opening my stupid mouth when I shouldn't have. It's not like I've been walking or running for half the damn day!” I stopped trying to force my body back up, enjoying the feeling of grass against my fur. Actually feel quite nice, really.

Jess tapped a paw on the dirt, frowning, before she sighed, her ears drooping a bit. “Fine, I guess I shouldn't have expected more from you. I guess I overestimated your desire for dessert.”

“No, really?” I rolled a little bit onto my back, since that area had the fewest bruises, before curling my tail back up and around my leg. There wasn't really anything to see at all, granted. Ac-

Yo. So uh, Fluffy here is about to muse about some stuff that may or may not be appropriate for all of you listening to this story, so... yeah. Viewer discretion is advised and stuff. Or something. Hell, this might not even be as bad as I think it is, but better safe than sorry, yeah? Anyway, sorry for interrupting. Go back to... whatever it was you were doing. Thanks.

Yeah, thanks, Brian, but I'm pretty sure that the teen rating covers this. It's not like I'm talking about... ah... anything descriptive. If anything, your warning is only hyping something that shouldn't be hyped, and makes people think they're about to hear a lemon story or something! Come on, man, think of the kids!

I'd rather not think about the kids when you're about to talk about what you're gonna talk about, thank you very much!

I... that... … Huh. Touche.

Thank you! Now, back to Fluffy, who tries to think something through logically. Yeah, enjoy his stupidity. I know I will!

Hey!

Hay is for horses, grass is for free, live on a barn and get all three!

... Prick.

Anyway... That doesn't make much sense, come to think of it... I mean, 'it' is there when I need to go to the bathroom, or when I'm talking a shower, but 'it' isn't there the rest of the time. Is that like Pokemon magic, then, or... I mean, I'm not going to turn into a girl or anything, am I? Oh crap, that might actually be a valid concern!

Can I turn into a girl? I mean, technically it's possible back on Earth with surgeries, chemicals, and shots, isn't it? I mean, it's not like I ever did any research on trans-gender people, so maybe I'm just being stupid! We only talked about it briefly in Psychology, and that doesn't really count, because it was only for a day we talked about it, and-

Okay, okay, just... calm down. Yeah. Logic. Gotta use logic. Logic helps solve everything, right?

Not really. Doesn't solve how women think, or love, or-

Shut up, Brian! Now, let's see... Have I been acting more like a girl? I don't think so... I mean, just because 'it' is gone most of the time doesn't mean anything... right? I'm still acting like me... I don't feel like there's strange chemicals in my blood, so there's that, right? I mean, if you just changed genders, then in theory, you'd be able to feel how different you are, right?

I mean, I still have to keep thinking about other stuff cause my mind wanders to sex, so-

“Apples!” I exclaimed, trying to fight the heat that was making its way to my face. “Let's talk about apples!”

Jess blinked, then asked, “W-what?”

“Apples!” I explained, nodding furiously. “Let us not forget about our friends, the misunderstood apples. People think they're so common that they're not worthy of notice!”

“Are... you okay, Glenn?”

Nope! I am most certainly not okay! I didn't notice that you said my name name, and I'm most certainly not trying to not think about sex! Nope!

“Yepper Peppers! I'm just peachy! I always talk and think about apples when I'm trying not to think about something, you know?” I rambled, talking as quickly as I could. Smart people in lab coats have proven that talking faster makes your brain forget stuff faster! “So we can talk about peppers! Or no, wait, peaches! Peaches are nice to talk about, cause they're fuzzy, but then some people say that-”

“Nope! That doesn't work,” I interrupted myself, thinking back to a story that got ruined for me by a friend who liked to talk about you-know-what a lot. Am I being immature for a twenty-two year old? Perhaps, but dammit if I let any more of my innocence get screwed over before I get married!

“Gotta talk about something else. Bananas, maybe? Nope, that doesn't work either, so maybe carrots! Wait, no, they're too similar, s- oh hey, look! Does that galaxy look like a purple pizza to you?”

I would like to take a moment to apologise to anyone who is confused by what's been going on. If it helps, that's what I was trying to do to myself, so I think I succeeded! I'm now confused, and not thinking about... um, whatever it was I was thinking about before. Yay short attention span!

“I uh... suppose it does?” Jess answered, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh come on, gurl, sit yo'self down and stare at the stars!” I said energetically, pulling her down to the grass. “Like, for serial, dis gun be awesome! We gots new stars, new constellations, new... um, stuffs! C'mon!”

“What... just happened to you?” Jess asked slowly, trying to inch away. As if I wouldn't notice!

“Gurl, I'm just, like, totally trying to ignore my pain and stuff, so this is what I'm doin'. If you can't tolerate my random zone, then that ain't mah problem, gurl! I'm just tryin' ta chillax and take in the sights, but you're being all negative and stuff. Gah! Jess, you through off my groove!” I exclaimed, throwing up my paws. “I had this accent thing going, and then you just come along and let me start rambling, and I talked myself out of my fake accent! This is all your fault! Now the stargazing stuff is ruined, which is horrible, cause that was where you were gonna realise that I have a sensitive side, and then we were gonna talk all night and stuff, laughing and joking around, and then you were gonna magically fall in love with me because we're surrounded by magic and stuff!”

To her credit, she only blinked once before she slashed my face with her claws. Ow. “Kaye tell you to do that?”

“Yep!” I answered with a grin, ignoring how my face now felt like it was on fire. “She kept harassing me about how we're 'perfectionalist' for each other, and how we'd be the most 'cuterific' couple, so to get her to shut up, I said I'd try.”

“You didn't try very hard,” Jess pointed out, blinking.

“Well duh,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “I had called you... you-know-what this morning, so like I would really ever have a chance in asking you out, if I even was interested.”

“Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!”

“It means I'm not interested in a relationship while I'm still fat.” I groaned as I popped my back, falling back to the ground on my side. Ow.

“What?” Oh good, it looks like she's calming down.

“Just a warning, the following is going to be a very sexist thing to think, and I know that,” I said, trying not to yawn. Oh come on! It's only, like, seven o'clock! I can't be tired already!

After Jess nodded slowly, I started to explain. “Well, see, it's like this... A husband is supposed to provide for his family, yes? Take care of them, protect them, provide for them, and so on, right?”

“Women can too, you know,” she growled.

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my snout with a paw. “I know. I never said they couldn't, did I? No, I said 'men' and 'supposed'. If a woman wants to work, fine. Whatever. I don't care. That's between the husband and wife to figure out. But going back to that,” I said slowly, trying to keep from getting depressed. “How can I date... How can I try to find and prove to a potential wife that I can take care of her, encourage her, and provide for her and any potential children if I can't even take care of my own body?”

Yay silence! Nothing's more awkward than silence! Nope!

“I... I know there's flaws in that line of thinking,” I admitted quietly, only just noticing that the crickets had been chirping for awhile. “I know it's making it about me instead of a potential 'us', but... I just can't not think that. I know it's sexist, Jess. I know it is, but I can't think differently. It's just... who I am.”

“You talk a lot,” Jess said blank-faced, blinking. “I feel sorry for whatever girl you do manage to get interested in you.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, so do I...”

“... So, Kaye wants us to get together?” she asked, starting to laugh.

“It's what she said,” I answered, yawning again.

“Do you wanna troll her a little?” she asked with an evil grin on her face.

“Well, that sounds pretty darn mean,” I mumbled, trying to keep my eyes open. “Sure, why not? I mean, what's the worst that could happen?”

Oh you stupid, moronic bastard...

You're telling me... Then again, who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who follows the idiot?

Oh please, like it was entirely your fault, Jess. You didn't know what Fluffy was like yet!

Maybe... But I still should have known better. Oh well... Who knows what would have changed otherwise?

So... you're saying no regrets?

Maybe not no regrets... But I wouldn't change what we did, no.

Alright. Just checking... Say, what's Bluebitch been up to?

You just don't like him because he called you a mutt when he first met you!

Meh, tomato zucchini.

... I will get you back for that, jerk! Just wait until next chapter!

Author's Note:

A/N: So yeah! Apparently no internet is the key to writing. Who knew?! Wrote the last 2k words in only an hour and a half, so I'ma gun take a walk to stretch, and then get started on the next chapter! Not that you'll actually read this or care, since I hope I'll have a lot of chapters to upload when I get back home, but whatever! I can get stuff done with no internet! Yay!

Oh, and sorry for the weirdness that is the second half of the chapter. I'm not even sure where I was going with it, honestly, but I didn't feel like taking it out would help either, so... Yeah. Just a small insight as to just how weird I really am, I guess.

EDIT: OH LOOK! My grandparents have wi-fi! Yay! That means I can post chapters before turning it off again! 8D
(Cause if I want to get writing done, I have to be offline. Go figure.)

Also, couldn't think of a good chapter name. So sue me. (If you think of a better one, feel free to mention it below!)

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