In Holy Maretrimony

by AdrianJNovelle

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"Rainbow Dash, can you help me with my MareSpace account?" Twilight asked, turning in her chair, at her desk in the far corner of the first floor of her Library, all of her friends visting and hanging out in the kitchen.

Rainbow would have flown, but seeing as flight would cause an unnecessary amount of collateral damage, she instead just trotted over to Twilight.

"Sure, whatcha need?"

"It wants my Emare address."

Rainbow Dash briefly stared at the monitor in scrutiny. "Wait, did you say MareSpace?"

"Yeah. I'm giving online dating a try. Well, just to initiate my new relationship for Princess Celestia. I think it'll be easier for me. There aren't many colts in Ponyville."

"True...but- wait, you're seriously going through with that?"

"Of course! Why wouldn't I? It was an order from Princess Celestia!"

"Oh, please, what could marriage possibly teach you, Twilight?"

"I don't know. But I'm eager to find out." She pointed her hoof at the still screen. "Now, will you help me or not?"

Rainbow Dash sighed. "What is it?"

"It wants my Emare address."

"And?"

"Well...what's an Emare address?"

"It's an online thing you use to obtain eletronic mail."

"You can get mail online?"

Rainbow Dash facehoof'd herself. "Duh! Now, don't tell me you want to search for love on MareSpace."

"What? Why not?"

"Dude, nopony's on MareSpace anymore," Dash explained as she stood erect and navigated through the windows on Twilight's computer for her, bringing up a page which read Flankhoof at the top.

"Flankhoof?" asked Twilight.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash nodded. "Everypony's on Flankhoof. You're bound to find the colt of your dreams here."

"But it's not a dating site."

"Yeah, well, neither is MareSpace. Look, it's a social network."

"What about my Plottr account?"

Another facehoof by Rainbow Dash.

It took about fifteen minutes for Rainbow Dash to successfully get Twilight an Emare address. From there she helped her search the Ponynet for an online dating site.

"Ooh, here's one: findmymare.com!" Twilight exclaimed.

"What does it say?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"It says, 'Find your true love! Set up a searchable online profile for you to gain access to hundreds of single mares and colts from across Equestria to connect with, and utilize the matchmaker tool included to pinpoint your perfect match!'"

"Sounds nifty," Rainbow almost sounded sarcastic.

"Do you think I should join?"

"Up to you."

"I'll join then."

Twilight went right to work on creating her profile, now that she had a real Emare address to confirm her account. That was the easy part. The hard part for her was deciding what to say in her profile.

"Okay, well, the basic information part - like what you'd like to be called - I think you can take for yourself," Rainbow said, walking away.

"Right," Twilight affirmed.

Your Profile

Full Name: Twilight Acorna Sparkle
Short Name: Twilight
Nickname (if different from above): Twi
I'd Like to Be Called: Twilie
Sex: Female
Age: 19
Date of Birth: 9/9
Sexual Preference: Male
Height: 3' 2"
Weight: 12 lbs
Species: Unicorn
Residence: Ponyville
Special Talent: Magic
Coat Color: Lavender
Mane Color (primarily): Royal Blue
Eye Color: Medium Purple
Astrological Sign: Virgo

Interests: Magic, Books, Friendship, Literature, Science, Music
Hobbies: Astromony, Reading, Bookkeeping, Practicing Magic, Singing, Studying
Employment: Other
Employer: Princess Celestia

Questionnaire
1. Are you now or have you ever been married? No
2. Do you live alone? If not, please specify with whom you live. No, my foster son Spike
3. Are you currently seeing anyone? No
4. Do you have any crushes or romantic interests in anypony you know already? No
5. Are you open to the idea of dating and marriage? Yes
6. Are you comfortable with the thought of sharing a bed with somepony else? I don't know
7. Have you ever been on a date before? No
8. Have you been or are on another dating site? No
9. On a scale of 1 - 10, rate yourself on high your esteem is about yourself: 8
10. On a scale of 1 - 10, rate yourself on how attractive you see yourself to your desired sex: 5

Comments/Additional Information:

Twilight added a picture of herself she found appropriate and then hit the Submit button on the screen. A message popped up an instant later reading

Profile Saved Successfully!
Welcome to FindMyMare!

Now all she had to do was wait.

Author's Note:

Pony Puns:

Just in case your sides didn't split.

MareSpace : MySpace
Emare : Email
Flankhoof : Facebook
Plottr : Tumblr
Ponynet : Internet

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

This should end well.

(I'm quaking in my boots even as I write. You'd think that at a week past Winter Wrap-Up, I wouldn't even need boots, but...)

Tentative fave based on author track record. Don't make me regret it.

[BigBadBari21]

I love all of the Internet references, and how you changed them to Pony names

[Swift Decision]

Great puns, but wouldn't it be better to use a pun on the email service? For example:
Plotmail (Hotmail)
Pmail (Gmail)
Whinnymail (Operamail)
Gallop (Fastmail)
Or there's always the real-life mail client called Pegasus Mail...

*geek* I'm just imagining the MIME headers now:
From: [e-mail]
To: [e-mail]
Sent from 1000.2345.0255.1233.0000:8080 (IPv6) (mailmare.pmail.com:8080) at March 10, 1008 01:54:45
Received on March 10, 1008 01:54:46 by 1000.4567.2320.5000.4511 (IPv6) (svc-manehattan.plotmail.co.eq) using Equisoft SMTPSVC
Total latency 10ms
Size 12KB

[AdrianJNovelle]

2317552 Copyright

[Swift Decision]

2318863

Copyright? But you're writing fanfiction, which means you're using copyrighted stuff to begin with! I don't follow your logic.

[AdrianJNovelle]

2322883 I'm just making excuses indifference to my lack of Internet familiarity

[Gotelc]

I know this is a silly nit pick but a 3' pony would be more than 12 lbs. I am thinking closer to the weight of a large dog, maybe 75 lbs? For reference Great Danes are a little under 3 feet at 30-34 inches and weigh about 120-200 lbs. But I could see ponies being lighter due to their build. Other than that loved it keep up the good work!

[AdrianJNovelle]

2932731 Well, in Episode 22, Twilight picks up Rarity with zero effort. That's the physics I went by. I doubt Rarity would weigh anywhere near 75 pounds. 12 seemed pretty accurate.