• Published 15th Feb 2013
  • 4,820 Views, 320 Comments

How the hell did this happen? Or should that now be hay? - Lucky424



Whilst on a special duty, a brony experiences a explosion that is not typical.....and sends him somewhere not possible.

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A bitch slap sanctioned by Celestia.

As they got off the train, the guards all looked round to get their bearings. With the exception of Starfyre, it had been a long time since they were last in Ponyville. Jet Streak was the first to speak up, ruffling his feathers before starting to trot off. "Well, I've got to go pay a visit to somepony, I'm sure you others do as well. So, we'll meet at Sugarcube Corner in a couple of hours. You guys remember where that is?"

"You may be a sergeant, but you are not the one in charge." They all turned to see the owner of the voice, and they were a little shocked to see him of all ponies. Walking off the carriage was a lanky unicorn, but he wasn't just tall, he had the muscle structure to match. If it wasn't for the horn, you'd thought he was an earth pony. "Our first order of business is to head to the old guard station in town, and set about repairs if needed. I will inform the mayor of our arrival, and then I have to also report to the library. Apparently somepony the Princess trusts lives there, and I am to make her known of our arrival as well. Then we shall turn in for the night, and get started in the morning. Are there any problems?"

Jet looked at the Lieutenant and tried to find something to make his case, but failed. ".....No sir."

"Good, I will see you at the guard station in a while. Move out."


"And again, thank you for the hospitality of your town, Miss Mayor. Good night."

As the lieutenant left, he immediately saw a tree house in the middle of town, and knew that was his destination. Knocking on the door, he heard a young male voice call out. “Coming, just a sec!!” The door swung open and he found himself looking at a small lizard.

“Dragon, no wings. Age around fifteen years. Still a baby. I shall leave you alive.....for now.”

“Uh, thanks, I think. How can we help you this late at night?”

“I have been instructed to let the owner of this building know that the guards requested have arrived in town.”

“Oh sure, let me just get her for you.” Turning around, Spike walked in to the centre of the library. “Twilight, you've got a visitor!”

“Wait, Twilight? As in Lady Twilight Sparkle?” It can't be.........

“Lady? Whatever dude!!”

“White Feather?” Turning his attention to the stairs, he spotted the mare in question half way down them with pleasant expression on her face. She is still as beautiful as ever.

“Good evening Lady Sparkle. I have come to let you know that the requested guards have arrived and we will be available for tasking in the morning. I shall take my leave now.”

“Wait, would you like to stay and....talk with me for a bit?”

“No thank you, I must return to my charges.”

As the door shut behind him, Twilight's face dropped and she turned back up the stairs, started to sniffle. Spike, unsure of what just happened, followed after a moment. By the time he reached he door, she was full on crying.

“Twi?” Being pulled in to a tight hug was not what he was expecting, but he knew she needed someone at that point. “It's okay Twi, I'm here for you.”

After half an hour, she had finally calmed down. “So, who was that guy?”

“Remember all those nights I was late back from extended study before we came here?” She could see she had his full attention, and with her happy memories, she continued. “I wasn't always studying. One of the reasons I never made time for friends was because that time was filled.....with him. And now he comes back like nothing happened....”

She started to sniff again, and Spike had an idea. “Get some rest Twi, you're going to need it.”


“Lucky, may I have a word with you?”

“Of course your majesty.”

“Please, call me Luna. I have just come for Tia's chambers, she has received a letter from Spike,. Here take a look.” She floated a piece of parchment my way and I took a hold of it.


Dear Princesses Celestia and Luna,

The guards have arrived in town and the leader came to inform us of their arrival. When Twilight saw him, she grew rather excited, but he seemed to remain cold and collected. After he left, Twilight grew quite upset, and after a cry informed me that some of her late 'study' sessions were with him. I don't know why he is here, but I don't think it is a good idea, giving with how emotional it is making Twilight. Could you please speak with him or send another lieutenant.

Spike.

“I take it this is the one who Celestia said was 'just the pony'? Sounds like a real charmer. How can I help?”

“Follow me.” We walked in silence until we came to the main court hall, and I could hear a hushed discussion going on. “Before we enter, I wish to tell you something important. I have looked in to our history of portal magic, to see if we could find you a way home.”

“What? Really?” But....do I really want to go?

“I.....am sorry. The longest recorded jump was from one side of the planet to the other. The longest unrecorded was my.........vacation that I'm sure you know about. That is why we will understand perfectly if you are to refuse, but I ask that you hear all options before you choose.”

“Choose what? Whether you kill me or imprison me for being dangerous? Or send me back to the Everfree to live among the other beasts, destined to die a horrible death?”

DO NOT SPEAK TO US IN SUCH A WAY!!! We hold you in much higher regard than some of our subjects!!! After all we have done for you, how could you think such things?”

I could see the hurt in her face, and I felt something that I hadn't felt for a very long time. Shame. “I'm sorry your majesty. My emotions got the better of me. You raised my hopes and dashed them again, but you did not deserve the way I spoke. Please, accept my apologies.”

I was pulled in by her wings a she spoke. “There is no need to apologise. It was unfair of me to do that to you, but you needed to know, as it may help your decision. Come, the others are waiting.” She pulled away and moved to the doors, opening them with her magic. Inside were several guardsponies, Shining Armour, and Princess Celestia.

“Ah, Mr Lucky, so glad you could join us. Please have a seat, we have much to discuss.” The castle furniture maker had made me a set of chairs placed around the castle to accommodate my shape and size, and one of them had been placed in the main hall. I took my seat and Celestia continued. “I'm guessing from your little shouting match with my sister that she has told you of our discoveries. We are not planning on killing or imprisoning you. In fact, I wish to do the opposite.”

“What exactly are you asking me to do?”

“You have proven yourself to be a capable warrior, and I wish to add such strength to my military. I have spoken with our captains and they all agree on this course of action.”

“Just how many guard captains do you have?”

“Seven, one for each race and time of day.”As I looked round at the guards, I noticed that there were two unicorns, two pegasi, and two earth ponies. The day guards were white and grey, and the night guards were those weird bat-pony things. “And then there is Shining Armour, who has overall command. I wish to increase the count to eight.”

“What?”

“If you accept, you will have the same standing as Captain Armour, by his recommendation.”

“Again, what?”

Luna spoke up from beside me. “It is quite clear. You can not return home for the moment, so you need a job. Do not despair, we will keep searching. But for now, what better way for ponies to accept you in our lands than not just being one of our guards, but one of our captains?”

“I don't know what to say. I mean, what would I have to do?”

Celestia closed her eyes and spoke again. “You would be able to defend our subjects in any way you see fit. And you have our blessing to do so.”

“What if I have to harm, or kill one of you subjects to protect another?”

“Then you may do so. They would have all ready broken our laws, and therefore no longer protected by them. But I would appreciate if you kept killing to a last resort. Now, what is your decision?”

Standing, I walked over to Celestia and dropped to one knee. “I am yours to command, your majesties.”

Shining Armour pulled back a curtain to reveal...something. It looked like NCR Ranger Armour, but without the helmet. “We have had a look through our books to see what other races with similar shapes to yourself use as armour. Coupled with what Princess Luna saw in your dreams, we had this crafted for you. It will fit, as the measurements were done by Miss Rarity. Welcome to the Royal Guard, Captain Fire Rain."

Fire Rain?

“It is what we got from your weapons. One of our academy ponies saw them in action, and that's what he thought they were making. Appropriate, don't you think?”

“Yeah, sounds good. Okay Princess, Captain Fire Rain reporting for duty.”

“Excellent. I have your first task. You are to go 'speak' to a lieutenant in Ponyville.......”


“Dude, this place is a wreck. I'd rather sleep outside!!!”

“If I hear one more complaint from you sergeant, you will be. Now lets get this place back to it's former spleand....who would be knocking on a run down buildings door this later at night?”

Nova, being the closest walked over and stuck his head out. After a hushed conversation, he came back in. “Sergeant Jet Streak, there is a mare outside who wishes to speak with you.”

Grinning like a madpony, he trotted over to the door. “A lovely mare wanting see me all ready? This must be heaven!!” He made it to door and stuck his head out to continue. “Hey there beautif....”SLAP.

“I don't know why you've come back or what you're playing at, but stay the hay away from Fluttershy. You hurt her once, and I'm not going to let you do it again.” There was the sound of feathers as the mare flew away and there was a small whisper from Streaks mouth.

“......Dash?”

Starfyre's ears perked up remembering the mare he had helped home on his last visit, and her more recent reaction to his sister in Canterlot. The lieutenant's voice snapped him back to reality. “SERGEANT STREAK! WHERE THE HAY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?”

“I was going to follow her and apologise for my actions the last time I was here. I wronged somepony, and the reason I requested this posting was to try and right it whilst I was here. But I don't think Dash will listen to me....”

“We have to get this place restored before we do anything like that.”

“Um, sir?”

“What is it Corporal Starfyre?”

“Well sir, if we are going to stay here, then of all ponies we'll need the Element Bearers on our side. Lady Dash is the Bearer of Loyalty, and the longer we wait to talk to her the worse it will make things. I request that I go now, as we both have something in common.”

“If it is that you are both pegasi, then request denied. But I know you. What's the reason?”

“She is going to be helping my niece, Scootaloo, learn to fly when her parents are away.”

“.....Very well. Go talk to her.”

“Thank you sir.”


Rainbow had been walking around aimlessly for the best part of an hour. She felt good for hitting Streak, but she also felt bad about it. She knew Fluttershy would forgive him, but what he did was just wrong. She looked up and found herself out side Ponyville General, and she closed her eyes to let herself remember being wrapped in the wing of the guard from that night.

“Such rosy cheeks can only make a mare like yourself more beautiful.”

Opening her eyes and looking around, she saw nopony there. “Show yourself, or I'll buck you up.”

“And such passion too.” The voice came from above her, but when she looked, the owner had once again disappeared.

Growling in frustration, she was about to take off when a wing eased over her back. Looking up, she saw the guard from that night, again offering his comfort. “Good evening Lady Dash. What is a beautiful mare doing out by herself at this time of night?”

By now, Rainbow's face was almost entirely red, and she turned away before mumbling something he couldn't hear. Pulling away, he trotted in front of her so she could see him talking. “We have not had a proper introduction, as you have fainted both times we met. I know you have been told of me, and I of you, so I thought it was about time to make myself known.” Taking a bow in front of her, which embarrassed her to no end but she secretly liked, he spoke once more. “My name is Starfyre, and it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Lady Dash.”

'THUD'

Starfyre looked at the mare in front of him and sighed, and knowing that her house wasn't that far, scooped her on to his back before taking wing towards Cloudsdale.


I stepped of the train in the early morning. My new uniform fitted perfectly, and the armoured bits were actually armoured as well. It had runes inscribed on it, to which I was informed that they were malicious spell wards, and all the guards had them on their armour. If I was hit with a spell by accident or in training, then they wouldn't work but if I was attacked with intent, then they would activate. I didn't know how they worked, but I was happy to have them!!!

As I walked through town I noted it must be the weekend, as not even AJ was out setting up her cart. I heard what sounded like a commotion behind me and turned to see a whole host of ponies staring at me with mixed looks. I knew they were curious, but some of them looked like the were ready to kill me. I walked up to the nearest filly and knelt down to her face. Greyish coat, blonde mane, and horn. Dinky.

“Good morning little one. And what are you doing up at this early hour?” There was a stunned silence as they all looked on to see what would happen. The filly over came her worry and responded.

“Me and mummy were going out for a walk, but then I saw you and I ran off and now......I don't know where my mummy is!!!” As she started to cry, I picked her up and hugged her to my chest.

“It's okay. I have business here, but I'll help you find your mother first.” I was about to ask the gathered ponies who her mother was when a rather angry voice spoke behind me.

“Put. My. Daughter. Down. NOW!!!” I saw the worry in the faces of the others and turned to meet the other one. Yep, just as expected. Greyish coat, blonde mane, wings, and bubble cutie mark. Wait, is it Derpy or Ditzy?

I put Dinky down and nudged her forward, but she ran back and hid behind my legs, peering round at her mother. I just looked up and shrugged before returning my attention to the filly. “I didn't mean to run away mum, I just saw him and was curious. He was going to help me find you, honest.”

“Dinky, you know better than to talk to strangers let alone strange creatures, what if....” I put my hand up and interrupted her.

“I can assure you, if I wanted to harm.....”

“My name's Dinky.”

“Dinky, I could have done it with out any of you noticing. As it is, miss.....”

“Derpy. Derpy Hooves.”

“As it is Miss Hooves, I am in fact sworn to protect you.” I lifted up the flap that had been placed over the left chest part of my jacket exposing the Royal Seal, mixed with a symbol from home. “I am in fact here to see how the new guards are getting on, but first I must see Lady Sparkle.”

“Lady? Lucky, why aren't you calling me Twilight?”

I bent down to Dinky and nudged her forward again. “Go on Dinky, your mother was just worried. You'll be fine.” I watched the little filly scamper off before turning around and bowing. “Lady Sparkle, it is a pleasure to see you again.”

“Lucky, why are you being so formal?”

“It is how I am to address you.”

“But you called me Twilight in Canterlot.”

“That was because in Canterlot, I wasn't a Captain of the Royal Guard.” I watched her eyes roam over my outfit before settling on the three crowns on either side of my lapels. I heard her gasp before she spoke again.

“Well then Captain Fire Rain, I believe we have business to discuss. Please follow me.” She turned and walked back to the library and I followed down the centre of the street. I could feel all eyes upon me. Ten minutes later, and I was again walking amongst the ponies of the town, but they didn't seem to be bothered by me. I just walked past them, with my purpose and a new destination.....


“Okay, that's good work. We just need to get some holes in the roof fixed and this place will be back to it's former glory. I shall go check in with the mayor and see what she wishes for us to do.”

“Slow down Lieutenant White Feather. I have something much more important for you to do.”

He turned around and looked at me, not on hint of emotion on his face. “I don't care if you carry the princesses favour, I will not take orders from the likes of you.” He had made his way close, which made my task much easier. “I do not know what you are thinking, but barging in here and trying to order me around is against the laws of Equestria, and I will have.....you.....arrested.....buck.”

He had trailed of because I had lifter the flap on my jacket up again and he had spotted the three crowns on my lapels.

“OFFICER ON DECK!!!” The other ponies fell in line with their fore hooves and back hooves brought together, their attention position.

“Now then Lieutenant, I wish to know why you are being so cold to one Lady Twilight Sparkle.”

“Sir, if you don't mind, that's personal, sir!”

“I see. Well, I don't need you to tell me, as I have all ready spoken to her. I know all I need to”

“What? That little bit.....”SMACK

YOU WILL NOT SPEAK THAT WAY ABOUT AN ELEMENT BEARER. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

“Yes sir.”

GOOD. NOW GET YOU SORRY FLANK OVER THERE AND APOLOGISE FOR YOU ATTITUDE LAST NIGHT. IF I GET A LESS THAN SATISFACTORY REPORT FROM LADY SPARKLE, THEN YOU BEST STAND BY. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

“YES SIR!!!”

MOVE!!!” He turned sharply and galloped out the door. I had no doubts that this was not how they were trained, judging by the worried looks and the grinning Jet Streak. I wasn't having that.

SERGEANT JET STREAK, FRONT AND CENTRE.”

“YES SIR!”

SOMETHING FUNNY SERGEANT?

“Actually sir, yes. I never seen him get his flank handed to him by anypony. SIR!!”

“Good. Now I understand a couple of you have old friends in Ponyville?” They both nodded. “Well, why aren't you out there getting reacquainted?” I got two blank stares. “MOVE!” They both galloped out of the door as well. “Strike, Nova, what about you two?”

Nova stepped forward. “I...have a penpal in town sir, but I have never met her. I have seen her a few times, but never had the courage to talk to her.....she's beautiful.”

“Lady Rarity?”

“How did you know?”

“Doesn't matter. Here, take this and give it to her. And I don't want to see you till tonight. Understood?”

He took the envelope before grinning wildly and dashing out the door. “Strike, let me guess. Pinkie Pie?”

“Yes sir.”

“Go grab a muffin.” Two left.

“Starfyre, who do you have your eye on? Or is it Lady Dash?” A blush started to cross his features. “Well, out with it.”

“I saw her again last night sir. She fainted and I had to carry her home....again.”

“What do you mean again?”

“She fainted the first time we met because of your massage sir.”

“Oh. Well, why aren't you off looking for her?”

“She invited me to lunch, but I thought we'd still be working, so I turned her down.”

“Starfye....”

“Yes sir, moving sir!

I turned to the last remaining guard. “Cannon Bolt.”

“Sir!”

“I know about the restraining order. I spoke with you brother. I believe it is for the farm only correct?”

She looked down and pawed awkwardly at the floor. “Yes sir, it is.”

“Close you eyes, and open then when I tell you to.” She looked a little confused but did as requested. I went to the door and ushered my guest in, placing him in front of her, then taking my leave. I glanced around outside before giving a thumbs up and closing the door. I could here the farm pony's deep voice through the wood.

“Well, good mornin' to you, Miss Bolt.....”

Author's Note:

So the vote went 2 > 1 Uniscorn to Pegasi. Little disappointed that there wasn't more votes, but hey ho.
White Feather is courtesy of starfiction.

The badge I used was mix of the British Army's Major and Captain ones. I just replaced the pips with crowns.
And as for the crest, it is the centre of circle of this picture,

With the propellers form this one placed on top

I think I missed a few errors is this one, so if you spot any point them out.