• Published 26th Jan 2012
  • 7,490 Views, 420 Comments

Head Full of Cotton Candy - TheManWithTwoNames

The many misadventures of Discord and Screwball.

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Head Full of Cotton Candy

A “My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic” fanfiction

By TheManWithTwoNames

I do not own any of the characters contained in the following work. “My Little Pony” and all subsequent properties belong to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.

I do own a pretty rad T-shirt, and I’m willing to make a trade with them.

Title image originally by: http://blockeraser.deviantart.com/

Forget about all that… Forget about all the bad and the chaos… Just think about the laughter…

…and don’t forget about me after I’m gone.


Let it never be said that Savoir Faire let anything stand in the way of duty. Ponies ran through the halls of Canterlot Castle in an uproar, with the force of their panic enough to shake the ivory walls of the palace. The mare couldn’t completely blame them, of course. A sudden and violent coup of the throne of Equestria certainly deserved some commotion, but she wouldn’t let herself join into their hysterical masses -- no matter how tempting the invitation -- and continued to stride through the palace on the way to the main ballroom, where catastrophe had struck the kingdom not a few hours earlier. The king and queen of Equestria had been struck down in the middle of a banquet by an unknown assassin with terrible strength, and the two young princesses were nowhere to be found.

As she drew nearer to the cursed doors, she took a moment to examine herself in the reflection of an abandoned silver platter to ensure she looked just right. Her pinkish-purple coat was sleek and presentable; her purple eyes were complemented with the perfect shades of make-up; her curling dark purple mane was coiffed to perfection, with the customary cap of the royal advisor centered neatly between her ears, pinned to her mane to stop it from slipping off (Savoir Faire always questioned the design of the headgear; she often wondered if someone had just stitched some blue and yellow fabric to a box and called it a hat). She was adorned with the traditional robes that had been passed down to the grand advisors of the royal family, and the warm, blue fabric almost completely covered her body from her chest to her flank.

The advisor deflated with a sad moan. She looked ridiculous in her get-up. How could a pony be expected to take herself seriously wearing something like that? She supposed no one would ever seek her advice for the summer fashion line-up. Holding her head up high to avoid needing to refasten the hat, Savoir Faire continued to the ballroom. Unsurprisingly, there were no guards standing watch at the doors as they normally did; after the devastating defeat the elite soldiers suffered at the hand of the invader, it would take a complete lunatic to try to approach whatever monster now controlled the fate of Equestria.

Drawing a deep breath, Savoir Faire, the completely loony royal advisor pushed on the great door and was immediately received with a pie.

“Woo! No hands!” a low voice cheered from across the room. Savoir Faire ignored some unhappy memories the welcome had triggered as she wiped the goo off of her face. Clearing her vision, the advisor looked in shock at the scene around her. The ballroom appeared as if a tornado had swept through: the curtains were torn to ribbons, tables lay broken in half under stacks of broken dishes soaking in sticky and dried punch, garlands that had been so tastefully wrapped around the pillars were hanging limply from the columns, several streamers were messily tangled in knots around the floor, broken windows let in the occasional breeze that would send some cracked wine glasses rolling across the tile floor, and the massive ceremonial cake that had once been the centerpiece of the room now existed solely as globs of frosting and yellow sponge that smeared the walls.

And in the middle of it all sat the strangest creature Savoir Faire had ever laid eyes on. She regarded the beast quizzically, as the thing himself split his attention between the pied earth pony and the plates and assorted pieces of silverware that orbited around him. It had a gray face that could barely be described as equine, with two lop-sided eyes topped with great, bushy eyebrows as enormous and shaggy as the hair trailing from his chin. He had both deer and goat antlers poking from the top of his head, and a long neck that changed colors from an amber gray to a dark chestnut brown at where she imagined his shoulders were. His body was long and slender, and seemed to be able to twist and angle in near-impossible ways like a serpent.

Each shoulder blade had a different colored wing curled under it: one a blue pegasus’ wing, and the other a purple bat wing. His left arm exploded into a cluster of feathers with an eagle claw extending from the mess, while his right was a powerful lion’s paw. One leg looked like it was taken from a deer, with the other from some reptile. Finally, the fur thinned out at the base of his body to reveal a ruby-red snake’s tail that plumed into a white collection of hair at the tip. He comfortably stood erect on his hind legs, which was an exotic rarity for most sentient creatures in Equestria, and also a very unnerving one; this beast stood several hands taller than the former ruler, who had been simply massive by pony standards.

‘But the king and queen had been killed in the middle of their eldest daughter’s birthday, so that makes it festive!’ she thought bitterly, trying to fight back her dread with some morbid humor. ‘At least Equestria has something new to focus on, instead of that terrible civil war.’

“But hey, really,” the creature spoke, “if you could get all this stuff to stop flying around me that would be really, really great. I’m starting to get a little dizzy.” The purple pony looked at the creature with some hesitance and was met with a dopey grin. Cautiously stepping around the piles of cookie crumbs and splintered wood, she crossed the ballroom and began to pluck each of the orbiting bodies out from the air, flinching each time in fear that the creature might suddenly lash out at her. To her surprise, the thing was content to leave her to her task and merely hummed absent-mindedly as Savoir Faire stacked the silverware in neat piles on the floor.

Savoir Faire carried the plates to a nearby table by expertly balancing them on her tail, prompting the creature to rise up from the floor to his full height and watch her with interest. Looking over at a half-eaten cake mashed on the ground, he picked up the dessert and attempted to balance it on the tip of his reptilian tail, only for it to immediately drop to the ground again with a splat and spray him with frosting.

“Hey, how did you do that thing with your tail?” he called as he scurried over to to the startled pony’s side.

“Years of practice,” Savoir Faire managed to squeak out, which appeared to satisfy the creature. She cleared her throat and quickly bowed her head. “Hello, Your Majesty, my name is Savoir Faire, and it is my honor to serve you.”

“Did you drop something?” the creature asked as he watched this strange spectacle.

“No, sir… I was bowing,” she answered, standing back up to prevent that ridiculous hat of hers from slipping off. As she contemplated ways to recover the situation, she was struck by the thought that this new ruler must be from a much different culture. What a perfect way to break the ice!

“So, Your Majesty, you must be from far away.”

“If you say I am,” he said with a passionless shrug.

“Erm, no, I’m sorry, I did not mean to assume. Where do you… eh, hail from?” she asked, mentally kicking herself at her embarrassing attempt to use more ‘sophisticated’ language.

“Oh. I don’t really know, I’ve never tried before,” came the confusing response.

“Tried what?”

“Tried to hail. Where do you hail from?” the creature asked.

“Oh, so gracious of you to ask!” Savoir Faire said with a forced grin, struggling to keep the exchange afloat. “I come from right here in Canterlot. I’ve lived in Canterlot Commons for all my life.”

“Do you think I could hail from there?” The advisor looked up at her charge for a moment in uncertainty while in her mind she jumped around like a maniac, desperately reaching out for the retreating threads she could grab on to and carry the conversation with.

“I… I’m not sure what you mean, Your Highness.”

“I’ll be honest then, I’m not entirely sure what you were talking about, either.”

“Where were you born?” she asked as frankly and respectfully as she could.

“I don’t know where it was.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What is your name?”

“I don’t think I have one.”

“What are you?” The advisor gasped as her harsh words tumbled out of her mouth faster than she could push them back in, and braced herself for the repercussions of her brashness.

“I… I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. “I feel like I should, though. But I just don’t.”

It was at that moment that Savoir Faire had a most unpleasant epiphany. This strange, foreign creature that had seized the throne and plunged all of Equestria into panic, with power enough to kill the king and queen and drive the royal sisters into hiding, was a complete and utter simpleton.

‘Well, if this is going to end with all of Equestria running headlong into a brick wall, we might as well get it over with quickly and get there at full sprint.’

“So, Your Highness, I believe we should relocate to the throne room so you may attend to your duties,” Savoir Faire said, doing her best to appear professional. Sure, this thing most likely didn’t understand the significance behind her formality, but perhaps she’d be lucky enough that he’d pick up on whatever shaky bit of confidence she was projecting and simply do whatever she said.

‘Oh heavens above, we’ve essentially become the ruler of Equestria haven’t we?’ The purple pony winced at the thought and fully regretted coming to the palace that morning. ‘Full sprint into the wall. Let’s do it.’


Though the pony felt absolutely absurd as she exited the ballroom, leading the new king of Equestria by the hand like a child, as she caught the amazed glances and heard the hushed whispers of the few ponies that were still too frightened to run away or taking time to do a little bit of looting on their way out, she felt more than a bit of pride; maybe a kernel, or even a modicum of satisfaction. There she was, the pony they all laughed at and ignored, and now she was the sole advisor to the king because she was the only pony who had the nerve to seize opportunity and most likely lead the world to ruin.

She’d have to get her mind off of that if she wanted to hold onto that modicum.

“So, Your Majesty, this is your throne room,” Savoir Faire announced as they entered the grand chamber, the creature taking in the magnificence of the room with endless wonder. The colorful stained-glass windows stretched from the marble floor to the ceiling high above them, and the rich red crimson carpet extended all the way to the magnificent throne at the end of the hall.

“This is mine?”

“That’s correct.”

“Wow… Does everyone get one of these?” he asked.

“No, sir, just you.”

“Why me?”

“Because you’re our new king,” she answered, reeling back her building frustration.

“How’d that happen?” he asked as he continued to scan the room with wide eyes.

“You killed the last one. Now,” she spoke quickly to avoid dwelling on the memory of the grizzly scene, “as the absolute ruler of Equestria, it is your duty to maintain order in the kingdom.”

“Are you sure? Hum…” The creature scratched the space between his wings vigorously causing his tail to happily wag and swat the floor. To her embarrassment, the pony had to bite her lip to stop herself from snickering. After his fit had ended, the creature lost himself in contemplation again and idly flicked the tip of his snaggle-tooth. “That really doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

“I’m sure that if you tried, you’d surprise yourself.”

“You know, I kind of miss the plates…”

“Please try to focus, Your Majesty.”

“Hey, if I’m king and in charge of everything, then why are you telling me what to do?” the creature asked suspiciously, squinting at the nervous pony.

“Because that is what an advisor does.” Savoir Faire sighed in relief as the creature accepted it with a nod. To her shock, the creature proceeded to swiftly snatch the hat from her head, disturbing a long curl of hair, and wedged it between his horns.

“Then I’ll be the king and the advisor!” he declared triumphantly.

‘Okay, girl, you’re going to have to be clever about this one to recover from this. So just think for a second and don’t just blurt out whatever—’

“I’m still the advisor because I’m wearing the robes!”

‘How can you be so bad at this?’

Savoir Faire didn’t like the new way the creature was looking down at her. The expression he wore had no business appearing on the creature’s goofy face. He looked focused.

“Gimme,” he said firmly, reaching out for her with his paw. The pony shrunk back from the creature, in no hurry to reveal herself.


“But I’m the king!” the creature whined. “Aren’t you supposed to do what I say?”

“I’m your advisor and I think it would be a bad idea.”

“But I have the hat!” he pouted.

“But I have the robes,” she replied smoothly. “And your immature behavior is completely unfitting of a king.” Savoir Faire was surprised by her own audacity. This was the creature that had murdered the most powerful alicorns to ever live, and there she was, an earth pony, talking down to him like some petulant colt.

“Aw…” the creature sighed sadly, kicking the air in dejection.

“But being the king isn’t bad at all,” the advisor said hastily. She knew that the former king was a terror when he was in low spirits, and she didn’t have any desire to be the pony that upset this new ruler. That, and her very nature wouldn’t allow her to let anyone stay unhappy if she could help it. “You can do things that no one else can!”

That seemed to catch the thing’s attention. “Like make plates spin around?”

“Yes…?” Why not let him have that? “But more importantly, you can, and need, to raise and lower the sun and moon every day and night.”

“I can do that?

“Of course you can,” she said encouragingly, slapping the creature on the back in support. After a few seconds of silence, she looked up into his beady yellow and ruby eyes with concern. “Can’t you?”

“I don’t know,” he answered with a shrug before reaching around to scratch between his wings again. “What happened to the last guy who did it?”

“We’ve been over that already,” Savoir Faire said gloomily.

‘Hey, if he can’t raise the sun, then we can just call it a day and just kick back and wait for the world to end.’

“So… What am I lifting?” the creature asked.

“The sun? The big yellow thing in the sky? You know what the sun is, don’t you?”

“I do! I do!” he snapped defensively. “I just didn’t have the same name for it as you.”

“What did you call it then?” The voices inside Savoir Faire’s head were all taking turns kicking whatever part of her brain that insisted on antagonizing the seven-foot tall chimera. Thankfully, rather than turn her into a smoldering pile on the carpet, the creature simply mumbled an indecipherable something and began to innocently stroll away from the pony.

“So are you going to try to raise the sun?”

“Well, where is it?” The advisor had to pause at that. She honestly didn’t know; she had never thought about it before. The sun was in the sky during the day and gone at night, it never mattered to her where it went.

“It usually rises from the east… That way,” the pony said as she led the creature’s gaze toward the horizon. “Well, it always rises in the east, actually.”

“So, I just go over there and do what with it?” the creature asked, twirling his beard around his talon.

“You just have to pull it up into the sky a little. Then, gravity should start doing the rest of the work—wait, what? No, you don’t have to go anywhere. You should be able to do it from here. I think…” she added privately.

Before she could say another word, there was a snap and a flash and the creature was gone. She easily recognized the flash as a result of teleportation magic, having seen the two royal sisters play enough magically enhanced games of tag to identify some spells. The sudden disappearance had caught her off guard; the creature didn’t seem like he knew how to use magic. Well, yes, she knew that he must have been able to use magic, since he defeated the king and queen, but he didn’t seem to be in control.

And then she tasked some strange creature that she didn’t trust with magic with the sacred duty of raising the sun.

‘How can you be so bad at this?!’ the voice in her head shouted again, much angrier this time.

“I don’t know!” she exhaled, aggravation clear her voice. She didn’t need someone else to nag her to remind her that this was a bad idea, least of all herself.

‘Well, now you’ve gone and lost track of… of…’

“What the hay do I even call him?”

The ground suddenly shrunk away from the pony, causing her to yelp loudly and clutch onto the surface beneath her as tight as she could.

“Hey there,” a freshly familiar voice mumbled beneath her. Opening her eyes, the pony nearly yelped again when she realized she was wrapped around the nameless creature’s head. The creature grabbed her with both hands and placed her back on the ground. Savoir Faire cocked an eyebrow at the proudly smiling king before she finally noticed the sunlight shining through the windows.

“How did you do that?!” she gasped, astonishment and relief mixing inside of her.

“The same way I made the plates dance around,” the creature replied simply with a snap of his fingers, deflating a bit at the underwhelming praise of his accomplishment.

“You overshot it a little,” Savoir Faire commented as she looked at the sun hanging high in the air at the crack of dawn.

“I was scared.” The creature’s sad whimper intrigued the advisor to turn to face his shivering form.

“Of what?”

“The monsters!” he said darkly as he jumped toward her to loom menacingly above her. “The monsters that live on the bottom half!”


“The whole world is flat! Like a plate!” he exclaimed, withdrawing a plate from behind his back to demonstrate. “We’re up here on the top half, and the other half is full of awful, awful monsters!” He twisted his already misshapen face into something even more unpleasant. “I saw them! They nearly grabbed me!”

Savoir Faire could only stare at the creature hovering over her with wild eyes as she tried to process this horrifying new information. What other unknown terrors had the alicorns protected Equestria from in secrecy? How could they possibly defend themselves against an entire race of demons that could threaten the ruler of the kingdom? How could he be laughing at a time like this?

“Bahahaaahahaa! Ahahahaha!” The creature was in stitches, rolling on his back and slapping the floor with his tail. The advisor’s expression immediately soured.

“You were making a fool out of me!”

“I was being funny! It’s just a joke,” he sighed dismissively as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“That’s not funny,” she asserted, stomping a hoof down. “And I know funny.”

“Oh yeah?” the creature challenged, raising a bushy white eyebrow in interest. The purple pony cleared her throat and immediately slipped into a goofy smile.

“A stallion has been feuding with his unicorn neighbor for years. He eventually gets tired of him and goes over to deal with him face to face. Later in the day, he comes back to his house standing at two feet tall. His wife comes over and shouts, ‘Honey! What happened?’ He says, ‘I had a screaming match with that mule all day and then he shrank me!’ The wife is in complete hysterics and doesn’t know how to handle this. She asks him, ‘Are you alright?’ And he says to her, he says ‘I’m a little hoarse.’”

Savoir Faire waited with a cheesy grin for a few seconds as she waited for her audience to react. Just as she was about to lose hope, the king’s deep laughter exploded around the walls of the throne room again.

“That was terrible!”

“Some ponies have no sense of humor. And he even managed to lose that tacky hat,” she bitterly mumbled with a sort. “So if there was no monsters, what happened to just a little push?”

“It was my first time!” he said defensively. “I didn’t even know what I was going to be working with a few minutes ago!”

There was another flash, and this time it was the king’s turn to yelp. In an instant, the massive creature was curled behind his advisor in fear. Savoir Faire followed his terrified expression to a neatly tied bundle of paper that had been magically teleported into room. Savoir Faire was familiar with the practice employed by The Daily Hoofprint, the largest news outlet in Equestria; the presses were enchanted to teleport every new edition to their customers at each sunrise, and the former queen enjoyed beginning her morning by reading on the new developments from around the nation in peace before hearing it shouted at her by panicked advisors.

Savoir Faire made a show of herself as she boldly and dramatically strode toward the menacing paper and internally grinning at the amazed expression on the king’s face. Untying the knot, the advisor spread out the front page and saw a rough drawing of ponies fleeing from Canterlot Palace, which had been creatively spruced up with a hefty amount of burning towers and thunderstorms.

The End of Equestria?

By Dirt Digger

All of Equestria was plunged into chaos last night as Princess Celestia’s 525th Birthday celebration was invaded by an unknown assassin who immediately attacked the guests. The assassin marked his appearance with the shocking murder of King Equinox before turning his wrath against Queen Cressida and the Royal Guard.

Equally disturbing was the discovery at Bison Gulch, the wasteland that had been the scene of the greatest civil war in Equestria history. The thousands of ponies, griffons, bison, and others that had been ceaselessly warring for the last decade appear to have vanished without a trace. Presently, there is no evidence connecting the two, but investigations are underway.

There is currently a great discord among government officials concerning who will take the throne of Equestria with the fate of the royal family suspended in mystery. Some guests claim to have witnessed Princesses Celestia and Luna fleeing the palace during the attack, but there has been no sign of the sisters as of yet.

Nothing is known about the assassin, but ponies are advised to stay on guard, as he is presumed to be at large and extremely dangerous…

That was about as much as Savoir Faire could digest for the moment. Her robes suddenly became much heavier as she understood that she was the only one who was going to recognize the creature as the new ruler of Equestria. The pony couldn’t really blame the rest of the world for not immediately siding with some treasonous mishmash of animal parts, but until the two princesses returned to take back the throne and banish her for supporting their father’s murderer, there wasn’t much to do put push forward.

But the more she thought about it, the more she felt that she was doing the world a favor. What would have happened if she hadn’t been there to tell the thing to raise the sun? It might have never happened! She already saved Equestria from disaster, and it was only her first day. Not too bad. If she could just keep lying to herself like this, then she just might be able to stay sane.

And Savoir Faire wasn’t even sure if she would even call him “dangerous.” Maybe troublesome, but he didn’t appear to be much of a terror.

“Look! Look!” the creature cheered, distracting the advisor from her thoughts. “I can do the other one, too!” The beast snapped his claw and the sun vanished behind the horizon to be immediately replaced by the moon.

“Your Highness, it’s only seven in the morning! It’s too early for the moon to rise—”

“Yeah, yeah, in a sec. This is so cool! Light! Dark! Light! Dark!” he giggled in childish glee as the solar bodies danced and swirled across the constantly changing sky. With each sunrise, another newspaper appeared in a flash with only half-written sentences or even single letters. Savoir Faire tried not to laugh at the mental image of the journalists losing their minds as their entire stock of paper vanished before their eyes and forced herself to be serious.

“You really should just put the sun back in place.” The advisor’s advice was lost on her liege as her words were drowned out by another fit of cackles. “I mean it this time, you have to—”

“I wonder what would happen if I had them both up at the same time?”


At that, the creature stopped in mid-finger snap and arched his long neck over his shoulder to look at his advisor.


“If…” the pony began hesitantly, surprised at herself for her sudden outburst. “…if you don’t already have a name, I think Discord would fit.”

The creature snapped his claw one last time and let the sun rest at the edge of the horizon as he brought his paw to his chin and stroked his beard in contemplation.

“Discord,” he repeated, sounding it out and tasting the word. “Dis-cord. Discord. Discord.” The creature paused a bit longer and Savoir Faire could practically see the gears in his gray head grinding against each other. After several moments he finally turned to look at the pony again with a raised eyebrow.


“Discord,” she repeated. “Considering how disagreeable you are right now.”

“I’m Discord,” he said one last time, and his crooked mouth stretched into a grin. “My name is Discord!” The newly-named king began to hop around the room, shouting his name whenever he took a breath between his fits of laughter. After a solid minute, he went rigid and bounded toward Savoir Faire, stopping mere inches away from colliding with her.

“Can I name you?”

“I already have a name.”

“I forgot it.”

“It’s Savoir Faire.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, extending his paw and shaking the purple pony’s hoof. “I’m Discord.”


Outside of Equestria, orbiting at about three seconds to the left of the rest of the universe, there exists a void. Just an endless expanse of nothing that was often responsible for the very fate of Equestria. It was here that the most important members of Equestrian society held their councils. Though they never truly spoke, and no one was actually ever there, each member held unimaginable influence over even the most insignificant pony’s life.

‘What is he doing?’ one asked, aghast at the scene unfolding before them in the palace of Canterlot: a tall, serpentine creature decorated with bits and pieces from all across the animal kingdom was hopping around a confused purple mare in dark blue robes.

‘He’s living,’ another spoke in a deep voice, addressing the word as if he had stepped in something foul. ‘This is obviously all your fault.’

‘Don’t look at me! I had nothing to do with it!’ a third member snapped back.

‘It does fall under your responsibilities, Life,’ a fourth voice chimed in.

‘Love, Death, I will ask you to refrain from instigating an ordeal,’ an old and weary voice spoke up, and the others settled themselves. ‘What we need to figure out is what it is and how it has come alive.’

Each member shifted their focus to their fellow councilmen, hoping one of them would have an answer.

‘It clearly has power similar to ours,’ a new voice said. ‘Is it possible that he’s one of us?’

‘Yeck,’ Love spat distastefully. ‘I hope not.’

‘I believe Nature may be correct,’ the old voice spoke.

‘Time, you know that’s impossible!’ Love interrupted. ‘How could a new spirit have just popped up without us noticing?’

‘Did I fail to mention that?’ Death asked, his ominous voice hinted with mischief. ‘I must have been enjoying myself too much.’

‘Death, if you’re responsible for this…’ Life growled reproachfully.

‘Oh please. Like I would go out of my way to make myself another nuisance,’ Death replied. ‘There’s been a force building above Bison Gulch for the last decade. It felt right on the verge of consciousness when… this appeared.’

The other spirits regarded their brothers and sisters suspiciously. Each was the conscious embodiment of some governing force of Equestria: Life, Death, Nature, Time, Love, and Harmony. Begotten from some abundance of the force they drew their strength from, each spirit of nature had secretly governed Equestria since the dawn of time through subtle exertions of their power.

Over the eons, there had been countless minor spirits that had formed and vanished before accumulating the strength to join the ranks of the six divining forces, though none of the greater spirits had complained. The fewer contenders there were, the more power each spirit held over the world, and not a one among them could be convinced to part with even an ounce of their strength. That, in addition to the fact that the spirits could barely stand one another, was enough to convince each spirit that none of them had willingly allowed this newcomer to come to be.

‘While that may be useful information, that still does not answer anything,’ Time said. ‘What is our new brother regent of? And why has he been made flesh?’

‘I wouldn’t mind having a body,’ Love cooed.

‘Nothing good can come from flesh,’ Death growled. ‘Harmony, while I’m not sure why I even bother asking, do you have anything to contribute?’

‘No, I’m fine. Thanks for asking,’ came the reply from the unassuming spirit.

Death almost wished he had a physical form that he could bash against some wall. Dealing with the others was a constant source of vexation for the spirit, and he could have sworn they did it all intentionally.

‘It doesn’t matter what he’s the spirit of, he’s making a mess!’ Nature cried. ‘Did you see what he was doing with the sun and the moon? Did you? I can only imagine the devastation that alone will have on the ecosystem!’

‘Oh, don’t get me excited,’ Death chuckled. If they went out of their way to make him miserable, why not return the favor?

‘What would you suggest?’ Time asked before the two spirits could begin a new feud.

‘Putting a stop to it! Weaken him, tear him out of that flesh suit, drag him back here until he fades away!’ Nature raged. ‘He has no right to be flesh!’

‘Do I detect some jealousy, sister?’ Love jeered.

‘That’s absurd!’ Nature shouted. ‘But if he had only just achieved consciousness, then he shouldn’t be walking around—he’s a moron! Just look at him!’

There was a general mumble of agreement.

‘Well, I’m not ashamed to admit my envy,’ Love said with a sigh. ‘It simply isn’t fair that this sprite of a spirit is the first to make his debut when I’m so much more deserving of the spotlight.’

‘Your frankness is admirable, but I ask you to retain yourself,’ Time spoke coldly. ‘Nature makes a strong point. Such a fledgling spirit could spread disaster if left to take such direct control over the world.’

‘While I fully support the idea of destroying one of our own,’ Death chimed in, ‘there’s still the detail of how. We can’t just start warping the world to try to remedy this.’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Love exclaimed. ‘We must fight fire with fire! Go tête-à-tête with him on his own terms!’

‘I’m not giving you a body,’ Life said warningly. ‘So you can just let go of that little scheme.’

‘Well, you tell me then, sister,’ Love began, arrogance radiating from the spirit, ‘what other options do we have?’


Discord had adjusted to and grown bored of palace life in less than a few hours, and had spent most of his day shadowing Savoir Faire’s every move. In the kitchen, in the halls, in the library, in the bathroom—he was relentless. The king bombarded his advisor with a never-ending barrage of questions about every little thought that floated into his mind. She had long since stopped trying to answer, as he would always ask something else the instant she tried to speak.

But, on some small level, she was grateful for the company. She had been searching high and low through the palace to see if there was a single soul that had stayed behind other than her, but after most of the day exploring every last room and corridor, she could safely say that it was just the two of them.

“This might be a problem…” she murmured as she turned down another hall.

“What’s up?” An aggravated sigh hissed out of the pony’s mouth and she turned to face Discord.

“It looks like no one else is here,” she admitted.

“You mean all those noisy ponies from last night?” he asked, furrowing his brow as he tried to remember the shouting crowd rushing for the exit of the ballroom. “I’m not sure if I want them around if they’re going to be yelling like that all the time.”

“Yes, last night was a big night,” the pony said tersely. “But we can’t exactly maintain the palace with just the two of us.”

“Well, why not?”

“Because there’s simply more that needs to be done than we can do by ourselves,” she explained, hoping that he wouldn’t press the topic so she could think of a solution.

“Okay then.” The purple pony smiled a bit, grateful that at least she could have one thing go smoothly for her.

“So then where do we go?”

“Go?” The question made her stop in her tracks. “What do you mean ‘go’?”

“Well, we can’t stay here. You said so yourself,” Discord said, pointing a paw at the mare. “So we should go somewhere else.”

“It just doesn’t work that way,” she moaned. The pony had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were about to get worse. “The king has to stay here so his subjects can find him when they come to him with problems.”

“Well, when are they coming?” It was a much better question than Discord knew, and one that even Savoir Faire’s ever-worried mind hadn’t pestered her about yet. If there wasn’t a soul in Equestria that even knew about Discord, let alone his quasi-legitimate status as king, she couldn’t really expect any audiences any time soon.

“And won’t I be able to solve their problems faster if I’m right there?”

‘Yes, especially if he causes them.’

“So we should go to them!” the king decreed triumphantly. “Where should we go first?”

“I—you—Your Highness, I really must insist that we stay here for a while longer until I can think of something—”

“But I already thought of something. Why should we wait?” he asked as if it were the silliest thing in the world.

“Because it’s a good idea to have more than one idea in case something goes horribly wrong?”

“Pshaw. So should we pack some things, or what?”


“I really can’t convince you to just stay here?” Savoir Faire asked one last time as the two stood at the main gates of the castle.


“Fine,” she sighed as she shifted her shoulders to adjust the saddlebags strapped around her back. She just knew that it was going to be ungodly hot out there in her robes.

Discord strode toward the massive gates and pushed open the heavy doors with the slightest effort. As the purple pony was astonished by the immense strength the creature must have possessed, the king was taken aback by something infinitely more awe-inspiring: his new world.

The first thing that caught him was how crisp the air was. His lungs chilled with every deep breath, delighting in the exquisite sensation. He realized that it must have had something to do with how high up they were—he didn’t know why he knew, but he just did. Which led him to his next discovery: the picturesque purple mountain the palace extended from. A stream of water from heavens-knew-where cascaded down the rocks with a dull roar, eventually coming to rest in the clear blue lake that surrounded the palace and separated it from the gorgeous stretch of green that stretched down the mountainside. Discord could see clear through the rippling surface, even from a distance, and his first instinct told him to dive in. The only thing that stopped him was his unexplainable desire to not interrupt the bright chirps of a trio of colorful songbirds that fluttered in the air above the creature, blissfully spreading their music to whoever wished to listen.

Savoir Faire watched in fascination as the rambunctious Discord was finally still. She had never seen someone so relaxed, so at peace with themselves; the hypnotic calm was contagious. The pony quietly approached the motionless creature, closed her eyes, and they listened to the world together. The trees swaying in the gentle breeze could just barely be made out over the rumble of running water splashing into the lake. Birds sang and called out all through the air. If she opened her eyes, she could almost see all of Equestria, a breath-taking sight by itself. She had lived in Canterlot for all twenty-odd years of her life, but this was the first time she had ever stopped to look around her.

It was a shame that she was about to help it all be destroyed.

“Hello, everypony! King Discord is here to help!”