VII - The Best Young Flier
The Best Young Flier
Sweat and pain marked the following days. Late-night practices blended with morning flights and the dream-state crusades between. Scootaloo pushed herself harder than ever to master her tornado, the one that would make Rainbow Dash proud. Draining it was, but worth the light at the end of the tunnel—the smile on Rainbow Dash’s face. And before she knew it, the day arrived.
“You ready?” Tyco asked when she entered the kitchen from the hallway. He stood over the sink, washing a pan he had used to cook the vegetable stir-fry sitting on the bar table beside her saddlebags. Scootaloo beamed. Dad always knew how to make any day start out great.
Scootaloo hopped up on a stool and eyed her breakfast with delight. “You bet.”
“Heh, good. I would hope so after all that hard work you’ve put in. Just wish I could come watch.”
Scootaloo blew on the vegetables to cool them, eyes up at her father. “Well why don’t you?”
He walked over and sat across from her. “Well, you know, work is work...”
“And it’s kinda hard to get into Cloudsdale without flying.” She regretted her words the instant a wince shot across his face.
He sighed, then spoke, his words tinged with regret, ears flattened and eyes lowered. “Yeah, well, I’m true to my word. Some things are just that important to ponies. When you grow up, you’ll understand.” A smile spread over him. Scootaloo smiled back, glad her father could put aside what she had said to see her intention, and took a bite of her stir-fry. Delicious as always.
He chuckled in response. “You know, I cooled them off before you got in here so you wouldn’t burn your mouth again.”
“Hehe. I could tell.” She shoveled spoonfuls into her mouth. The earlier she got to Cloudsdale the better.
Elbows propped on the table, Tyco watched. His mouth was hidden behind clasped hooves, but its corners poked out on either side in a smile, his eyes alive with what could only be a memory of days he hadn’t mentioned. Not a word came from him. Odd but nothing to worry over, especially if it meant not being yelled at for bad table manners. That didn’t happen often.
“Done?” he asked when spoon clattered to plate.
Scootaloo wiped her mouth with a foreleg. “Mhmm.”
“Alright. Let’s get you goin’ then.” He stood to head for a paper sack on the far counter by the sink. “I packed you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Cut the crusts off, just the way you like it.”
He returned with it and set it in her saddlebags. “Didn’t have time to get more of that soda stuff you like, but I threw a juice box in there for you.”
“Grape?”
He flashed a knowing smile. “What kind of father would I be if it wasn’t?”
Scootaloo giggled. “You’d still be the best in all of Equestria.”
“Heh, I’d hope so... C’mon, saddle up.”
Scootaloo was way ahead of him. Saddlebags already draped over her, she pulled the belt tight and notched it. Quick as a whip, she was out the door and into the sky, a farewell in her wave and a skip in her heart; Rainbow Dash was at the end of this flight.
It went quickly, the walls of sky and atmosphere that made up Cloudsdale’s Cloudiseum growing in the distance before she knew it. A grin crossed her face, and she sped toward it.
Pegasi flocked to it like pigeons for seed. Thousands crowded the entrance hall, all clamoring for entrance. Scootaloo glided over the them, eyes peeled. There had to be a competitor’s entrance somewhere.
Sure enough, a scarlet banner hung over a smaller arch that came into view as she started to wrap around the building. “Competitor’s Entrance,” it conveniently read in golden block letters. Fewer pegasi stood outside this gate, some of which looked familiar from her many track and flight meets. She smiled. None of them stood a chance.
She landed at the gate to obtain her competitor number, thirteen, and then walked through the gates into a large foyer. Two staircases flanked a large closed gate, and a small pole sign beside the left handrail read “Competitor’s Waiting Room.” An arrow beneath it pointed right, down the side hallway.
A short walk brought her to a room filled with other fillies and colts her age. Some milled about, eyes down and teeth clenched—the easily beaten—others posed and smiled and laughed, happy as can be—the overconfident and care-lessers. The remaining few chatted with one another, calm and collected. They were the ones to watch, to study. Rainbow Dash’s keen eye had rubbed off on her.
“I was wondering when you’d show up.”
Scootaloo jumped at the familiar voice. She turned to see Pyra, her ever-present grin and blazing mane as fierce as the first day she saw her. Had she been here the whole time? Maybe her keen eye wasn’t so keen.
“You look ready to win,” Pyra said. She shifted her weight to one side, her head cocking to the other, grin doubling.
Just as casual, too. Scootaloo matched her grin. “I am. And I will.”
Pyra laughed, melodic like the ringing of a bell. Long enough not to be contemptuous and short enough not to be spiteful. It was innocent, as was the smile her grin became. “We’ll see about that.”
Scootaloo held her grin, but faltered inside. Pyra’s words were simple. Neither hatred nor jealousy twisted them. She knew something Scootaloo didn’t.
Pyra looked to a sheer curtain of mist at the far end of the room, through which the obscured forms of ponies and stands and sky could be seen. “I heard your trainer made it into the Wonderbolts. That’s pretty sweet.”
At this, Scootaloo nodded. “Uh huh. And today I get to show her how hard I’ve been working on the trick she taught me.”
Pyra looked back, and her smile broke to let her brows rise high, neck back and head forward in interest. “Oh? Sounds cool.” The smile returned but was curled in a manner that hinted at teasing. “But you better watch out. I’ve been working on my own stuff, too. Ever since you beat me that day like two months ago, I’ve been waiting to even the score.”
Scootaloo giggled. With how hard she had been working this last month? Unlikely, but fun to think about. It was odd, but having Pyra as a sort of rival felt exciting. Her simple confidence and matching skill made for a challenge unlike any other. Good and easy-going was unseen in many fliers.
A door opened behind Scootaloo. Through it stepped a pasty-white mare with a curly orange mane that reminded Scootaloo of Twist. She held a clipboard up to her eyes and adjusted her glasses, then spoke in the most nasally voice that ever existed. “Okay, contestant number one, you’re up.”
A white colt perked up at the mention of his number and darted for the curtain, an excited smile plastered on his face. Though she knew the number thirteen was stuck to her flank, Scootaloo looked back at it anyways.
“Hey, would you look at that,” Pyra said. “You’re right before me.” Scootaloo looked at her flank to see the number fourteen covering her cutie mark, its yellow wingtips visible around the edges of the sticker. “Better give me something good to beat.” Her grin was back. A little snarky, yet still innocent.
Scootaloo held back the words she wanted to say and instead turned to watch the first contestant through the curtain. Her tornado would speak louder than anything she could have said.
Contestant after contestant left through the curtain as their numbers were called. Their forms flicked and fluttered back and forth on the other side, like ghosts chasing shadows. Number twelve was called, and Scootaloo felt a sudden knot form in her stomach. In a few moments she would be out there showing the world what she was made of—showing Rainbow Dash what she was made of.
Weightlessness jittered in her hooves. She shook them out the way she always did before a race, one hoof at a time. Her heart felt like it was caving in on itself.
“Your turn, contestant number thirteen,” the nasally pony said.
As if those words held magic, Scootaloo’s heart leapt to her throat. Breaths constricted while legs leadened, making her steps heavy and unwanted.
“Hey. Kick some flank.”
Scootaloo turned to see Pyra smiling. She smiled back, then turned back and took a deep sigh before nosing through the curtain. As if a switch had been flipped, the crowd’s cheers assailed her. A sea of color and wings and shouts and leaps of excitement abounded every way she looked. She shrank away from the thousands of eyes that bore into her.
And then she saw Rainbow Dash.
She wore yellow goggles around her neck, and the flight suit’s balaclava hung back over her nape. Her tail spilled over the edge of the cloud balcony on which she sat, it and mane brilliant and bold against the blue of her Wonderbolts uniform and those around her. A grin on her face, she held her head high, eyes aflame with expectation. It flowed into Scootaloo, straightening her shoulders and raising her head. She was invincible.
With not a doubt in her mind, Scootaloo launched into the air. She blasted through cloud rings that drifted above, the force of her backdraft rending them apart. Columns smeared back and forth across her vision as she weaved through them. A loop beneath and over the Cloudiseum brought her to where she needed to be.
Far above the awaiting crowd, she gauged her next move. Strands of cirrus wisped here and there—nothing of concern. The wind itself was nonexistent. One, single cloud sat in the middle of the arena—her target. Scootaloo grinned.
She dove for the cloud, falling much faster than expected in the high atmosphere. The familiar cone enveloped her, and she opened her wings to spin with its force. Like foam in a whirlpool, the strands of cirrus were sucked in behind to dance in the ever-growing swirl. It made her spirit soar, but something still wasn’t right. The tornado itself—it felt... weak.
Scootaloo gritted her teeth. Weak wasn’t good enough.
Between split seconds of holding her wings fast for spin, she began beating them for more speed. Below, the cloud grew terrifyingly quick. Wind slipped through the outline of the cone, cutting and tearing at its twisting. It began to shrivel away as its wounds grew, and Scootaloo’s eyes went wide with its sudden, uncontrollable wobbling.
Like a lead brick through tissue paper, Scootaloo ripped through the tattered remains of her cone and tumbled screaming into the cloud. It caught her, soft and gentle, but she didn’t dare move. Uncounted moments passed as she lay there, head spinning. Slowly, she pulled herself free of the cloud’s plush to look around.
All eyes were on her. In the unbearable silence, her heart sank as if trying to return to hiding within the cloud, and her shoulders went with it. Embarrassment would have been the only thing in her stomach if not for the look on Rainbow Dash’s face. It was blank, mouth slightly open—surprised, shocked, unbelieving. She cast her gaze downward.
At that moment, Scootaloo wished she had never existed. Ashamed, she fluttered toward a balcony where the other competitors sat. She took her place amidst them, eyes down at her hooves.
Everything had gone perfectly. Nothing felt out of place until the last moment. What happened? Was the air not thick enough?
Barely raising her head, Scootaloo looked up at Rainbow Dash, who still looked down at her own hooves. A wonderbolt beside her nudged her with an elbow. His mouth moved to form unheard words and a smile. Rainbow Dash shied away from him.
The sight brought tears to Scootaloo’s eyes—Rainbow Dash embarrassed. Sinking into the cloud and disappearing forever felt like a wonderfully acceptable thing to do right about now.
“Ladies and gentlecolts,” announced a suave stallion in sunglasses, jumpsuit and headset. “Put your hooves together for our last, but not least, competitor of the day, contestant number fourteen!”
Pyra burst from the curtain, its vapors dissipating into nothingness, and sailed beneath the cloud in the middle of the arena. She raised it to bring it into better view of the crowd and then blasted into the heavens.
Up. Upward she flew. Once a speck upon the endless blue above, she stalled. She tilted her head back to return in a backward swan dive, wings folded against her sides. Scootaloo held her breath.
Seconds above the cloud Pyra lifted her hooves over her head. Puffs of vapor spat from the hole she punched through before it swelled in an instant like an overinflated balloon. It suddenly caved in on itself, the sides exploding outward in a flood of steam. Through it, Pyra burst from the underside and twisted upside down. Time seemed to slow as she clicked her hind hooves like a rock to flint amidst the contrails of vapor, which ignited like gasoline and surged toward the cloud.
Scootaloo shielded her eyes from a blinding light and searing heat. She dared a glance through squinted eyes and beheld the balled inferno that was once a cloud. It spun a slow, violent dance within the arena, casting everything in an orange and yellow so supermassive that it darkened the sun.
Chunks of vapor broke off to float into a blackened sky like blazing demons to spread their chaos to all corners of the earth. Sweat beaded on Scootaloo’s brow and trailed down her face, some into her slack-jawed mouth.
As quickly as it happened, it burnt away to leave the stadium in a slowly growing rumble of excitement and sweat-chilled air. Pyra landed on the far side of the balcony. Scootaloo shrunk and looked away.
She glanced up at Rainbow Dash, who still gazed down at her hooves. Had she even noticed what Pyra did? She looked as if she hadn’t even blinked, only stared in silence as the world around her cheered until their throats went hoarse.
Scootaloo could take no more. Her hoofsteps were quiet in her retreat from the balcony. Over the back ledge she leapt to glide alongside the wall and to the blank, white below. It accepted her as silently as the crowd’s cheers had become. A soft wind swept around the bend.
Murmurs of city life floated on its back to reach her ears in little ebbs. Pegasi flew like colored specks in the distance. Clouds drifted after them, slow and inexorable. Life went on without a care.
Scootaloo sat on her haunches, back leant against the Cloudiseum wall. She closed her eyes. The arena sat far below, and the wind tore at her face when she dove for the cloud in its center. It burst into hellfire, an all-powerful blaze that blinded and amazed. Scootaloo opened her eyes.
She had lost.
Above the sun shone, brilliant, mocking—a small, frail thing that could only hope of dreaming to become what many had witnessed within the arena.
Scootaloo looked down at her hooves, the afterimage of the sun dancing in the center of her vision. Pyra had set a cloud on fire. It made her shiver.
Shadows passed over Scootaloo. They flew far away along the cloud, like fish just beneath the surface of waves, to join with their owners: Rainbow Dash, a Wonderbolt, and Pyra. Rainbow Dash walked forward, alone.
Her steps were slow and weighted, commanding and purposeful. The sun flashed off the goggles dangling about her neck, and shimmered in her mane.
A deep bass pounded loud in Scootaloo’s ears and chest. She leaned forward, a hoof raised for stepping, and for a moment became a statue, eyes wide and locked, mouth slightly agape. A short gasp escaped her, betraying her stillness, and a tiny unbelieving smile cracked the very edges of eyes and mouth.
Rainbow Dash.
Scootaloo cast aside all the pain, misery, and embarrassment of the morning and ran to her master. Love put spring in her leaps and bounds, and tears in the corners of her eyes. The warmth of Rainbow Dash’s embrace flowed through her veins at the thought—that long-lost, cherished gesture, that soft, comforting fur. Her heart tremored.
Laughter bubbled forth from her lips, which stretched from ear to ear. She blinked away tears of happiness to see Rainbow Dash had stopped halfway to await her, head held high. Closer and closer she came to the figure that stood tall for everything she admired—loved with all her heart.
“Go home, Scoot.”
Scootaloo stopped. All thought washed away into silence. She looked up at Rainbow Dash. No love did she see in those eyes that sat cold in a face of stone; no embrace of soft fur did she feel against her coat. There was only the towering shadow of a pony she could not understand.
“Go home,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “You aren’t good enough.” She slowly turned to leave. A step, a pause, and a turn of the head—down and aside. “You never were.”
Rainbow Dash spread her wings and took to the sky. Pyra and the Wonderbolt followed.
A ringing in Scootaloo’s ears accompanied the silence and chill around her. The figures shrank into the distance, and, slowly, they blurred. Quietly, Scootaloo slumped down to her haunches and wept.
[Author’s Note: Thanks to Belligerent Sock for his review of this chapter.]
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Yep...there it is...
Hmmm dat kind of out of character. Either a dream or Rainbow Dash is about get a whoopin from someone in the future. MOAR!
I hesitate to say this but... this chapter feels worse after the rewrite. Bear with me cause its been a while and I'm not you Corejo. But originally I remember Scoots did well on a boring routine of moves she thought Dash would like and only that Dash would like,and lost. So Dash sees Scoots is too fixated on her and lays down the incredibly tough love, but I could see the tough love. This just seems like Dash is disappointed and ditches Scoots, no love felt at all. Dash has lost what I thought was a little bit of redeeming insight into Scoots motivations and just comes off as callous and petty.
I don't know what your plans are and I don't even remember what happened, but these are my currently feelings.
I remember this chapter. Twas sad indeed.
2183375
I thought the original chapter just went on and skipped the entire flight scene. Like she went out, and then a quick scene skip to her sitting alone on the cloud crying cause she lost, followed by the whammy of Rainbow Dash denying her. I mean, I am probably wrong since it has been so long since I have looked at this chapter, but who knows.
2183375
I think you're missing an important part of the rewrite: Tyco's time in the Wonderbolts. The Wonderbolts forced Tyco to choose between his future wife and the team. Now I don't have a copy of the original, but from what I remember that was a small detail before. Also, there's no indication that RD realizes that Scootaloo looks up to RD as a mother figure. I don't believe that 'tough love' is what's meant to be RD's actions here, and that's why you're not seeing it: Because this is something else.
Ah, yes, here it is. The part that makes me want to go read cupcakes a few dozen times.
I was so happy to see there was an update.....the update made me sad :( gotta go re read a happy scootaloo RD story to balance out now. hope the next update has some more happy stuff between the 2
2183471what was the original story called?
The 180 Dash pulled was so sudden and out of the blue, it had no emotional impact. Just one chapter (one month) ago in the story, Dash was telling Scootaloo:
So you established Dash is reciprocating Scootaloo's feelings. Scootaloo even tells Dash she loves her. Dash comforts her when she leaves, reminding her she still has her father. They won the competition in the earlier chapter together, and even when Dash was exhausted from her Wonderbolt training, she still made time to train Scootaloo.
Fast forward to a month later. Scootaloo sees Dash for the first time in the crowd. She fails the trick and sees that Dash is too ashamed to look at her. That's understandable, Dash has high standards, and a fear of failure. She was probably bragging to the other Wonderbolts about Scootaloo too.
The next scene though:
Out of the blue, Dash completely disowns her for failing one trick. A month ago she held Scootaloo until she stopped crying about Dash leaving. Now, she tells her she was never good enough to be her friend.
It feels like it's missing some foreshadowing or explanation. You don't have to tell readers why, but you've given us nothing to draw our own conclusions. Dash was obsessed with the Wonderbolts, but Scootaloo's failure doesn't threaten her standing. Was Dash training Pyra for the last month? Did Dash get swept up in the fame? Did the Wonderbolts force her to choose between Scootaloo and them? We have no idea why she made such a radical change of character.
You go from the element of loyalty who took Scootaloo under her wing, to a heartless [insert expletive here] in about 2 lines of dialogue. Such a severe 180 would serve to devastate Scootaloo, and this is a story about how she deals with the devastation. However, it just feels so out of character for Dash to hit her with this out of the blue. This would be the same as Twilight failing a single magic trick before some dignitaries, and Celestia disowning her as a student. No one would buy that for a second, it's too OOC, and I think Dash's actions were too OOC here also.
Anyway, I'll be reading the next chapter because I'm sure you'll back fill some information in eventually. Scootaloo will learn to be her own mare, one day she will be better than Dash, and Dash might even apologize when someone reminds her of what a gigantic ass she has become.
But I'm no longer eagerly awaiting each chapter. The first 6 chapters had me hooked, waiting anxiously, for the next chapter. After this one I've lost all the emotional investment that you worked so hard to build up between me and Scootaloo.
Is this being rewritten?
2183790
It was still Transcendence. The original one got up to chapter 15 and was put on Hiatus for I don't even remember how long. Corejo decided to remove everything and rewrite the entire story. I should have saved the previous chapters before he started, but alas hindsight is 20-20.
2183795
My one argument to this is that we don't know what was going on with Dash after she became a Wonderbolt. There really isn't anything that can be said in her defense until she appears again in the story and we learn more of how becoming a Wonderbolt has changed her, or even past history that could explain it (i.e. trouble with parents or something). I do encourage you to stick with the story though, because if it is anything like the original's plot was following, it is still a gripping emotional story revolving around Scoots.
I KNEW this was coming, rd disowning scoots, but that what she said was stone cold, btw do you plan on continuing this story or are you going to be like most of the fim writers on here and put it on hiatus or make It incomplete cause I think we ALL want to know what scoots does next and also, you said there was a happy version of this, could someone link me to a happy rd, scoots story please and thank you : )
what was the original story called and how did it end Cloud_Surfer?
2184188
Yeah I think I over-analyzed it a little. I was so excited to finally find out what the twist was. Dash is mostly there as a plot device, the story is still about Scootaloo, the CMC and her father. So I can't wait to see how she recovers, I just hope eventually we find out how Dash got so cold, or some kind of karmic retribution against Dash.
2184721
I've actually had a lot of fun reading your comments as you've made them throughout the rewrite. I'm sad to see you don't like the aboutface here, but there is a lot of story left to tell, and Dashie has her reasons, however base, planned, instinctive, selfish, or selfless they may be. Only I know that, and all I can hope is that I properly implement them into the story as I want. Be patient.
There will be explanation in due time. But as you said, it is a Scootaloo story, not a Dashie/Scoot story, so always keep that in mind.
2185199
Yeah, in retrospect I now think you're an evil genius. I've spent all day trying to rationalize Dash's actions, thus proving it had the intended impact. It was stuck in my head at the gym, showering, dinner, while writing my next chapter.... I guess in that respect I was as shocked as Scootaloo. I admit I'm wrong, because now I'm going to lose sleep trying to figure it out. Well played.
I can't wait to see how Tycho reacts, he knows first hand how being a Wonderbolt changes ponies. Maybe that will shed some light on it. All I have figured out so far is not knowing why Dash abandoned her is going to make it even worse for her.
In fact, this pretty much sums up my thought process:
I'm at bargaining right now.
Second time reading and it still hurts to read that ending... I remember the next chapter. I cried at the next chapter. I expect to cry again. Do NOT let me down master corejo!
Time to be mean, but don't take anything I say to heart lol. If it is really mostly a Scootaloo story, then why even have a Dash tag? Also...seems disloyal of Dash...just saying. I still want more though lol 2185199
And boom goes the dynamite.
Something I didn't catch before the rewrite: Tycho said that the Wonderbolts made him choose between his wife and the team. Maybe that's what's going in here.
Not that it would make it any better for Scootaloo...
“Go home,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “You aren’t good enough.”
That really hurt to read, I really hope that this was a dream I know she gone screwed up big time but Rainbow Dash would never be like that. she is to loyal to her friends
Ah, this chapter again. I remember all the hate you got last time this chapter came up. Back in the days where we used the EQD Transcendence page as a discussion thread.
Nice to see you've come this far, can't wait for the next one, Corejo.
Please please please please
If you have not finished the next chapter please please please
JUST..SOB..MAKE..IT A DREEEAAM
2185554 Hey I agree completely i can not wait to see what tyhco says
i don't know
but after losing countless hours of sleep thinking i have come to put your mind at ease, here i swhat i think happend.....
The wonderbolts made Dashie chose them or scoots, she dicided if scoot got best young flier she would choose her but scoot didn't win so in shame RD abandoned her...
or its just a dream
2204458
I've been trying and still haven't rationalized it either. I don't doubt Dash has quite the ego, and was probably looking forward to showing off Scootaloo. The winner does spend a whole day with the Wonderbolts, and I can't imagine any version of Dash that didn't brag mercilessly about the filly under her wing. Still, for a case of disappointment, she was pretty brutal.
I can't figure out how Pyra did the whole fireball thing either. That's like Dash-level stuff right there. No other pegasi have exhibited abilities like that. Aside from Dash, all the other pegasi ever do is fly or push clouds. Even the Wonderbolts are mostly portrayed as flying with a contrail, the only real 'talent' is their formation flying which is all skill and practice. I think Pyra cheated, must have mixed turpentine in with the cloud to create the fireball. Or she went so fast the friction of the air passing over her spontaneously ignited the oxygen in the air, in which case everypony there would be vaporized...
I only hope Corejo manages to get past that writer's block to finish Chapter 8 for monday. Now that I've moved through the five stages of grief, I'm ready to read the rest of the story.
And if anypony pulls that on my Scootaloo again, I'll choke 'em.
I can only see the next chapter ending one of two ways. Please release the next chapter so we can settle this debate. Also, I'll bake you cupcakes!
1.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDIvMjUvMDhfMzlfNThfMTczXzI1NTAwMl9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcmFpbmJvd19kYXNoX3Njb290YWxvb19jcnlpbmdfc2Nvb3RhYnVzZS5qcGcuanBnIl1d/255002__safe_rainbow-dash_scootaloo_crying_scootabuse.jpg.jpg
2.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-WPeKSaETmx8/ThJxi_OrZQI/AAAAAAAAG98/4OzC5N4xLvI/s1600/30946+-+cool+Cooly+filly+FLCL+guitar+scootaloo.jpg
2204586 yea prya eithier cheated or its a dream or she is just mad krazy skillz
hope its dream
or she is just fabo
2220567 I hope I wake up to a new chapter so I can find out. I fear I may have scared our diligent author off. Or he's busy with stuff like school, work, filing taxes... all that non-sense we're stuck with in the 8 hours a day we're not on fim fiction.
2220805 HEY Kaidan I only have 7 hours from here away
Ah, what a way to end a chapter...harsh, cold, unforgiving. It hurts, and it drives me to want more!
One thing though:
The use of "master" here sort of made the intensity of the scene a little bit awkward here...I understand that the word "master" says a lot, about how Scootaloo is almost under Rainbow's control and is driven by the thought of her, but still, it just doesn't fit properly for me, and distracted me from the intensity of the scene...Master feels much more dominating than the feelings that emanate from their relationship.
I think that maybe the word "mentor", or something along those lines would work better, but that's just me.
Still, great chapter!
BUCK YOU RAINBOW DASH.
I've never done this before, but...I went and became "that guy", and made a video tribute.
Thanks for the awesomeness so far, Corejo. I've been following it since late 2011. Keep up the good work.
EDIT: oh shit, I forgot to mention that the video contains spoilers regarding later chapters. So..if you weren't caught up before the rewrite, you have been warned! Also, (like the story) the video has some slightly graphic content.
Please, oh please. I beg of you. Do complete this story. I absolutely love it so far.
I AGREE! i cant wait any longer!
corejo! what's taking so long? your story is so good and i check back every day but THERE'S STILL NO CHAPTER EIGHT! 
I'm not using my left kidney, thyroid (though to be fair, it's defective), appendix, gall bladder (well, a little, but it's mostly useless), spleen, left lobe of my liver, my left lung (again, mostly useless), bone marrow, or some excellent veins in my legs (if you need one for a heart bypass.)
Take your pick and I'll have them fed-ex'd in exchange for the next chapter.
Also, if you're not into human organ smuggling, I humbly offer my services as an editor with way, and I mean way, too much free time on his hands.
2271234 loved it... gotta love the RD scoots combo. the scootabuse images made me sad but i know its part of the story so i forgives
2333326 *sigh... seems this story has been abandoned...
2380943 i know its very upsetting cause it was so damn good. when was the last time the autor was online?
2380959 more than a month ago.
2380964 oh well. imma keep it favorited in hopes he returns to it one day. i got a couple realy long fics im reading and using my experience to help people write guard/war fics so its not like im gonna be bored. just wish this story was seen to completion
I forget what the original chapter said, but the rewrite makes Rainbow Dash look a little better. Yeah she still broke Scootaloo's heart, but she looked sad and hurt as well. Still though I hope everything works out in the end for Scootaloo's sake
What. was. THAT?!
Rainbow Bitch more like it, she is my fave of the mane 6, but this is unforgivable
2183795
I certainly agree.
Blimey. That was an abrupt heel-turn.
Seriously though; did I miss some foreshadowing or key plot point or something somewhere? (Chekov's concealed carry perhaps?) It felt like a cheap shot out of nowhere. I am all for tragic character development, but abruptly undoing to work of 6 previous chapters with two sentences feels contrived and ham-fisted.
*shrug*
Oh well...
Your story, your sandbox, your rules I guess... C'est la vie...
2559877 I agree. Rainbow randomly ditched Scoots without having her explain. Ain't that pretty OOC for RD?
2215027
GO SCOOTA! RUN RAINBOW DASH OVER WITH THAT BUCKING AWESOME SCOOTER!
I choked. That was devastating. Now I've got almost no doubt I will cry in this story. I think I just did, but it was half strangled and I was kind of laughing at the fact i was crying so... oh, and I see why there's a sad tag now, thanks for the clarification.
Also, Scoot's dad will be PISSED
I... just... what?
What just happened?
....
Well, I guess you have your reasons for the devastating 180° turn by RD. I mean, I might have expected her to feel a little ashamed, though certainly not to that level.
You'd better have a good reason for destroying my previous investment. Let's see what the future holds.
I really hope Dash's actions have a VERY good explanation because as it stands it's almost destroyed the story.
Yep, there it is.