Would Chaos Really Be So Bad?

by CosmicAfro

Chapter Two: The Most Average of Shopping Days

You wince as your hooves clack against the candy road leading up to your least favorite place: the grocery store. Despite the abject random chaos flowing through the air and ground, food was not something that just “happened”. Like flowers, it took time and dedication to grow. Farmers were given a little leeway in this regard with the Agriculture Treaty of 1560A.

Discord gave establishments he recognized as efficient and knowledgeable in the practice an orb of light that acted like the sun but only gave light to the plants they grew. Actual rainclouds, the not chocolate kind, were delivered on a regular basis as well.

You had seen one of the lights before when you were in school; it was a small orb that defied most physics. It did not cast light, even in the dark, yet all things plant could grow under it. It was a marvel and an anomaly at the same time. The draconequus in charge said the reason it doesn’t give visible light is to make sure it didn’t obstruct with the sun and moon routines. Nobody could complain, the thing worked. More importantly, it worked well.

But all of those products created by farmers eventually found their way to the store you were walking to. This store had no such treaty. The store was, in sum, madness incarnate. A horribly brilliant, efficient, and reckless establishment in an air-conditioned environment.

You put on your helmet, a pink plastic cap with matching chin straps. With a deep breath, you finally go inside.

There are four rows of ten spots with each spot being an unfinished white rectangle the size of an average pony, usually with the bottom line missing. Above, there’s a sand-timer that looked almost empty and there’s one spot left on the floor for a contestant. It’s number thirty three out of forty. You give a nervous smile at the ponies beside you who in turn wave with the same friendliness. All three of you knew that once the doors opened, you wouldn’t even dare to make eye contact.

The last grain of sand drops and an alarm rings. The doors behind you close and everyone is left in the dark, quietly murmuring amongst one another.

“Welcome to Hoover’s Grocery Store. Today’s sales are on toilet paper, pumpkins, and cookies. You have ten minutes to grab what you need and pay. Those who fail to leave by this time will be forcefully removed with no groceries with a one day waiting penalty. You’ll have to try again on the next run.”

You take a deep breath… this was it. The floor beneath you gives way and you drop into a padded shopping cart which rises back up to the level you were just at. You’re unsure whether or not you have a good one yet, there’s no light to tell. The cart feels roomy though, family sized perhaps. You’re not sure if it’s a good thing.

“Three…”

The front and second row lights turn on. You can see some passengers had acquired carts with rockets, some with nothing at all. One got one shaped like a row-boat… one pour soul didn’t even get a cart but he landed in rollerblades with triangle wheels!

“Two…”

The third row light comes on and much of the same occurs.

“One…”

Your light comes on and you’ve landed in a two-pony cart with a pair of artificial pegasus wings. In front of you is a dash board with now-activated lights and switches most of which say “do not use unless necessary”. You plan to keep to those words. Your hooves grab the front two levers, hopefully which were for steering.

“GO!”

The first row takes off, each pony moving as fast as their cart or legs could carry them, followed by the second and then the third row and finally the forth row, your row. You press the red button on the shopping cart handle labeled “GO! AWESOME!” and your pegasus wings begin flapping. You’re lifted off of the ground, a bit shakily at first, and then burst forward with dangerous speed. Immediately, you take a sharp left to avoid the main section of traffic heading towards the sales and necessary groceries. If you’ve learned anything from this place, it’s to start with non-perishables first.

Sharp right, go down, duck, barrel roll left and then barrel roll right. Thank Discord this came with auto-pilot.

Down below you now is that pour soul with the rollerblades. If it wasn’t for first row, he’d never have gotten so far ahead (how he got to where he was already was a mystery in its own). Rolling your eyes, you decide to do the right thing and scoop him up. With a startled yelp, he lands inside the cart alongside you.

“Thanks a lot, I appreciate it. N-“

“No time, hold your left hoof out.”

“Wh-what!?”

“Hold out your hoof!”

He sticks it out and canned goods roll into the basket. He pulls it back in when the aisle disappears. “Good call.”

“Ok, get ready, we’re making a left turn into the fruit district. Need anything?”

“Apples and oranges, and a watermelon.”

Sharp ascend, fly upside down for three seconds to avoid upper traffic, air-drift left. Now in the fruit district. “I’m going to pull alongside the apple cart since I need some too. Get ready to sort the bad from the good. Ready?”

He nods.

“Ok!” You slap the blue button on the handle of your cart, “Sudden Stop for Pansies” which slows you to a grating halt. Slightly nauseous, you hobble out and shake your head. “Go!”

You don’t hear a second set of hoof-steps. You turn around and the roller-pony is hopping into the driving seat. Instincts kick in and just as he slaps the red button, you latch onto the bottom rack below the main cart. You both zoom up . “Hey! What’s the big idea!?”

“Sorry man, I need these groceries! Ain’t no way I’m waiting the failure penalty.”

You lift your legs as a rocket cart underneath narrowly misses you. “You could have stayed near the entrance and then just tried again with a better set of wheels! There’s no penalty for that!”

He snickers. “Yeah, but why wait two minutes for the next group and maybe get lucky with a ride like this when I have it now?”
His logic was horrendous… and he was selfish. There was no way you were going to get the cart back by arguing with him.

An unfortunate consequence of day to day chaos. With a frown, mostly carved out of your own disappointment, you attempt to clamber back up the cart. Your cart-jacker throws some of the canned food at you. It hurts, but you don’t let go.

In one swift move, you flip yourself back in and kick his face. Apparently you did it much harder than you had intended because he let go of the controls and flipped over the edge into the dairy district. The poor guy, that’s the furthest place from the check-out counter. Maybe he’d make it if he took off the skates and bolted for it so he could go again…

Or maybe he deserved it, the jerk.

You snap back into reality when you realize your cart is headed straight for a wall. There’s not enough room for a left or right, and you can’t go up either for a half loop. You were going to have to make a gut-wrenching down half-loop. You gulp and close your eyes.

You push down on the controls and find yourself flying upside down and considerably dizzy. You turn yourself right-side up again and now you’re flying normally. It’s only been three minutes and you already have canned goods. Back to the fruits and then maybe you’ll have everything you need…

---

The clock dings just as you pass the closing double doors with three full bags of groceries. It wasn’t a bad haul, it’ll last you and your wife for a while. Above is a scoreboard (for whatever reason) that hangs above the exit. For those that made it out, there was a score for each pony. You made sixth place. Not bad at all. Only eighteen customers made it out of the ten minute margin. The pony who had tried to steal your cart wasn’t on the list of faces who made it.

Serves him right.

You begin to trek home to take a nap… you hated going to the grocery store.

Author's Note:

Would you look at that? Grocery stores are fast, efficient, and fun, the complete opposite of today's. I think Discord has the right idea, except for the whole flying part, that's a little reckless. I've always wondered what the parks are like during Discord's reign. Are there even parks? Hmm. Yes.

Got an idea for average chaos days? Tell me, that means you'd be interested in reading about it which is only a good thing for me.

Cheers
~Cosmic

Comments

[Clemerl]

Dear lord, that was awesome! Aw man, it makes me wonder what the parties are like, or the furniture stores, or the farms, or (Twilight's going to hate me) the LIBRARIES!!!

[Glacia]

I liked this one, I love the idea . And maybe it's an idea to do one about a visit to the dentist/doctor?

[Johnyapple]

Doctors appointment, that's actually a good idea!

[CosmicAfro]

2128041>>2127355 It would appear as if you have a doctor's appointment in the near future.

[Glacia]

2128552 Yay!

[Whitty]

Jesus, just imagine the hardware store. An arena of battling lawnmowers and fire-spitting barbecues.