Learning to Walk Again
The fuck was that?
Confused, you head back up the stairs. The first thing you notice upon entering your room is the GIANT ORANGE OVAL IN THE BACK OF THE FUCKING CLOSET. You take that in for a moment. Wasn’t the one back in Equestria blue?
Well, I guess you could say that Twilight was thinking with portals!
Shut up. You’re making it embarrassing to be your brain.
Aw, come on. That was funny!
No. No it wasn’t.
As you stand there staring at the back of your closet, you hear someone groan.
Oh don’t tell me.
50 bucks says Twilight tripped into the portal.
And you say I’m the embarrassment.
Who made the Portal joke again?
Fuck you, brain.
Just see who it is, you twat.
You look down at the floor in front of your closet, and notice that there is in fact someone there. Sprawled out on the floor before you is a girl. She looks about five and a half feet tall, and has hair colored in the pattern of a rainbow. At least, that’s the most one would be able to gather considering that she’s laying face down on the floor. Oh, and to top it off, she’s naked.
You feel blood and heat rush to your face, “Rainbow Dash?!”
“Agh, ow. I think I hit my head.” She says, propping herself up on her hands and knees.
Now, you turn around before the blood in your face decides to head south for the winter. The room is totally silent, and you decide to glance back. Rainbow seems mesmerized by the fact that she has hands. She’s staring at them, balling up a fist and wiggling her fingers. It’s understandable, considering she’s never actually had hands before.
Instead of having a verbal panic attack, you recede into the recesses of your mind...and flip absolute shit.
WHAT THE FUCK!?! WHY?! HOW!? WHEN!?
Woah, calm down! Don’t yell at me! I don’t know what’s going on!
PROVE IT!!!
I’m you, dumbass.
Oh, yeah.
Now calm down.
Calm down?! RAINBOW DASH IS ON MY FLOOR!! DO YOU THINK THAT CONSTITUTES CALMING DOWN?!
Yes. And whatever you do, speak calmly to her. Don’t freak her out more than she will be already. We’ll need time to figure everything out.
DUDE! TIME IS SOMETHING WE MIGHT NOT HAVE ON OUR SIDE!
Well, we’ll find out in due time. Now shut up, and be a good friend.
Fine, we’ll settle this later.
You snap back to reality, and look at Rainbow. She’s whipping her head back and forth, trying to figure out where she’s wound up.
“What the? Where am I?” You hear her ask, a tone of panic in her voice.
“You’re on Earth.” You reply calmly.
“Huh? Earth? Wh-who the heck are you?!” She yells as you become more important than her hands.
“The first pony who went through that portal.”
“Sharp?” She questions, blinking.
“Yup. Welcome to my dimension, Skittles.”
You glance back at her again. She looks incredibly confused, even a bit scared, and is sitting on her knees. She looks around the room, observing her new environment. She then returns to staring at her hands as her fear turns into curiosity.
“What are these?” She questions, moving her hands around.
“Hands.”
“What?”
“Hands. You’re a human.”
“A what?”
“A human. One of my kind. The things Lyra is obsessed with.”
“Wait, they exist? They’re not just myth?”
“Yup. We’re real. And you’re one of us now.”
The room goes silent, and you assume that Rainbow is examining her new body some more. In fact, she’s sitting there trying to process the information... while messing with... yeah... But it’s not like you’d actually know that. Your back is still turned to her. Now, your brain decides to argue with you again.
Be a man. Turn around and help her get used to this.
Do you ever shut up, brain?
No. No I don’t. Now turn around, throw her a blanket or something, and help her.
You grab a blanket from your bed, and in one swift move, turn and throw it at her. She just stares as you completely miss and hit the closet door. You feel a blush creep back into your cheeks as the embarrassment sets in. Dash bursts into laughter.
Nice shot Kevin Garnett.
FUCK. OFF.
You realize that you’ve been staring at her, and look everywhere but directly at her. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a smirk cross her face. She turns to pick up the blanket, and you glance over at her as she does. She’s really putting a lot of extra movement into just reaching for a blanket, wiggling her backside to and fro. You blush deeper as you realize she’s trying to tease you.
She’s succeeding, too. She is absolutely stunning. Literally. You are just stunned. She's about 5’5”, and looks as though she’s athletic. You expected that, knowing how active she is. But you didn’t expect her sex appeal to be so...high.
She has an absolutely amazing body. Hell, if you just change her hair color she’d be the dream girl for a few of the guys you knew. She has a cute face beneath her rainbow hair with beautiful violet eyes. She appeared to have a bust bigger than you’d expect on a girl so athletic, but you don’t question it and praise the miracles of magic for that. Currently, though, the most obvious feature is the cutie mark she’s shaking in front of your face. Yes, she still has her cutie mark on her ass, considering it was her flank not more than a half hour ago. She makes a motion with her hips that probably would have been a tailwhip in Equestria, and you snap back to reality.
“I’ll get you for that.” You say as you turn around again.
You can hear her laughing, and a blanket hits you in the back of the head.
“Sure you will. And Twilight’s the next princess of Equestria.” She says, sarcasm dripping from her words.
You toss the blanket back at her, “Just cover yourself up.”
“Why?” She wonders.
“Because you’re naked.” You respond.
“And?” She asks, curious.
“You probably shouldn’t be.” You answer.
“Why not?” She counters.
“Because...it’s a taboo to us. You wear clothes about 99% of the time as a human.” You tell her.
“And you do this why?” She prods.
“Because...well, look at your body. You don’t have fur anymore. Since we don’t have fur, we invented clothes for warmth... and such.” You explain, albeit poorly.
“Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense.” She says, attempting to cover herself with the blanket.
You watch as she attempts to perform a basic action for the first few seconds. She was having just a little trouble with her hands. It reminded you of when you had gained hooves, except it seemed to be much less awkward. It doesn’t take her long to get the hang of using fingers, and she manages to wrap herself in the blanket.
“Well...that’s settled. Now, what are you doing here?” You ask.
She smiles sheepishly, “Uh, I don’t exactly...know. I kinda...fell into that portal or whatever.”
A thought suddenly dawned on you.
“How are you gonna get back?” You ask.
“Um, I don’t exactly know.” She answers.
You give an exasperated sigh, and facepalm.
“Please tell me you’re joking.” You state.
“Nope. Looks like I’m stuck with you, Sharp.” She responds, frowning suddenly, “Why? You don’t want me here?”
“What? No! No no, you can stay. It’s just...you don’t belong here. I thought you might want to get home.” You answer quickly.
She narrows her eyes at you, trying to see if you may be lying. You just stare back blankly. After a few seconds, she backs off.
Smooooooooooooth.
Shut up.
Hmmmmmmmm, nah.
“Well, yeah. Of course I want to get home. But I’m not gonna pass up the chance to explore this place.” She says, glaring at you a bit, “It seems pretty cool.”
“Um, okay then?” You respond.
A silence soon begins to grow between the two of you, becoming more and more awkward by the second. You both look around the room, waiting for the other to say or do something. After a few minutes, you get up and go to your dresser. You grab a shirt, and toss it at her.
“Put that on for now.” You say, turning around once more.
“How?” She asks, clutching the shirt.
Oh my god.
“H-here, let me help. P-pull off the blanket for me.” You say, grabbing the shirt back.
She drops the blanket, and you just stare. And stare.
Holy shit she’s perfect.
Ahem.
I mean, daaaaaaaaaamn. She’s...wow.
Oh forget it, you can stare until you make a fool of yourself.
“What?” She asks, looking down. “Something... wrong?” She asks, in a smoother tone while she grabbed her....
“Stop. Stop. Nope. Here. Just. Yeah.” You stammer while opening the shirt and sticking her head through it. “Stick your arms through the holes out here.”
She’s now wearing a shirt that looks more than a couple sizes too big, but you expected that. She was far from 6’3” and 225 pounds. She’s still sitting on her knees, though. You begin wondering why she isn’t standing up. That’s when it hits you: She’s not used to standing on two legs.
“Hey Skittles, try standing up. Like me.” You instruct.
“Uh, sure.” She says, sounding a bit hesitant.
She tries pulling herself to her feet, and falls onto her butt in the same instant. She continues trying, achieving balance for a few moments at a time before falling back down again. You try your best to contain your laughter as she keeps flopping to the floor, absentmindedly letting a giggle or two slip before you stop her.
You offer her a hand, “Alright, alright. Stop. Here.”
She takes hold of your hand, and you pull her to her feet. She wobbles a bit as you bring her all the way up, and grips your hand tightly. You help her balance, and then let go for a few moments. She begins to fall again, but you catch her this time. You look down at her legs, and spot a problem.
“You’re legs are really close together. Try spreading them a bit to balance.” You instruct, smiling a bit.
Stop that mental giggling, you immature wanker.
When did you turn British, Brain?
When I realized their insults sound better.
You help her stand once more, and she heeds your advice. She manages to achieve balance, and keep it once you let go of her hand. Once she gets it, she grins like she’s made a great discovery that could change the world.
“I’m going to assume you can’t walk on two legs, right?” You ask.
“Nope.” She answers.
You sigh, “Well, that should have been obvious. Let me teach you.”
“Why’s it matter if I can walk on two legs?” She wonders.
“Humans are bipeds. We aren’t built to walk on four legs.” You explain.
“Oh...um, okay....” She replies.
“Everything alright?” You question.
“Yeah. Just...standing on two legs is...really awkward.” She answers.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Now, do you want to learn how to walk or not?” You respond, somewhat dismissively.
“I guess.”
“Yes or no, Skittles.”
She groans, “Yes.”
“Good. Don’t worry, it’s easy. Promise.” You begin, smiling a little, “It’s just putting one foot in front of the other.”
Which is easier said than done mister “Stumbles out of closet”.
I don’t know if I should be insulted, or laugh at you. That joke was horrible.
It wasn’t a joke, it was the truth. YOU could hardly even walk not fifteen minutes ago. And you’ve been on two legs for eighteen years.
Your point, brain?
What makes you think it’ll be easy for someone who’s NEVER been on two legs?
You don’t like to encourage people, do you?
Dash waves her hand in your face, “Hellooooo. Earth to Sharpie.”
“Huh? Oh, sorry. Um, right. So... walking.”
She appears to be listening intently.
“Umm...huh. How to explain this....” You think out loud.
You pace a bit as you think, when an idea strikes you: teach by example. It’s so simple!
“Okay, uh...try and mimic my actions.” You instruct.
You simply walk five steps, and stop. You turn to face her, and give a reassuring smile. She manages two steps, and stumbles before falling down. You manage to catch her, and stand her back up.
“Alright, let’s take it a bit slower.” You say.
You take her hand, and begin to guide her.
“Just one foot in front of the other. You’ll get it.” You encourage.
She seems focused, and you find it odd that Dash is taking something slow for once. She continues to stumble, falls a few times, and moves her ankles and other joints in experimentation. After a few minutes of stumbling and falling, she becomes visibly frustrated, and stops.
“Forget it. Walking's lame anyway.” She obviously tries to do something with her back, and she turns her upper body around. Now she’s practically growling.
“Uh, right...about flying....” You say.
“What?”
“Uh...you kinda...don’t have wings anymore.”
She goes wide eyed, “WHAT?!!”
Ooooh god, here we go. Shit storm incoming.
She tries to stretch her wings, attempting to reach back and try to feel them. She continues trying to stretch them, hoping to see or feel anything. She looks behind her, panicked.
“M-My wings!!!!!!!!” She glares at you, “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME EARLIER?!”
“I-I-I thought you knew!” You reply.
“I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE BUCK I AM!! HOW WOULD I KNOW IF MY WINGS WERE GONE!?” She screams.
“Sorry Dash.”
“Ugh!”
You discover she figured out one thing she can do with her legs. She sends a knee straight into a place that should never be kneed.
Sweet sassy molassy!
You collapse to the ground in tremendous pain, and try to look over at her. You watch her walk over to your bed, and sit on her knees on top of it. Well, it wasn’t really walking. It was more of a stumble that you’d seen from incredibly drunk people. Hey, progress is progress. But progress or not, she is clearly angry. Her wings were her life, after all.
You decide to try and let her cool down, and go to get your phone. That is, once the pain decides to go away.
Once all feeling returns to your groin, you stand back up and go get your phone. You check the date and find that , miraculously, the date seems to be...July 3rd. The same day you left earth.
How the hell?
You hear a thump, and feel the floor shake. Then a new, but all too familiar voice is heard.
“Hey! Bro! You up yet?”
Oh shit. Not now.
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Ok so theres some form of wacky time dilation between the two worlds then? Well thats super awesome. Also I demand moar.
Im loving this, keep it going, how oftenwill it be updated?
Yea British insults do sound worse
Ya pisshead
Sweet.
Hawt!
The mental fighting is making me not breath, soo much funnysss
Learning to walk? Here's how...
Oh and nice job with the portal ref
2177955
It will be updated as often as chapters get finished.
2177673 We've got a little trick around that. Absolute bullshit, but hey... MAGIC.
2177791 As often as possible... vague but true. All I do is get the ideas going, and when Brony's stuck... yell at him.
2178163
When "I" said that, that was the exact song that came to mind.
2178396
ok thank you for saying 
Ooh! Figures. The first thing Rainbow Dash learns to do with her legs was to do a intercontinental ballistic kneecap into Sharpie's ballsack. Ouch.
This pretty much sums up my expression 24.media.tumblr.com/1fe473293d7da5a13e47492d997ec5e6/tumblr_mg4j0bQyJY1rziyy4o5_1280.png
i just think the brain conversation is the lost cause it does not capture my interest in any level shape or form other than that its a very good story keep up the good work.
2179644
Awwwww, that's my favorite part!
Ninjabaho
Wow I like the brain dick its funmyespecialy with British voice
i love it when a fellow human finds the main character in his bedroom with a naked pony-turned-hot-girl
it seriously happens a lot
Keeping this in my faves. Oh shit, is that his brother or relative, or something? I'M FUCKING DYING TO KNOW!
2184611
Soon, my friend!
*new guy walks in*
SUPRISE MUTHAFUCKA!
Rainbow "fell" into the portal? Calling bull
UPDATE... I CANT WAIT!!!
2214675
I know I know.
xd
Waiting.....
2219724 Just hang in there, were getting to it...
By that I mean we're both lazy fucks. It will be out soon.
Sorry for all these delays guys. Next chapter shall be up shortly after Bronys return!
2224092
Cool sounds good, I can wait a little longer for this awesome story
I like the talking to yourself parts, they are fuckin hilarious.
Hey everyone!
Sorry, but there may be a bit more of a delay.
Brony's in Turkey, and my parents are divorced so I'm forced to spend my spring break 1000 miles away from home. Also, my dad's been takiing me to his work and makin' me do shit. PLUS, my step-brother bought them a "new" home to live in that we have to fix up after work everyday.
Give us a bit more time guys, me and Brony arn't able to communicate much the time being.
It'd kinda ruin the story if Rainbow' is found almost straight away. Still, a bit porny...
2284583
What?
2284590 Having a random girl turn up naked in your room, well, that's got to be a little distracting. Still, can't wait for the next part
Yes Rainbow Dash, Twilight is the new princess of Equestria.
2286950 YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!
Oops. Uh, sorry.
Omigoshomigoshomigoshomigoshomigosh
ermagerdermagerdermagerdermagerd
This is GOLD!
More please?
I will give you a internet hug if you update
2295382 Soon, my friend. I promise.
2295514 I know, Sorry for being impatient :P Fanfics just brighten my day
2295555 understandable.
2284583
Well he IS a college age student. Clearly she's his girlfriend who he smuggled into the house last night after a wild party.
2299680 thank you! Someone who gets it!
2299680 Lol, yeah, that explains it. Sorry That Brony Over There for ranting at you
me:
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iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/132792945771.gif
fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/300/9/4/infinite_facehoof_by_themancat-d5j3o3p.gif
Because one just isn't enough.
hockscqc.com/blogs/11-12/Shitstorm-flyer.jpg
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/5329778688/hD5C5E4BD/
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/158/926/Video.gif
And in Equestria...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/136/232/incoming%20shitstorm.jpg
2177802 It's not as much that they sound better, but they just roll off the tongue. What I want to do though is learn to swear in french, I'm told it's like wiping your ass with silk.