• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 11th, 2016




Big Macintosh and Shining Armor have always been friends. Feelings finally starting to come to them they work towards telling each other. But when Shining Armor leaves for Cadet School Mac is left waiting for the day he will return. That day has finally come, will Shining still feel the same for Mac as he did before? Will Mac be able to tell Shining? Romance, Suspense! All waiting within Together Until the End!

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 39 )

Nicely written. The only issue I see is not starting a new paragraph every time someone new talks.

Also, if you want more publicity, I would spell 'Prologue' correctly. Misspelled chapter names are turn-offs for potential readers.

2116228 Thanks! I'm a new writer so forgive my naive-ness but do you mean that i should start a new paragraph when others speak?

Comment posted by Freescript the Bard deleted Feb 21st, 2013

Yes; every time someone new has dialogue, a new paragraph is needed to direct the focus on the speaking character.

Otherwise, your spelling, grammar, and storytelling are great. If you want, I could proofread for you, as one writer to another.

2116375 I would appreciate it

Hmm. I suppose the question is, how did these two get together in the first place?
Why are they together? Is this an alternative universe where Shining Armor never married Cadence?
How did they get together? Where is the conflict?

Seemed very fast. We went from Mac's house to Shining and Mac on the hill to the train station really quickly. Maybe that's just because I'm a fast reader.
Other than that, it needs a little bit of cleanup on the grammar and punctuation side of things. Get a proofreader. I know there's an entire group dedicated to that. If you ask, someone's bound to help.

~Note this is my first fic so be nice~

Hah, no. Never ask people to be nice because it's your first story. People won't do that.

Okay, first off:

Granny Smith isn't Big Mac's mom. It's his grandmother.

Second, why are Big Mac and Shining Armor friends? They have no established relations in the slightest in canon. The two are extremely far apart. How did they meet? Why did they meet?

And now, the big part: the characters are OOC as FUCK. Big Mac does not sound nor act like this at all, same for Shining Armor, same for Granny Smith, same for everything! Why are they not the ones we know already instead of these ponies acting like dumb OC's? I recommend you go through the episodes and some fics with the characters in them and figure out what people did with their personality.

Those are my major nitpicks. I am also wondering about the ending of the prologue. What happened between that time? It makes no sense on why it is rushed so hard. You are just running through the plot. Slow down the story, please.

Well, I'm out.


2121120 all will be explained in chapter 1. But to answer your question they have been together sonce they were young foals always friends. The princess cadence thing be explained later and she will have a big part of this. This wil be revealed in chapter 1 but Shining was always bullied and Mac was the only one that stood up for him which is what led to the strong feelings. I realize know that I should have posted chapter 1 hen I posted this. But like I have previously said all shall be explained. Thank you for brińig this up though.

I'm currently working on getting a proofreader thank you all for letting me know how you feel. I wish to use tho information to become a better writer. If worse comes to worse I will just delete this story an make one with OCs. Ie wants o be a writer so badly so I hope to make a story everyone will enjoy. Thank you.

~Note this is my first fic so be nice~

That does nothing but make people take off the gloves and be rougher.
You know, it's not as bad as the vote ratio made me expect. Technically, it's fairly clean. Sure, you missed a couple commas and spelled "rubes" instead of "rubbed" in the paragraph a few before the break, but my eyes didn't bleed or anything.
Golden-whatserface said most of the main issues I saw. I'm also a bit concerned about consistency. Where was Twilight this whole time?

2121653 As I have said before all will be revealed soon as soon as I get chapter 1 proofread it will explain everything

Not bad, but three things i would have included to build the characters and their world a bit more.
1st, i would give a bit more description as to their back story, how they became friends and such.
2nd, You have a completely original character (not sure if you are going to include macs father), include them. The key to making a reader engaged is to give them something they haven't seen before. WARNING: I have read so many stories without any OC's and the main 6 show no development, for instance, RD stays extremely arrogant, with no change to her attitude what so ever as the story progresses.
3rd, It would be nice to see how Mac deals with the loss of his friend between the time jump you made. How does he feel without him, what does he do to remind himself of shining, how does he deal with his absence.
I am no expert, being only an novis, but this advice is based on what i have learnt from the constructive critique of others, for which i am extremely grateful. If you really want to get better as a writer, you need to have a different attitude. You should look forward top having your story ripped to shreds, rather than expect everyone to say nice stuff, that's the only way most writers i know get better and i'm guessing it will be the same for you.

2124133 thank you. I've already taken all of this into consideration as i finished writing chapter 1 so as soon as it gets proofread it should explain everything

sounds good. will read later

2121165 I would advise you not to say "All will be explained in Chapter X". Be it in the comments or the prologue or the story itself, you have basically just told the reader what will come next. I'm sorry, but if you think that it will keep the reader in suspense, then you are sadly mistaken, as it will only do the opposite.
And also, no-one will play nice if you ask them to. People, I am afraid, are not that nice, and they will tell you it as it is, regardless if it is your first or fiftieth fic.

Despite all the hate from the fandom around M/M shipping, this is enjoyable so far.

2126301 thank you for your input and yes i realize your point i only said it so people would get off my back about it. i just hope they enjoy the series

I like it but I'm sorry but Mac is OOC :pinkiesad2: but that's me being the BIG MACINTOSH freek I am :eeyup: good so far will there be clop though cause that'll change my view on the story

I like where this is going. Do moar :P

Not my cup of tea, but I just wanted to thank you for excellently written description of story, if only more people wrote proper descriptions like you. Good luck with your writing, and if you ever decide to write something less gay, I will gladly read it.

2157472 actually im debating right now if i want to write a story with a changeling or something im not sure yet :derpytongue2:

Well that was cute as hell :pinkiehappy:
Wait °spots "Tragedy" tag°
At least let them enjoy the happyness

I can't wait for one of them to fall off the Ferris wheel and get severely hurt :D

hurt them and you will pay :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :flutterrage: :moustache:


2157490 um I know this sounds bad but couldn't you please make this a new chapter before the changelings cause well I never felt so happy about a story and really I always wanted to read a good shiningmac fic and well this is perfect on so many levels so far and please make this a new chapter. I really need a pick me up after my recent break up.....

2661381 I apologize so much for not updating things have been very crazy lately and i forgot to mark it on hiatus i need to find that "spark" i will update as soon as possible Pinkie Pie Swear :pinkiehappy:

3109537 yay thank you thank you thank you!!!

3149853 just a little update I am halfway done with chapter 3 and I really hope you all will like it! If you don't I'll be very sad :fluttercry: well im off to wrk ^.^

:pinkiegasp: dun dun dun!

Things just got interesting around here! How will Shining Armor and Big Macintosh react to this new revelation!? We must know!!!

Cool read, I can hardly wait for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

Again keeping me interested in this story and holy crap!!! So they both have fiancées damn they got a problem on their hands though I'm pretty sure If I was them the mates wouldn't be the choice to go with. Silly fillies stallions are for rutting!!! Hahaha beat that trixs I made your catch phrase dirty didn I?!!!!!

3284911 Oh Mac you you sir I have to thank you have been loyal to this story even through all the waiting it is because of fans like you that I Strive to continue this series. Thank you and I hope you will continue to enjoy my work. :moustache: :twilightsmile:

3290915 always I love shining Mac stories cause honestly cadence is kinda not a good match for shining that and she is still creepy even though its the good one you know? That and hehe stallions liking stallions and love each other is something I kinda promote really I mean they ain't doing nothing harmful to no body so why is it wrong you know. Well I enjoy this story alot and It keeps me from losin my mind during the week so I follow it for many many reasons but hey if you wan to talk my messages are always open!! ^^

Love it like always!!

This is a really good story. You certainly know your way around ShiningMac shippings.

i see its tagged as tragedy please dont make them brake up or something i really wanna see them together it sounds like its gonna be a good story between them

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