Karmic Sailing

by Obvious German

Chapter 6: Shark, Sadist and Spinosaurus

I screeched in terror, causing more and more of the ponies up ahead to freak out and flee. The pink menace just wouldn’t stop chasing me on her relentless quest to turn me into her pet! So I fled once again, stopped to check whether she had disappeared and continued running whilst trying to not thread a single foot more into the town. I had bad enough luck, but freaking out the local populace of colorful, talking and smart-assed ponies is worst.

I wanted to cry, as much as it stupidly sounds so but I think crying is the best choice for now. I reached the river again in about fifteen minutes, and I think I lost her-

Jesus Christ, she’s still on my tail?!

“Heeeeeeeeey Ethan! Come out, come out wherever you are!” she cooed, to my disgust.

“Oh shit!” I continued stampeding my way around town, and back into the Everfree. I was now very sure she had lost me in town. But then again, who in the hell can lose a big, meat eating dinosaur?

I reached the river once again, this time there was only silence. No fillies, no bears, no hydras and not even birds. I wondered what made it so serene, but I was going to change it as I slowed down and eventually lowered down myself.

Tired, so tired. I looked at myself in the reflection of the river only to find the snout of a Spinosaurus staring back at me. I wanted to be human, whatever it took. It was then I felt dry and thirsty for some reason, most likely because I spent my morning roaring and running from a pink psycho.

I then realized a part of something I never bothered about. How the hell do I drink? Lick the water like a mangy hound or do I drink it like how I did as a human? I decided to try this out, I wouldn’t drown by drinking would I?

I plunged my snout into the water, and found that it actually works. I felt better the instant I felt fresh, probably muddy water seeping down my throat. But then, I felt something fast move around in the water. Something large, and something… fishy?

I looked to my left, and in the moment I spotted a shark fin about a few meters away. This could be platter, or this could be that shark.

I continued drinking, watching the fin slice the water like a torpedo. I knew that it was heading right for me, so when it came a bit closer I withdrew my snout from the violated water and aimed it at the shark. Little did I know this was a pretty smart shark, as it detected the disturbance and backed away.

Then its head popped out of the water, at that instant I saw a very odd looking lower jaw. Like a chainsaw and a rollup combined, I scrounged around my head to identify what creature is this. All that paleontologist stuff rolled around in my head, and it was then that word came out of my head.

Helicoprion. That was it, a Helicoprion. Right there in that river, looking at me as if I was some kind of a mentally handicapped dinosaur.

“Yo! You gonna eat me or what, asshole? I’ve been through enough and here I fucking am! In front of a dick licking Spinosaurus!” Never have I been so offended, by this fucktard of a shark.

“And you can keep that rollup of a joke shut and swim back, you pussy eater!”

“Faggot!”

“Dickface!”

“Asshat!”

“Fishdicks!” This was going on for a reaaaaaally long time, so sit back and enjoy the music of Coldplay.
---

We’re done after five more minutes? Good! It dived back into the water for a fresh quickie and came back up to greet me with another batch for foul mouthed commands.

“So fucker? What’s your goddamned name? Eaten?” I wanted to eat him, choke him and just fucking end his life. No one has ever treated me with such disrespect, fucker.

“Close to that! What’s yours? Microscopic Penis?”

“That’s also very close, you snouted bastard!” I wanted to shriek in agony, frustrating piece of snack.

“Oooh! A swearing competition!” Oh no, she’s found me.

“Oh, it’s you again! What do you fucking want from me?”

“This is my problem, so stay outta this, you prick!” Last straw, last straw….

“Go ahead then! I don’t care because I’m a goddamned shark! Like I’m supposed to care!” it dived back into the water, swimming away and leaving me with the psychotic piece of candy.

“Wow! Mikey there was pretty mean to you! Wanna try some of my cupcakes to cheer your poor, egoistic soul?” I silently cried, I’m not egoistic, just fucking homesick.

“No thanks, bitch. Just leave me alone….” I said, my snout hanging low.

“Waaaaaait a minute, did you say you didn’t want to try my delicious cupcakes…?” I felt something very terrifying emerge from that coat of candy. “Did you…?” she snarled, I noticed her hair turn straight and she immediately became a whole lot more greyer. What the fuck did I just do?

“Now listen-

“Hush! I shall do the talking, you keep that trap of yours shut!” I don’t know why, but I did what she said. Damn, she looked creepy as shit.

“Now listen up, pet. We speaking the saaaaame language here, but not reaaaally the same. All I want is for you to be my personal pet to my torture buddy, Gummy and maybe I won’t show you how I make my cupcakes in my basement. We clear…?”

My turn. “Now listen to me, you leave me alone before I make pink, fleshy pony strips that I will force feed to your friends and that alligator of yours? He will be part of my sister’s handbag collection, his eyes are the decorations. Now are you clear?” I said, my unstable side got way too far for this one. I don’t even have a sister! Well, Kendra was like a sister but who cares?

“This is why I like you so much…. Ethan…” she cooed maniacally.

“And this why I hate you ponies so much… bitch,” I replied, trying to stand up.

“Do you really want me to show you how I make cupcakes?” Wait a minute, is that a knife she’s pulling out of her back? And is that blood or tomato?

“Do you want me to slowly eat your body parts while you’re still breathing?” I threatened back. Spinosaurus to a sadistic and insane pink pony, who will win?

“That sounds fun…” she said back, I was now legitimately terrified inside.

“Then you can kindly go fuck yourself with that knife,” I responded to that knife she was now holding and began to walk away with a grin on my face. I have beaten the odds and won an argument with a sadist. What more?

For a moment, she looked pretty sad but I don’t care. She can bawl herself until she’s out of tear juice because she pretty much tried to murder me. But I’m a dinosaur, and dinosaurs take no orders, right? I continued walking until I reached a rocky outcropping, where I rested for a bit.

Today couldn’t get anymore worst.
---

There was silence at Sweet Apple Acres today, as Applejack was busy with her vendetta against the dinosaur. But today, what happened in the past was going to happen again. In front of a group of a familiar trio of fillies.

“You think mister Ethan’s gonna be alright, Applebloom?”

“Ah think he’ll be a-okay, he’s a pretty cool guy and stuff, Ah bet nothin’ will beat his jaws!”

“Yeah! Those awesome looking jaws and that fancy sail he has! Isn’t that cool!?”

“Yeah, pretty cool…” Sweetie Belle was still a little terrified of Ethan. He wasn’t all that bad, but he still is a predator according to what he told them.

There was a loud boom right in front of them in the sky, then a large silhouette of a large creature fell through the air, crashing down onto another unfortunate bunch of trees, and nearly on top of the fillies.

“Whoaaaaaa- they coughed, as they tried to see what was in this particular cloud of dust it kicked up.

It groaned, similar to how Ethan did when he first came but with a slightly more feminine voice. It stood up, revealing it to be a little bit smaller than Ethan, but still at a considerable height. It then turned its head towards the three fillies who stood their ground, having faced a talking creature larger than this.

So it was no surprise it could talk right? “Oh my! That…. Is the most adorable thing I have ever laid my… eyes on?”

“HOLY FUCKING BALLSACKS OF HITLER AND STALIN! THIS MAY BE COOL OR THIS MAY BE THE WORST THING EVER!”

Comments

[Husster72]

The ending LoL!

[Undead_Non-Brony]

ha, nice!

[The Well Dressed Ninja]

ct.fra.bz/ol/fz/sw/i52/5/5/15/frabz-The-amount-of-overused-jokes-is-too-damn-high-983eb2.jpg

[Bread Shot]

*sits in movie theatre watching this story as a movie*
*the ending scene happens* *flips the guy and the chiar infront of me and starts doing that to eveyong yelling godammit and swearing the intire way*

[thepinkparty]

that damed cupcake pinkie in all honestly she may be quick but hes a fucking dino even one bite could server her leg or even ko her

[JTheWhiteKnight]

Oh boy, oh boy! What ancient creature is it this time? T-rex? Velociraptor? Pterodactyl? A long-neck?

[Firedon]

2142276 Spinosaurus...

[JTheWhiteKnight]

2143453

I meant the newcomer, Kendra, I think.

[Firedon]

2143462 Just as I did. She also touched the orb on the Spinosaurus. Therefore she's a spinosaurus.

[Obvious German]

2145824 I didn't specify which dinosaur is Kendra going to be. I actually wanted to include a part where she notices the orb's gone elsewhere to another exhibit but I was lazy bitchy fucking hell too busy with family business to include that in.

[Firedon]

2145837 So she's not a spino? Hmmm. Now that's going to be interesting.

[themultiversewatcher]

Just for the Pinkie scene, here are two pictures of what she may have looked like.

3.bp.blogspot.com/-cHiO6ioFJwE/TwbTwc14CtI/AAAAAAAAAcE/7dMTMGAT5HY/s1600/crookedtrees+ask_pinkamena_diane_pie+pinkamena_diane_pie+pinkie_pie+vector+wallpaper.jpeg

2.bp.blogspot.com/-7zp4S6mHBvM/T2O-5pS4TsI/AAAAAAAAi9I/O6pPuXAQGtI/s1600/150346+-+artist+rannylk+pinkamena_diane_pie+pinkie_pie.png

[Randomosaur]

Are you going to be continuing this?

[TheGrandNil]

Only way that their language could get any harsher is if they said the n-word lol