• Member Since 13th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen May 26th, 2015

Spirit Chaser


E

Solving everypony's problems is too boring, so in order to escape boredom, Discord discovers his own dimension where he can do what he wants, when he wants. Now with his new sidekick that he created himself, Discord battles the evil forces of boredom! Shenanigans follow.

Just for fun, this story takes place in the same universe as my other fic Find Your Heart, but it's not an official prequel or sequel, just saying.

Contains some PinkieDash.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 10 )

I enjoyed it well enough, up until the introduction of Snare, that is. It's not that I dislike OC's, but I expected something a little more interesting than the description conjured up for a creation of chaos than a unicorn with a bad color pallet.

It also looks like you plan on writing a lot about Discord here. In case that's true, I'd like to suggest finding more ways to insert irony and/or a joke into nearly everything Discord does.

As for your OC... I almost suggested removing him for a cannon character, but realized that I have no idea about what the character is like. I suppose that Snare's reaction to suddenly existing inside of a white void with a bunch of random objects wasn't exactly how I'd react. His actions would actually make him be able to pass of more as a robot than a pony if you simply changed his dialog a bit.
"Oh, I wasn't playing, my body was starting up all my new organs and functions—wait, who's... Pinkamena?"
"INCORRECT. I WAS POWERING MAIN SYSTEMS AND INITIATING PRIMARY FUNCTIONS. QUERY: WHAT IS PINK-A-ME-NA?"

If he seemed more like a real pony, I might care more about him being a real pony.

I am enjoying this. The idea is interesting, the way you write Discord is rather hilarious and Snare Trap pretty much acts like anything I expect something with a conscious mind should act when made by Discord. Completely and utterly strange. So good job so far I will look forward to more.

My only question is what is up with all the numbers that appear every so often?

"Please, if I can withstand a Pegasus' set of disapproving eyeballs, what makes you think—"

Am I the only one that sees the &#8212? Also I think you are missing a few words after that think. Since the sentence just kinda ends abruptly.

2117039 So sorry! The — was supposed to become a long dash, oh well. Anyway I fixed it!

2118216 No worries. Mistakes happen all that matters is that you correct them when you get the chance.

Sorry to say this but you kinda missed a set of numbers. After that it all should be good.

"Oh, I wasn't playing, my body was starting up all my new organs and functions—wait, who's... Pinkamena?" The colt responded with a confused expression.

xD!!! This is hilarious. I do like the somewhat robotic, yet intelligent Snare Trap. You do have a good character for Discord. He is random, hilarious and does the strangest things. You also did very well on Pinkie Pie and pretty much every character so far. So I suggest keep doing what you are doing. I look forward to the next chapter.

remember that there’s a bunch of weird-looking ponies reading your every move.”

Pinkamena Diane Pie has broken the Forth Wall!! Code RED!Code RED! She KNOWS! Wait, why am I panicking again?

The story was alright, in fact, liked it. The biggest issue you had was show vs tell. You pretty much TOLD most of the story. You didn't really infer/show us what was happening. Also it the ending felt kind of rushed. I don't know. Just keep practicing. I'm terrible at giving advice.

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