Prologue (A new start.)-1st Person Intro-
My eyes... they burn... Why does it hurt so much?
Just make it stop burning... It won't stop burning.
"Doctor, the acid has already destroyed his retinal artery. The only option left is to remove the eyes completely and drain any remaining acid, before it flows to the brain."
"Get him the sedatives. We need to go through this as quick and easy as possible."
What are they doing? Just make my eyes stop burning... Please, make it stop burning. It hurts so much...
I can hear a lot of screaming... Are those my screams? I just want the pain to go away.
Stop the burning... Stop the pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything is dark… Something that I’m already used to…
It’s confusing whenever I wake up from a normal dream, and frightening when it’s a nightmare. When I wake up, I still can't see anything. I can never tell if I've actually woken up, or if I'm still dreaming. Whenever I wake up, I don’t see any ceiling above me, I just see darkness. Like now, for example. Just one of the many cons of being blind.
How did I become blind, you may ask? Well, long story short, my eyes were almost completely disintegrated by acid, and they had to be surgically removed. It only happened 3 years ago.
I rose from my bed, and gave a small yawn. “Today’s the day…”
I walk over to my closet and replace my pajamas with proper clothes, before going into my bathroom and brushing my teeth.
I don’t really mind not having eyes, seeing as I can still do absolutely mundane tasks with no trouble at all. (Ha, pun intended.) Being blind may literally mean I can’t see anything, but I can see, in my own way.
Confused? Let me explain how it works.
After my eyes were removed, my ability to hear became incredibly advanced. I remember the doctors saying something about a human body can adapt rapidly.
So now, I see with my ears, sort of. Let me give you an example.
Imagine being in a room you have never been in before. The lights are off, so you can’t see anything inside. The first thing you would need to do would be to turn on the lights to see. I just clap my hands, and I can feel the waves of sound reverberating around in the room, hitting the various objects inside. Then, my brain subconsciously constructs what the room looks like, and I can "see" everything inside. I can walk around, not having to worry about hitting any tables, or chairs, or even stepping on things. That's how I see.
I find a lot of loose change just lying around now, because of that.
It took around three months of waiting to be released from the hospital to master this... echolocation. My family's faces, when they first saw me walking through the halls without running into anything? I can only imagine how startled they were... Literally.
After brushing my teeth, I reflexively looked up to the mirror to see my reflection, before recalling that it was a waste of my time.
Any mirrors or glass that I try to "see" are just blank walls in my head. Sound doesn't reflect my face like light would, sadly enough. This also means that I can't see through windows, watch TV, use computers, or even use most smartphones, since they have touch screens.
It sucks.
I hear several knocks on the door to my room, and then my mother's voice comes from the other side. "Breakfast!"
"Coming!" I quickly reply.
I grab my backpack from the corner of my room, and reach for my door, but I stop, remembering my blindfold. "Ah shit, almost forgot..." I mutter to myself.
As a person that has no eyes, I always wear a blindfold when going out. It doesn't really do anything for me, in consideration of the fact that I can't see anyway, but at least it hides away my empty eye sockets successfully. Trust me, it isn't a pretty sight.
As I finish tying my blindfold around my head, I hastily exit out of my room and make way downstairs into the kitchen. I can tell that my dad and my brother are already sitting at the table, while my mom still making breakfast. I can practically taste the bacon, as its enticing scent wafts its way into my nostrils. Aside from that, I can tell the slightly sulfuric scent of eggs anywhere.
As I sat in my seat, my dad greets me with a standard "good morning, son". My brother, Kenny, just slightly nods at my direction. It's really strange, reflecting upon my condition. I can feel the air move as Kenny moves his head forward slightly, hear a quiet pop as he accidentally cricks his neck looking up at me. It isn't visual, but at the same time, it is. It's like having a computer chip in my brain, and a hidden camera in the room is sending me details about everything. Cold, colorless, and disembodied, my senses may be stronger without my sight, but they certainly weren't any more pleasant. Color is a terrible thing to lose.
"So... son," My dad speaks up, gently, "Are you excited about today?" His voice holds some kind of fatherly apprehension I can't read. I can only guess that he's worried about me. It's understandable.
"Yeah, I guess." I reply, calmly.
My excitement for today was slightly dulled, mainly because of our reason for leaving. We're moving because of the school I'm transferring to. I'm transferring to a new school because of the bullies in what will soon be my former school. I like the idea of leaving it behind, in all honesty.
Before I was blinded by the aforementioned incident, my school life at Trottingham High was pretty quiet. I had some good friends, and I never had much trouble with other students. As luck would have it, returning back from three months at the hospital left people dubious of my condition. Not everyone believed that I was blind, though I didn't dare show them what lay under my blindfold. I feared that it would make me even more of an outcast than being a liar. Some believed me and moved on from it, and some were slightly suspicious about it, but went with it nevertheless. There were still the ignorant few who blatantly called me a liar, completely unknowing of the pain I had gone through.
There were the standard teenage accusations, like:
"You can see just fine, you're just lazy."
"That blindfold is see-through, isn't it? Drop the act."
and my personal favorite, "I call bull-crap. How many fingers am I holding up?"
Seriously, the last one? I laughed so hard at him that it damn near convinced him that I was blind. Anyway, it wasn't so bad for the first year, but it just got worse, because as more new students came in, less of them believed me, and every day became a debate of whether or not I show them the empty scars that used to be my eyes.
One day in particular, someone came up to me and said that it was unfair, how I get "special treatment" on certain assignments when I wasn't even blind. I didn't even get the chance to say anything, he just got really angry and tried to knock me down with a fairly well aimed left hook. Before he had even gotten his fist within two feet of my face, I felt it, I heard it, I knew where it would be, and I ducked to the left. His punch sailed off course, and he ended up hitting his best friend in the face. It was pretty funny, to tell the truth. Well, it was funny, until they BOTH got mad at me. Eventually a teacher saw what was going on, and she stepped in as I consistently backed away from the two to avoid any violence.
So, it turned out "enough was enough", and now I'm transferring to another school with a stricter policy on bullying.
"Breakfast is done! This morning, eggs and bacon!" My mother's cheerful voice breaks me away from my reverie. She had never been too heartbroken about me losing my eyesight. All she cared about was that I was happy, and as long as I was having a good day, so was she. We'd actually grown closer after the incident, believe it or not. I remember when I was walking the hall using my ears, and she had come from the other side. I stepped out of her way, and for a moment, she stared at me, and then broke into a chuckle.
"I'll never know how you do that, son." She said, happily.
The scent of bacon brings me back from my mind once more. Four dishes are levitated to the table in a magical glow, and before my mother could even take her seat, the rest of us already begun eating.
My mother is a unicorn, which, admittedly, is a rare sight in Trottingham, since most of the population here consists of earth ponies.
Kenny, Dad, and I are earth ponies, the standard group. It's pretty much a simple family, save for me being the blind guy.
After finishing breakfast, we all just wait in the living room. Hours pass on as my mother continues watching her favorite cooking channel, my dad keeps noisily turning the pages of his newspaper, and Kenny, being impatient, glaring out of the window. Well, I think he's glaring. I can feel the vibrations in the floor as he taps his foot impatiently, and the crackling of his knuckles as he stretches his hands. Meanwhile I'm just sitting in the corner, knowing that I can't read, or watch TV, or even look out of a window anymore. I'll never see another beautiful sunrise, I'll never be able to smile as I look over the snow in the winter, while the light sparkles off of it's surface, creating a beautiful shimmer. Ah well, at least I can remember the ones I've seen. Images in the mind don't require sight, and it's these memories that keep me happy.
I sigh, it's times like these that I feel lonely, knowing how separate I am from the world. Blindness was incredibly rare, except for accidents like mine, and children staring into the sun. Thankfully, my story isn't that embarrassing.
Eventually, the carriage arrives, and I had to stifle a chuckle for my brother's impatient demeanor. "Ugh, finally!"
We grab our suitcases and bags, and pack them into the carriage. We get in, and I hear the crunching of gravel under the wheels as it starts to move toward the train station.
My family is silent during the trip, and I find it slightly uncomfortable. Other than the rumbling of the carriage, which provided me with a wonderful amount of sound to construct an image off of, my family continues to make no noise other than the occasional sigh, or stretch. Noises that no one else would pick up on quite as sharply as I do.
We finally make it to the train station, and my family starts carrying the luggage ahead. I follow, cautiously.
At this point, I have my walking stick on my right hand. I don't usually carry around a stick, unless I'm outside. It's hard to see outside, because of the lack of walls. Sound can only go so far, and I never get a very good idea of where everything is before the sound fades away, never to return. Still, it isn't particularly challenging to travel outdoors, and the walking stick I carry can calm me down at times.
We're able to get in the trains just before they leave. Taking our seats, the train slowly starts to move, the wheels squeaking, and wheels turning on the steel track. It's a cacophony of noise, but it's strangely soothing. I look towards the window out of habit, and, as always, realize that it's a fruitless exercise. Then I opt to just go to sleep, instead. The churning noise of the train continues to soothe me, until I eventually begin to fall into a deep slumber.
For some odd reason, I can't help but feel like I'm going to be in for a very new experience. Then again, I guess that's what starting a new life is supposed to feel like.
As my vision fades, and sleep overtakes me, I think to myself.
Next stop, Ponyville.
-----------------------------------------
Advanced Writing Corrections by Machiniman20
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I like it so far, but you might want someone to proofread out those little errors I'm seeing.
I'm looking through it, and making some edits that I like personally, and remember, I AM A HUGE NITPICK AND A GRAMMAR NAZI. What you do with your story is COMPLETELY up to you, I'm just offering some alternatives. Looking forward to how the rest of the story turns out!
"Doctor, the acid has already destroyed his retinal artery. The only option left is to remove the eyes completely and drain any remaining acid, before it flows to the brain."
I can hear a lot of screaming... Are those my screams?
Stop the burning... Stop the pain... (this one's more a personal preference, I feel like the original way is a bit disjointed.)
Everything is dark… Something that I’m already used to… (Personal comment, lots of ellipses. Not necessarily a bad thing, but you might want to limit that in the future.)
It’s confusing whenever I wake up from a normal dream, and frightening when it’s a nightmare. When I wake up, I still can't see anything. I can never tell if I've actually woken up, or if I'm still dreaming. Whenever I wake up, I don’t see any ceiling above me, I just see darkness. Like now, for example. Just one of the many cons of being blind.
How did I become blind, you may ask? Well, long story short, my eyes were almost completely disintegrated by acid, and they had to be surgically removed. It only happened 3 years ago.
so it was pretty recent-ish.(The recent-ish thing is another more personal one, it throws me off a little bit.)I walk over to my closet and replace my pajamas with proper clothes, before going into my bathroom and brushing my teeth.
I don’t really mind not having eyes, seeing (PUN!) as I can still do absolutely mundane tasks with no trouble at all. Being blind may literally mean I can’t see anything, but I can see, in my own way.
Confused? Let me explain how it works.
After my eyes were removed, my ability to hear became incredibly advanced. I remember the doctors saying something about a human body can adapt rapidly,
I don’t know. It was 3 years ago. (that last bit with the "I don't know" is definitely a touch out of place. Earlier you related that three years was recent-ish, and now you are saying you cannot remember as though it were a long time. Slightly contradictory. I believe this is going to be a second person fic, so I can recommend to try not to project too much character onto, well, the main character. Don't be afraid to give them emotions, but make the personality somewhat attachable, so people can grasp the "second person" bit.So now, I see with my ears, sort of. Let me give you an example.
Imagine being in a room you have never been in before. The lights are off, so you can’t see anything inside. The first thing you would need to do would be to turn on the lights to see. I just clap my hands, and I can feel the waves of sound reverberating around in the room, hitting the various objects inside. Then, my brain subconsciously constructs what the room looks like, and I can "see" everything inside. I can walk around, not having to worry about hitting any tables, or chairs, or even stepping on things. That's how I see.
I find a lot of loose change just lying around now. (just me being nitpicky again. Pennies seemed a bit cliche, for some reason or another. PERSONAL OPINIONS AND SUCH.)
It took around three months of waiting to be released from the hospital to master this... echolocation. My family's faces, when they first saw me walking through the halls without running into anything? I can only imagine how startled they were... Literally.
After brushing my teeth, I reflexively looked up to the mirror to see my reflection, before recalling that it was a waste of my time.(If your character has been blind for three years, this wouldn't be a surprise, I don't think. However, since they lived with eyesight before, I would say that it could definitely be a lingering reflex.)
Any mirrors or glass that I try to "see" are just blank walls in my head. Sound doesn't reflect my face like light would, sadly enough. This also means that I can't see through windows, watch TV, use computers, or even use most smartphones, since they have touch screens.
It sucks. (Now don't you be mixing up your tenses. That's the death of one too many a good fanfic.)
I'll stop there, because I feel like a bit of a jerk for nitpicking that far into it. I feel like the stereotypical English teacher that everyone hates for being overly critical.
Either way, I could write up a full edit, if you want. But hey, that's up to you. Either way, I'll be looking forward to more!
2108677
Where have you been all my life?!
You write this shit better than I do!
Can you keep sending me these corrections? I love it!
You sound like some professional writer, and I am completely jealous.
2108878
Thank you very much!
I'll send you a full rewrite of this chapter when I have the time.
I'm glad you like the corrections, just pick and choose whatever you like, dear sir.
2nd person next?Good!Wait.........great now i'm blind again!
I don't favorite humanitized stories,but I'm gonna try.Who knows! I might have missed a lot of good stories!
2109499
I'm just trying to test it out. Seems like a good idea at the time, so I'm hoping this turns out well...
I'm interested in how this will turn out! It's not often I see a story with a blind protagonist and now I'm curious in how you'll take this in the future.
One thing though: this echolocation ability of his might help him indoors, but what happens when he goes outside? Surely it will bounce of trees and bushes and the like, but there's not much else for him to "see" out there. Also... does he just clap his hands every time he walks into a new room? (Seeing as how the sound in the last room would have bounced off all the walls, restricting it to that small space.) The same question comes up when he's walking for a long period of time. It just seems like it would be awfully silly for him to walk around clapping his hands every so often just to be able to see for a small radial area.
You might be able to say that people in a room could be an issue because they're not restricted to staying in one place like furniture would be, although it's more than likely he could tell where they are by the voices they make and the sounds of their movement. Really, I'm just thinking way too far into this at this point//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
Keep up the good work
Edit: And now I feel rather silly because I wrote that comment near the middle of the chapter, before the train station scene. My apologies
2111536
That happens to me more often than I want.
I ask questions before reading, and then find out the answer was already there. :P
No worries, glad you enjoyed my story!
Hey look, it's a ponified anthro Daredevil, minus the heroic(ish) attitude! And the law degree. LOL.
Awesome story so far
