• Member Since 29th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen May 25th

My Only Weakness


E

[2nd Person]
You're just a homeless 6 year old who has no family. But all that changes when a pink party mare takes you in to a ginger bread barkery shop.


Proofreader/Editor: Card_Shuffle
Credit to ConnVolpe for making the cover image

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 96 )

I have to disagree with you on this story being bad. I think it's actually quite interesting, and deserves to be continued. It would be interesting to see where this story goes. :pinkiesmile:

Keep calm and pony on!

Darkskarr X :heart:

Not bad, and I'm enjoying it.

Don't think negative on your story. Your doing great.

I think it's actual good. There is a couple grammar mistakes, but that doesn't really matter to me. Please, continue with this story!

I agree with you, it is shit. And saying you think your story is shit in descriptions means you want to throw shit at others, kind of fishing for "noo, it's great" comments. Well, grammar is terrible. Ponies eat grass, so they would not starve, I think. Forgetting about commas makes reading terrible, it's like you'd be forced to read youtube comments against your will.
Plot, from the other hand, is not bad. You have potential. It'd be good if you'd write your stories best you can, and then publish. Do or do not, there is no try. I think embracing things where author made no real effort is toxic both for fandom and author, you wouldn't want to be someone people read to amuse themselves with bad writing, do you? That's why, with hard love, I give you this rather unpleasant comment.

The biggest issue I've found in this is that you keep switching tenses mid sentence. Badpone said a lot of what I would've. Grammar is painful, not a comma in sight, but at least spelling's not bad.

You have something with the plot, it could be good if you put in the effort.

Excellent work but you might want to get a proofreader to check your grammar and stuff. Also, don't be hard on yourself. A story's not horrible unless you make it horrible, and buddy, you got a heck of an idea here. I really hope to see more. *Favorites*

I like it, but there are mistakes.
Maybe a proof reader is a good idea

this story isn't that bad, you just need a proofreader for spelling and grammar.

A wonderful Story. I looking forward to the next Chapter^^

Man this is very interesting and the plot could go far! Hey don't let all these comments discourage you. Sure your grammar isn't perfect but that's easy to fix. Hey I tell ya what, if you need an editor/proof reader I will throw my name in for consideration. Keep going with this, I am already having a massive onslaught of feels

Please continue with this story, just look out for the grammar holes! :twilightsmile:

Admitting, I have mixed feelings.

Pro: This story has a great idea. I really like it. A colt being taken in by Pinkie Pie is a legit idea, and is easily enjoyable. It can, and hopefully will, be developed well.

Con: Your grammar is terrible. I won't lie. It sucked. You are missing spacing, periods, commas, capitals, and it is annoying. It is really setting off alarms in my head. You really need a proofreader. Like, now.

Comment posted by null0void deleted May 31st, 2013

I must say, I'm actually looking foward to seeing where this goes.:moustache:

Interesting, but it's obviously not gonna get any better with that kind of attitude.

If I could get a chance to, not quite "rewrite" your stories, but fix it in a way so all can understand (it's ok, I know most of your stories are like this, no prob.), I would love to!

Idea: good
Execution: good but needs work

Please edit this, it could be really good! I give you three mustaches and a Twist :moustache::moustache::moustache::twistnerd:

Hard life, just like my characters.

Are you going to update more now that its summer?

Let me go! This, so called 'Caretaker' is so good as dead, when I get him in my Hooves!

I WILL HIS HEAD ON A SILVER TRAY!!

2702251
Dude, calm down, it's only a story

2702275

I know, but... this happens to often in the reality.

Honestly, you could turn this into a 35 chapter long storu with evil demons and horrible happenings. Its a great subject that you really could make blossom into a great and utterly captivating story

Very nice story, I could see this becoming a very enjoyable story.:twilightsmile: One nit-pick I have though, is that ponies can eat grass and flowers.:unsuresweetie: They've even been shown eating flowers in the show more then once. So it wouldn't make too much sense for him to struggle with finding food when food is all around him. I really don't think ponies would mind or even notice, if he ate a little of the grass and flowers. But that's something I can look past, this story definitely has a lot of promise to it.

:twilightsmile: i really REALLY like this chapter, alot :twilightsmile:
:pinkiehappy: more please :pinkiehappy:

Nice story.:pinkiesad2::fluttercry:

Dat squeak......:rainbowkiss:

I didn't know that I could do that.

whatever Orphanage that is, the Authorities Need to take a Close look at it ASAP

This is a nice moment! It would be a shame if somethings happened to it... >:D :moustache:

I'd love to go the that orphanage and burn it to the ground. But, we are stuck with Pinkie pie no?:pinkiehappy:

2702562 Umm... While you're at it can we add robots, dark creatures, seven magic gems, and a speedy spikey blue creature that turns into a werewolf like thing in the night? (I've been playing too much Sonic Unleashed.)

2738763 Quick, call the pyro! (Too much TF2 :derpytongue2:)

2742578 maybe, but I like despicable demons more

I WANT AN ARTIST TO DRAW PINKIE AND SILVER CURLED UP IN A BALL TOGETHER AND PINKIE IS SMILING AS SHE WATCHES HIM SLEEP PEACEFULLY NOW!!!!eleven!! -insert table flip here-

But seriously, I wish I had the artistic abilities sooooooooo bad. I love this story :fluttercry:

Oh snap. :applecry: This can't be good. I knew that caretaker was going to come, but not this soon. MOAR! :flutterrage:

PINKIE!! FAST! THE CARETAKER IS HERE!!

:pinkiecrazy:

umm someone call pinkamena we need a psychopath to deal with a giant turd shaped like a pony.:pinkiecrazy:

The caretaker will parish.:flutterrage::flutterrage::twilightangry2::twilightangry2:

MANE 6 (plus CMC and siblings) ASSEMBLE!!!!!:flutterrage::raritywink::rainbowhuh::pinkiegasp::twilightoops::unsuresweetie::moustache::eeyup::applecry::scootangel:

Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu wtf nuuuuuu no onto
Not silver nooooooooo

Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuu wtf nuuuuuu no onto
Not silver nooooooooo

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