An Honest Trade

Enjoy my trivial ass drippings.

“…And that’s it. Finally, after all this time, it’s finished!”

You pump your fist into the air, then remember that you’re suffering from a severe case of carpal tunnel due to working furiously the past few days.

“Ow ow ow ow…” You grip your wrist and rub it with your thumb, before letting both arms rest at your sides.

You smile, reading over the last few bits of your completed product.

“Finally… now time to get this stuff out there!”

You are Anonymous the Writer.

You’re not entirely sure how it happened, but you just sort of… started writing.

Not about anything in particular, really. It was more or less just a day-to-day summary of what was happening in your life.

Slowly, however, you began creating much more detailed, much more exaggerated stories to fill in the more dull parts of your life.

After all, Equestria outside of the whole “they have magic” thing, is pretty boring, if you do say so yourself.

One day, however, Twilight managed to get into your journal of writing entries; you tried to cover up for it by telling her they were stories you made from scratch.

“Wow! Really?” She had been ecstatic to know that you had created such riveting tales, that she wanted to get your name out there.

Or at least, your pen name. To keep yourself safe, you gave yourself a pen name to make sure ponies didn’t single you out from your day-to-day life, both as a precaution to keep the press away, and to keep the inspiration pouring in.

"Anonymous". The perfect unknown pen name; nobody will know it’s really you.

Having ponies coming up to you asking for your autograph all day wouldn’t exactly make for an interesting story.

A knock comes from your door. You place your now-completed book away in your desk, and walk over to open it.

“Hey Anonymous!” Twilight smiles up at you. “How are you to-”

You quickly move to silence her, covering her mouth with your hand. Wonderful things, hands are.

“Shhh!”

You shake your head slowly, before looking around.

“Come in.”

You motion for her to come inside, and she does so, following behind you.

You close the door as she enters, and look around.

“Gosh Anon, you should turn on some lights in this place!” Twilight exclaims, her horn glowing to illuminate the room.

…Oh yeah. Forgot. You turned off all of the lights, save for a small candle next to your desk that was barely flickering now.

You walk around, turning on the lamps in the house before turning on the big lights. Let your eyes adjust slowly, rather than all at once.

“It’s done, Twilight.”

Her eyes widen, knowing exactly what you meant by that. “You… you mean…?”

“That’s right.” You grin. “They’ll get the conclusion. After all these months, I’ve finally finished it.”

Her face practically beams with excitement and she jumps up and down in place, squeeing in delight. “Oh Anon, that’s great! When can we expect it?”

“As soon as I read through it to check for any errors I made. Would you like to read it?”

“Of course!” she exclaims, trotting over to your desk.

You reach into the drawer and pull out the completed book, handing it to her. “Now be careful, this is the only copy I have.”

She looks up at you with a raised eyebrow, as if wondering if you really asked that question. “Anonymous, do you know who you’re talking to?”

“Twilight Sparkle, the librarian of Ponyville and student to Celestia, right?”

“PRINCESS Celestia, you mean,” she says, matter-of-factly.

Pretentious bitch. But you still love her silly.

You grin and pat her head, ruffling her mane a bit. “Riiiiight.”

She pouts up at you.

You laugh, before running your fingers through it to straighten it back out. “You know I’m joking, right?”

She scoffs, grinning at you before walking over to your bed, leaping up onto it and laying down, opening the book to examine the story inside…

Three hours have passed. You’re long gone at this point, fast asleep in your chair. Writing that story took a lot out of you, believe it or not. You hope it was worth all the troub-

“OOF!”

You gasp for breath as Twilight stamps her hooves into your stomach. “WHAT?! WHAT WAS THAT?!” she’s practically screaming at you.

“Wh-what do you mean?!”

“THAT. ENDING.” She speaks each word individually while staring daggers at you. “What kind of an ending was that?!”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Don’t give me that, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!” she growls, flipping to the exact page and shoving it into your face.

…Oh. That.

“Listen, Twilight, I don’t know what the problem was, I thought it was pretty go-”

“You KNOW what the problem is, but you’re not fixing it!” she yells, closing the book and slapping it across your face. “Now you’re going to write a PROPER ending to that story, whether you want to or not! He WILL have a happy ending!”

You feel yourself being lifted up into the air and turned around, facing your desk. Your quill levitating next to you, and ten sheets of paper on the other side.

“Now I’m going to HELP you write this ending, and make sure you get it RIGHT this time!”

Oh god. Why does this remind you of another book you read a while back…?

You sigh, turning to look at her. “What point should I start at, then?”

“Hm…” she looks through the original book, before lifting it to you. “This one. The part where he just defeated the evil king, and is meeting with the princess after all this time.”

“Alright, let’s see what I can do…”

After brainstorming, writing, and checking it yourself, you finally sit back in your chair.

“Done. Take a look.” You stack the papers together and hand them to her.

“Alright, let’s see what you have…” she says, scanning over the words on each page. “Hm… it’s better, but still not… what’s the word I’m looking for…?”

“Realistic?”

“Yes! That’s the one!” she smiles up at you, before tearing the papers in half with her magic. “Do that, but make it more realistic-feeling! Make the reader FEEL the emotion of the moment!”

You look at the ripped pages, and cry on the inside from it. Back to work…

It’s getting dark out now. Everyone will be heading home to sleep soon.

You’re surprised that nobody came to your door today. You usually at least get a visit from your neighbor once in a while. You’ve still never seen his face, no matter what he’s doing; for some reason, fate has decided that you will never get to see what he really looks like outside of mane and eyes.

Hm... maybe you could write a story about him sometime…

“Anonymous?” you hear Twilight’s voice come from behind you. “Are you finished? You’ve been sitting there staring blankly at the ceiling for a while now…”

Just a little more. Then it’ll all be over.

You sit up and look down at your notes. You’ve done plenty of brainstorming on the story itself, why are you having so much trouble finding a good ending for this?

Wait… that’s it! Just do what you always do!

Time to bullshit your way through and hope it works.

You grin, picking up your quill and going to the pages, writing on them furiously as Twilight watches over your shoulder, entranced by it. As time goes on, you begin to go at a slower pace, gathering your ideas for the grand finale and clusterfucking them in there.

“Done.” You hold up the final page after nearly three hours of writing, and grin at Twilight. “Have fun going through THIS one; I’m sure you’ll just LOVE it.”

The edge on your voice leaves her a bit intimidated, but she begins reading.

And reading…

And reading, and reading…

Until finally…

She reaches the point you were waiting for. You hear her make an audible gasp and cover her mouth with her hoof, continuing to read on.

Just keep staring intently at her, Anonymous... Watch as her emotions come falling out.

She continues reading, and you see her eyes widen a few times, before a light blush comes to her cheeks. “Anon, is this…?”

You grin, remaining silent.

“Oh… oh my…” She continues reading on, her eyes getting wider and wider, and her blush getting deeper and deeper…

“Um… Anonymous…”

Now is the time to speak. You stare at her with a wolfish grin. “Yes, Twilight?”

“Did… How… Wha…?” she sets the pages down, completely at a loss for words as she reads the final line of the story.

“Well?”

She looks at the pages, sitting still for a moment, before standing up. “I... I need to go. It’s getting late, Anonymous.” She nods at you, and turns, opening the door and walking out. But oh, she left behind plenty of evidence of her opinion.

“Anonymous, you’ve done it again.”

You grin, sitting back in your chair and staring at the small wet spot on your wooden floor.

Sure, you would have to clean it up later, but it was all worth it.

You are Anonymous.

And you just made the most critical reader in Ponyville read your erotica and get hot from it.

Feels good, man.

Fin~

Author's Note:

Happy 600th thread, AiE. Feeling the LOVE

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