After visting Twilight, Sweetie Bell is almost certain that her destiny is in the field of magic. But, after sneaking out of the house to a Crusaders meeting, Sweetie Bell teleports her and the others into a different dimension! With the help of an old friend and a new one, they embark on an epic journey through dimensions to get home.
Cover art by the very awesome Guardian of Books :3
NOTICE: While I am not continuing this fanfiction. That doesn't mean I'm going to delete it. In the future, I may finish and/or rewrite it. But for now I cancelled it. I'm working on a new fanfiction that is probably going to go on for... a while. So bear with me. :)
Chapters (4)
I'll be honest. The characters are a bit out ooc for my taste. I mean Sweetie getting mouthy at Rarity like that. Rarity calling her own sister that... I can't hear Rarity in my mind saying "what the hay" either. Let alone denying her of any magic use. That would be like Rainbow Dash telling Scoots never to fly....
Everything else though so far was going nice. Your character's just need a little more show accurate personality is all. And your original characters need some work on their personalities as well.
2103996 Okay I'll think about that! Thanks for the criticism! This is my first fanfic after all. You can't expect it to be perfect
2108434 But of course, hun. I understand what being new at something is like.
I'll keep an eye on this to see where you go with it.
I liked your second chapter.
One little thing. It's spelled "Sweetie Belle" and Apple Bloom" hehe.
2109197 Really? Lol I'll fix that
You didn't capitalize "Bloom".
2143771 Forget it.
2152905 > No harm done.
I'm gonna read this later. (going somewhere right now) Looks really good!
:EDIT: Just read it... and I loved it!!! >3< 10, smiley faces for you!
I like where this is going~ keep up the good work! :D
!!! congratulations! you just earned 5 moustaches!
2280053
Thanks :3
I can do cover art :3 Here's my Deviantart
2281128
Cool! I would do it myself but I have my drawing computer banned from me for awhile. So thanks! I watched u on DeviantART btw. my username is Alleg1000. All i need for the cover art is Pinkie Pie looking through a portal at the CMC. The place is a barren wasteland and pinkie is smiling. The CMC however are terrified. Can u do that? I'd appreciate it!
2289092 Can do! I draw some sketches for it right now ^u^
2289150
Fine by me~!
whoa. really good! geez i forgot to favorite this
anyways it was great!
I senses trouble ahead. super cover art to!
I'm ready.. FOR AN ADVENTURE!
I'm not going to try and pick apart the character portrayals an syntax or anything like that, mainly because I think the story concept is far more important. And this concept is a home run; I love it. The 4th wall has been done a lot in a story, but never quite like this. The only other feedback I'd give is to second the OOC comment (the first comment). But you've got the most important part down, and all you have to do is get the small little things and you've got an even better story that you've already got.
2567044
Okay! I'll keep that in mind!
I will be keeping an eye on this. I feel the same as Conker about characterization.
CMC going on an adventure though... I like that!
I feel that you can take a bit more spacing to improve readability though. It's not really detrimental here (since the story doesn't have very long chapters), but reading a block of paragraph can wear us out.
2791326
Alright. Thanks for your comment though!