Arc 1: 3 - Some Fruits
Alright, let’s recap. I had an argument with my former owner, Twilight. I took everything I possessed and went into the Everfree forest. After that, I got attacked by a manticore, found a new species of creature, which I will now call Woody wolves, found a hydra, found an ursa minor, found a dragon, and then I ate some apparently poisonous berries, which wiped out all memories of last night.
Now I was laying on the ground, being surrounded by approximately 30 bunnies, two woodies, and one manticore. Sounds like a typical Wednesday morning. I slowly stood up, not wanting to wake the animals all around me. Wait, I don’t think that I could call a woody-wolf an animal. I think it’s more of a plant. Seriously, how can they even move? Are their joints made out of hinges? Do they need to be oiled? Also, if they are plants, do they feel hate towards herbivores because they eat their fellow plant-folk?
Shaking my head, I cleared it off those depressing thoughts. As I stood up, I heard some rumbling from my right. Yep, one of the woodies woke up. It opened its eyes and looked at me with a dreamy look. After a while, it yawned and stood slowly up. I didn’t move, afraid that one sudden move could motivate the wolf to attack.
It slowly came to me, and when it only was one meter away, it looked me in the eyes. I honestly didn’t know what I should do, or what it planned to do. A short moment later, it suddenly smiled and lunged for me. I couldn’t evade in time, and I took the force of its friendly hug full on. Wait… friendly hug?
Yes, the wolf had put one of its forelegs around my shoulders and patted me on the back. If there ever was any situation in my life where I didn’t know how to react, it was definitely this one. Should I hug it back? Should I just let it continue? This honestly creeped me out. The wolf let out a low grumble, like he tried to calm me. Seriously, what’s up with that?
Not sure how to react, I slowly wrapped my arms around him in an awkward hug. It felt strangely comforting. If I remember correctly, nopony hugged me for over five years. Twilight did it at the beginning, but she stopped after some time. Slowly, I began to feel warm inside.
This wild creature/plant gave me something that I didn’t realize I was missing for the past years. I didn’t even notice that small tears were forming in my eyes, but when I noticed it was already too late. I was full out wailing. Why didn’t Twilight love me? Why did she have to treat me like a slave? Couldn’t she at least show me something that indicated appreciation towards my existence?
She was practically my mother. She looked after me since I was a freshly hatched dragon baby. This was so unfair. Why couldn’t I have lived a normal life? Suddenly, my sorrow and my tears changed into rage and determination. I will show her! I will be my own dragon, and I will learn to live on my own two legs. Then, when I built myself a good life, I will go back to Ponyville, and I will show her that I don’t need her.
The wolf slowly parted our hug, and I felt somewhat relieved. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, and when I opened them, I spoke with the wolf. “Thank you. I needed that.” The wolf answered me by growling at me. Wait, what? Suddenly, it bit after my claw, and I managed to pull it away.
Looking in its face, I saw that it was serious. It just found its next snack. HOW? WHY? How can it change its mood that fast? Hm, maybe it isn’t able to digest depressive prey? Shaking my head, I banished the ridiculous thought. I instantly turned around and bolted for a random direction in the forest. I heard its footsteps behind me as it chased me. Seems like a typical Wednesday.
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Twilight ran as fast as she could towards the green grass hill on the outskirt of Ponyville. She was late. She never was late! There was no possible way she could be late now! She was always so organized, so punctual, so how could it be that she was late now? Suddenly, she stopped in her dash.
“Spike!” That’s what she told herself with an angry voice. He was at fault. If he hadn't have run away, she would be on time now. Oh, he will be in much trouble. Shaking her head, she started off again towards the grassy plane.
After some minutes, she could see it and also her friends atop of it. They were all sitting on their picnic blankets, chatting happily with each other as if Twilight hasn’t just committed one of the most treasonous crimes in ponykind history. Coming too late.
She charged at the picnic and her friends noticed her. All their expressions slowly changed to horror, except for Pinkie Pie, as they saw the rapidly charging unicorn. Before Twilight could impact with the ponies on their picnic and create a black hole through the force, she stopped and looked with a disheveled mane at them.
“Hey there, Twilight!” Pinkie exclaimed with a happy tune. “You’re late!” She chirped with another happy voice as if this was nothing big at all. It was something extremely big. She just came late for the first time in her LIFE. This was a huge deal, and she needed to punish Spike for that. Running into Pinkie’s face, she asked her hastily.
“Where’sSpike?” It sounded more like “were-shike”, but Pinkie’s expression didn’t change.
“Dunno,” she happily answered, and one of Twilight’s eyelids twitched. She instantly charged to the next of her friends, who was Applejack.
“Spike? Where?” There was absolutely no time to lose, and she couldn’t bother with grammatically correct and full sentences. The meaning had to be said as fast as possible to receive an answer as fast as possible.
Applejack only looked at Twilight with some kind of nervous grin and an expression that told something like “Get her off of me.” Twilight’s face came closer to Applejacks in hope to persuade her to answer her question. AJ closed her eyes and sighed once. Putting both of her front hooves on Twilight’s shoulders, she pushed her down.
“Calm down, sugarcube. Now tell me, what do you want to know?” Twilight also took a deep breath and looked down at her hooves. She came too late, so why did her friends look like they didn’t care? Sighing once more, she finally talked normally.
“Sorry that I acted like I was in panic,” she exclaimed while looking at the floor. The friends looked at each other with raised eyebrows. Slowly, Rarity advanced on Twilight.
“Twilight, darling, there is nothing to apologize for. Just tell us what you were so upset about,” Rarity told Twilight with a soft and compassionate voice. All her friends looked at her, wanting to know what happened that she was this panic-stricken. They may be friends, but they were still new to Twilight. It was only three days ago that they used the Elements of Harmony to defeat Nightmare-Moon. Maybe Twilight had some panic problems they didn’t know about?
The lavender unicorn sighed once and looked up to them. “Yesterday, Spike and I had an argument. It got pretty loud and in the end, he took his things and ran away. I haven’t seen him since,” Twilight recited with a calm voice. She didn’t actually seem worried about him, even though he was still underage and ran away for one whole day. Maybe it was because of his mature personality that she wasn’t worried?
The friends looked to each other, not sure what they should think of that. Not one of them was actually really fond of him, except for Pinkie and Fluttershy maybe. Applejack would even go as far as to say that she despised him, because of his sarcastic and deceiving nature. It was a trait she undoubtedly hated since ponies that used sarcasm were mostly businessponies that lived a lying life.
Fluttershy gasped. “Oh my, w-what did you argue about?”
Twilight rolled her eyes, when she thought back to their argument. Those pointless things he told her. With an annoyed voice, she told them about the argument. “Spike made some snarky comment about his spare-time. I was already kind of annoyed by his increasing sarcasm, and told him that he should keep his attitude in check.”
Twilight sighed. “Then he said that I would treat him like a slave.” The ponies gasped.
“He said that to you?” Rainbow Dash grinded her teeth. “Why, that little!”
“I know. It’s ridiculous! I mean yeah, he works around ten hours in my library every day.” Slowly the heads of her friends turned to Twilight. “And yes, he needs to be on standby for the remaining evening.” All her friends raised an eyebrow. “But he gets to live in my house and gets to eat of my food! Also, studying is fun, and he doesn’t need any additional money. His life is ensured just fine here.” She stomped with one of her hooves on the ground to strengthen her exclamation.
She looked at her friends, but their expressions weren’t as she thought they would be. They nervously glanced to each other, thinking about how they could tell Twilight that Spike may have a little right in that matter. “Why are you so quiet?” Twilight asked while glancing through the pile of ponies before her. Slowly, AJ walked forward.
“Twilight, is that true?” She slowly asked with a strange voice that Twilight wasn’t able to discern, and she only lifted both eyebrows. What’s with them?
“Yeah. I mean, where is the problem? Studying is fun,” she exclaimed like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course, it is. Who doesn’t like to study? Rarity slowly walked up to Twilight.
“Twilight, maybe you really enjoy studying, but that doesn’t mean that others enjoy it, too.” Twilight only crooked her eyebrow as if Rarity just suggested that they should all bow down to the mighty spinach lord. Shaking her head, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing, how could she? She was only truly voluntarily conversing with other ponies of her age for three days now. Before this, she hadn’t actually paid attention to other ponies since they were not as enthralling and relevant as her books.
“What are you talking about, who doesn’t enjoy reading a good book about magical theory while sitting beside the fire place?” She asked, and Rainbow Dash facehooved.
“You’re such an egghead, Twilight.” Twilight drew back in a bewildered expression. “Books are booooring Twi. Why would you want to waste your time inside, while you could go outside and perform awesome tricks?” Rainbow flew up and punched the air while Twilight couldn’t believe what she just heard. Somepony not enjoying books? What sorcery is this? She turned her heads to her other friends, who suddenly seemed to show a remarkable interest in the most natural things around them, except Pinkie who simply grinned at her.
Twilight shook her head. That couldn’t be. How could somepony not take joy in reading an enjoyable book once in a while? Looking over to Rarity, whom she thought was the most well-read one in their group, she asked. “Rarity? Is this true? Do you honestly not enjoy reading a book?”
Rarity quickly looked over to Twilight. “Of course I enjoy reading books Twilight.” Twilight sighed in relief. “But I don’t think that I would be able to enjoy reading them all the time,” Rarity added, and Twilight shook her head again. Ponies longed for intelligence. Of course, they would want to increase their knowledge further. Not enjoying books made no sense!
Applejack put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, and she turned around. “Twilight, not everypony enjoys books as much as you do. Everypony likes to read once in a while, but not the entire time.” AJ explained to her with a compassionate voice. Twilight looked at her hooves, not sure what she should think. Okay, maybe not everyone enjoys books, but it couldn’t be that bad what she did to Spike.
Fluttershy slowly walked over to Twilight. “Twilight… did Spike really have to work so much for you?” She asked in a silent voice. Twilight looked back down at the floor. Did he? After a while, she looked up again.
“Well yeah, but it couldn’t be that bad. Like Rarity said, everypony enjoys a book once in a while,” she exclaimed with a worried voice. She wasn’t sure anymore if she was still in the right. Rarity now too, walked over to the gathered ponies.
“Yes, but ten hours each day is just too much.”
Rainbow Dash also flew over to them. “Yeah, I think the little guy may have earned himself some free time. Everypony needs free time.”
Pinkie suddenly gasped. “Do you know what this calls for?” She suddenly threw confetti everywhere. “A Congratulations-On-Finally-Getting-Better-Working-Conditions-Spike-Party!” Four of the ponies only rolled their eyes at Pinkie’s antics, but Twilight had something entirely different on her mind.
“SPIKE!” She shouted, and the ponies around her were a little startled, except for Pinkie… no one startles Pinkie. “I totally forgot that he is missing. Has anypony seen him?” She looked to AJ who just shook her head. She then looked to Rarity who slowly shook her head, just like Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Pinkie simply smiled.
“Nopey dopey.” Twilight shook her head. This couldn’t be. None of her friends saw him?
“If none of you saw him, then where is he?” She asked them with a worried voice. She was convinced that he would have slept overnight at one of her friend’s house, but if he wasn’t there, then where did he sleep this night? He had enough jewels in his bag to pay for a dozen nights in an inn, maybe he was in one? Shaking her head, she looked determined at her friends.
“We need to find him!” Twilight said with a determined tone, but inwards, she was worried about him. Maybe she really mistreated him. Maybe he deserved some compensation for his loyal work. She felt a lump in her stomach. If he honestly didn’t enjoy everything, then his life might not have been as perfect as she thought. She herself couldn’t imagine living 24/7 in a library anymore. With the newfound friendship, this would just be a nightmare.
Her guilt grew bigger and bigger the longer time went on, and she only hoped for one thing.
“I hope Spike is alright.”
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“Hmm… it seems like that annoying Woody finally stopped chasing me. I mean, what was up with that? First it hugs and comforts me, and then it suddenly decides that I should be the future meal for it.” I rolled my eyes at the thought. These Woodies seemed just as random as Pinkie. I slowly came down from the tree I climbed upon and looked around. Everything seemed to be alright. No Woody. No manticore. No hydra. No ursa. No dragon. I seemed to be in the clear.
It was perfectly silent in the forest, and depending on the state of the sun, it seemed to be around midday. Looking down, I saw a little stone laying on the floor. I slowly kicked it and watched how it bounced around. It effectively wasted three seconds of my valuable time. Hmm… what to do?
I was running around and indulging myself in some kind of poisonous berries and I didn’t have a moment of peace. What could I do now? Let’s see… I need to survive somehow, so it would be a good idea to find someplace where I could find food and water easily. Speaking of water, I was pretty thirsty.
I decided to walk into a random direction, since here were nothing but trees and dirt. I needed bushes with berries or trees with apples or something like this. Maybe even a deserted jewel mine? Yes, I bet there was a mine in the most dangerous environment in the whole of Equestria. Realizing that this was probably as realistic as Twilight realizing that she slaved me to revolution, I sighed and started walking.
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I thought that the award of most hurting legs in all of Equestria surely belonged to me by now. I just needed to find the pony who gave out the prices. Maybe I could trade it for some jewels? Oh damn… why did I think of jewels? The word jewels seemed to have woken up my stomach from its slumber in the darkness of my body. Either, it wanted to talk to me about something important, or it just seemed to be grumpy that I haven’t fed it in quite a while.
Feeling my stomach trying to crawl over to my heart to beat it to a pulp, I realized that it probably was the second one. Luckily, my stomach was repressed by the esophagus and the intestine, else it would have succeeded in reaching my heart. Looking up to the sky, I saw that I was already walking for approximately two hours now. Wow, two hours. I never thought I would be this sporty.
I realized that I haven’t been looking on my surroundings for quite a while, and lifted my head up. Trees, dirt and bushes, but there was one difference. Many of them actually had something to eat growing on them. Oh sweet Celestia, this could be my kind of heaven right now. Looking for something that I already knew, I found some wild apples. They weren’t as perfect and round as the apple family apples, but in this current situation, they were the best food I could possibly hope to get.
I climbed on one of the trees with ease and picked one of the apples. I looked it over, but nothing seemed to be wrong. Biting into it, I felt the sour taste running around in my mouth. A pony in Ponyville would probably not even look at this apple with two watermelons on their eyes, especially not bite from it, but for me, this apple was the best apple I ever ate. One day without food, while the last meal were some poisonous berries. No wonder my stomach wanted to literally kill me.
With every bite I took, it seemed like my stomach got calmer and calmer until it put away its hatred for my being. After the apple was eradicated out of this world, I saw another tree on the other side of the…. What could I even call the floor in a forest? There’s no path. There’s no clearing. There’s just dirty forest floor. Well nonetheless, there was a tree with some other stuff to eat.
I climbed down from the apple-tree and walked over to the other one. It seemed to have some kind of strange fruit I never saw before. It looked like it had some little thorns on it, but they didn’t look dangerous. It also looked like it had some green shell around it. Hmm… let’s see if I can open one.
I climbed on the tree, being thankful for my claws, and took one. When I had it, I climbed down again and looked it over. It really seemed kind of hard, but I should be able to open it with my claws. Wait… something smells funny here. Looking around the forest, I didn’t see anything amiss, and I also didn’t feel watched. Shrugging, I laid the fruit down on the floor.
I rubbed my two claws in agitation of the possibly delicious fruit. Fruits that defend themselves are said to taste pretty awesome. I rammed my two claws into the fruit, and they penetrated it without any problem. Smirking, I tore the shell apart and took a deep breath of my next meal. One second later, there was no way to eat the fruit anymore, due to my former stomach contents adorning its appearance.
By Celestia’s beard. I think I never smelled anything more disgusting than this abomination of something that could even be remotely called a fruit. I covered my nose, coughed, and ran as far away as possible. My eyes were tearing from this scent. Something like this could only be created by a rotting piece of digested onion.
Suddenly, I got thrown back. It seemed like my surperior intelligence made me run straight into a tree. Apparently, I ran with such a force against it that I rolled around the floor for a while. The athletic penguin-like form of me made this possible. After some seconds, I stopped. Groaning because I still couldn’t see, I clutched my head and ran it through the ground. I needed to banish that smell off of the sacred and holy land that is called my face.
Several minutes of groaning and rubbing later, I could finally open my eyes again and look around. It seemed like I was in a totally different part of the forest since I couldn’t see any kind of eatable fruit anymore. Huh… I ran farther than I thought. There still didn’t seem to be any kind of wild animal nearby. Seemed like someDRAGON got exceedingly lucky today.
A wild yawn crept on my face, and I felt that my eyes wanted to close themselves. Yeah, I think that’s enough for today. I think I will just sleep here. I was genuinely glad that nothing went wrong today, except for that smelly fruit.
With that last thought, I laid myself down in the comfortable bed of dark blue flowers that helped me in cleaning my face off of the annoying smell earlier. One last yawn and I drifted off to sleep.
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ALL HAIL THE SPINACH LORD !
BOW DOWN BEFORE HIS LEAFY MAJESTY!
(Good chapter, by the way)
Great chapter. So Twilight now realizes she hasn't been treating Spike fairly. Will Twilight find Spike before he get's out of Everfree forest? When and how will Twilight find out that Spike saw and still does see Twilight as his mother?
ALL COWER BEFORE HIS LIMITED NUTRITIONAL VALUE DUE TO HIGH OXALATE CONTENT!
Let me guess poison joke?
And it is about time Twilight has become aware of her falling. I wonder how long it would take her to find Spike? And is Spike going to meet Zecoria? She could help him with his soon to be poison joke problem but also teach him how to survive in the Everfree Forest.
Hmmm I wonder what Poison Joke would do to a dragon I wonder?
And Twilight realizing the error of her ways!? YAY! Although I would have also like to have seen her go completely ape-shit crazy over the fact that not all ponies liked to read all the time and in turn she would then cast a spell on every pony in ponyville to become Book-Loving zombie slaves! Although this speculating is all coming from my insane mind at the moment... I wonder what else is in there?
*reaches into my mind and pulls out this*
i284.photobucket.com/albums/ll27/djwilbanks/leonidasheadcopy.png Leonidas Head: SPARTAAAAAAAAA!
...Well this is new...
Poison joke + Dragon... this can not end well.
BEWARE, POPEYE THE DESTROYER COMETH!
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRD9GU7LQdLoVR3myKw6FAQzVtyGwt8-9UtbibvWrMcXgAwCU07lg >twilights' FW they told her no one likes to read as much as she does
This chapter. The writing just felt disjointed and awkward. The 'revelation' of Twilight was rushed and I can't even find an analogy for how badly ordered the thoughts seemed. She'd been treating Spike like that this entire time, what her 'friends' thought wouldn't change her opinion so fast, but the reason it is changing isn't because she treats him as a pet, a slave and a being less than herself, oh no, it's because her friends think she overworks him just a bit.
Fuck these ponies. They deserve to have Spike leave, become awesome and use his knowledge of pony culture to destroy them all.
2198704 Finally someone with criticism. I waited for something like that.
I try my best to get the awkward riding to... well... not sound awkward. Since I am no english native and german grammar is a little bit different from english, I sometimes put the words in funny orders and not realize that it sounds awkward. This chapter may have been especially awkward due to me being tired + being diversed from the Fimfiction chat.
The thoughts yeah.... I rushed them. No excuse here. I just wanted to get the part of the sidestory over as fast as possible. Maybe next time, I won't write in the chat while writing.... may help on the awkward part.
Thanks for the criticism.
I would give you an internet if I had one to spare.
2198746
Yeah, you'll find that is a big problem with the brony community. They either quietly dislike or they're rabidly in favour of everything that comes out. You say anything bad about the show, the content of the show or the characters and you get attacked. It doesn't lend well to getting good critiques for your writing unless you either actively seek it or someone who doesn't care what others think stumbles across your work.
Honestly, I could see this was written by a non-speaker pretty easily in this chapter. It wasn't as apparent in previous chapters (the only one that stood out to me and has been knocking around in my head since, occasionally making me cringe, being Spikes line about 'the Pony Rights') but while reading this I was wondering if you'd written it in your native language (whatever that was, now I know it's German) and then used Google Translate on it.
It was pretty easy to see how rushed the thoughts were and it really detracted from any revelation Twilight might have gotten from it, no matter how contrived.
I'd suggest trying to find an editor who has experience and has English as a first language. They're not that hard to find, most good writers are happy to either give a look over your story or suggest someone. Hell, just put it in an authors note and someone might volunteer in the comments or a PM.
I love stories that follow this vein of thought, where Spike gets fed up with Twilights bullshit that she showed during the first episode and has shown occasionally throughout, but the execution is really lacking. If you want to get this noticed more and read by more people, you need to clean it up.
Sipke the dragon becomes Spike the pony.....Duh!
Did spike find wild Durian fruit? Gross
AHAHAHA Spike found a Durian!