• Published 9th Feb 2013
  • 5,149 Views, 131 Comments

I'm Getting Underpaid For This - Warmaisach

We all know our beloved dragon, Spike. He is kind, helpful and never complains about unfair working conditions. What if all this were reversed? What if he is a cynical and sarcastic flank-hole? Let's watch him change this.

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Arc 1: 2 - First Day in Everfree

„What should I do?“ Was the question that ran through my mind as I kept looking around between Fluttershy’s cottage and the entrance to the Everfree Forest. This was a decision that I just couldn’t decide like that. Like what I wanted to eat. Oh, that question would probably come up quite some time in the forest.

This seriously needed consideration. It was not too late. I could still live among ponies. They even showed that not everypony thought of me of something lesser. Fluttershy showed it with showing interest in me, and there was still Rarity. If I would leave, I wouldn’t see Rarity anymore. I wouldn’t have any opportunity anymore to see her.

“Oh what should I do?” I asked myself. Then I got an idea. Whenever I didn’t know what to decide, I threw a bit into the air, assigning one side to one possibility. Now the amusing thing is that I don’t promise myself to follow the bit. It often helped me to realize what I truly wanted. When I would throw the bit into the air, and it would land on possibility A, I would either do one of two things.

Either I would say OK and proceed with this, or I would realize that I hoped that it would land on the other side, thus realizing that I wanted the other thing more. Throwing the bit into the air, it landed with the moon-side up, meaning I should stay in the village. Back to the village? Where I was handled like a slave?

After a little consideration, I decided against it. Picking up my bag, which laid at the site while I was thinking, I walked to the forest. This seemed to be the right decision. Well that’s at least what I thought, not that I am omnipresent and omniscient. Or am I? Trying to teleport myself into Canterlot, I realized that I failed and that I probably was not all powerful. Well, it was worth a try.

When I made it to the border of the forest, I looked back one more time. This would be the last time I would see a pony for a long time. It felt kind of strange to leave something I had my whole life. Every day, I met new ponies in the library. Every day, I talked to somepony else. This would all end now, and I would have to continue my new life.

Giving Ponyville one last sigh, I turned around and walked into the forest. Before I crossed the border, I hesitated for some time. This step would be the first step of my new life. But I had to go through with it! I made up my mind! With this motivation running through my head, I took the step, and I didn’t feel different at all. Huh, and here I thought that I would instantly change into some kind of wild dragon-animal.

Speaking of which, I was really interested in seeing other dragons maybe. I never knew where I came from, and this journey might show me my roots. Not only this, but I also could do something against my chubby body. Looking down at myself, I poked at my tummy, which instantly got transformed into waves that went over it. Yep, this would help me.

I didn’t notice how far I already went into the forest, even though I only walked for maybe ten minutes. It looked pretty dark, and I won’t lie, I felt a little uncertain about all this. NO! I made up my mind! I won’t be a slave any longer! I will be my own dragon, and nothing will stop me!

Suddenly, something loud smashed down on the path behind me. Determined turning around, I saw what made this noise. A manticore landed brutally behind me and looked at me with hunger in its eyes. We both stood there for a while, our gazes locked into each other. The manticore was not attacking and not pouncing, and I didn’t look away.

Our focuses did not yield, and we continued looking into each other’s eyes, judging how strong the other one was. I looked fearless. I looked confident, and my mind was also absolutely fearless and brave to that time.

“Oh buck oh buck oh buck oh buck oh buck OH BUCK! How will I get out of this? Manticores are fast and can fly. I can’t fly. It’s over. He will eat me and nopony will ever find me. Will Twilight miss me? Ah forget it. As if she would do that. Did I pee back there when he landed? *sniff sniff* No, I don’t think so. What should I do?” I bravely thought. Yes, I was absolutely calm.

After a while, I realized that the manticore is not attacking me. Why not? It was not like I am some dangerous predator… yet. I took one step to the left. The manticore didn’t move but only continued looking into my eyes. This was a really strange situation. If I used this correctly, I might be able to outrun or outsmart him.

I slowly took another step to the left, but the manticore again failed to show a reaction. What went through its head? Did it have some kind of bad experience with some kind of little dragon before or is it just not used to its prey staring him into the eyes? Whatever it is, I shouldn’t break the eye-contact.

With a gulp that only I could feel and hear, I took one step back. This time, the manticore took one step towards me. His step was three times greater than mine, and it lessened the distance between us considerably. Oh, how I hate my new life already. Instead of taking more steps backwards, I continued walking to the left.

After several steps, he turned a little so I won’t get into his blind-spot. I didn’t stop until I felt a tree to my left side. Feeling it up, I got an idea. Oh, I will bite myself in the flank later for this. Grabbing the tree with both of my claws, I made myself ready. With one deep breath, I started my plan.

I pulled myself behind the tree, and like I anticipated, the manticore roared and instantly swatted at the tree. It punched and slashed around every bush near the tree, but it couldn’t find me. I was covering in the bushes and crawled away slowly. This way, he might not find me. As far as I knew, manticores had great eyes, but their ears and noses were not as strong.

The manticore continued to thrash around and demolished every bush he could find, but I already was too far away. If this continued, he wouldn’t find me. Suddenly, I smashed against a tree. Damn trees, not being where they are supposed to be. What pony planted them even in this ridiculous design?

Rubbing my head, I looked to the front to see what I smashed against. Four thin kinds of trees that went up and met at some kind of tall tree? I raised an eyebrow. What is that? Some kind of walking mutant tree? The four thin trees could be considered legs, and the big thing over them the body. Chuckling a little inwards, I dismissed this thought.

Walking trees, what would walking trees even do? Walk to the sunny spots to photosynthesize better? Crawling around it, I heard some kind of growling. Looking upwards, I saw the head of the “tree”. It had a lot of similarities to a wolf. If I wouldn’t be as well-read as I am, I would probably think that this tree growled.

Or that it just blinked. Or that it looked deep into my eyes. Or that some kind of tree-sap just now came out of its mouth that looked similar to drool. Stop it, Spike! Are you afraid of trees now? I smirked at the tree figure and the figure smirked back. It had a beautiful smile, full with sharp canine teeth if I was allowed to say that.

Remembering that it was possible for certain plants to get nutrients through dead animals, I think I now understood why this thing had these neat teeth and those slender legs. I let out a long “oh” when I realized what they were there for. The “wolf” lowered its head and looked me directly into the eyes. After some time, it started growling.

The manticore suddenly lifted its head out of the bushes when it heard my manly figure screaming like a filly. It looked to me and saw how I ran through the clearing, three of those things following me. Since I need a name for those things, I’ll be calling them woody-wolves from now on. Apparently, these woody-wolves hunted in packs, and I currently had three of them following me. Oh, and a manticore.

I ran as fast as my athletic stature that rivaled the one of a penguin, could carry me, but I don’t know if I could call ten meters far. Heck, if I would write this I wouldn’t even need to write it as a number, that’s how low this was. After around ten meters, I got surrounded by the woodies. There wasn’t truly any way out until the manticore came to us and smashed one wolf to pieces.

The two others instantly turned their attention to the manticore and growled at him fiercely. The manticore answered with some kind of hiss. It looked exactly like the hiss of a housecat, and that is what made me this afraid. Ever saw a house cat hiss? They can look furious, and with the big stature of the manticore this simply looked scary.

Deciding that this was my chance, I instantly ran into one direction. The wolves would have pounced on me, but they didn’t want to risk being the food of the manticore. Wait, do those woodies count as animal or plant? Shaking my head, I banished that thought. There was no time for this right now. I continued running uninterrupted for several seconds.

With a sigh, I stopped and turned around. I was in luck because only two woodies and the manticore were running after me. I simply gulped and started running again. Why were they not fighting each other? Have they formed some kind of alliance to hunt the small baby dragon? What’s with this random-flank forest?

I continued running until I came to some kind of muddy river. It was a swamp, and I instantly knew that this would be difficult to cross. Turning around, I saw the three carnivores running at me. Turning back to the swamp, I couldn’t see a way. Fully in panic, I looked around the surroundings. There had to be something I could do.

Suddenly, my belly began to blow up, and I felt how some kind of whacking fire manifested itself in my body. I had this only three times before. This is known as “growth expulsion”. When the organs, which create the fire in the dragon’s body, grow, they sometimes need to expulse gigantic amounts of fire. I was in incredible luck that this happened now. It could be enough to scare the carnivores away.

Turning around, I took a huge gulp of air and the carnivores seemed to stop. They knew that I was a dragon, and they didn’t want to feel my fire. Taking every bit of air in my lung, I shot a humongous green flame at them. Well, that’s what I wished. Instead, I shot out a small green flame that quickly transformed into a scroll. The animals and I looked to the ground where the scroll unfurled.

Hear ye, hear ye.

Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of unicera.

The princess hereby extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest.

Yours truly,
Upper Crust

Honestly? Now? And again, a piece of writing tried to kill me. DAMN YOU LITERATURE! Looking into the hungry eyes of my future dinner companions, I could practically feel their hunger for me. Suddenly, their eyes went wide, and they had a fearful expression. They started looking over me, and I turned my head to look at what they were looking at.

Apparently, a four headed hydra decided to visit us. It would probably offer me tea and cookies if it wouldn’t have something else on the dinner-plan today. I could practically see my cooked reflection in its eyes. The woodies and the manticore instantly turned tail and ran away, but not without me. I followed them, not wanting to get eaten by the hydra.

The hydra screamed, seeing its meal running away from it and followed us. I grabbed the tail of one of the woodies and swung myself on top of it. It either didn’t mind me being on it, or it didn’t notice, because it didn’t react at all. Looking behind me, I saw how the hydra gained ground on us, breaking every tree in its path with its bulky body.

After a short while, we came to a cave and we continued running into it. After some seconds, we came to a dead end. Fearing for my life, I turned around saw the hydra standing in our way to the outer world. It slowly licked its lips and advanced on us. The manticore and the woodies seemed to be equally afraid of it, which was a lot.

Suddenly, something beside us moved. By the sound it made when it moved its body, it had to be huge. We all, including the hydra, turned our heads to the sound and there we saw it. Some kind of giant blue bear. I knew those bears. They were being called Ursa Minor, a child of an Ursa Major. It and the hydra looked into each others eyes, and nothing moved.

Well nothing, except for me screaming like a little filly while running for the exit. This apparently disturbed the silence and everything began to move. The woodies ran after me. The manticore followed the woodies. The hydra followed the manticore. The Ursa Minor growled and followed the hydra.

This would be pretty funny if I wouldn’t run for my life right now. We ran for a long time, no one gaining ground on anyone until we heard gigantic wings beating. Looking up, I saw a monstrous green dragon flying above us. I would rejoice in happiness to finally see another dragon if I weren’t currently running for my life.

The dragon swooped down and landed in our paths. I stopped, and so did everyone else. Out of its nostrils came fire and its green scales were polished to a degree in which I could see myself in. Sadly, I could only see some kind of cooked meat dish where my reflection should be. Wonder what that was supposed to mean. Well I wouldn’t be staying here to find out.

Instead of running an obvious path again, I simply dove into a bush. The other animals began to run in the different direction, including the Ursa Minor. I watched this safely from my bush. Finally, I could sigh in relief. The chase was over for me. I also noticed how fatigued I was, because I was running way too much for my own good.

My stomach growled in revolution and demanded food and something else. I couldn’t discern the signals for the second demand. As far as I understood, it wanted to read a book. Seems legit. Giving in to the first demand, I grabbed my bag that I took with me from hom- er Twilight’s home. My bag full of jewels. Oh, some delicious jewels after this much exercise would hit the spot right now.

My claw searched for it and searched, and searched. My smile slowly faded, and I looked at the spot where my bag should be. I didn’t see anything. Standing up and looking myself and the surroundings all over again, I still couldn’t find it. I only chuckled. Oh, silly brain. Do you need to scare me now with an illusion? Come on, playtime’s over.

I closed my eyes and opened them again. There still was no bag. Slowly, my breath began to speed up. All of my food that I took with me, gone. All my belongings that I owned, gone. All my means to survive, gone. My fast breathing slowly crept to the border, after which this breathing could be called hyperventilating.

Suddenly, I calmed myself down. Keep your cool, Spike. You knew that you would get to this point eventually. This comes a little soon, but you knew that you couldn’t survive for the rest of your life of some gems. You only need to find another source of food. Wait, what can I even eat? I know that I can eat gems, baked good, and fruits. I also heard that it was possible to eat meat.

I gulped. Meat. One day, I might need to eat meat. The sole thought made a chill run down my spines. I couldn’t imagine eating a once living animal. Shaking my head, I banished the depressing thought since I could deal with it when it was time. Looking around, I saw a lot of different plants and trees.

Sighing, I stood up and began to carefully test what I could eat. I needed to try everything. Looking down, I pulled out some grass and threw it into my mouth. My tongue instantly sent me a taste signal that was this horrible that I could sue my tongue for bodily injury. I think I don’t need to explain that I instantly spat out everything currently in my mouth. Yep, grass would certainly not be one of my main dishes in the near future, or ever for that matter.

Sighing, I walked over to some bush. Some bright red berries where growing from it. Now, I know that brightly colored berries most likely are poisonous, but there are also ones that are not poisonous. I needed to be extremely careful here. If I would eat one wrong thing, I could die. Suddenly, I shook my head violently.

No, that’s the old Spike. I’m the new Spike! The fearless ruler over the forest! With this new won motivation, I did something that I would regret dearly later on. I ate some of the red berries.

“Hmmm, juicy.”


Twilight lay on her haunches in her library. She helped Applejack harvesting some apples today, and everything went well. No incidents. Looking at the clock, she smiled a little.

“Three hours? Wonder how long Spike manages to pull through with his little rebellion. I bet in less than five hours, he will be back and will beg for me to take him in again.” Twilight chuckled to herself, and turned the page of the book she was reading right now. She continued to read in peace for the next half an hour, and when she was finished, she laid the book to the side.

“Spike, could you put that book back into the shelf?” She shouted into the library, but nothing answered. Suddenly, Twilight facehooved. She totally forgot that Spike still rebelled against her. Groaning, she took the book and randomly put it in one of the shelves. “Spike, make me tea.” She shouted, but facehooved again. How could she forget this twice in a row?

With a bad temper, she walked into the kitchen and looked around. Where was the tea again? Opening every drawer, she couldn’t find it. After a while, she had searched through the whole kitchen, but there was no tea. Sighing angrily, she sat down.

“The tea has to be somewhere. Spike told me that we still had a gargantuan amount of tea left and that I should definitely not even think about buying new one.” Suddenly, it made click in her head. With all her power combined, Twilight was able to stop her hoof from potentially endangering the look of her face. The hoof wanted to go to her face that badly.

Of course, they don’t have any tea anymore. This was just Spikes way of telling it to her. She let out a frustrated grunt. Sometimes his manner of speaking just infuriated her. She knew how he spoke, but sometimes it was just too hard to discern if he meant something seriously or in a joke. Why did he even talk like this? It can’t be fun.

Deciding that getting tea now would be too much work, Twilight went back to her library and sat down. She nearly wanted to shout for Spike to get her a book about sarcasm, but this time she remembered that he wasn’t here anymore. With a sigh, she used her magic to levitate every book of the library in front of her, searching for a book about conversation.

Three hours later, it was already getting dark outside. Twilight just finished her book about different kinds of conversations, when she looked around the library. It was a total mess. Books were sprawled over every part of the floor, and it was hard to see the material of which the floor was made off. Not bothering to call for Spike, Twilight simply levitated every book back into the shelves, totally neglecting any kind of organization.

Deciding that Spike should clean this mess up when he returned sometime in the night, she yawned and went up to bed. He probably was sleeping at Fluttershy’s. Slumping into her bed, she thought about Spike for a long time. Was he right? Was she overworking Spike? Did he deserve some kind of payment outside of shelter and food? Twilight chuckled and simply shook her head.

“Nah.” But she wasn’t able to suppress the worry that slowly crept up on her. What if Spike decided to not come back? Frowning with worry, she put more of her sheets over herself. With one last thought, she wished Spike a good night. Some time later, she drifted off to sleep.


Twilight let out a long yawn. She slept good and without interruptions. She slowly stretched her whole body and heard a few cracks. It always felt lovely when the lime around some joints breaks and the joint can move freely again. If one does not use a certain joint enough, lime builds around it. When the joint after a while gets moved again, the lime explodes outwards and the joint can be moved without problem again.

She loved that feeling. After stretching herself to her hearts content, she stood up and groggily walked to her bathroom. It was the same daily routine ever since she lived alone in Canterlot. Standing up, going to toilet, brushing the teeth, showering, combing her mane, looking if everything was alright, and going out of the bathroom. The same thing every morning and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

An organized routine was important for daily life. That’s at least what Twilight always told herself. Her life was organized, and she wouldn’t change it. As she slowly walked down the stairs, her sleepy expression slowly changed to a frown, when she saw the books being fully unorganized in the shelves. SOMEPONY had some work cut out for HIM.

With a bad temper, she walked into the kitchen and levitated the pot of coffee to her. Levitating a cup and some milk to her as well, she put the coffee into the cup and put some milk into it. After stirring her coffee for a while, she put it to her mouth and drank it. Her eyes instantly widened, and she spat the coffee out.

“Spike! Why does the coffee taste like it’s from yesterday?!” She shouted while being furious. There was no answer. Twilight only groaned at this and walked up to her bedroom, fury showing on her face. She kicked the door open and walked to Spike’s basket. “Spike! Why are you still-“ She stopped talking when she saw that the basket was empty and untouched. Spike never came home last night.

Slowly Twilight realized that Spike truly was away. She really had to praise his stubbornness and his endurance. She would talk to him later, when she would meet her friends at the picnic. He surely stayed overnight at one of her friend’s home. Oh, she will give him a scolding he would never forget in his entire life.

Walking down, she saw the mess in the library again. Instead of getting even more furious, she just decided to resheve the library herself. Using her magic, she levitated every book to her and read their titles. Seeing the title of the first book, she put it to its appropriate place. Slowly a smirk came to her face.

“See? It isn’t that hard.” She told herself after remembering that this was one of the reasons why Spike ran away.

Two hours later, Twilight was finally finished. She had to work for the past 20 minutes with her hooves. Even if, she was the most magically gifted unicorn in all of Equestria, she still couldn’t possibly hold up all these books for constant two hours. Using one fore-leg, she wiped the sweat from her forehead.

“Phew, finally finished. This was more work than I imagined, but I’ve done it. Now, what time is it?” Looking at the clock, she nearly got a heart attack. Five minutes until the picnic with her friends begins. With a little amount of panic, she quickly put her whole fridge and a towel into a basket and ran out of the library.


“What happened?” I asked myself as I rub my aching head with one of my claws. “Ow, man my head. It feels like Canterlot crashed down on it.” Readjusting my position, I moved my left claw a little further to the left, feeling something soft. Touching the soft fluffy thing, I experimented further with it. What was this? It felt like fur, but there shouldn’t be any fur here in the Everfree Forest.

Suddenly, I realized that I couldn’t remember a damn thing about last night. Let me think, the last thing I can remember are the red berries. Instantly, my face got attacked by my right palm. Of course, the berries. Why did I even eat them? Well, at least I’m alive, but what is this fluffy thing beside me?

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I apparently was in a little clearing, in the Everfree Forest. It would look perfectly normal if there were not at least 30 bunnies laying all around me. Watching them closer, I saw that they all were alive, but sleeping. The interesting thing is that most of them slept in a strange position, showing their bellies to the sky.

Continuing to look around, I nearly had a heart attack, when I saw one of those woody-wolves sprawled on the floor, also belly up. Beside it was a manticore, its wings wrapped protectively around another woody, which has many bunnies on top of it. While one of my eyelids twitched, I only had one question.

“What happened?”

Author's Note:

Woody-Wolves > Timberwolves