1000 years have passed since six legendary element users have mysteriously dissappeared and the murders of Celestia, Luna and Cadence. Equestria has been taken over by a mysterious black alicorn. A group of abandoned ponies take refuge at the castle of two sisters. A few weeks have past since they all made it there, they make a legendary discovery. Join Mossshadow Dash as he uncovers a legendary discovery and rebel againest the mysterious black alicorn who rules over all of Equeatria.
Note: if you want to be in this please type a discription of your pony (please no alicorns) in the comments and I will see what i can do.
Chapters (2)
I skimmed one paragraph and I was disappointed. The description initially hooked me, but I was severely disheartened by the results. Please, expand on detail gratuitously. I would recommend omitting the very beginning and just starting with the introduction of your character.
Skyrim....Kinda sucks.
2096768
Ok i will try to make the story a little better when I edit. This story isn't finished yet. Thank you for making a surggestion
2097109
Ok. If you don't like skyrim thats fine by me. If you have a suggestion on the pub's name I will be happy to change it. You see i'm bad at naming stuff. It's just hard for me.
2098651 Thank you kindly. I think this could be a great story, it just needs a strong execution.
I have one suggestion and that is the letter from celestia you could of put it in italics and separate from the main text also (I know it I did say one suggestion) you could of done the thoughts of the main character differently from the speaking E.g instead of single quotation marks do double. other than it was quite good i was going to say to give more description to places and characters (hint, hint) but I did say i had only one suggestion so i didn't
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>>Mossshadow Dash
suggestion you mean.
2115945 Why thank you. I might consider putting the letter in italics. WORK ON YOU PUNCTUATION!!!!! I can't understand with your current level of puntuation.
2116180
fixed