A Promise Made
“Twilight Sparkle, this is NOT what I meant,” Echo whispered in a hurried tone as they walked to the town hall, “when I said that I could be a mother. I meant physically. Not the figurative 'I want to be a mother', but the literal 'I am physically capable of bearing children'. This is not something I'm sure about!”
“Well, Scootaloo needs a home, and she obviously trusts you more than anypony. As the Princess' personal student, I have a few perks that I can call upon if I am so inclined,” Twilight said with a smug expression.
Echo winced at the thought of Scootaloo being alone. Plus, she did like that little filly an awful lot, and the sentiment seemed to be mutual. No, this is insane, I can't be someone's mother! I don't know the first thing about raising children, let alone a pony's foal! “Twilight,” She whined, “I really don't think this is a good idea.”
“Do you want to be a part of Pony society or not?” Twilight stared at Echo. “Silence is as good as affirmation. This is the perfect way to get you integrated fully. How better to learn about our culture than to watch and help a filly grow up in it?”
Echo hated to admit it, but Twilight did have a point. Also, the more Echo thought about it, the more she found the idea of having a daughter appealing. A stupid grin crawled over her face while she daydreamed. She would have a child who looked up to her. Somepony to care for, to teach. Somepony who looked to her for guidance during tough times. She would work to put food on the table for both of them, she would take Scootaloo to school each morning and pick her up each afternoon. Her daughter would come home and – Home? What home?
“Twilight? There isn't enough room for two in the little apartment Rarity gave me.”
The Element of Magic hummed in agreement, “Princess' personal student, remember? I'm going to pull a few strings for you. In fact, why don't you go get Scootaloo and tell her the great news. You'll have to bring her back here anyway so that the judge can make sure she wants to do this. Be back here at 4, okay?”
Echo started to protest, but Twilight was gone before she could finish a sentence. Okay then. I'm glad we got that settled, Ms. Sparkle. Turning, Echo started to walk toward the schoolhouse. This should be interesting.
Echo arrived at the schoolhouse after about five minutes of walking. Five minutes of drumming her hooves against the ground, thinking about every option she had. Five minutes to think about a decision that would change her life and the life of a young pegasus forever. Five minutes to realize that she genuinely loved that little filly. If you had told me a month ago that I would be adopting a pegasus filly today, I might have killed you. She thought, kicking at the dirt while she waited for school to let out.
The bell rang suddenly, startling Echo and causing her disguise to flicker briefly as she jumped in her spot. Immediately, fillies and colts poured out of the small building, separating out in all different directions. Echo's eyes searched, and her keen vision picked up on a purple lock of hair amidst the crowd. Immediately, her mood lifted. “Scoot-Scootaloo,” she chimed.
The little pegasus whipped her head around to meet Echo's gaze, “Candie!” In a full gallop, Scootaloo jumped up to meet Echo, who reared up on her haunches to hug the young filly. “What are you doing here?” she asked, confused.
“Well, why don't you come with me? We can grab some ice cream.”
Scootaloo beamed, “Sure, that sounds great!” At that, the two trotted off in the general direction of the town hall. A few minutes later, the filly chimed in again, “So, Candie... what's it like being... you know?”
Echo nodded as she took a moment to collect her thoughts. “It's a lot different than the way you're growing up, I can promise you that, but I can't answer that question any better than you could explain to me what it's like to be a pegasus.”
“Except you know what it's like to be a pegasus, don't you?” She's a sharp one.
“Well... yes, I suppose. Except I'm not actually a pegasus, and I always know that. I know what I am even when I don't look like it.” Echo was being very careful to avoid use of the word “changeling”, since pony society as a whole was still on high alert.
“I never thought of that.” Scoot said. Her face distorted, and she opened her mouth as though she had a question she wanted to ask, but she quickly closed it, apparently deciding better.
“What is it, Scoot? You can ask whatever you want.”
Scootaloo looked at Echo through the corner of her eye. “It's just … you were so brave back in the forest. I don't know if I could ever be that brave.”
Echo saw the glimmer of a tear slide down the pegasus' cheek, though it was quickly wiped away. “Scootaloo, bravery doesn't come to us on demand. Bravery is something that is demonstrated when it has to be. It comes to us when we need it the most. You were very brave in the forest. You were able to listen to what I said and think clearly even though we were in great danger,” Echo turned and stooped down to meet Scootaloo, “so don't think for a moment that you can't be brave.” The two came to a stop just outside of the ice cream shop.
Scootaloo began to cry again. Through the tears, she sputtered, “... but how can I be as brave as you? You fought off three timber wolves to protect me. I want to be that brave. I want to be like you!”
“Scootaloo,” Echo tried to be as soothing as possible, “You can't be like me. We aren't the same, and that's a good thing. You get to be your own pony. You'll find your own ways to be brave, and someday you will have something or somepony that you'll be just as ready to protect. When you need the power, it will come to you,” she hugged the young pony close, “now let's go get that ice cream, huh?” she made a motion with her hoof, and opened the door to let Scootaloo walk inside.
Scootaloo asked for a chocolate milkshake, and Echo chose strawberry. They sat at the table and talked about everything Scootaloo had done that day. They talked about her friends, and about learning fractions. They discussed the process through which clouds were made, and pontificated on the nature of their universe. The application of mathematics in science was something that Scootaloo was having great difficulty with, but she said that she found it fascinating. After a while, Echo felt like she had made Scootaloo comfortable enough to start asking some more difficult questions.
“So, Scoot,” she began, “why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself? I don't really know much about where you came from.”
Scootaloo's smile evaporated. “I don't like to talk about that.”
Echo nodded lightly. “I understand, and you don't have to. I just want to know more about you.”
“Why,” Scootaloo demanded, “why do you want to know more about me? Do you want to know so that you have some dirt to give to someone? Do you want to try to rescue me and take me back home?” The filly became more agitated, “Why are you so interested in my past, Candie? I don't know anything about you, either, but I don't ask. I don't need to know.”
Echo sighed, “If I tell you a little about how I grew up, would you consider telling me your story too?” Scootaloo's expression softened just a little, and the filly nodded. Echo glanced around. Seeing that they were alone, she continued, “Okay. Where to start? A changeling infant can hear, think, and move while still in the egg. This ensures that when a changeling hatches, they can walk and talk. I can remember everything from moments after I was born...”
The changeling infant looked around the room, surveying her surroundings. The walls had veins of a pulsing, green fluid running through them. The fluid was luminescent, and bathed the entire room in a soft green glow. Looking behind herself, she saw the gelatinous remnants of her egg. Around it were about a dozen other such remnants. She surmised that she must have been the last to hatch. She heard two familiar voices coming toward the room where she was. Eagerly, she stared at the enormous black door at the end of the room, hearing hoofsteps growing closer. The door opened with an organic squelching noise, and a changeling drone walked in. The infant's eyes met the drone's.
“Father?” she squeaked her first word.
“Maybe. Probably not.” The drone said emotionlessly. Turning around, he called out the door, “my queen, the last one has hatched. She is a mutant.”
“A mutant?” Came a regal voice from the doorway. A changeling more than double the size of the drone entered the room, towering above the infant changeling. The latter instinctively dropped low to the ground and averted her eyes. “Look at me, child,” the voice called soothingly. Looking up, her compound eyes met the eyes of her Queen. “Intriguing,” the changeling queen's eyes looked deeply into the infant's red right eye, “this is a rare mutation. Cluster!” she called.
“Your highness?” the drone appeared next to her, standing at attention.
“This one is special. I want you to get her situated in advanced tactics training immediately. I think she will make a fine addition to our military force.” The queen turned and started to walk out of the room. Stopping at the door, she added, “oh, by the way, her name is now 'Echo'. It suits her, don't you think? Very … changeling.” At that, the queen left.
“You were named by the queen?” Scootaloo squealed, “Does that mean she's your mother?”
“No, Scoot. I never got to meet my parents. At least, not that I know of. I probably met them in passing, but I never knew. That kind of thing just wasn't important where I grew up.”
“Wow. You never knew your parents, huh? That means that the queen might be your mom, and you don't even know it! Maybe you're a princess! Why else would she have wanted you to take that training as a filly?”
Echo stopped. That's actually a good question. The queen almost never oversees births, and I've never heard of her naming an infant. I wonder if … no, it doesn't matter. “I guess it might be possible, Scootaloo, but changeling society just doesn't work that way. I am what I am, and nothing can change that.”
“Don't you want to know, though?” Scootaloo was pleading with her eyes.
“Yes, I suppose I do,” Echo admitted, “but it's in my past, and it doesn't matter now. There are more important things to me than who my mother is,” Echo poked Scoot's nose with her hoof, “now, I believe you owe me a back story, young lady.” She chided.
“Yeah, about that,” Scootaloo held a hoof up to the side of her head and averted her gaze, “I can't actually tell you my story. I don't really remember much. All I remember is feeling really cold, and really lonely. Sorry.”
Echo felt a small twinge of anger, but it quickly subsided. “Scoot, if you wanted to know my story, all you had to do was ask. You don't have to make up stories to learn about me.”
Scootaloo nodded. “Candie, why are you so nice to me?”
“Well,” Echo replied, “You're smart, you're cute, and you've got a real thirst for adventure. Those are three ways to get yourself in a lot of trouble. I just want to help.”
“I wasn't lying, you know. When I said that I loved you for saving me.”
“I know, Scootaloo.” The clock tower outside chimed, and Echo counted the rings. One, two, three, four. It's four o'clock! It's time to meet with Twilight. She swallowed the lump in her throat and croaked, “Hey, bird-brain. I've got a surprise for you.”
“What is it?” Scootaloo chirped excitedly.
“Just come with me.” Echo stood up and opened the door for Scootaloo. The filly stepped outside, and together they started to walk toward the town hall. They laughed together as they each sipped the last bits of their milkshakes. Together, walking in the bright midday sun, they called each other names and told exaggerated stories of their exploits over the years. Echo became the high-general of the changeling military, and Scootaloo maintained a 20 minute unpowered flight using only the power of Pinkie Pie's party cannon. Ahead, the town hall came into view. The courtyard was dolled up with tents and refreshments, candles and other decorations were everywhere. Ponies were strewn about the area, all chatting loudly and laughing joyfully. From the terraces of the hall, there were two enormous banners. One said “Congratulations Candie” and the other, directly below the first, said “and Scootaloo!”
“Candie? What is this?” Scootaloo asked, sounding extremely confused.
“I have no idea.” Echo looked around. The two walked through the party and up to the steps of the hall. At the pinnacle stood Twilight Sparkle. Next to her was a stallion in a flowing black gown. Echo recognized that as the judge.
“Are we ready?” the judge asked.
“Candie, tell me what's happening.” Scootaloo was visibly concerned.
“Well, Scootaloo...” The crowd fell silent as she paused before kneeling down to the pegasus' eye level. “I've been thinking a lot about you over the past few days, and I made a decision. I want to adopt you. Would you be okay with that?”
Scootaloo's mouth dropped open, her eyes were wide. She tried to cough out a few words, but ultimately said nothing. Her eyes began to water, and she shut them quickly and turned her head.
After a long moment, neither changeling nor filly had said a word. The awkwardness was too much to bear. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked, I went about this all wrong. I'll leave you alone, Scootaloo,” she turned to walk away, complete silence in her wake.
“Candie,” That sweet little voice rang through the silence like a bell in the cold morning air. Echo turned back around, tears streaming down her own cheeks, “don't go.” Echo picked Scootaloo up with her magic and held her close. They didn't say another word; no more were needed.
Somepony in the crowd started to stomp his hooves, then another two joined in, and another four, and so on until the entire ground shook with the force of Ponyville's collective celebration.
Through the roar, the judge walked up next to Echo. “Miss Candlelight,” he said gently, “I hate to interrupt, but if you could sign this, I can officially declare young Scootaloo your adopted daughter.”
Echo looked at Scootaloo for reassurance. The latter smiled and hugged Echo around the neck, which she took as confirmation that this was, in fact, something the pegasus wanted to do. She reached out with her magic and took the quill from the judge. With a quick wave and a scratch, she signed the parchment.
“It's settled, then,” the judge said. He turned to the crowd, “everypony, let's give another hoof to Miss Candlelight and her daughter, Scootaloo!” The crowd erupted again, whistles and cheers mixed in with the roar of hooves pounding on the ground.
As the applause waned, Pinkie pie jumped out of the crowd and landed a few yards from Echo and Scootaloo. At the same time, Surprise fell from a cloud above them, landing with a soft thud next to Pinkie. The two shared a knowing glance, nodded, and turned back to the guests of honor. In unison, they shouted, “Let's get this party started!” A team of pegasi flew over the courtyard, busting all the clouds as they went by. Each cloud released a load of confetti as it was dispersed, and the music started up.
The rumbles of the bass mixed in with the applause from the crowd as the happy family shared a tear-filled hug. “Scootaloo, I'm never going to let you go. Do you understand that?” Echo stated with great firmness, “Never.”
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First. Also great chapter
2112744 Damn you.
Ummm...Third?
2112746
sorry mate jsut a few seconds too slow
Wonderful, if a little fast. It seems a tiny bit out of character for Twilight to throw that title around, but you've done well with it.
Small time issue. In this chapter the incident with the wolfs was a day back, but last chapter you made a month pass.
But great story anyway.
Only thing to point out, I thought the incident with the Wolves occurred well beyond this time, mostly due to a time skip of months you'd mentioned... last chapter I believe.
Yet that implies it just happened.
From the previous chapter.
So, not sure what's going on. However, it is a good story, this just stuck out like a sore thumb.
2112777 Yeah, but for the good of a foal, I figured she'd be willing.
Thanks for reading!
Your timeline is either confusing, or confused.
Last chapter:
"As the months passed, Echo and Scootaloo found themselves spending more and more time together."
Kinda huge for a timeskip. No character/plot progression? I think it's unlikely that nothing significant happened.
I could've sworn that this piece here was worded differently:
“I may have saved Scootaloo from a few timber wolves a couple months ago.”
But I might be wrong. Thought it was "a while" instead of "a couple months". That would imply that the timberwolf attack happened recently. Anyway, probably a derp on my part.
However, then there's this:
“It's just … you were so brave in the forest yesterday. I don't know if I could ever be that brave.”
Yesterday?
Get a pencil and some paper and draw yourself a rough timeline or something
e: Also, yeah. The whole adoption thing was sudden, could use some more build up, a chapter or two where Echo struggles with and explores the idea. Mind you, I don't mean that it was unexpected - and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just sudden, and occurs too quickly.
The timeline has officially been messed up.
Other than that, this was great. Adorable, so much fluff!
Now it's going to be even worse when Murphy decides to rear his ugly head and send everything to Heck.
There better be a happy ending!
Oh well, if there isn't, this is still a great story.
2112795 Thank you for catching that!
That's a relic of a previous incarnation of this chapter. Thanks for the eyes.
Wow, three updates in one day?
2112802 Fixed it now. Thanks.
That was a relic from a previous incarnation of the chapter. Sorry.
2112801 Several people have pointed that out, thanks for catching it.
It's a remnant of my initial write-up for this chapter, and the fact that it was left in was just an editing oversight. It should be fixed now.
Thanks.
2112790 Yep. Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed it now.
Hahaha, holy cow.
We're all timelords here, making sure the timelines are neat and all.
2112828 I'm going to take your fob watch, then, and you'll never see it again.
I may or may not be a Dalek in disguise.
3 updates in one day!?
What the hell have you been smoking?
Also, wanna try and set a personal record of 4? ;3
2112801 Regarding your edit.
Yeah, I felt like it was a bit rushed too, to be honest. This isn't my favorite chapter of the story. I wanted to draw it out a little, but I couldn't think of enough material to stretch that into several chapters without it being pure filler. I wanted to get to the meat of it, and since this is fanfiction, I gave myself a little leeway to run forward.
I appreciate your point though, and I agree. Hopefully, these little errors and oversights don't detract from your ability to enjoy it too much.
2112849
Nice try. Probably not.
Probably not.
I was worried at chapter two due to the sudden friendship, but you've got me back. I thought you would have her change her ways because of 'friendship', but I can see that it will be motherly love. You're cool. Keep it up.
I find it very interesting to see a story that has been done or theorized TOO MANY TIMES and done badly too, done very well in an emotionally fulfilling manner, Congratulations for pulling it off!
And how have you been able to do so many updates!!! You are spoiling me the reader !!!
General rule of thumb: you write the number as a word when it's 10 or less. Numbers are more jarring to see, especially when reading novels, so even then, most recommend writing numbers under twenty. The whole '5 minutes' thing repeated over and over was... Yeah, needs fixed. :3
Awesome
Not good at these but here
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/31983043.jpg
...
This'll get really awkward if the real Candlelight finds out.
"I did what?!"
Dang, it was almost like Twilight had the idea and plan to adopt Scootaloo to someone but was just waiting for a parent aka victim it seems
.
So, we can has 4th update today?
Just kidding, although, as much as I prefer quality over quantity, three updated in one day is amazing! You've certainly earned yourself another watcher! Keep up the good work.
2112775 You know what they say, "First is the worst; second is the best."
2110736 Changelings = pony bugs = bugs
*continues spraying*
update just as I'm about to go to bed... Gods damit! I haven't slept properly for two days now and then this happens!
...oh and this is a good story (keep up the good work!)
Wait wait wait, nevermind we're good
CUUUUUTE! BUT I WANT SCOOTS PAST! NOW!
>>>“Maybe. Probably not.” The drone said emotionlessly. Turning around, he called out the door, “my queen, the last one has hatched. She is a mutant.”>>>
"Excellent!" exclaimed Chrysalis. "Tell Charles we have another student for his school!"
(X-Men theme song plays)
2113016 You think this is... wow...
I'd really hate to read the stories you read previous to this. They must have been below even "Twilight"-level awful.
2113676 Trust me... this has been done before and t's been discussed/theorized hundreds of times... the ones I've read were not done horribly, I mean the ones I've read had the right... well... place... but they screwed up execution + characterization.
... Man the Changeling fic spree has been so well... big that I've jumped onto it.
2113193
Too bad you got jelous otherwise that point would have been valid. Also you just lost The Game
2112853 The adoption is completely unrealistic. No background check? Not even confirmation of identity? This Candlelight has NO PAPERWORK. No history. No steady income. No permanent residence. With a little digging, they would find the name in Canterlot... and then the REAL Candlelight... and then shit would hit the fan.
For Twilight of all ponies not to realize this is simply unbelievable. Indeed, I would expect Rainbow Dash to be the one to suggest this, Echo to consider it, and Twilight to freak out because of the risk... and the risk to herself if the Princesses find out she's been covering up a changeling presence in Ponyville!
Then, if Echo goes through with it, there are any number of complications that could arise: as mention, the real Candlelight being found by a routine background check, OR Candlelight visits a relative in Ponyville and finds Echo impersonating her OR finding out she suddenly has an adopted daughter when Echo scrambles to hide or changes into a random pony (Bon-Bon or Colgate... then humor when nopony notices since so many ponies look like those two in crowds in the show).
Or, a dramatic route could be followed of Echo deciding not to at first, with a slow build up of her wanting to help Scoots but being unsure how in her tenuous position. Remember, always in her mind must be the fear of discovery by the Guards and Princesses. She's been unusually careless these last couple chapters. Not at all what I'd expect from a supposedly trained member of the Changeling military.
There is so much dramatic/humorous/interpersonal conflict/internal conflict material here... and it's all just ignored for a quick 'dawww' moment.
If any chapter needs rewriting and enormous expansion on the topics involved, it's this one.
Single expression for this new chapter is....
2113684 I have read quite a few fics that butchered execution. (ha ha! Get it? Word play!)
2113717 I don't play.
2113731 LOL. I get it.
2113732
Everyone is playing
2113721
While normally this would be true, in this case I'd be willing to write it off as background work by Twilight. With her OCD nature she could easily take care of these issues before they become a problem.
I DO have a few issues with the execution of the last few chapters though. This had a TON of potential for growth for both Scootaloo and Echo, but it was all skipped with "They got closer as months passed". By skipping those months we miss the chance to get to know Echo and Scootaloo. Also, there's a lot here that's just too convenient to believe. Specificly those conversations between Scootaloo and Echo. Talks like that happen for a reason, something triggers them. People don't just start having existential quandaries out of nowhere.
2113904 *Alondro has a sudden existential quandry* If Swedish Fish were actually made of fish, would I still love them?
2113721
I'm hoping that as the chapters continue to unfold, you'll see the point to all this, because here's the thing...
You're almost entirely correct.
It obviously doesn't play out to the reader the way I intended, which is my fault, and I apologize for that. Again, I'd like to make it clear that I take this all from a document on my computer, and I divide the chapters up on whims as I upload them. I'm not a professional, writer, I'm a hobbyist, and this entire fic has been put onto the page stream-of-consciousness. I've gone back for casual edits and clarity edits, but nothing beyond that. What you're reading here is effectively a lightly polished rough draft.
All that is not to excuse its inconsistencies, but instead to just let you know that I hope you're able to enjoy the story despite its (numerous) flaws. I've written many serious projects in the past for different sites and subjects, but with this MLP fic, I've been letting myself have a little fun. It's kind of the equivalent of junk food for me, as a writer. I put this out on FiMFiction never expecting it to become popular in any sense of the word. If I had known it would be this popular, I would have spent more time cleaning out these chapters.
Thanks for your critique, though. It's appreciated, and I agree with it. To be completely honest, I'm still amazed people enjoy reading my work at all, and it's flattering that this has become so popular.
2113016 Because the story is almost completely written at this point. I copy it from my master document into FiMFiction.
This also has the advantage of keeping it 100% private until I want to release it.
I have one word for this chapter: beautiful. It covers everything I think about it.
I like this oc i didn't really read much on changling oc and not many seem to have one but this is an interesting one and i hope to see this story keep going
D'awwwwwwwwwww