• Published 8th May 2013
  • 3,792 Views, 207 Comments

Total Eclipse of the Sun - Sarikano

Taking a vacation to visit a friend on his 25th birthday, Alex Mercier will find his life altered forever as his body start to change. Side story to Five Score Divided by Four

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10 : Cake and headaches

Author's Note:

A Note from your friendly american Buckshot2825:
WARNING, commas may or may not be in stock
So yeah, he writes in past tense, i write in present tense, big shock that i’m having trouble with this (i assume you found errors)
He’s also half canadian and a big teddy bear feel free to comment any mistakes you find, also if you’d love to help him, and me, and don't mind broken english, volunteer your services and i’ll personally give you an internet hug.

A note from your friendly Quebecer Sarikano
Any I not properly in upper case is Bucky fault.

Total Eclipse of the Sun
Chapter 10 : Cake and headaches

May 4rd
“No, I don't. I'll let you figure it out, as well as find them on your own. I have something I need to do,” Luna told me in a cold demeanor before turning her back to me and walking away.

Oh, come on! I’ll admit it was stupid on my part to laugh out loud considering the situation, but she doesn’t need to be so callous. I’m only asking for painkillers! Forget it! I’m in no condition to deal with her AND my growing headache. I’ll find the aspirin myself, then deal with her afterwards. But first, I need to make it clear we aren’t done talking yet.

"Fine, but I need to speak with you over breakfast if possible," I told her, trying to sound as stern as possible.

She paused briefly, only to dismiss me, waving me off using her right front hoof. In light of earlier revelations, it seem we have a lot of work to do on our relationship. Later.

I took a step forward, only for my face to meet the ground. Oh right, I forgot. I’m a quadruped now, meaning that I have four appendage to control. On the bright side, Luna wasn’t there to witness my fall, or she would be the one laughing now while accompanying me on the floor.

I carefully got back on my hooves, taking care to distribute my weight more evenly along my now four appendages. It’s weird how quickly I found the proper balance considering the novelty of the position. It’s almost like I used to be a pony before. Oh right, I did. While I can’t refute the truth of my situation due to hearing Helios’ voice most of my life, I can’t help but find the whole thing completely crazy.

Hopefully it means I’ve recovered my old muscle memory when i changed into this body, because i have better things to be doing than learning to walk again. Actually, considering how easily Luna was moving about earlier, I surmise it must be the case.

I carefully took a few steps, one hoof at a time, before my face met the floor again. That was a major improvement from not moving at all at least. The weirdest part was actually walking on what used to be hands not so long ago. If I am to get used to this newish body, I’ll need to break that association and think of them as nothing more than another pair of legs. Break the association I made while human...

I got back on my hooves once again and decided to try something. If I did have the muscle memory corresponding to my pony body, that mean I should focus more on where I want to go then the how to walk. My body will do the rest of the job for me. Thus, I focused on getting to hallway. And before I knew it, I was successfully out of Luna’s bedroom! It worked perfectly!

Not to be satisfied by only a small success, I start to move toward the living room. Despite my head still hurting as Tartarus, I felt the irrational need to check on how Luna was doing after our earlier dispute. Fearing that she would just vanish. Oh please, don’t let me be an overprotective sister! Considering Luna’s independent personality, this wouldn’t go very well at all!

A quick glance in the living room revealed a rather busy Luna working her magic with her computer. She looked so funny sitting in her chair like a cat. I would laugh at the strange sight if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t want to compound my headache with more lunar trouble. At least, she seem to have calmed down already. This will make talking to her easier... Hopefully.

I really need that painkiller though, so I left Luna to her own devices and set off toward the nearby bathroom. As I entered, I started looking around for any pills I could use in the pharmacy. It proved to be much more arduous than I first thought. The place was a complete mess! You have a toothbrush, cologne and deodorant all on the same shelf. There’s a comb and an electric shaver that I doubt will be of any use to her anymore. Mixed in with those objects, is a variety of medicine. That one is syrup for the cold, ibuprofen, Vix cream… Oh finally, aspirin!

I levitated the phial to me, only to notice that it was childproof. Great, how am I supposed to open it now that I only have hooves? Maybe I could apply some pressure on the lid with my magic? Eh… Why is that toothbrush floating and glowing golden? And why is the rest of the objects in the bathroom floating too? That’s just perfect… I must have subconsciously grabbed the other things too when I picked up the aspirin with my magic. Oh well, I might as well order that mess while I’m here. Honestly, I don’t see how Luna manages to find anything in here.

It took me only a moment to put back everything in the pharmacy thank to my magic,and everything is easier to find now.While I missed my hands, I wouldn’t have been able to accomplish the task as fast using them. Somehow, I feel magic is going to make that loss much easier to get over.

Enough about it though, I still need to take that aspirin. I took back the bottle in magic, making sure that it was the only thing I grabbed this time. Then I applied a small pressure on the cover and slowly turned. Crap! Luna won’t notice the TINY cracks that formed, right? After all, it’s not like it’s really my fault if the plastic is so cheap? Or that I don’t fully control my magic yet, right? I’m so getting blamed for it. On the bright side, the phial is opened now. That’s the only thing that matter, right?

I put a pill aside on the sink before returning the phial in the pharmacy, making sure to hide it from view as much as possible. She can’t know what she can’t see, right? I really didn’t need a angry Luna at the moment. Considering how badly it went for me last time, I definitely don’t wish to see first hoof what she can do now with magic.

A moment later and I found myself with yet another problem. I had the hopefully not deadly pill, but I needed something to help swallow it. With no glass in sight in the bathroom and not willing to ask Luna for one, I was left with no other choices then drink the water from the faucet like an animal. How fitting… At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if a higher being was laughing at my continuing misfortune.

Oh well, a pony must do what a pony must do. I opened the faucet, swallowed the pill then did my best to drink from the jet of water. The feeling of water flowing down my now elongated mouth and rushing down my much longer neck was so strange. And, to be honest, it felt so wrong to drink that way. I guess a few things don’t change whenever you are a pony or a human.

My headache hopefully dealt with, that left me with my other problem. Luna. The stranger I met who happen to be my long lost sister. With whom I had a rather stormy debut to our relationship. And to top it, add in that we seem to have difficulty to interact with each dues to our differences in our personality. It seem that we’ll both have a lot of work to do in that regard. On the bright side, we did manage to make it work in the past if my lingering feelings of Luna are of any indication.

A past that know nothing about. Unless those episodes I saw yesterday were accurate. And I’m afraid that they were considering the memories I recalled that wasn’t a part of them. The worst of it being the feelings that accompanied them. If I learned anything of that event, it’s that I’m not ready for facing the events related to related to Nightmare Moon rise and fall. Even if I feel I’ll have no choices in the matter. I greatly doubt they would be fit for a show for foals.

Pushing aside those potentially dark thoughts, I finally emerged from the bathroom in mostly a better shape than when I entered. Correction, mostly emerged. I couldn’t help but slip and end on the floor. Again. Though this time it wasn’t my fault. Hooves are not made to trot on such slippery tiles. I’m thankful that the rest of Luna’s appartement isn’t that bad. What worry me is the sensation that it’s nothing new. It’s not like I lived in castle with a floor made of marble. Right?

Enough with the floor. I got back up and carefully got out with a few minor slips. I was now bathroom free! Honestly, I’ve had it with bathrooms during the last four days. I swear something happens every time I step into one of them!

Looking toward the living room I noticed big blue eyes staring at me. Luna’s eyes. Just great… Did she notice my fall while exiting the bathroom? Probably not considering the lack of laughing. Hopefully.

My head was still aching, but it seem that fate had conspired to make me confront Luna right away. And… apologize for my earlier outburst.

"I'm sorry about my outburst earlier Luna. It's not every day that you learn that you were born as a pony princess in your last life," I told her.

Yet another thing that’ll take time to get used to. I haven’t even began to think what being a princess mean. And from the episode I’ve seen, I was a rather loved one. Meaning that much is most likely expected from me. That’s bucking fantastic! Getting back into my horseshoes is going to be so much fun...

"I can forgive you, after all, I did try to murder you earlier," replied Luna after careful consideration.

I shivered at the memory. Did she have to bring that back?! I can’t help but think what would happened if I didn’t get a hold on that lucky frypan. And that was only over a video game! I’d hate to see how she’d react to something more serious... like, let’s say being overly jealous. Oh right, bringing eternal night.

Never the less, I did already forgive her. Besides, I sincerely doubt she was entirely herself at the time. I know I wasn’t thanks to those changes that were happening.

"I suppose it won't be the last mistake either of us will make in the next few days," I tried to downplay the issue. Nothing good would come from it.

Beside, it isn’t entirely false. Despite our feelings, we did barely know each other and our contrasting personalities will be sure to clash from time to time. I wonder what our relationship used to look like before we cursed. Wait, the curse? That right, Luna seemed to know more about that matter.

"That reminds me, you said we were cursed by someone? I'm afraid my memory is still lacking of that event," I told her.

"Alright, I'll explain what happened to me, and what I assume happened to you later; first, I want to get a shower," she replied. Now that she mention it, there is an omnipresent smell of sweat in the room. Pony sweat. Yes, a shower sound like great idea.

"That works for me. I'll just keep myself busy until you are done," I told her before slowly walking toward my laptop to check my mails and the News to see if anything interesting happened lately.

Wait. When was the last time I took a shower? I don’t remember taking one since I arrived in Muscatine… All that sweat impregnating that white coat of fur… Urg. I should really take one too. I must be smelling so bad…

"Actually, I'd like to take one after you do if you don't mind," I told her, absentmindedly turning my head toward the mare behind me.

Wait, behind? I didn’t expect my neck to be so flexible! That’s a full 180 degree turn! I wonder what else that newish body of mine can do.

Wait! Why is Luna smiling at me? I have a really bad feeling about it.

"What, don't wanna take one together?, " Luna told me, winking at me before starting to walk toward the bathroom.

Huh?! W-what!! It’s much too early to such a thing. We barely got to know each other again! She can’t be serious!

Then laughing came from Luna. That was a joke? Oh, that was very mature of you… I guess I did earn it after laughing in her face when she woke me up.

"Don't push it!" I warned her, not too seriously.

Laughter continued to resonate until the bathroom door closed. Something tell me things will get interesting with Luna arround. For some reason, I can’t help to think that the fun have been doubled for some reason.

With Luna busy with her shower for a while, I decided to lay on the sofa pony style and focus on my laptop. Especially since she’ll most likely have fun to find out how to properly take one as a pony.

My headache thankfully started to recede, meaning that the aspirin I took was working properly despite my new body. Unfortunately, there was nothing interesting yet on the web, giving me time to think properly about the latest developpement.

This morning had been so different from yesterday. Especially Luna. I would never have guessed she could be so playful after these last few days. Although she does seem to be… fickle. I’ll need to be more careful with how I treat her from now on.

The biggest news is still our identity. I can’t believe that I used to be an actually pretty pony princess twenty five years ago. Well, hopefully pretty. Being ugly always brings unwanted problems for public faces.

And from what I gathered, I supposedly ruled a kingdom for several thousand years. Out of it, a thousand years was all by myself. Yeah… That’s going to be a problem since I don’t have the slightest clues on how to rule a kingdom. Despite Helios’ reassurance last night, I can only hope that I’ll remember that part of my life sooner rather then later. Thankfully, I have Luna to help me with that matter.

In all that happened lately, the most surprising is how well we accepted being ponies in the past. While I can’t say for Luna, my reason to believe is a voice in my head that I’ve heard for most of my life. Human life… A sigh of madness for most that proved to be an anchor of stability for me. After the Halloween incident, he really helped me to get through… everything that happened. Especially dealing with Summer. I’m surprised that voice belong to such a big… being.

There’s one thing bothering me though. How does Helios know so much about my pony self? That shouldn’t be possible considering my lack of memories of that period.

I might have forced my way through the barrier concealing your pony memories.

Helios?! What do you mean by forced your way through? Even more important, you aren’t always listening, right? Those are personal thoughts!

I was curious how a human could have such a strong link to me, so I searched through your memories when you were much younger. I quickly encountered a great barrier that I pierced through a small hole. What I saw was quite a surprise as you can guess.

You… You knew? Why didn’t you not tell me earlier?! It would have made things much simpler when I was turning back into a pony! And don’t think I didn’t notice you avoided my other question.

Because of the side effects my visit had on you. You still remember that fateful day when only a fraction of a memory sipped out when I found the truth about your origin. I had already upset your life that one time, so I decided to wait until you were ready. As for your thoughts, I can’t help but listen as you shout them at me all the time.

That one time? Oh no, you mean that?! It was your fault?


I can’t believe it! My worst moment was due to the Sun being too curious! That’s ludicrous! And I doubt my parents would believe me if I told them that I wanted to disguise as a princess as I used to be one. Today is just getting better and better… Maybe I should just go back to sleep...

The idea was scrapped when I heard a loud beep coming from… my little sister’s computer. Curious, I used my magic from the sofa to push her mouse, removing the screensaver. Hmm, she didn’t lockdown her computer before leaving for the shower. Interesting. A quick look at her computer would tell me much about the mare. I only hope her shower is going to take a while.

I carefully got off the sofa and walked toward her computer. I decided not to sit on her chair once I reached the computer. There was no reason for me to leave any more clue about me prying into her personal stuff. A quick look at the screen showed the website we first met on three days ago. It sure feel like it was weeks ago now.

A glance at the page revealed that she had received a new private message since she last checked, most likely before heading to take her shower. Normally, I wouldn’t have checked further, but consider she told she was turned on this site and the mess from yesterday, I prefer to make sure I’m not left in the dark this time. As much as I want to trust her, I’d prefer not to have a repeat of yesterday; she might not be so lucky this time.

Clicking on the new message icon, I quickly found the new message titled ‘Letter from Shadow’ from a certain Reckless Inferno. Huh, letter? Who use that as the subject of a message? I really hope I didn’t stumble on a weird roleplay that Luna participate with that Inferno person. I decided to still have a look into message.

Dear Princess Luna,
We are currently in Spearville, Kansas but are making good time northwards (if nothing goes wrong). So where are you? You mentioned that you wanted to meet up to discuss some things and, well im still shaken up by the turn of events of the past few days. Also, i think Fireball has a Skype account, it would be much easier if we communicated through that.'

P.S Fireball says to tell Celestia 'Hi' if you meet her. Also that she is sorry for the exploding cake the other day. Apparently it was too tempting an opportunity.

Awaiting your reply,
Your faithful guard,

The opening revealed that it was a pony matter as it was addressed to Luna directly. It worried me though. Did Luna found a new pony without telling me? I have to say that the part about the exploding did sound interesting though very ran-dom. Oh! My head!

What a long day! As much as I love my little ponies, hours of hearing their complaints and demands would be tiring for anypony. Thankfully, it make those dinners with my adorable little sister so much more worth it. That and the cake of course. There is nothing as good as dessert, no matter what the royal dietist say. Beside, I’m sure that it’s Luna who hired him in hope to reduce our size difference. Whatever they say, I’m not overweight! I’m just storing more magical power than usual.

The diner was succulent as ever, our chef having outdone himself as always. And I must say that I’m relieved to learn that sister have adapted well to modern Equestria. More importantly, I’m happy that my, no our little ponies have finally started to accept her. It so good to see her excited for her upcoming court this evening. It’s so different than it was a thousands years ago…

But enough reminiscing, the best part of the diner is finally here! The cake! The sugary delight just in front of me! I’m not overreacting no matter what Luna is saying. I know she does the same when moon pie are involved. I wouldn’t be surprised it’s the reason it’s called that way.

I almost feel bad of eating such a delicious pastry in front of Fireball. Though, as much as I love the orange unicorn mare, she is one who asked to be posted in the diner room today. Now that I think about it, that’s unlike her to ask to guard such a place when she could be home drinking beer. It’s like she’s expecting something to hap-

A loud bang momentarily deafened me and got me momentarily blinded as well. A bomb?! But who could be responsible?! There haven’t been an attempt on me for centuries! Especially since explosions barely have any effect on me.

I tentatively wiped off whatever material covered my eyes, hoping that it wasn’t the remains of anypony in the room. It would be highly unfortunate, not only for the poor soul, but also because of Luna’s presence. She really didn’t need to be reminded of those events so soon after her return. I was quite surprised when I recognized the moist texture of the substance my hoof actually touched. Cake?

I quickly wiped off the cake off and was greeted by a rather clean room, proof of the weakness of the bomb, and a missing cake.It was as if the goal of bomb was merely to blow the cake. In my face. Thank goodness, it was only a prank. One that I don’t approve of though. That poor cake.

Now, who could be the culprit? A quick glance toward the usual suspect revealed a shocked Luna, innocenting her. I’m half surprised, half relieved that it wasn’t her doing. We did ban explosives from our pranks so we don’t accidentally injure our ponies. Wait, explosives? Could it be her?

A glance toward Fireball guard post confirmed my hypothesis to the culprit as said mare was on her back, laughing so hard that I worried for a moment that she would choke down. I should have suspected something like that from the mare when she got extended guard.

A loud exasperated sigh brought my attention back to a facehoofing Luna. I couldn’t help but smile at the scene despite the lost of my cake. Oh, how much did I miss those moments during her… time out.

My head… What just happened… A memory? About an exploding cake? If I was a character in one of Michael's book, I would say it was a very convenient developpement. Never the less, it’s just proved that the message is genuine. Unless it’s a well known event in the cartoon I started to watch? Nay.

This does leave the mystery of the fact they knew how to contact Luna. She didn’t mention them to me before hoof. Although she did mention dream walking in passing. They could be involved in that event. I guess I’ll need to wait before clarifying the whole thing with Luna. Explaining how I learned their name won’t be fun.

In any case, I should probably try to contact them. That Shadow pony did invoke Murphy, and from what I gathered from the memory, trouble seem to find them rather easily. Or to be more exact, Fireball. So, I noted the Skype address from the message then got back comfortably on the sofa.

I added the new contact to my list then decided to look at my usual gaming sites waiting for a response. Hmm, a new Call of Duty and Assassin's Creed coming out soon. How unsurprising, except for the fact they still manage to find eras for their game. I wouldn’t be surprised they reach the stone age at this rate.

It only took a couple of minutes before there was a response from Skype.

Fred : Who is this? It sounds like you got my message but…

From the look of it, it was that Shadow pony if the mention of the message is of any indication. He does seem to take me for my sister. While it could be fun to pretend to be her, I’m afraid I don’t know enough to actually do it. So I decided to correct him.

Alex Mercier : The princess you are looking for is in another castle.
Alex Mercier : Actually, I saw your message on my sister's computer and I thought I could get in touch with you while she is busy.

An awkward silence followed. Did I just break him?

Fred : Princess Celestia?
Alex Mercier : There is no need to be so formal my little pony. It feel a little too weird at the moment to be called Princess...
Fred : Um, alright…

A moment later and Skype told me that Shadow added me to his contacts. I wonder though. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t help from writing the little pony line. Maybe it was something I kept saying when I was a pony.

Fred : So Princess Luna is busy? And Fireball says 'hi'.
Alex Mercier : Yes, she is taking a shower at the moment. It could take a while.
Alex Mercier : And hi Fireball
Alex Mercier : By the way, I had forgotten about the exploding cake until she reminded me (devil)

Was the devil emoticon out of character? To be honest, I still barely know what other ponies expected of pony me. And the opportunity was just too good to forget.

Fred : Ah, okay… well i guess you might be able to help. Princess Luna talked about meeting up with you two. Could you help us with location?
Fred : Also, that emoticon is very strange coming from you

She did? I wish Luna had warned me about potential visitor earlier. I’ll talk to her about it once she is done in the bathroom. And it seem the emoticon was out of character after all.

Alex Mercier : We are currently in Luna apartment in Muscatine, Iowa but I don't the exact address. I need to talk to a friend who live on the fringe of the town later on though.
Alex Mercier : As for the smiley, how would you qualify setting up a certain orange unicorn to guard the throne room when the Solar Court is open?

I’ll admit I might be pushing it a bit with the court part. But from what I gathered from my memory, she seemed to be an excellent deterrent.

Fred : Oh alright, I guess i will have to find that on the map…
Fred : Or i could look up on Google.
Fred : I think I'll just let Fireball handle that second question while i plot a route.

Fireball? It’s sure to be interesting.

Fred : Hey Celestia! I must say, it is so much fun being at the front door like that. :D I get to meet tons of ponies, some who are very interesting.
Fred : You wouldn't think at first glance, but some of the royal ponies are very quick on their hooves. Wonder why they are in such a hurry though…
Fred : Anyways, have fun!
Fred : P.S Still don't know what the devil smiley means :/

Yeah… Maybe I did push it too far with the smiley.

Alex Mercier : Never mind, it was probably a side effect of the melding... Speaking of that, how the two of you are holding on?
Fred : I’m fine, well as far as I know, I don't know about Shadow though. He seems to be acting like he is taking this well for my benefit.
Fred : Though I do remember him saying something about 'acting like he was fine'. I’m somewhat worried that what happened to him affected him more than he is letting on.

Oh that. Considering how great of a change transforming into a fluffy pony is, it’s unlikely that most adults male would take it just fine. Honestly, I’m barely fine either, but I have Luna. I’m afraid they both are too far for me to be able to help them at the moment.

Alex Mercier : Oh, I see... Does he seem to accepting that his pony memories are as real as the human ones? To be honest, my sister would be a better choice to help him out considering she know him better than me.
Fred : Shadow is a hard pony for me to guess at. He seems fine but then again it could be just a shell.
Fred : Maybe you're right, that Princess Luna would be better at talking to him, but I'll try to help him if something comes up.

Wait, isn’t Fireball a mare? Considering that Fred would hardly be a woman name, that mean that whoever he used to be much had quite a surprise while turning back into a pony. Just like me and Luna.

Alex Mercier : Considering your name, am I right to suppose you found yourself in a similar situation as I and woke up as a mare a few days ago?
Fred : …
Fred : This has now turned into an awkward situation
Fred : But yes.
Alex Mercier : Oh, I'm sorry! If it is any consolation, I had problems that I won't go in detail thank to the hormones yesterday.
Fred : Sounds fun :/

I should have known it would be a touchy subject. I should try to change the subject to something else. Oh I know! Considering she’s a unicorn, she should be able to use magic!

Alex Mercier : That remind me, did you have any luck with your magic?
Fred : Well I almost incinerated Shadow on purpose. Not my fault he rolled out in the way, I swear I aimed a (foot? Hoof?) away from him…
Alex Mercier : Ponies use the metric system. Do I need to remind you that as a guard you shouldn't try to set everypony on fire? You know, with great powers come great responsibilities

I wonder where that bit about the metric system came from. Maybe some minor knowledge is coming back to me at the same time as memories.

Fred : Well I try not do it on purpose but he was being a grumpus flank, if it makes you feel better, he scared me to death afterwards as payback.
Alex Mercier : I see... Just don't try that on Luna.
Fred : Heh, challenge accepted… Oh here is Shadow again (don't mention any logical impossibilities around him, he doesn't react well)

Somehow, I can’t help but be worried for Shadow. Hopefully there isn’t too much combustible material around them.

Fred : …
Fred : Anyways I’ve plotted a route thankfully around any cities and such. If we don't run into any more trouble we should be there in 11 hours.

That mean they could potentially get in town today if they drove all day. I’ll need to talk with Luna about the matter later. There is no way we should have so many ponies in her appartment. Maybe Michael would agree to help on the matter once I revealed my change to him.

Alex Mercier : I'm sorry you are stuck with the perfect guard for the Element of Laughter.
Fred : :) No worries, I love the mare and she helps keep me on my toes.
Alex Mercier : Toes? What are those toes you are talking about? (cool)

Yet another weird thought. How would I know that Fireball would fit so well with Pinkie Pie. More subtle knowledge I guess. Then again, I couldn’t help but shiver at what both mare could do if Pinkie Pie representation from the show is any true.

Fred : Speak of trouble, the police are here. Sorry to cut our conversation so short but we have to go. Bye.

Oh great… Just what we need. While it’s kind of ironic that guards are pursued by the police, I personally hoped they wouldn’t attract the attention of the people who were after Luna yesterday.

"Tia! Shower's open now!" was shouted in the room.

I jumped in surprise and quickly noticed the blue alicorn responsible for the noise. Luna was finally done with her shower…

Comments ( 15 )

6068020 It was greatly overdue. The next update though should be a reworking of the first chapter. It should make it better, and I want to add in scenes for later. :twilightsmile:

6068155 I look forward to it :twilightsmile: I love the five score series and all of its creatively spawned side stories

Huh. This updated. To be honest, I completely forgot about this. I am now reminded of when Fim fic went all biased as fuck and embargoed new Five Score stories. Their reasoning for doing so made no sense, and it was plain ridiculous.

6069292 Yeah... It kind of been over a year since the last update :twilightsheepish:.

But yeah, I agree that their decision was a bit so-so. At its core, 5 scores is a simple human transformation/pony on earth. I don't see them imposing the same limit to all those fics. Then again, 5 scores does have a slow startup to reach the pony part.

Yay the story is back!

Pinklestia: Why I am suddenly pink?

Oh hey, long time no see! Good to know that you didn't wholly abandon this story. It will be interesting to see how the Princesses interact with Fireball and Shadow. Especially since the fic that they're from was waiting for you to update before continuing. I think. It's been a while. :twilightsheepish:

Any I not properly in upper case is Bucky fault.

A rare and beautiful sentence. :trollestia:

Slightly afraid to bring it up since criticism has backfired on me more than once, but a word processor's grammar check could smooth out the rough spots here and there. Mostly, I ignore it (amateur fiction site, after all), but occasionally I'll have to read something more than once to figure out what it meant.

6169970 Rough spots? Care to elaborate what you mean, maybe with examples? I know my writing can get kind of awkward like Bucky said. :twilightblush:

6171163 I'll reply in PM to avoid clogging the comments.


If you're not already familiar with it, LanguageTool's defaults are generally pretty prose-friendly. (Definitely moreso than MS Word's grammar checker last time I tried it)

This story is probably as dead as John F. Kennedy.

*sees the name Alex Mercier, good rating, and five score divided by four*


*Sees no crossover tag, no other reference to the video game, and Hiatas tag*


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