• Published 7th Feb 2013
  • 11,146 Views, 1,050 Comments

A Pokemon Problem - Solecism



It turns out that alcohol, Pokemon, and poor decisions don't mix.

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(4) - Exercise in Exorcism

A Pokemon Problem

(4) - Exercise in Exorcism


It may have looked like I was drifting lazily through the air towards my quarry, but I was straining as hard as I could to make myself fly faster. I still had a lot to learn in regards to the nuances of control, but for only being in my new body for a day, I was doing pretty damn good.

My head kept throbbing something awful, which was really starting to make me regret demolishing Second Sight's wall. Actually, now that I think about it, that much damage couldn't have been good for the structural integrity of the house...

*Crunch!*

I turned around, and saw that the plume of smoke and dust had only grown in size.

Shit.

Now I REALLY regretted using Take Down: the headache was bad enough, but if that shaman-pony found out what I did... I was probably going to be in a world of hurt and misery.

Focusing past the pain, I followed my internal compass to the north-west until I was floating directly above the jagged mouth of an ominous and awfully dark cave. I could see a couple sets of hoofprints in the soft soil at the mouth of the cavern, presumably Morning Dew and Second Sight's. I couldn't hear anything inside the cave, which I found strange and somewhat foreboding.

I hoped with every carbon fibre --hah!-- of my being that this restless spirit was either Cindy, Seth, Ryder, Caleb, or Miranda.

Hopefully Cindy.

What? A guy can dream.

And if it wasn't one of my fellow humans... boy, was I going to look foolish. And possibly end up dead or possessed.

B-e-a-utiful.

With a determined look in my solitary robotic eye, I began my descent.

The first thing I noticed was the temperature shift: it was significantly cooler inside the cave, which was to be expected, but I was not expecting the cold to be so... oppressive. It felt like I was having the energy sucked out of me.

The second thing I noticed was how freakin' dark it was. I couldn't see five feet in front of me, even though my eyesight had received a boost as well. My vision was so bad that I bonked my cranium on a stalagmite protruding from the ground. Or was it a stalactite?

I guess it doesn't really matter: I ended up flying into both types at one point or another.

The cave was quiet, with the exception of the reverberations I caused from running headlong into every goddamn deposit of calcium carbonate!

Seriously, I was ready to start using Take Down just to clear a path for myself. If it didn't give me a massive ache, I probably would've. I'd fly too high, and I'd hit the stalactites. I'd fly too low, and I'd smack into the stalagmites. Eventually, I decided to just stay put and listen for any signs of the ponies I was following.

Clip... clop. Clip... clop.

It was faint, but I could tell that they were cautious steps. Using every ounce of concentration that I could spare, I very carefully and cautiously waded my way through the maze of cave formations in the vague direction of the hoofstep echoes.

Even though I was concentrating on not bouncing off the rocks like some sort of oblong pinball, I couldn't help but notice a section of the cave that seemed... brighter than the others. Like there was more there. It seemed to be illuminated with a faint glow, and I found myself floating towards it.

When I got closer, I understood why that particular wall stood out to me.

There was a large vein of metal ore running through it. I drifted to both sides, contemplating why I was so drawn to the vein.

And then it hit me.

I was hungry. I --stuck in a robotic body made of metal-- was hungry. It wasn't so much a feeling in my stomach as it was a want, a need. I needed to eat. And that metal certainly looked delicious...

Yeah, I never thought I'd be the one to crave something metallic, either.

The only problem was that I didn't know how to eat. I didn't have a mouth, so how the hell was I supposed to consume... food, I guess? It's food if you eat it, right?

Thankfully, my conundrum was solved for me... when I backed up into the metal-laden cave wall and felt my ass clamp onto it.

Wow, that sounds absolutely disgusting. The sad part was that it was true.

You see, Beldum have three little claws attached to the flat backside of their body. These claws are used to burrow into the sides of mountains when the little robotic life forms go to sleep, draining the nutrients from the rock/soil/minerals that the Beldum is clamped on to while they rest.

I wish I knew that beforehand. I could feel my behind whirring like an old computer's disc drive, and I could hear crumbling noises coming from the damp cave wall behind me. I could tell --somehow-- that the metal ore was actually a vein of pure iron, something that I required to use my hovering powers. I could just imagine the low-battery icon flashing in front of me.

The weirdest part wasn't even that I could taste the iron (it tasted like a combination of medium-rare steak and milk chocolate; weird combo, I know).

No, the strangest --and most embarrassing-- thing was that I didn't know how to stop.

I didn't know how to stop my ass from eating. That has got to be the strangest thing ever.

Of all time.

I wiggled back and forth, but it was no use; my rear had grabbed hold of the wall, and it didn't seem to want to let go. Feeling defeated and dejected by my treacherous behind, I quit my struggling and slumped forward, waiting for my consuming cycle to finish.

Naturally, as soon as I relaxed, my claws abruptly let go, causing me to fall straight down onto the cold, hard, wet, and rocky cavern bottom. I bounced a good foot into the air before coming to a rest on the stone floor.

I blinked in surprise, seeing as how that was the only thing I could do to show astonishment. I felt... heavier than I did before, and more full to boot. I focused briefly, causing my metallic body to hover in the air once more. Even though I felt chunkier, I was able to control my flight better than before.

I guess eating for a Beldum recharges their flying capabilities. Awfully similar to an electronic device, iffen you ask me. Then again, Beldum and their evolutionary families were robotic, so I suppose it makes sense.

Glancing behind me, I saw that there was a neat little hole burrowed a couple inches into the most concentrated part of the vein of iron.

Moving my head side-to-side in a vague imitation of cricking my neck, I listened once more. Beyond the stereotypical drip-drip from the moisture pooling at the ends of the stalactites and falling to the cavern floor, I heard the tell-tale clip-clop of the two ponies.

They sounded a lot closer than before.

With a squint of determination, I flew towards the rhythmic hoofsteps, neatly dodging all the obstacles in my way.

When a short, sharp scream sounded nearby, I dropped all pretences of caution and barrelled through calcium deposits left and right in my haste. There was no way that I was going to let the pony that had practically saved my life face this angry spirit alone --shaman pony notwithstanding.

Crashing through the cave like a bullet, with white rock chips bouncing off of my shielded eye, I finally found the ponies that I was looking for, plus one pissed off looking ghost.

Morning Dew's normally straight mane was sticking straight up in some sort of weird cowlick, and she was currently paralyzed in what I could only assume was fear. Second Sight was doing his skull-necklace-glowing thingy, with all the little miniature skull's eye's glowing a deep, dark blue.

And --of course-- there was a big, black circle with two eyes and a mouth, with purple gases seemingly leaking from the inner circle, causing them to swirl around the outside.

A Gastly. It turned to look at me, and a flash of confusion scrolled across its features.

Before I was able to do anything, a burst of pure blue light emerged from Second Sight and flew straight at the Gastly. Turning in surprise, the big ball of gaseous material took the beam head-on, causing it to fly backwards through a wall, phasing through as if it wasn't even there.

The light around Second Sight died down, revealing several lacerations on the sides of the panting unicorn. Morning Dew still hadn't moved, aside from quivering in fear.

The voodoo pony limped over to Morning Dew, and murmured a few words under his breath. Whatever he said, it worked: Morning Dew unfroze explosively, falling to the ground in a heap of flailing limbs and a short yelp. She recovered with Second Sight's helping hoof.

"Are you alright, Miss Dew?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Y-yes," she stammered, swaying to the side until Second Sight braced her with a hoof once more. "I'm f-fine.

"What happened? Where did the spirit go?"

"For one, you are not fine," Second Sight chastised, demonstrating his point by removing his supporting hoof only for Morning Dew to tilt sideways. Stabilizing the poor mare once again, the shaman continued. "For two, you were... licked by the spirit, which is something I have never seen, nor was I aware that they could do that. It seemed to paralyze you."

"For three, I only stunned it: it will be back soon."

So focused was I on the ponies conversation that I failed to notice the cave wall that I was about to float into. I tried to avoid it, but all that managed to do was cause me to hit the wall harder, drawing a surprised gasp from both of the ponies present.

"Little guy!"

"You!"

I'll let you guess who said what.

If I had a mouth (backside notwithstanding), I would've given a cheesy grin, but since I didn't, I resorted to simply doing a little barrel roll at the recognition.

"Why are you... how did you escape, creature of metal and rock?" Second Sight questioned, glaring at me with his dark red eyes. When I didn't respond --not like I could, even if I wanted to (which I didn't)-- he took a step towards me, only to be stopped by Morning Dew.

"Leave him alone!"

Second Sight seemed surprised at the forcefulness of the forest-green unicorn's declaration. "Him?" was all he asked.

"I... I just know," Morning Dew said shyly, as if embarrassed. "I've always had a strong connection with animals, big or small, heavy or light."

Second Sight's frown softened to the neutral mask he seemed to normally wear. "You gained your father's natural ability, it seems," he stated in knowing tone, one that brooked no argument. "That's the only reason why you are able to live alone and not be attacked by every passing Timberwolf or Cockatrice."

Wait, what?

"Wait, what do you mean by that?!"

My thoughts exactly.

Second Sight laughed, which didn't sound creepy at all. Not even a little.

"Nopony else would be able to live on their own in the middle of the Hollow Forest, Morning Dew. The entire village of Hollow Shades relies on strength of numbers and my own... special talents to discourage unfriendly visitors."

When Second Sight said 'special talents' it reminded me that I hadn't even looked at their cutie marks yet! Hovering slightly to the right, I saw that the shaman pony's was of a rather creepy-looking, pitch black eye, while Morning Dew's was a pure white morning glory flower, covered in small dewdrops.

Oh yeah, that's why I didn't look: their freakin' names practically told me what their cutie marks were.

I was starting to wonder exactly what connection Second Sight and Morning Dew had. Before I could ponder it for any length of time however, I felt a cold feeling go down my body. I slowly turned around, and sure enough, the Gastly was right behind me.

Except this time, it spoke.

"Holy shit man! It IS you!" the Gastly said, his voice familiar, even though it echoed strangely.

I felt like crying with joy. Floating in front of me was my good friend Ryder, trapped just like I was in a strange body.

Wait, how did he know that it was me inside the Beldum?

I tried to ask the question, but that failed miserably. Thinking, I realized that I was part Psychic-type. That meant I should be telepathic, right?

I focused as hard as I could on simply transferring the thought of Hello.

"Jesus!" cried Ryder, his eyes closing in a wince. "You don't need to yell!"

Shit. Sorry, I thought back, concentrating less this time. Still getting used to my body.

"Ditto," replied Ryder in his new, warbling voice. "Uhh... do you know what the hell these... ponies are trying to do? I can't understand a goddamn word they say, and that blue one hurt me with whatever-the-fuck he hit me with."

Oh dear...

"Oh, and they're staring at us right now."

I whipped around to see the angry eyes of Second Sight glaring at me. Morning Dew was protected behind him, much like how I was protecting Ryder.

"You have a lot of questions to answer, 'little guy'."

Author's Note:

As you are probably all aware by now, I update slowly. Generally, I only write about 400~ words a day, which is pretty pathetic. I did, however, gain a burst of brilliant insight into the entire plot of this story, which will set it up for a sequel.

The only major thing that I feel the need to reveal is that your favourite ponies (mane six and background ponies) won't be in this story, but they will be in the sequel. You'll see why as the story continues to progress.