A True, True Friend has been released!
Canterlot bustled with the regular chatter of market day. Ponies busied themselves with haggling and chatting, and a few guards even snuck away to take off their armor and fraternize. Among the Unicorns, Earth Ponies and Pegasi, a few different types of ponies mingled.
On the left, sitting on a bench with an shading tree, a thestral couple snuggled, bat-like wings wrapped around each other. Walking past them, a Griffon with a red crest bickered happily with an undisguised Changeling. The fountain in the middle of the square splashed onto the ponies nearby as the small school of seaponies inside played under the warm sun. A small group of dragons sat on the edge, alternating between eating and tossing in gemstones for the seaponies.
On the corner, Twilight Sparkle sat inside a small cafe, her scaled back shimmering in the summer's light. Rainbow Dash frowned at the other side of the table, letting out an exasperated snort and flaring her draconic wings as she tossed her cards down. Applejack grinned, fangs flashing, and scooped up the pile of sugar packets between them. Rarity eyed them with disdain, using a small brush to shine the dirt off of her scaled hooves. Fluttershy gently sipped at a cup of tea, wbat-like wings shuffling as Pinkie tested the sharpness of her claws on the legs of the table.
Twilight's attention jerked away from the ponies outside as Pinkie's side of the table collapsed, leg having been fully clawed through. "Pinkie!"
"Sorry, Twilight. I guess my claws are super-duper sharp!" She pulled her hind legs up, flexing her claws in front of her face. "Same as always!"
"Consarnit, Pinkie, you're gonna dry up the treasury if you keep clawing through things! Can't you get a scratching post or something?" Applejack caught the sliding sugar packets with one hoof, only half-glaring at the party pony.
Rainbow grinned, flapping her wings as she stood up on her hind legs, sweeping the packets from Applejack's hoof and collecting them at her place. "I win!"
"Hey!" Applejack turned, snorting at Rainbow. "Stop that!"
Rarity rolled her eyes, levitating a napkin in her magic to help Fluttershy dab up her tea. The winged Kirin whimpered softly as Rarity's magic sparked, holding through sheer will. "Girls, please, we're in public."
"Rarity's right." Twilight added, re-folding her bat-like wings and levitating her spoon. She waved the utensil at her friends, frowning. "We should all be on our best behavior. And Pinkie, I'm taking the cost of this table from your allowance."
Pinkie sighed. "Yes, Twilight."
One of the stranger species in Canterlot trotted up to the table, frowning at the damage. Twilight knew her from many afternoon visits, and the Mountain Pony was relatively friendly, most of the time.
The long-haired mare tossed her curled mane from her eyes, a front hoof tapping on the tile. "Sparkle. Yur friends have bin causing mur damage than gud in hir."
"I-I know, Mist. I'll pay for it all."
"With tip?" The pony tilted her chin up haughtily, a friendly twinkle returning to her eyes.
"With a tip." Twilight relented.
The mare trotted away, long tail sweeping over the floor. Four of her hooves kept her steady while she gathered cups from other customers with her first pair.
"Who's that?" Pinkie asked, kicking up the edge of the table and sticking a napkin box underneath to hold it up. "She acted like she knew you."
"I come down here a lot. It's quiet, and gives me a chance to keep from being gawked at. Her name's Mist; she's one of the Northern Mountain ponies. They have six legs so they can steady themselves better when they climb." Twilight set her spoon down, not having noticed she was still carrying it. "But really, Pinkie, you can't kick tables like you used to, okay?"
Pinkie pouted, slouching with her chin on the table.
The door opened behind them, and a small group of armored guards trotted in. They located Twilight quickly, surrounding the table. "Princess Twilight Sparkle."
"Yes?" Twilight stood up, glancing to her friends for them to do the same.
"The Princesses have requested your audience. Trouble is brewing in the south."
-----
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The cycle is complete.
Whoa? What happened? What's going on!?!
Diversity has taken over the place. AWSOME!
Thestrals, dragons, griffons, sea ponies, changlings, all mingle in harmony? Canterlot's suddenly become a lot more cosmopolitan.
Or should that be cosmarepolitan?
...yeah, I'll show myself out...
2421029
Yeah, probably for the best.
I wonder if the dragons respect Twilight or not? They didn't seem to show any respect for Celestia, but...
Pinkie needs a granite scratching stone.
Dragons have similar, but it's usually in the form of the walls of their cave.
Also, do you want a massive influx of additional possible pony species and workable backstories for them all? I have 29 currently available.
2421301
I am aware, and have made such things clear in previous comments.
2421341
May as well. PM?
The 'w' sorta glared at me.
2422492
Gah! I fixed it in the 'actual' version, I guess I forgot here. Sorry!
Well that was a fun read.
Not perfectly executed, but competent enough to deliver the concepts and themes you were going for.
One continuity flub though: I think you referred to Dinky as Derpy' sister earlier and her foal later.
2422679
I believe I called her both things in a single sentence once. One moment, I'll check.
2422684
Sister while Twilight was in Ponyville watching from the abandoned library, daughter in the last chapter after the riot.
2422693
Fixed.
2422694
I know.
wait wait wait WAIT WAIT when did all this happen? I am so lost so confused! I-I-I am over it
2422507
Err... not to be a bother but that one wbat is still out there.
That aside, it was a nice ride.
Off to sequel I go!
2424247
pet·ty
/ˈpetē/
Adjective
Of little importance; trivial.
(of behavior) Characterized by an undue concern for trivial matters, esp. in a small-minded or spiteful way.
Synonyms
small - trifling - trivial - little - insignificant
2424628
Dangit.
2424647
I'll fix that right away.
2424687
I'll go over that section, thanks.
2424940
I'll get that right now.
2425017
Ah, okay, I am unfortunately more accustomed with those definitions:
3. having or showing narrow ideas, interests, etc.: petty minds.
4. mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person.
5. showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge.
Oddly enough they are present after the one you stated... tough luck on my end, I suppose.
2425033
Hey, no worries. I just copy-pasted the first thing that came up on google.
2425046
Not gonna correct anyone about it in the future.
I only meant that I am unlucky to have only been in situations where petty is associated with mean and narrow minded people. It is actually the first time I saw the word 'petty' used to describe someone/thing in neutral way, simply as saying "it's irrelevant". Excluding things like 'petty theft' but that understandably associates the word with less-than-acceptable doings, which has it's own name in literature studies... semantical shift? Dunno, trying to translate my language version.
In short, it's a matter of personal perspective, apparently.
Thank you, for showing me that this word is not all bad!
2425066
Hah, you're welcome!
2425490
Fixing.
2426049
In this case, dragons are fickle.
2426060 Damn skipy, no one tells dragons who boss!
I enjoy this (or enjoyed) I hope to see more things from you in the future.
2430604
I made a reference?
2432977
Thanks. (I didn't think I made an FMA reference, that clarifies the issue.)
2438329
I own that toy. But yes.
2432197
2438339
Oops, forgot to reply. I originally had a chapter where Celestia did find a reversal spell, but it failed. Ended up being too short a chapter, with nothing to add to improve the 'flow', so I scrapped it.
2438339
oh. Sorry, from the way Celestia found it I thought it worked
And I think it would have been good to have a chapter where the reversal spell rebounds upon the mane 6, turning them into pony-dragons instead of them just consenting. But okay. I still LOVED this
2492028
I'm going to try my best to make even continuity in the sequel, yes.
why does pinkie pie get an allowance
2507991
Why doesn't Pinkie Pie get an allowance? Because really Pinkie shouldn't be allowed to have a lot of money at one time.
2645144 I will never understand what you are trying to tell me.
SPIKE
WAT R U DOIN
SPIKE
STAHP
I mean, Spike just fucked up everything.
3115159
Alright. Thank you for giving it a try, even if it wasn't to your tastes.
3124129
Well, thank you for giving it a shot, even if 'a waste of your time' is a little bit rude. Looking through the comments, and more precisely, my responses, may ease your apparent anger at my work and seemingly at other things you cannot control. I may have been much nicer on your dismissal had you not been as rude.
Also, the story is complete - complaining about pacing will actually not change anything ever.
3124129
No, the true waste of time was you making that comment, because you could've just left the story if it's a "waste of your time".
Also, light blue text is not cool, contrary to what you may think. It's fucking annoying to read.
3316541
Well, it is complete.
could I inquire about whether or not there shall be a sequel
3579048
Well you could look at the last chapter but be warned that it's on hiatus.
3585178
I have read it all and was just wondering whether or not you planned to if not now but further in the future decide to press on with this story, I think it is an amazing idea and love the depiction of all the mane six you have in this universe, thank you for replying to me, Serra.
good story I loved it
Okay, the story was rushed and it felt like there was some pieces missing... BUT! It was not a bad story, and I do not regret reading it. It could have used some more work, but overall, I enjoyed it.
Time to go and check out the sequel.
4168489
That's the second time today someone else had left basically the same comment I was going to leave.
(At least, I think it was today. Might have been yesterday.)
Impromptu amateur writing lesson ahead.
Good premise, bad execution. It feels like a majority of this story is just... missing. Conflicts are skimmed over (Fluttershy going from "I'm sorry, I can't accept this. This isn't the Twilight I know." to "Twilight is absolutely excellent as a kirin and my previous opinion was 101% invalid." was abrupt and lacked any sort of explanation for the change in opinion. Time alone is not a good enough catalyst to change someone's opinion like that.) Spike's role in the story is strangely very minor, considering the fact that he's the one who accidentally turned Twilight half-dragon in the first place. He seems like he could have helped Twilight come to terms with her draconic side, which is hardly addressed in this story despite the fact that the entire premise is "Twilight becomes half-dragon during Alicorn coronation." Rainbow Dash goes from fine to alcoholism to fine again over the course of a month, which seems a bit unlikely. Twilight's friends allow their bodies to be permanently altered to be more draconic on what seems like a whim, with little to no explanation given as to why. Pinkie's reaction to Twilight's "Death" is given little to no attention by the author, along with Rarity's. Just giving each time skip a timestamp would make this story so much more cohesive. Starswirl's spell for reversing Twilight's predicament is mentioned once in one chapter then not regarded once afterwards; it isn't even attempted. All in all, the premise is too big to be fully explored in 50k words, let alone 20k. Really the only advice I can offer for improving your writing is to get some editors and pre-readers and listen to their input. If these aren't available, try to read it as if it's someone else's story. "Does this ending wrap everything up, answering any questions that aren't intentionally left open? Is the story as a whole satisfying to read?" Ask yourself questions like these before you release a story. Also, plan a story out before you start writing. Give it a skeletal structure to support the meat of the story. Nobody likes seeing people just go off on their own tangent like I am hypocritically doing. Also, try to keep characters in a character. You don't have to write characters 100% canon, but you should at least pick a characterization that's somewhat similar to canon and stick with it. Cohesion is key. This is by no means the worst story I've ever read though, your grammar and sentence flow are on point. I'm probably being overly harsh because this is likely what my own writing would look like, inclusion of dragons and all.
TL;DR: Get some editors, plan ahead, work on characterization, try to explore premise and themes fully, yer grammer iz gud.
Note: I am by no means a professional writer and have never written fanfiction in my life. I have however read enough fanfiction to know what not to do, but for all I know I could just be spewing crap out my mouth. Disregard this is this is the case.
Actually, you weren't Ready for Freddy.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2015/013/b/a/5265818__f8e33ac8fcf170a991e9e5613a20ede6_by_tjbladex-d8dr7er.jpg
6234912
... seriously? Two years?
6235930
I'm not gonna lie, I laughed
This story felt like it went a bit fast and got confusing at times.
Also, it was never even hinted at what a Kirin was.
6505859 Hey, I write fic, just not pone fic. Try again.
I suppose I really could have worded my review of this fic nicer, but I think the criticism is valid. It has a really good premise, and a lot of promise, but certain elements keep it from realizing that potential.
Was the Twilight in the cover art cut from a scanned picture?
7606389
It was also written three years ago and shows it's age painfully. I don't mean to be rude, but saying 'I would have liked it, if I didn't read something else similar first' really doesn't help anyone. You can like that fic more without having to announce it.